I named her after John Steinbeck's camper in Travels with Charlie.  Unfortunately, from there, all comparisons with Steinbeck end.  The minute I pulled out of the driveway, saw the broken speedometer, and felt the strange vibrations all over my 1987 camper, I knew I was on my way to becoming Cousin Eddie.  Then, when I got home and started to clean my "new" camper, I realized that it had been sold to me with loaded holding tanks. Click here to hear what I said to my family.

    I guess I should start at the beginning.  Last year, I was a teacher, secure, happy, enjoying my life.  I had made some great strides using the Internet in my classroom, and was admired by many of my colleagues.  I was even voted Teacher of the Year by parents and students at the local Wal-Mart:

         Then, in October, I fell victim to an evil plot by the She-Demon who was principal of my school.  This insidious person, jealous of my success and abilities, had been after me for years, ever since I foolishly pointed out that the sample lesson on Greek Mythology she tried to teach to the teachers was fallacious and stupid, demonstrating that she had no real knowledge of her subject matter.  She waited for years, until the assistant principal who had defended my skills and innovations for years had been transferred to another school, then she went into action.

    First, she hired a teacher to teach seventh grade who was uncertified in that field.  This forced me to move from the sixth, where I had spent years developing a masterful curriculum.  You can see much of that curriculum by clicking here. None of the other sixth grade teachers could take the seventh grade because they were all elementary school certified.
     Class sizes was increasing; several of my classes were packed with fresh, poorly behaved children.  No matter how much success I had with the good children in my classes, they were outnumbered by the brats.  When I tried to discipline these children, they whined and complained to their parents that I was picking on them.  Soon, the principal invited children into her office and suggested that they write down everything that I said in the hopes that material taken out of context could be made to look bad. Good children, meanwhile, tried to pass around petitions in my favor, but these were illegally confiscated and destroyed by the evil principal.
 

    Other teachers tried to help me; some of them were accused of "collaberation."  The principal's husband was in charge of firing teachers in the county.  Her new assistant principal's husband was his assistant.  The assistant principal was prepared to testify against me.  What a surprise!

    I fought them as long as I could.  My defense team cost me $12,000.  Then, a week before the trial was to start, my lawyers told me I needed an additional $30,000 to finish the case.  I had no money left.  The system had beaten me.  I was forced to retire, lost my beautiful new travel trailer and the van that pulled it, and went bankrupt.  All that was missing, I guess, was a plate in my head.

    My wife and I tried other means of support, including two months at a Flea Market selling magnetic jewelry and gifts.  Flea markets in Florida are full of cousin Eddies, selling junk from China to more Cousin Eddies.  It's a world of Cousin Eddies.

    We decided to enter the world of Cat Shows, which my wife had loved long ago.  We sell giftware, cute furry cats, jewelry, candles, even magnetic bracelets to help the pain of "cat elbow."  And we managed to come up with $6500 to buy Rocinante, a camper that is three years older than my son.  We then planned an itinerary of cat shows all over the country, starting with Melbourn, Florida, then to Atlanta, Raleigh, Oklahoma City, Denver, and cities in Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Utah, New Mexico, and Texas.

    Our first trip, Melbourne, was relatively uneventful, except the generator didn't work and I almost got arrested because somebody thought the camper was too warm for my dogs.  The longer trips are coming, and I expect they will be a real challenge for Rocinante.  Between shows, we will be visiting the kinds of roadside attractions that Cousin Eddie would really go for: The Giant Twine Ball, The World's Second Largest Fire Hydrant, The Giant Jimmy Carter Peanut, and other such exciting places described in the great webpage, Roadside America.

    Along the way, we'll be posting the story of our travels, with pictures.  Just click on the pages below the pictures of the real Cousin Eddie and myself, to follow the ongoing saga.