Dear Diary,

How odd this island seems to me. Everyone squabbling every hour in such a beautiful setting. But it's intriguing, this mass conspiracy and struggles of power. I enjoy it, and revel in it, and I plan to stay for some time.

However, the thing I dislike about this isle and its inrigue and conspiracy, is the fact that small, vulnerable, naive little Jane is caught up in it. The child doesn't know what she's doing. She comes to me for advice, saying her fiancee had acquisitioned a whore. He had not done anything with the woman, but that is beside the point. This man is to have Jane's heart and soul, which I believe she has already dealt to him, yet he blindsides her with these peculiar -as Jane described them- habits of his, leaving her reeling.

She always forgives him. She's lost in him. I worry. She held back so long, she told me, but there was "just something about him". She's only a child! What does she know. He is a man, an experiences man. I'm just afraid that one day, Jane's innocence will be ripped away from her, and when it is, I won't be able to recognize her anymore. Maybe she won't even be able to recognize herself.

Jane insists she can take care of herself. She does a horrible job. She has no idea how sloppy she is at that sort of thing. She needs someone there to hold her up, push her along. Well, I do my best, but she's too stubborn for me.

Enough of that, I should really comment on the others I've come across. This Carazzi family is odd, and I wonder at Jane's sanity for wanting to marry into them. This man, Alterio, is insolent from what I've heard and witnessed, what with his whores and his fights with his family. Jane always looks me straight in the face and states without blinking that you have to know him before you can judge him. Well, she's in love with the man. His sister, Alianna, seems sweet and genuine enough. A pinnacle of sweetness in a "den of sin"? Let us hope. Axalon...well, I've never met him myself, but a little bird's told me that the man is all fire and brimstone of late, getting angry with everyone, but his precious lady friend. A man named Ben is an on again off again annoyance, it seems. Sometimes people are angry with him, but it rarely lasts. I must guess he has some manner of charm. Then there is a woman named Teiyah, who has never said much in my presence. She seems sullen.

And here I am running out of ink. Time to unpack.

~Sirrala "of the Silver Song, Journal Entry, 12 May.

::laughs to herself after she tends to the teeny tiny paper cut inflicted by Pheonix::

People always seem to want to run their mouths, I do so find it very amusing. Just another face in the crowd that I have irritated in some way or another, or that has irritated me in some way or another.

::sighs softly as she sprawls out on the sunbathing rock just beyond the pond her cove forms::

Alterio actually thought I would sit there and let him cast insults at ard without telling jane of his trip to the cove or him kissing me not even four nights ago. It's a pity really, he always seems to wiggle his way out of his wrong doings where she is concerned. With me he passes it off as drunkness, he was drunk when he stumbled onto the cove entrance and he was drunk the other night when he kissed me after I specifically told him no, that's right he must have been drunk. He says I am delusional, perhaps I am. Perhaps I am delusional for thinking that he would ever be honest about anything in his life.

::laughs to herself for a minute then continues to write::

Frankly I don't have the time to deal with him. I have just finished getting my new shop up and running, and already I am thinking of at least two more. Then there is Ard, he is so sweet to me. I don't know exactly what to make of him most of the time, he confuses me actually. To take my mind off him, alt and zy I have thrown myself into guild matters and these new shops. Ah but what will I do when I am done building, done creating, will I slip back into my old ways?

::sighs again and thinks over the past few days::

Alterio hired me to look after jas, I have no problems watching out for her, because she is one of the few people that I actually like. I don't want his money and am more then a tad confused as to why he would acquire me for that particular job.

::tilts her head thinking about her conversations with both ali and axal earier::

Axal has me completely baffled. I don't know what makes him think that I have ever turned my back on my sister, and I wonder if that is truly how she feels. She knows where and how to find me. Perhaps it's time I let her go to make her own decisions and her own way in life, I have sheltered her long enough. Yet I would never turn my back on her... have I failed her in some way?

::shakes her head and sets the journal in the sun to dry as she turns and heads to the pond stripping off her clothing then diving into the waters without thinking twice about it:

--Journal Entry, 12 May, Teiyah.

::After turning in early, something unheard of, he woke up restlessly and decided to engage in some heavy drinking in his study, and he must've nodded off behind his desk awhile. Waking groggily, not sure of what time or even day it is, a rather unrefined hand dips the quill and scribbles on the parchment::

So damned tired. Tired of nonsense, tired of trying to justify my every move, even every breath intaken. Always needing to explain myself to any who ask. No more.

I watched Jasmin earlier, her softness toward me turning to fear when I spoke harshly to Teiyah. Does the lovely Jasmin fear me? Or fear I will turn this anger to her? She's no need to. Does Jane fear me? I'd never harm her. Not physically, and I try to shield these innocents as best I can from the seamier, more callous side of life.

But I will not explain myself. From this point forth I will treat as I am treated. Not that I ever could be considered "nice"..but fair, I would think I was.

