| My name is Cris. I am 41 years old and so far this has been the best year of my life.......... I have spent all my prior years living either in the past or in the future. Missing out on the priceless gift of each new day . If a person can be born with depression, fear and low self-worth......... just to name a few of my problems, :-) "I was." I lived life with the ongoing struggles within, Using so much of my enegry to keep everyone from seeing under the mask I wore. When I could no longer cope, I sought Doctors and Medications.......When that was not helping I turned to Alcohol............ Not to destory my life but, " to help me deal with it better"...... was my way of thinking. What it did, of course, was to reinforce the depression and cause a great amount of pain and trumoil in my life and to those around me that I love so deeply. Last October, I was waiting in a hosptial as the arrangements were being worked out for a transfer to a 28 day Recovery program. During that period I experienced something within that I can not explain other than by saying ......... I could see myself so clearl, for the first time....... It was like I had been living in a dark room all my life and for the first time the lights were turned on. I went to the Recovery program. I learned so much that has helped me and continues to help me. I also became aware of......... "how little I know". I use to ask God often," Why Me"? Durning this period of my life, I recieved my answer ...... Why not Me? I had become a christian years ago, at one point I was even quite religious :-) But, I still always felt I was barley hanging on. I knew about God , but I didn't know him very well........ a personal relationship was missing. Through many struggles, I can honestly say now....... I am getting to know him. I am starting my life over at 41, I am single now and the mother of three grown children . I have three beautiful granddaughters and a wonderful grandson. Prior to this hospitalization I had been in a coma for Ten days. I had taken a deadly overdose deliberately. I was found in time. I was on life support and the doctors were ready to unhook the machines..... I woke up... My mind was still in tack.. For reasons unknown to me I was ment to live. I would of missed out on so much if I would of contiued on with my ways of self destruction. I thought at that time in my life... everyone would be better off without me... I was so blinded ..I couldn't see the truth or a way out. I had lost my hope. ..........But a way out did come..... and I am so thankful I made it through the darkest times of my life....... My hope has returned..... My disire to live couldn't be any stronger..... now I'm focusing on living ........... One Day At A Time. If you find yourself at a point in your life where you are losing hope, my prayer is that it may start to be restored in some way as you spend time here! God Bless You Cris |
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