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Isn't it amazing what the "GOD" can do!

Three months back I begain to feel the signs of stress appearing again. Tiredness and body aches became common as I became overly busy through out my days. The more I did the more I felt I had to do.

At the same time my oldest son begain to have new health problems. His seizures are changing and again he has had to be taken to the hospital because they would not stop. He has also had hours cut back at work due to his health. He has his two young children ..full time now and His children are his world ... he is doing a outstanding job...considering.

When the phone would ring..........my heart would race......with panic..."Is he Okay"?
Over the past months he has again had to under go several test, a abdomanl scan, colonoscopy, a CT scan of his head...we are still waiting on the results of the CT.

My daughter has been in and out of the hospital with her pregency..she is expecting twin girls in July.

I started to have a drink from time to time.

I hadn't spoke to my Ex in several years. I called him last week asking him to get involved in what is going on with his son. I told him, "I needed help", I couldn't continue to do this alone. At that point he told me to get over it and hung up on me.
I realized later that evening...all he heard me say was...."You haven't been there". That is not what I said or why I had called . But, that is all he could hear. Having him hang up ..upset me at first......but it has also helped me. I thought time alone would of have allowed for change and understanding with both of us. I thought he should know whats going on with his son. That he would want to know ...That he would want to get involved in his life. I was wrong. I can accept that...and continue...

I realize now though, we may never have a healthy realtionship. At least not until we are able to sit and hear each other...really hear each other. And We are both going to have to be willing and open to do that. Honestly, that is probably not ever going to happen and I need to stop trying to make things happen ... ......for what ever reason.

I have also been reminded of someting that I've   known for so long...but have again been blinded to by my own doings...Trying to do it all...trying to take care of everything and everyone..I wasn't ment to take care of the world. And the "world", is not expecting me to.

Slowly...I am becoming able to Accept the things I cannot change.. Courage is growning to change the things I can and Wisdom does come....... to know the difference.
........A fimilar peace came over my spirit with that revelation.   I need to Let Go. Again and Again...
Clear thinking begans to come into focus ..The drinking stopped before it became out of control...the desire to medicate my life left.

God is in control no matter how things may look. He will put those around to help and be there through the good and bad...for the duration. And it may never be those that we disire or think should be.    Letting Go

My son has a very special ex-mother in law who has been there everytime I have not been able to . Day after day, his brother and sister and the families they are involved with are there. My daughter said the other day....Mom, I think of this person as my uncle and this person as my Dad. She also said," I am so proud of you mom", you've raised us, you went through alot and now look at where you are. You don't need dad. Your independent and Your Happy...and you have done a great job raising us kids. We Love you.

I have amazing children. They teach me so much. Together we will walk on this Road of Recovery. I have not drank this week. I have been wanting to get back to this site for months now but when I would try, I could not write...anger and tiredness blocked my way.....That fact that I am writting this today gives me reassurance that I am still on the Road To Recovery................and I will make it!!!!!   ONE DAY AT A TIME......as long as I just keeping taking Life, ONE DAY AT A TIME...Such simple advice...yet one of the hardest things to do...to live life...........Truely..... .."One Day" "At A Time" I turned on the T.V. this a.m. and a religious program was on...the topic was...".YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE"....."YOU HAVE TO STOP TRYING SO HARD TO CHANGE YOURSELF"...." STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP"...especially over things that are out of your control. All you have to do is to be open to change...God, will cause it to happen.

I hope this brings hope to anyone who maybe struggling with broken relationships or a loved one who may be going through a difficult time due to health or other reasons. The best advice I can give is, to stop and take a breath, talk to God and he will allow you to be able to see... you are not alone...and not expected to go through things in life alone. There will be help..it may not come from one's we would expect it from though. Or the way we expected it...But, "IT WILL ALWAYS COME! "

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