For the masses who try and kiss my arse in a bid for power: why should I humor you any longer? I've no true power. Just because I've got a direct line to the Elder's ear does not make me all-powerful. I bleed as you do, hurt as you do. But rather than smile and chuckle and pretend I'm blind to the fact that you're trying to use me..take warning that I will likely just smack you.

To those who profess caring for me but have a damned funny way of showing it: Leave me be. I tire of being pressured and the guilt attempts do not work.

For those whom I care for, even my insipid little brother who has done nothing except shower me with his sarcasm: You are what gives me those moments of focus, but again, I will treat as treated. Harm me and I will no longer hold myself accountable for my actions.

This is what happens when one is pushed to his limitations, inundated with nonsense, falsehoods, promises unkept.

As I emerge from the exhaustion, I will take in my second wind, a wind fueled by avenging myself, my name, my wants and needs. None who choose to meddle in my life are spared from my judgment, and this judgment will come swiftly, severely. I care no longer.

::His drunken ramblings end in a smear of ink that spill atop his desk..which he will likely explode about come morning, or afternoon, whenever he wakes. What is clear is that something is eating at him, perhaps it's the users, or perhaps it's those who truly care but have confused him, or perhaps it's pent up anger over his lifetime, but he is changing into something that even he doesn't understand nor much like::

--Journal Entry, 12 May, Sir Alterio A. Carazzi II

People talk of curses on the island. People say that there is no such thing as bliss here, despite the near perfect weather and such. A hell in disguise. I disagree, but then again, I always was the hopeless optimist. Even when Father would beat me, I always hold to the hope that the man will one day become the man we always wanted........needed him to be.

I sent him a scroll, telling him of Mother's death. He wrote back basically saying that he had no wife, and to never write him again. I wonder if he is dying as well. Of course, he may have just decided to disown us altogether. I would say that this is a terrible thing, but, this is the least of my troubles.

Ali and I have made up. I am glad, because my sister and I are very close. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. while Amorine is the light of my life, Ali is the rock I lean on. I don't know what I'd do without her support.

My manor house is nearing completion. A rather odd structure here, as I requested it be made out of stone instead of the traditional bamboo here. I am excited. A library, many living quarters, a laboratory, then my guildhouse down the connecting hallway. I think it looks wonderful, and the architects did a beautiful job with it. I cannot wait until it is done.

Even with all of the problems of late, I am still quite happy. When Amorine returns, of this I have no doubt, I want to make her happy here. I love her. And I am content with my work. With my lot in life. Tis a shame that my brother and I no longer speak. tis also a shame that Anthony is such a scoundrel. But, that is life. Mayhaps in the future we can all resolve our differnces and be a whole family again. The eternal optimist.......

--Journal Entry, 12 May, Lord Axalon Carazzi

This Isle seems to have brought forth all that I have lived through and brought it back to me.

Mags has returned, the woman I loved most, and who hurt me the most in my life. I see her almost every day, and find that I cannot open my heart to my true feelings because of the pain she caused. I know I still love her, I would trust her with my life, but to show that to her is so very hard. I think perhaps that's why I left Gwenhwyfar with her the other night, and trust her with the care of my daughter should I die. It's the only way I can show her even part of my feelings without giving in to the pain and rage I still feel deep inside.

She and Jhereg have shown me, and told me why she did it, she probably did save my life. But I bear the cost of that on my soul. I left the City of Forever Twilight a drunken fool, harping and guarding caravans. Over that first year I must have travelled with half a hundred caravans---leaving most of them after killing other guards in drunken duels. Perhaps a score or more men would still be alive had I not become the drunk I was then. I spent the next year drinking nothing stronger than ale, relying ever more on my harp, Gwenhwyfar, rather than my blade.

Since then I've lived more and more as a bard, finding release in music. Letting my art harp the souls of the dead I have known to some semblance of peace. Harald and Harold, Romanus Diogenes, and all who fell with them--those figures still stalk my nights.

Then there is Zyllah, whom I've not seen these last few days. I fell for her innocence, hoping it would calm and heal my soul. Instead my life's complications have come back to haunt her and she has run from my past. She soothes my heart, but perhaps Mags is right and I am too old and worldworn for her. But with her absent how can I know. And then there's amber, Caitlin's daughter, My daughter. I know she's my child by the harp I carved for her mother. Am I ready to care for a daughter, even one of her age. Already I worry about some of her choices, even though 'tis her life not mine. She seems too fond of the wild life, not that I was different at her age.

So here I am, with Mags and Zy and Caitlin's child, each pulling my heart, soul, and self a different direction. Where I go from here I know not, though I am sure I will be on this Isle for a long time.

*sets down his quill and sands the ink to dry. Then picks up gwenhwyfar and harps himself slowly back to the present

--Journal Entry, 12 May, Halfdan the Black.