-1
Crown-
AUTHORS : dru & Evil Willow (Go worship the goddess that is EW!)
SERIES: Beauty & the Beast
PAIRINGS : Cordelia/Spike
RATING : NC17 (highly smutty with plenty of delicious yums!)
WARNING: a little violence,
bloodplay and death- as well mild female/female & spike/female
DISCLAIMER : We do not own these
characters.
NOTE : Takes place after season
three of Buffy, but before season four.
=====================================================================
KING
OF THE CASTLE : 1 CROWN
We
walk into the suite and not taking off on me is one thing but I can't take the
silent treatment either. "Are you still mad at me?" I ask, hating how
I sound like every stupid girl who got all clingy and apologetic when their
boyfriends got jealous and then *they* apologized for making them feel like--
"I didn't think for even a *second* about sleeping with him," I say.
And I don't know why it matters to me if Spike believes me, but it does. Even
though I *know* that by fucking him I proved what a slut I am, and it's just
ridiculous to pretend that I'm a picky slut...
But
I'm not a slut. I was with Xander for months and never had sex with him. Yes, I
used blowjobs and handjobs as ways to keep my boyfriends with me, but I never
slept with anyone I'd just met. Until Spike. And yes, I know that just throws
my supposed logic out the window and I'm going to have to figure out new
Cordelia rules now...
What
has he *done* to me?
"I
*know* that," I say, stepping out of my wet boots.
I *do*
know. I'm just- No. I'm *not* gonna tell her any of this.
She can
just pack her stuff and leave.
"You
know that," I repeat. "Well then what was with the 'I'm the only one
who gets you off' speech and this fucking bruise on my arm? Did you *not* know
that I'm not a slut, but I convinced you later? Did you always know it but just
forget, because you were so mad at me?
"What
was that?" I know, I know, he didn't say whether he was still mad at me so
trying to make him madder may not be smart. But he needs to know I won't let
him treat me like shit just because he feels like it.
A bruise?
I look on her arm and yes, there *is* one.
All the
more while for her to- "It doesn't matter. Just take what you want,"
I say quietly while taking my shirt off.
I open up
the balcony door and walk out in the rain. It does feel nice- especially when
my life is going to shit *again*.
What???
I
follow him out to the balcony. "It doesn't matter??? Well it might not
matter to you, what with being... you, but it matters to me, Spike! And if
this... thing... we have means anything to you, even if it's just a good fuck,
then answer the damn question!" I think I'm crying again, which is
completely ridiculous, but he won't be able to tell, with the rain.
"It's
over, Cordelia," I say, not looking at her. I don't want her to go, but
I'm sure as hell not gonna explain the inner-workings of my... everything.
"You were right, it's too complicated. 'S'why humans and vamps don't mix.
You should get out while you still can and be happy you're still in one
piece."
Dru isn't
in one peace- Angelus made sure of that.
And if
I'm slowly becoming Angelus- then she *should* leave. She should run.
I *never*
raised my hand to Dru like that- never beat her or bruised her until that one
night...
"GOD!"
I scream, surprising him into looking at me. "We *did* this whole song and
dance last night, Spike, or do you not remember? You made it very clear what
you were and that I wasn't going to change you. I chose to stay. Now, just
because things got a little weird, you want to give up? Well, too fucking bad
because I'm NOT running away this time.
"That's
how we're so much alike, remember? Things get fucked up, it's easier. Don't get
me wrong, I'm seriously tempted to leave, and I will if you don't make a
*serious* effort not to lose your temper at me like that again. But I'm not
going to leave now, just because it's too complicated. That's a *stupid* reason
to walk away! EVERY relationship is complicated! It's life! Deal with it!"
Shit.
Did I just call this a relationship? Well, there's nothing I can do about it
now. "Tell me you don't want me around, Spike. That's the only reason
you'll get me to walk out this door tonight." Stupid, I know. I *should*
be taking his advice and running, not walking, for the nearest exit.
But I
can't. I just... I feel like he's gotten under my skin and I just *can't*
leave.
"Relationship?"
I ask, sounding a bit too- *human* for my taste.
I look
out over the ocean. I love the water. As a child I used to live for the days
Mum and Father would take me to the water. It's raining now and I really can't
hear the waves... I always liked listening to them.
But she's
waiting for an answer or something that I can't give her. I don't talk about-
*things*.
"I
can't do that," I say softly. I can't tell her that I don't want her
around, because I do very much want her around. It's why I claimed her and it's
eventually why she'll leave.
I guess
me and her are two peas in a pod, both waiting for the other to leave-
*expecting* the other to leave.
Okay.
