O Shenandoah! Webbed Woes

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." -- Article I, Amendments to the Constitution of the United States, enacted December 15, 1791.

A Few Good Tech Links:
Hexidecimal Color Codes for HTML on White or Black Background. . . . Listing of known internet hoaxes and other computer security services from the U.S. Dept. of Energy's Computer Incident Advisory Capability(CAIS) -- Check here before sending on that chain letter or virus warning!. . . . Stroud's Resource Center -- Find the shareware and freeware you need using their search engine. Stroud's rates the best and you can download safely what you need from their site. . . . Cnet Web Zine -- The latest news and details you need to know about the internet and the hardware/software that accesses it. . . . Search Engine Tutorial for Web Designers -- information and assistance on designing pages for and dealing with the search engines. . . . Matt's Script Archive -- Impressive source of CGI script info, with numerous links to related websites, provided by a technical book author. . . . Microsoft Corporation -- You gotta have this one. . . . Ziff-Davis Magazines -- Not all of the best computer hardware and software magazines are published by Z-D. . . .

Excerpts from Taped Interviews:

June 20, 1997 --

I thought you weren't writing this section anymore?: I wasn't. Turned out a friend was right, tho.
Mmmm?: It's a form of internet therapy. I need it more than it needs me.
What are you working on?: It's a survey form for web workers.
Uh-huh.: Want to fill it out?
Sure.: Okay. Here it is. Have fun!

WEB WORKER SWEAT-IT SURVEY

1. I swear to chuck all this web stuff
monthly weekly daily in my sleep

2. In terms of money, I am
breaking even losing $2 for every $1 I put in don't keep track anymore (it's depressing and I'm afraid my spouse'll find out why we've switched from steak to beans) making money (we can't discuss your type of site here, can we?)

3. I work on my site for nothing or go in the hole (see 10. and April 25 woes, below)
10 hours a week 40 hours a week haven't slept in months (unless you count naps)

4. My current backlog of e-mail that I can't even think about nevermind answer is
50 messages 150 250 don't know, my mail program crashed and (by divine interference/salvation) took all the messages with it

5. I receive totally unjustifiable flames
daily weekly monthly don't know, I don't read my mail

6. My response to flames is
measured, thoughtful, polite [expletive deleted] completely nonverbal (if you know of a good carpenter, would you please refer them here?)

7. I lose my patience
daily weekly haven't found it from last month yet (if you see it, please send it home)

8a. I receive totally weird requests for advice and/or assistance from complete strangers
never (you don't really work on the internet, do you?) weekly monthly I TOLD you, I DON'T READ MY MAIL! (How many times do I have to SAY THIS anyway. Idiots everywhere...)

8b. I have sent gratuitous flames from the land of fury and frustration
monthly weekly daily never (all your previous answers will be discarded)

9. I have been accused of things I never heard of and don't even understand
monthly weekly daily never (see never, above)

10. Things I've said have been misinterpreted/attacked based solely on gender-association/stereotypes
daily weekly monthly never (you don't talk much either, huh?) DISCARD!!

11. What about working on the internet do you strongly like or dislike? What would you like to see changed, improved? Say anything you please. Answers will not be read ... All replies will be saved unopened for a month and then deleted.
Equal Opportunity Rant Space

ps. My spouse tells me to give this up and find something productive to do
daily (whew! on the edge, aren't we?) weekly monthly never (oh! you're not married! Call me! I may not be either.)

NOTE: This form may not display or work properly with your browser. Fortunately, I don't care at all (see 11, above).

;)

April 25, 1997 --

You sent me a blank e-mail message...?
I didn't say anything that offended you, did I?
You didn't say anything at all.
Did you find that offensive?
No, I found it obtuse.
Good word!
You purposefully sent me a blank message?
Mmmm-huh.
Why?
I was feeling a bit tense.
Why?
E-mail's *very* quick ... and easily misinterpreted.
Right. So?
As my anxiety increases, I delete more and more words.
Mmmm-huh...?
By the time I got to you, there were no words left.
WHAT?
With each message, I edit more and more sentences that might be misconstrued.
Mmmm-huh...
You were at the end of the line.
So you sent a blank message?
Yeah, my reply was way overdue.
It's not a reply, it's a blank page.
It's a statement of existence and memory.
An unusually quiet one.
Right.
How come I don't always get blank messages?
Every once in awhile, a few irreplaceable friends send messages that are totally outrageous and break all the rules.
Then what happens?
It makes me laugh and I stop worrying for awhile.
And send complete messages again?
Yeah.
So this is a cycle?
Right.
Where are you now?
Mmmmmm. I deleted maybe ten percent of my last message.
Great!
Why?
You need to rewrite your last e-mail to me.
I do?
I'd like to know what you said.
Oh.
So, will you?
Sure.
Good! Thanks...
It'll be minus a few words...
Of course.

Hey, could you phone instead?
Same thing.
You end up not talking?
Right.
This is synchronous?
Pretty much. But worse.
*sigh* Okey-dokey, e-mail it is.
E-ya soon...
Gotcha.

More ^#!%(*$@ Links:

Electronic Frontier Foundation -- Get your copy here of the infamous telecommunications bill and of the three-judge opinion staying enforcement of the "decency" provisions.
Electronic Freedom March on Washington info site -- Volunteers, questions or suggestions, email: march@tico.com

Where the heck am I? -- Beam me back home

Original material © O Shenandoah! Country Rag April, 1996. All rights reserved.