| If I were President… If I were President I’d fix a few sports. Make it mandatory that any league that wants to be on television comply, or the FCC wouldn’t be permitted to broadcast the event. Hockey If the NHL is determined to get us to watch, here are a few policy changes... No more ties. None. Never. Americans don’t understand a “tie” or a “draw”. We want winners and losers. The news cries out for it. If any game is tied after regulation there will be one over time period. Still tied? There will be a shootout with each starting player getting one shot each, including the goalies in FULL PADS. This will continue through each player and each line until there is a winner. Less games. Hockey in September, October, November, December, January and even into February currently is a waste of time, and a rip off for fans. Fifty bucks to watch Florida vs.Vancouver in October huh? I’d rather watch the fertilizer on the lawn do it’s magic. No more 82 game schedules. Fifty tops, and make ľ’s of the year more important than the Dr. Phil hour. Playoffs you say? All series best of five until the league finals and Stanly Cup. Hockey fans say you need all the extra games to make up for the salaries. These fans are thinking too short term. If you make the above changes, you will gain more casual fans throughout the year. This will in turn make the television product more lucrative, and the TV contracts will increase in value. This money will go back to the teams to pay the players. More fans, more money, less games I say. College Football Overtime in this sport now sucks. The game is completely changed. An arbitrary starting point is selected and teams go back and forth until someone sucks more than the other. Games in theory could go on forever, with scores of 152-149 a possibility. That ain’t football. Any game tied at the end of regulation will result in a FULL quarter of action. I will concede sudden death (the most exciting deciding factor in all sports) just to get us some more football. I’ll even throw in a little twist too. If one team scores in overtime, the other team will have the option of selecting which direction to receive the kickoff, or which goal to defend. This will keep the old people from falling asleep during those really long games… Steve Keneally Gainesville, Fla. If I were President… Less News. I’d create the position of Department of Broadcast Bullshit (DPB) and make them a branch of the Homeland Security Division. Too much bullshit has made more than one person go postal, so we’re covered there. How many times a day do you tune in only to find BREAKING NEWS and LIVE smattered or scrolling across the bottom of your RCA? You’re intrigued; you have to watch because something really important is going to happen. Then you hear a fifteen minute diatribe on everything you heard yesterday, only THIS TIME there is an expert in the field of MINDLESS BULLSHIT giving you the scoop. Who cares? Did I really turn away from the “Oxy Clean” or “7 Minute Abs” infomercial for this? So… If I were President I would make it illegal to put the words News on anything that didn’t have something NEW (s) to report. If it’s more than one hour old, it’s OLD (s) and can’t be used. Americans don’t live under rocks (except for those in Waco and Ruby Ridge) and know what’s going on. We don’t need to hear it 24 hours a day, and we don’t like wasting our time on old stuff. We have rooms to paint in less than 5 minutes, or Abs to zap with electricity, or real estate we could be selling RIGHT NOW! This should effectively put MSNBC, CNN, FoxNews and every newspaper in this country out of business. Sports sections of the newspapers spared for baseball box scores and the funnies. George W. Brokaw Boise, ID |
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