So that means... "You're not still mad at me then?" And damn it, I
shouldn't be worried about things like *that.* I should be worried about
whether he's going to make a habit out of trying to bruise me.
"I
*wasn't* mad at you," I tell her, running a hand through my wet hair.
There's something cleansing about standing in the rain.
"Could've
fooled me," I reply. That's right, Spike. I'm *not* letting this go. You
*will* tell me what the fuck happened to make you act so psycho-possessive.
There is
something inherently sexual about a woman being drenched by pouring rain. Her
hair is soaked and her clothes are clinging to her body. "You're gonna
catch a cold. You should go inside."
I don't
want her to die of pneumonia or anything. If she's gonna die one day, it'll be
by *me*, not rain.
"That's
an old wives' tale," I shrug. "I'm sure you could get sick if you
made a habit out of it, but I'm not planning on that. I am going to stand here
until you answer the question, though." He gives me a puzzled look and I
explain, "If you weren't mad, why did you growl at me and tell me not to
sleep around on you? Because that sure *felt* like you were mad at me."
"I
*was* mad," I state.
Fuck- I
*don't* wanna talk about this.
"At
me?" And if talking to him in general is going to be like pulling teeth,
we're going to have *so* much fun.
"Would
you just drop this?" I growl. "There isn't a *reason* for anything,
Cordelia. Let it go."
"Bullshit
there isn't and I'm not letting it go!" You got mad, I want to know why so
I can keep it from happening again! I don't *want* you to give me no choice but
to lea--" Shit. Maybe he didn't catch that. "I just want to know what
it is that I did, so I can *not* do it again."
"You
didn't *do* anything, Bint. Now let. it. go," I growl and kick the door as
I walk inside, trailing puddles as I head to the bathroom and slam the door.
Bloody
*hell* why did I think it was a good idea to go swimming?!
Wow.
He's even more a girl than *I* am. Except in the sense he doesn't like to talk.
Well
tough.
I
follow him and open the door to the bathroom, walking in. "We're not done
talking," I state matter-of-factly.
"FINE!"
I scream. "You wanna bloody talk? THEN TALK!"
*Anything*
to make her shut the hell up!
"What
do you want? A confession in *blood*? A sworn testimony? What? I'll do whatever
the hell you want if you'll shut the HELL UP!"
Bloody
hell, I need to kill something.
I
step back but on the plus side, he isn't bruising me. "I just want to know
why you were mad!" I yell back.
"BECAUSE
YOU WEREN'T JEALOUS!!!!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs at her.
Fuck.
I *hate*
when I'm emotional.
Oh my
god. THAT's what this whole freak out was? Damn. I just... don't understand.
"Of
who? Anne or Penn?" SHIT, what? And add a side of huh, to that.
"Of
anyone," I whisper. I don't. want. to. talk about this.
Good.
He didn't ask about the Penn comment. And I'm not sure... I think maybe I just
wished *I* could've made him react so strongly to me as he did to Penn. And
yeah, he wasn't that fond of Penn. But they clearly have a history. What do I
have? A pretty face, a great body. How long will that last?
"I
wouldn't have asked you about her if I wasn't," I admit.
And
now he knows. I'm more than just attracted to him. He's treated me good, for
the most part, made me smile... I'm not in love with him, but maybe a small
crush? I don't know. Probably more than he wants from me though.
And
maybe he's right, this *is* a doomed ... un-relationship. I turn and reach for
the doorknob.
"You
wouldn't care if I'd shagged that entire room right there." She didn't
even *react* when he asked her if I was a one-woman vampire. There was no
passion... no nothing.
"You
wouldn't even care that I fucked two whores on the way home the other
morning," I say.
He
couldn't have hurt me more if he'd actually hit me. I slap him across the face,
before I can stop myself. "How DARE you do that and then tell ME not to
sleep around on YOU?!" I scream. "Is *THAT* what Penn was talking
about when he said you claimed me? YOU can do whoever the fuck you want but I'm
not allowed-- " I brush the tears away, irritated that I've lost the
ability to hide behind the bitch.
She
actually slapped me.
The chit
*slapped* me.
The chit
slapped *me*, William the Bloody.
SHE
REALLY DOES CARE!
I grab
her waist and yank her to me before attacking her mouth passionately. She
really cares!
Okay,
what the hell? Not that I don't like what he does with his lips and tongue and
hands but-- NO!
I
shove him away, or at least manage to break away from the kiss. "NO!"
I scream. "You don't tell me that you slept with TWO prostitutes and then
came back to sleep with me and then make it all better by KISSING me!"
But-
None of
it matters now.
"How
about by making you come twenty times?"
"NO!"
