-What I Wanted-
AUTHOR: dru's bitch
<lovesbitch7@angelmailbox.com>
website: http://www.oocities.org/kyddo1119
DISCLAIMER: All characters are not
mine, they belong to Joss. "Wild Horses" from the Sunday's.
RATING: PG13 (for ANGST)
PAIRING: Angel/Buffy
DEDICATION: my one and only muse dru
FEEDBACK: YES PLEASE THIS IS MY FIRST
FIC!
====================================================================================
How
long has it been? Insane question to
ask, I know exactly how long; nine years, two months and four days. At least it has been that long since we held
each other, since I gave up that splendid moment of humanity to help save the
world. Then we had that ridiculous
argument over Faith and then Riley... our lives have done their best not to
cross since then. I think it was
mutual, I know I avoided it - and I am used to torturing myself, so I have to
assume she preferred no contact as well.
I
would catch hints of her life from the stories I would overhear at that damn
karaoke bar, demons love to tell stories of the slayer's strife, heartache and
when she kicks some other demon's ass.
But I never went to her, not when Dawn showed up, not when Riley left or
when that damn stupid childe of mine went cupid for her. I stifled the desire to run to her when her
mom got sick, and I simply tossed out all the letters from Dawn that probably
were requests to come back. In her
youth, Dawn couldn't understand the reason for me to be away. When she got older, the letters stopped; I
think Buffy finally explained more to her - or she simply learned to understand
love and all the heart wrenching that goes with it.
Then
two years and seven months ago a small ivory lace trimmed envelope came from
Dawn with a small note to please open.
That was when I learned of Buffy's wedding.
She
held it out in the most splendid garden, out in the bright daylight, where she
could feel the safest. I wonder if she
thought of me at all that day? Did she
know I was there? I watched her from
the same tinted windows of the car I first saw her in so long before. She was breathtaking, her gown long and elegant
and her hair done with simple baby's breath.
I couldn't not be there, I had to see her, be there as I had been there
all those nights watching her first patrols.
He seemed nice enough, tall and dark haired. He held her so delicately, as if she were a piece of papyrus about
to blow away on the breeze. And at the same time, I watched as he kept a look
out for anything or anyone that may upset his bride's day. I left before the ceremony ended, before
they were pronounced man and wife, before they kissed.
Six
months ago I read about his death. I
wanted to run to her then too, but I didn't.
Last thing she needed was a vampire telling her how sorry he was that a
vampire had killed her husband. The
vamp got what he deserved though - I heard that Buffy tortured him with holy
water mouthwash and enemas for a week before dangling one extremity after
another outside a window in the sun.
Now
here I am, staring down this stark white hallway, wondering what the hell I am
thinking being here. I have this little
basket all wrapped up, bow and all. What vampire ever tied a ribbon onto
anything? Other than Dru - who used to
tie a pretty one on the children she ate, so they wouldn't look so awful for
mom and dad - no one. No vampire has
ever been this foolish, especially to have it be intended for the Slayer. She is laying in her bed, in her room at the
end of this hall and all I have to do is walk there. And I can't.
I
can't just invade her life like this, but I have already made up the package. So I walk down the hallway, and I hope I
don't see anyone I know. But it is 2am,
what family will be visiting her now? I
stand just outside her door. I can hear her heart; she is sleeping. I have to decide, do I knock or leave? I raise my hand to knock when I hear it, a
cry - ever so small. Then I hear footsteps
coming, so I duck into the doorway across the hall. The crying is louder now
and I see the nurse round the corner, she knocks on the door and Buffy
answers. The nurse opens the door and
then I see her, the little one making all the noise, Buffy's daughter.
"
Mrs. Evans, would you like me to take her for you? You need your rest."
"
No, thank you. If you had any idea what
my life is normally like, you would understand that this is not strenuous. I am going to revel in every second of
this."
"
Well, if I can do anything else, please let me know - it is what we're here
for, it's okay to ask for help."
The nurse checked Buffy's IV, made sure her water pitcher was filled,
and left, leaving the door open a bit on the way out.
I
stood there in the hallway; Buffy had never looked so wonderful. I had always thought that she was in her
glory kicking ass, but I was wrong. In
the fluorescent light of the room, in her silly hospital gown, her hair matted
to hear head and her eyes looking like she hadn't slept in days - she was the
most amazing creature in the world. She
had her legs propped up in front of her with her baby in her arms, and she was
singing her back to sleep...
//Childhood living
Is easy to do
The things that you wanted
I bought them for you
Graceless lady
You know who I am
You know I can't let you
Just slide through my hands
Wild horses
Couldn't drag me away
Wild Horses
Couldn't drag me away//
"Sleep
now, my little one..."
I
hadn't heard that song in so long, yet I could still see the moment in my
head. Her prom. The last time we spent as a couple. I wanted to give her one last time to
remember us by, to dance and be happy, the way we should have been. Now that moment seems like it was a hundred
years ago. I can't interrupt her now,
she has built her life. I know she is
finally happy and at peace. I can see a calm about her that was never there
with me. I walk back down the hall, and
I pause at the nurse's station. The nurse has left to check another patient and
I set my package on the desk...I am sure the nurse will deliver it. And as I leave the hospital, I myself feel a
strange feeling, peace. For once, a
choice has come out for the better...I left Buffy so she could be taken into the
sunlight and love and have children, and she has.
End
BACK TO OTHER
AUTHORS EXCELLENT FIC