It seems this world is going insane, murder not yet commonplace, but how long will it be until the killing starts. Ah, I sound like some fool. Either way I am growing happy, Rowsy has came into my life. I wonder how I ever got along without her. My infatuation was fleeting or Teiyah, and I needed the experience. I hold her in high esteem, the lass, such a noble woman no matter what i may say in public. I pity her, loving Alterio so much, yet her anger, and "discipline" destroying the affection. But it isn't just her, Alterio, Dhalamar bless him, may know of Teiyah, but not take her seriously enough, but I am no ones judge, I don't really know the whole story.

Things are happening, Beruse has me worried, I heard to much it would seem. Not to mention, the plans of mice and men are meaning little now, I have my beloved Rowsy, my ship is prospering, and every day I grow more. But how much longer do I have before I loose it all, all over again. Father, I you are possibly alive, I only wish I could hear your voice again in guidance. The giants and dwarves, Dhalamar help us have power, much power. And I doubt we can win, but we must. I must! I will not allow,my friends...Alterio, Black, Rowsy, Mordred, any of them, all those that I miss, dearest Jane...and strong yet so much love in Teiyah.

But I must compete with those giants, and the plans of mice and men, I am begining to see, there is no profit for a pirate, that fights for justice. Ah, poor Sansa, my dearest sister, I will protect them all, with my soul...with my life...for you my sister, I will avenge you by protecting this beautiful island. Good night Sansa, Rowsy calls me even now...

Journal Entry, 22 April.

:: A single tear runs down his elven visage, it containing a smile, but a sorrowful expression, as he closes his journal, done with his conversation for the night::

:sits down at the desk and opens the journal, pausing for a moment before begining his writing:

The past month here has been a truly wonderful time for me, however, I am reminded of an old saying. "Nothing good is ever easy". Since discovering this island, and it's peoples, not to mention moving here with my family, my life has taken a drastic turn. I only hope that I am strong enough to keep up with it. If not, I and all that I have worked so hard to have and keep will go with me.

Not many get a look into my mind and heart like this, and I know not why I choose to share it with the people who read this now. All I know is that I feel compelled to write, compelled to tell my tale. From my perspective. With my opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams.

When I came to this island, the first time, I called it a paradise. I met Lord Pryce for the first time and spoke with him about a posible colony, or a camp where refugees, such as myself, could come. Lord Pryce, being in much better health at that time, readily agreed. Both of us agreed on a spot for a port, and the rest, as they say, is history.

After helping my family get settled, and getting my own life straightened out, things began to move quickly for me. Lord Pryce and I helped to set up my guild, which my brother Alterio graciously funded. Using a design from an old freind in another land, the building is shaped much like the North Star. The most important star in the sky for navigators, cartographers, and many who navigate through the wilds. The elves, well, they helped me to map the island. They know it better than any. I was disappointed not to be taken to a village, even blindfolded. The elves always spoke of their homes with much longing and beauty. I have seen many things here, and met many who traveled here.

Yet it seems I never have time for myself anymore. If I am not mapping, I am balancing my family's accounts. Or attending to details so that my brother does not. I try to make sure that the children are well looked after. And now, after the giants, I am training my nephew Sir Breuse.

I have left much behind. I was asked recently, when I would be getting married. After all, Alterio has professed his intentions to the Lady Jane, 3 years my junior, but with a wit as sharp as a knife. My sister, the Lady Alianna, recently wed Sir Alex Giovanni. My brothers Aramis and Anthony, well, they seem to never want to settle down. So that leaves Axal. Good old Axal. The responsible Carazzi. It is not my time to be married. Not yet. I was in love once. It didn't work out. I shall wait before I try it again, as I am young, and perhaps made too many mistakes. When the time is right, I know that I will know.

Which leaves me with my family. My dear brother Alterio. Oh, how I loathe you at times brother. Your actions sicken me and your selfishness makes me want to vomit. However, you do it all with the best of intentions. Your heart is in the right place. Let it heal you and realize how you are hurting the rest of us.

Ms. Ali. I love my sister with all of my heart. She protected me when I was young, my guardian angel. I shall miss her around the Estates. She is a good woman with a pure heart. The veritable epitome of goodness. Oh, dear sister, please realize that you cannot please everyone all the time. we will always love you, Ms. Ali. But you must do right by yourself as well.

Sir Aramis. My senior by nearly double my years. I only met him twice. Mayhap he will someday find his peace, as he seems to run from everything.

And finally , Sir Anthony. The second Carazzi child. He is an enigma which I cannot begin to fathom.Much like the sea he sails and loves, I hope he finds his calm waters and one day achieves happiness. I have said all that I can. I love the Seaport, with its glittering towers and the bustle of the city. I love my family, and the people here. But I am so tired. Even now, I grow weary. I feel like I am holding everything together, trying always to placate my family, while attending to the business of the Seaport, indeed the business of my life. And I pray I find my rest soon.......

--Journal Entry Lord Axalon Carazzi, 23 April.

*sits down quietly in her husbands study. pulling out her quill and stationary. feeling absolutely sad and alone. when this should be the happiest time of her life. newly married. a wonderful husband. but tears fall down her cheeks as she puts the quill to paper*

I am not sure how to begin this. Or even if writing this will help. I feel so alone. When I should be so happy right now. My husband, he is a very handsome man. Very loving, gentle and kind. And ever since that first meeting with him, when we played flutes together, he has brought absolute happiness into my life. And there is not a moment of the day, that I do not thank the Gods for him. He is so very wonderful to me. And he does not make me feel as if I am a child. As if I have to strive so very hard for his love. I know it is there, always.

