I'll start by saying that I was reluctant to start a relationship with him. Yet he convinced me to give him a chance and so did my mom. He seemed nice at the time. When I replied his snail mail saying that I had the same feelings for him, I wasn't being truthful. I did develop very intense feelings for him as time passed. I convinced myself that he was a really good man despite some things that I didn't like about him. I thought that good men were hard to find and having him with my first try was something I couldn't just throw away. Now I know that I could probably convince myself to love a garden gnome. I don't know if he really loved me. Maybe once.

The problem I had was the fact that he didn't want anybody who knew him to know about our relationship. Trying to be accommodating, I accepted the fact that he was a very private person. If you don't believe how well he kept things secret, his housemate Marco didn't know I was Gerry's girlfriend after I stayed with them for a whole freaking month! No kidding. It was only after our 'misunderstanding' (which I now know to be nothing but a set up) and I got a hold of Marco to find out how Gerry was doing that he finally learnt the truth. I made friends with Marco during my trip to Redmond and I thought I could count on him. I'd have understood if he didn't want to be involved, but he totally ignored me after that. And Gerry accused me of disturbing HIS friends.

I think that Gerry wanted to break off with me way before April the 14th. He just didn't have the balls to tell me the truth. What difference would it make if he told me as soon as the relationship was floundering than after many months of 'faking'? The fact remains: My heart will break.

This guy could go on and on about TRUST, yet he was the one who was the least trustworthy. Perhaps I was wrong to read his e-mail (without him knowing), but I never let on that I knew and never said a word. He never told this Japanese girl he met, Naoko Tanabe, about me and I didn't bug him about it. He said that she was single and he didn't want her feeling left out. Like duh! I never bought that explanation and from his e-mail to her, it was clear that he was a liar. He said he never forgot his first and only love. That he sometimes called out her name. He lamented that in the past she would write him very regularly, but the letters had dwindled to three a year. When I had asked him way, way back when we were getting to know each other, he told me that his first girlfriend was dead! And the worst part in th e-mail was: "Maybe I'll meet interesting girls in Seattle". This e-mail was dated 1998, a year after he professed his love to me. He only ended the relationship in 2000.

There was a time when I felt that our relationship was going nowhere. I was getting frustrated because he never told me what his plans were for our future. I did write an ultimatum but I thought about how his last relationship went (if what he said was true). He said that she was a Chinese girl from Shanghai. She had gone to Varese for a cosmetics course and for a month, he kept going to her hotel. He said she initiated the whole thing and when it was time for her to leave, she told him that she was married. What did I do to that letter asking him to state his future intentions with me? I tore it to bits.

Clearly, he realized that he was wasting my time and he set me up by accusing me of being insensitive. This was during a conversation we had on MSN Messenger and he told me that his first sister was getting a divorce after eight years of marriage. I was speaking in general terms and suddenly, he said I was saying bad things about his sister! I was flummoxed to say the least!

Gerardo Dilillo is clearly a compulsive liar and I hope enough people know so that they won't waste their time with this pitiful loser. So he took good care of me while I was in Redmond (when I hurt my neck). He owed me that after the three trips to visit me and my parents. I know that I could have had it worse with a different kind of scum, but that still doesn't erase the fact that he played me for a fool. And indeed, a fool I was. To think that I had wanted to tell his parents, Dino and Giuliana Dilillo, that they did a good job raising their son. I'm glad I didn't. Sure, I can't complain about some of the things we've done and he saved me from making a bigger lapse in judgement.

And what about the time he flew all the way to Quebec from Seattle to help his female friend set up her laptop??? He just mentioned that he was visiting a 'friend'. Only after his return did he dare mention that it was Chen, the Israeli girl he had visited. As if she couldn't find local help. Why was he reluctant to tell me? It's not like I would have been on his back about it, what with him harping about 'trust'. He showed me pix of her when I was there, sure she was gorgeous. I admit to having a jealous streak, but wouldn't you too if you saw them in their matching yellow-black jackets? Where was mine??? So many pictures of them together, she and her happy smile. I doubt if she knew anything about me. They could have been sleeping together for all I know. But I'm glad I don't have to keep worrying that he was going to leave me. Good riddance to bad rubbish. My problem was that I had the knowledge and I didn't do anything about it. I let him dump me and break my heart. I should have dumped him instead. What good is knowledge if you don't use it? It's like having a fire extinguisher in a burning room and you're happily breathing in carbon monoxide. Let's not forget the time I was there and doing some cleaning in his room. Yes, even though I had a very painful neck I made sure I was making good use of myself. I found a strand of blonde hair on his bed. One other clue about his not wanting a future with me was when I offered to give him a picture he took of me at Lynn Canyon and he said, "No, you should keep it and show to YOUR children." You bet I got on his case about that. Shouldn't it be OUR children?

So what if he's a Test Lead at Microsoft? A liar is a liar is a liar. Microsoft has shady characters working for them. ~ I'd rather enjoy an eternity of loneliness than endure a lifetime of boredom with him.~

If you want, you can bug him at "gerardod@microsoft.com" (MS office) or "vuestra_merced@hotmail.com" he uses/used this one for MSN Messenger.

© 2000-2006 Sharlini Nambiar

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