The Road to Enlightenment
What is Enlightenment?
Enlightenment is when you have accepted completely in your
heart the wonders of elves! You place them way above your species and just
long to be one. In fact if your already an elf you are already enlightened and
don't need to read this page! However if like me you were not granted the gift
of being an elf, the best you can do is long to be one with all your
heart!
What happens if I
don't become enlightened?
I'm afraid to say that you will lead a miserable life
compared to what you could be. In fact if you go backwards and start to hate
elves you will end up becoming a dwarf! And everyone knows dwarfs are far below every over
species!
How do I know if I'm
becoming a dwarf?
If you start to dislike, or even hate elves you may be
becoming a dwarf!!! If you follow any off the following you may be a dwarf. If
you follow three or more you are DEFIANTLY becoming a dwarf!
You have a strong desire to live in caves/underground. Though this may mean your becoming a hobbit. Don't worry hobbits aren't bad, your obviously just taking the long way to enlightenment. To tell the difference just ask yourself what you prefer food or treasure? food = hobbit. treasure = dwarf. This leads to point two!
You are obsessive about treasure of any kind! Doesn't how little or much you MUST have it. and will go to any length to get it. Even if you don't need it! This is typical dwarf behaviour. and can be mistaken for human greed. However would a human ever put there life at risk for a single piece of gold? A dwarf would!
You hate elves. For no reason other than there elves. This is barbaric!!! How could you! YOU DWARF!!!
You get stubborn over the stupidest things! Again classic dwarf behaviour.
You're table manners are non existent.
You have grown a long beard, even if your female
You have shrunk so that your about the same height as a hobbit. While getting fatter at the same time.
Your voice sounds really stupid!
You have an axe which you use to hit people with. just because they wouldn't give you there last sweet!!!
Your IQ has seriously dropped!
People have started calling you ugly!
You breathe REALLY loud!
You can't do anything quietly!
You start talking to yourself. Well actually your talking to your friends but there so far ahead of you they can't hear!
When running your friends can run trice as fast as you can!
There are over ways to tell, but these are the main ones!
How do I cure my
dwarfism?
The fact you want to cure it is a good start! This means you
realise you have a problem. This also shows your not too far gone! Just follows
the steps to enlightenment (below) and you should be ok. If those don't work
contact me and I will see how I can help!
How to become Enlightened!
1/ The first thing too do is admit you have a problem. You have a problem if you don't love elves!!
2/Let others know that you love elves!! This builds up your confidence, helps make you become more obsessed (and therefore further up the road of enlightenment) and helps spread the cure to the disease, that makes people hate elves!
3/ Visit some elf shrines, if your female you'll want to look at Legolas Greenleaf as a good example, or off course Elrond, Haldir or whatever takes your fancy, you have a big choice! Guys really only have Arwin and Galadriel to choose from. They are both elves so don't worry.
4/ You are now well on your way but you need to go further. At this point everyone's road differs. and you will have to choose your own path. But from now on it is easy! But don't get to cocky, you can still slip back, no cure is permanent. but if you try you will stay forever enlightened.
5/ This is the stage where everyone gets stuck. Here is when you become fully enlightened. however the only way to do that is by being an elf (If your already an elf your already fully enlightened) nobody knows how to do that yet. But i'm working on it!
Case Studies!
People who are on there way to enlightenment.
Aragron: (Son of Arathorn): Aragorn is a great friend to the elves. In fact he MARRIES one! He is a great example, and that's why he became king! In fact he likes elves so much that he trusts them a lot more than his own species. Good for him! That is the way to enlightenment! He will go far!
Frodo Baggins: In the film it isn't as obvious, but in the book Frodo can actually speak a little of the elves own language. And is know as "elf friend! though not as far in the path of enlightenment as Aragorn he is on his way. And that is what matters!
Samwise Gamgee: The only way to describe how great Sam is, is to quote part of the book!!!!
"Me Sir!' cried Sam, Springing up like a dog invited for a walk. 'Me go and see elves and all! Hooray!' He shouted, and then burst into tears."
See how excited he was? He was so excited he started to cry (Though some claim that because he doesn't want to leave the shire blah blah blah....) That is how you should react when you get a chance to meet elves. especially for the first time. Later in the book when he meets them Frodo asks him what he thinks... which he replies "They seem to be a bit above my likes and dislikes Mr Frodo" (Or something similar) Then he goes on to describe them a bit more (positively) But the point is Sam realises that elves are far above him! He is a true elf friend!
Gandalf: Is a GREAT friend to elves. He speaks elvish, and in fact the wizards are closely connected to the elves in origins. In fact he is too far ahead of you in the road of enlightenment that you shouldn't try to copy him.
And off course Bilbo Baggins though he went on an adventure with 13 dwarfs he stayed a friend to the elves! He became close to becoming a dwarf, in fact he actually wore dwarf clothes! But still he was glad, that as he did not have a beard he would not be mistaken for one of them! Not only that he speaks fluent elvish and ends up living with elves! Though Bilbo cam close to becoming a dwarf, he managed to struggle though and is now well into the road of recovery. He is prove that it's never too late to change and become a friend to the elves! Congratulations Bilbo! Your well on your way to a full recovery!
These are the people you should follow for enlightenment. Otherwise you'll end up nothing more than a dwarf. And nothing is worse than that, not even an orc! NOTHING is worse!
Words of advice
for dwarfs
Even
if you already fully a dwarf you may be able to get better. Nobody is sure
if it's possible to reverse the change, as no dwarf as ever really tried! But
Gimli has got further than most....... maybe given a few millenniums he may be
on his road of enlightenment. but I think not, once a dwarf always a dwarf....
though Keep fighting Gimli.. there may be some hope!