But yet, at this most happiest moment of my life. I am so very sad. Next to Alex, my family is the most important thing in life. And yet, at this moment, my family is the one thing that is tearing me apart inside. My brother. Alterio Carazzi ll. He is so very handsome. And so very wonderful. And I always wantedto meet a man, just like my brother. And I have found this man.

But yet, once again I fear I have disappointed my brother. He has expressed his feelings clearly, on not likely Alex. And when Alterio Carazzi ll does not like something, he makes sure you know. My brother, like all my family, means the world to me. There is nothing I would not do for them. I want them happy. Alterio and I have this bond. We have had it since we were children. He has protected, loved me, placed me on a pedestal. He has been to me, the father I always wanted.

*sets the quill down to wipe away her tears. takes a deep breath and begins again*

My brother has my heart. And strive so very hard, everyday, to make him so proud of me. To be person he expects to be. And I thought my findly someoone that will love and cherish me, the way he thinks I deserve to be treated, would make him so very proud of me. He let me know I can do better. This hurts my heart so very much. I know, he is doing this because wants nothing but the best for me. He is doing this because he loves me. But his love, his actions toward Alex. Towards me. They are destroying me right now. Iam stuck at place where I want to make him so proud of me. And yet, to be the wife and woman I need to be.

*lays the quill down again, unable to continue writing. as she cries silently into her hands*

--Journal Entry Lady Alianna (Carazzi) Giovanni, 23 April.

::Picking up a quill, he begins to write, sipping his wine every so often::

Oh how the past few weeks have been. Quite a melange of events and feelings. Where to start... Perhaps at the beginning, yes, that will do nicely.

When I first came to this Island as a healer, It was a very busy day. Between having to heal Alterio Carazzi II and Ben Calkane, then befriending them both, while setting up a shop and starting a healers guild, then trying to find Alterio's Estranged wife and children, I managed to get a little free time to myself.

After the search for Alterio's children, I settled down for a little while, in this period of time, not much happened. The odd bar fight, spars and duels and what have you, but nothing too interesting.

After this "boring" period in time, I found the true love of my life, Lauralana. She is everything to me, and I only want the best for us, but we are having a bit of a spat at the moment, and I don't know what is wrong, she won't tell me wither. I am sure I'll get it figured out.

Shortly after I courted Laural, I adopted my first son, Nikolai. He is a nice boy, and I love him so much. He needs love after what happened with him and Chastity. Why did she torment him so, and then LIE about it? I don't know... I'll have to get that one figured out too, I guess.

Well, it's been a hectic few week, many highs, with few lows. I think I may have to close up for now. I'll be back soon to write more.

:;Mordred sighs, closes the book, picks up his wine, and adds hisaddition to the pile:

--Journal Entry Mordred, 23 April.

~stands at the balcony door, looking out into the dark night. she turns, watching her husband sleep peacefully. she thinks for a moment of his journal. what it felt to see his words. she walks into his study and shuts the door so as not to wake him. sits down reading his journal one more time. she sets it aside, getting new sense of fight in her. she begins to write in her journal~

Te past several days since our wedding, have proved to be very stressful. And a hurdle in my life I am having difficulty jumping over. After my first entry, I discovered my husbands journal. I began reading it, and discovered how he truly feels about me. The love ha has for me is so strong, for him to want to find some way to become human. So Alterio will except him. And I will not feel so torn between my love for him, and my love for my family. Mainly Alterio. I realized how worried and upset I had been over Alterio's reaction to my marrying Alex, that not only has been difficult for me to deal with. But it has upset Alex to the point of wanting to take away the person his is, just to make me happy.

Alterio expresses his feelings to me in some form or another, everyday. And the thoughts I had running through my head the past several days. Trying to find answers to do anything to make my brother happy again. And coming up with no answers.

~pauses for a moment, thinking. dips her quill and starts again~

Even now the answers do not come. And the answers Idid come up with, I will not act on. Moving back to the mainland, will not solve this problem. No, my brother is just going to have to learn to accept Alex and I. And if he can not, well then he is leaving me with no alternative, but to walk away from him. This thought even now kills me. My family is my life. But as Axalon ...

~pauses to dip the quill, smiling softly as she thinks of her sweet little brother. then restarts~

pointed out to me, I have to learn that I can not make everyone happy. I have to learn to make myself happy. However painful it will be to learn to let go and move on. I will never stop wondering why Alterio prtests so much. Maybe it is the fact that he feels he is losing his little sister. Or maybe it is the fact that he worries over my future. I am not sure what it is. But the actions he has had toward Alex and myself, especially the past several days, I do know is driving a wedge between us. And something has to give soon. Because I do not like this feeling. And I fear it will all come to a head soon. I just hope it will be for the good.

Always,
Alianna Carazzi Giovanni

~waits for the ink to dry then closes the book. turns down the lamp, as she turns and walks silently back to their bedroom. sleep coming on strong now. she curls up in bed beside her husband. smiling softly as he wraps her in his arms. she closes her eyes and falls asleep~

--Journal Entry 24 April, Lady Alianna Carazzi Giovanni