As tempting as that is... "I won't be with you if you're going to sleep
with every whore you feed off. Not just because I don't know WHAT diseases you
might bring back to me, but because that just makes *me* another whore. Don't
you understand that?"
Huh?
I don't-
"You're *not* a whore. Why the hell do you keep saying that,
Cordelia?" I *don't* understand. Doesn't *she* understand that she's mine?
"Tell
me you're not *that* stupid!" Okay, probably not the best way to convince
him he should talk to me. "I mean... you slept with whores and then came
back here to fuck me. Then you took me out to a demon club, what, to show off
your new pretty thing? You left me alone with Penn, so he could torment me and
try to seduce me, while you went off with Anne. And then you got mad when he
turned me on, and ordered me not to sleep around on you, even though YOU had
done the exact same thing to me."
Yeah,
he's right. Why *would* I feel like a whore, after all that?
Oh.
Well- I
can see her point.
But,
"I didn't *go* *off* with Anne. I went off to eat, as per your request.
She was there. That's not my fault. And I wasn't mad at you."
Shit-
she's starting to shiver. "You should get out of those wet clothes,
Pet."
"Stop
trying to change the subject," I frown.
"And
okay, you didn't go off with Anne, but I thought - the way Penn talked about
her... I don't know why I'm so surprised about the prostitutes. He all but
implied you weren't monogamous. And I know demons aren't, but--"
I
lost my point. Did I have a point? I don't remember.
Oh
yeah. The prostitutes. I think. "Why did you have to fuck them? They were
willing? I'm not experienced enough? You were horny?"
She's
really hurt by that.
Really.
I can see
it in her eyes.
She's not
Dru.
That last
year... Dru didn't give a fuck who I shagged. She didn't even bother to ask me
where I'd been when I came home smelling like come.
I shrug.
I really don't have an answer- really. "I... I don't know. It's just what
I do. I didn't *fuck* them- they just... I had to keep one busy while I killed
her sister." I don't know.
"The
blood tastes better. Not as good as- never mind. You really do have to get out
of those clothes, Luv. You're shivering."
Okay,
I think I'll just go with the ignorance is bliss way of thinking. It was about
the kill and that's something I don't want to know. "And if I asked you
not to would that bee too much like me trying to change you?" I wonder.
I
shouldn't care, if this is just sex. I guess that means I can stop with that
protest, at least in my own mind. I could like him, we could be friends if he'd
just stop making me feel so damn bad about myself. It's worse when he doesn't
even know he's doing it. Xander didn't realize either, when he made his stupid
jokes about my friends or...
Oh
hell no, I am *not* going to start comparing him to Xander.
I shake
my head. "I don't know if I *can*. I got so used to doing it trying to
get-"
Shit. No.
I'm. not. going. there.
"I'll
try," I resign. It's better than going *there*. "Now, please, Pet,
before you get sick..."
"Trying
to get...?" I wonder. Because it might help me deal with it if it happens
in the future, if he tells me why he feels the need to do it.
I bat
his hands away, even though it's cute how he's worried about me. Either that or
he's just trying to distract me. Not that I don't *want* him... "Trying to
get...?" I wonder. It just might help me deal with it if it happens again,
if I know *why* he feels the need to do it.
"Come
on, Luv. I'll run you a warm bath and you can soak for a while."
Yes, I
*am* ignoring the question.
Yes, I'm
doing it on purpose.
I turn
the water on and turn back to her.
"Trying
to get...?" I repeat, folding my arms over my chest. That's right, Spike,
you're not getting these clothes off me until you answer my question.
I sit on
the edge of the tub and look down at the floor.
"Shaggin'
used to be just that. I kept it separate from eating. I used to anyway."
I rub my
eyes and run my fingers through my hair. Shit.
"That
was before- when... Dru-" I swallow. I don't. want. to talk about this.
I stand
up and drop my jeans without lookin' at her. Then, I climb into the tub and
just put my head back and enjoy the hot water. Maybe she'll take the hint.
Oh.
I'm a little slow, sometimes but I'm NOT Harmony-slow. Drusilla. His girlfriend
or whatever demons call their ... mates? No. She didn't get jealous. And he
thought *I* wasn't--
Oh
no. I definitely don't want to go there.
I
pull my wet blouse off, then the boots, and finally the skirt. "You don't
have to try that hard to get *me* jealous," I say quietly. He doesn't
react so maybe he didn't hear me. And that's okay, too.
"I
just don't want you to-" Damn it.
I *have*
to learn to keep my mouth shut.
I open my
eyes and... "Helllloooo, Cordelia."
I roll my eyes at him but I
can't help smiling. I'd feel completely ridiculous standing here naked if it
weren't for the lust in his eyes. "Room in that tub for me?" I ask.
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