| Spinning. My entire life I have been spinning. Tight circles with my arms thrown wide. My feet making tiny turning steps, sometimes tripping, always spinning. I imagine that finally finding you would be like suddenly standing still. Exhilarating, unsure, afraid to fall but not knowing how to fall, even welcoming it, giggling. Waiting for the world to catch up with my mind, my senses keen and sharp. My adrenaline pumping, coursing through my system like ice water, refreshing, enthralling, rousing, painful and incredible. Has your life been spinning too? Twirling tiny circles, just waiting to bump into some other careening creature. Falling. My entire life I have been falling. That first sensation, missing you with me; missing the solid ground, suddenly absent from beneath my dancing feet. Elation followed by terror. Terror of the unknown and unfamiliar feelings that falling brings. Falling so long I almost forgot what the Earth feels like, missing you so long I almost forgot what I missed. Falling for the sake of falling, missing for the sake of missing. Suddenly remembering what hard rock feels like under the soles of my shoes. Suddenly remembering what and who you were to me. Cutting the wounds anew, starting the healing process all over again. Bleeding. My entire life I have been bleeding. Never knowing the origin of the wound. My blood spilling, gushing from my veins, pain so long ago replaced by numbness. I would have given anything to feel again, to know what it feels like to hurt, to bleed, to feel. I regained feeling but with it flooded back each feeling of loss and lonliness, but still I rejoiced in the pain. Blank. My whole life has been blank and then somehow my memory was restored. Blessing or curse I don't give a damn, I would rather bleed eternally and remember you and everything you brought into my life than to remain numb and oblivious to the pure beauty that could only be seen through your eyes, through your soul. Let me bleed. |
| ~Origin of the Wound~ |
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