This is not the way i wanted him to find out. Gods so much has happened since he left. To much has happened. Alterio died, I killed Ben and then Alterio somehow after being brought back, appeared back on the island. Not to mention Alterio's father coming to the isle. And then our sudden marriage. I dont know what happened. Aye, we spent quite a lot of time together and I was attracted to him. I didnt plan on that happening. But it -did- happen. Was it because he looks so much like Alterio? I dont know what it was. Do I love him? I wish I knew. Im attracted to him and Im very fond of him. Only time will tell what it is i guess.

I had no intention of hurting Val. But once again Its happened. I seem to end up hurting any that get close to me. Will I end up hurting the one Im married to? No I cant let that happen. I wont let it happen. Not again. He has asked me if i want my freedom. No i really dont. I want this to work. I need some sanity in my life.

Someone mentioned I should take a lover since Alterio is so much older than I am. No i wont do that. I dont need or want a lover. I want a normal life. And Im trying my best to be a good wife.

"she sighs and looks over what she has written" I hope Val understands, I never meant to hurt him. I wanted to be the one to tell him. But Im sure people at dome were only to happy and anxious to tell him whats happened while he was gone.

Well I have to get back to work. I plan on leaving early this evening. Maybe by now Alterio has found a place he likes and will have the Construction Company begin building us a home. I like where I live but he doesnt want to stay there because the property is owned by his son. I wonder if he would consider selling it to me, then we could build on to the house.

Journal Entry, 4 January, Vixen

"she signs it quickly as she hears the knocking on her door, she frowns and goes back to work"

I thought it a time to rejoice. Well, my thoughts are often wrong, it seems. It's been best to stay away. Home, shoppe, rounds, beach, and home again. Work, work, work, work. They say it keeps a person honest. What an ironic thought. I like my work though. I get to help others, which is all I've ever wanted to do in my life, really. Change the world was another...but I've tried often enough and met with failure each time. We know why this is so. There's no consideration anymore. Not even a whisper.

Mairin's doing alright. That's cause for happiness. I no longer have to include Carazzi Manor on my rounds. I wish her all the luck in the world, but that building is no place for me. Just as, these days, the Pleasuredome is no place for me. I'll stick to the beach, where it's quiet and one can have a pleasant evening without verbal assault and assault of the physical kind. My walks with my son are the high point of my day, as they should be. I think I'll begin teaching him all of the things he ought to know of art, academics, healing, and combat the moment he turns five years. The sooner the better, certainly. When he's twelve we'll go adventuring. Maybe even when he's eleven if he's quick. For now, we'll concentrate on talking, rolling over, and teeth. I love him so much it hurts at times. I've created for him a loving home, and if anyone threatens that, they'll see just how important it is to me.

The midgets worry. I'm trying to get them to return to their ship, to go back to where their home is. This is no safe place for them. The people here don't treat them well, their patrols with the SSAG are limited because the Guard doubts their abilities. They aren't finding the work very fulfilling, either. They're not the agressive kind. More often than not, they find themselves a plaything for some ignorant citizen. Go, I say to them, go to where you can live happily. But they won't leave their queen, gods forbid. So I let some stay here in my home, and when my family leaves, I'll give them that house, too. Hestia seems to like them, so perhaps I'll let her live there as well unless she wants to stay with me.

It's good to have Paul back...an unparalelled relief. To have back this great, just, and honourable man who is, indeed, the one man on this island I believe could teach a child what it means to be decent is so overwhelmingly amazing. The paper obviously hasn't the faintest what it's talking about, telling me to stop caring what others think and do what I know is right. Dear Gods, have I ever cared? Have I ever not done what I've known to be right? Of course I'm going to allow Paul to be in his son's life. Was there ever a trace of doubt as to the matter? Paul is a good man, and it would never even cross my mind to deny him rights to his own child. A rather minute understanding of me is evident.

And so here it stands. Quiet, decency, integrity, and respect...me and my son, and those invited into our lives. And one day, maybe, we won't have to set ourselves aside to attain such a life.

Journal Entry, 4 January, Jane Maichen.

Dear Journal;
Just a quick note, something rather extraordinary happened. I met a man.

Oh I know, that isnt really too extraordinary. But he seems quite different. I am not sure how, except he is relentless and attentive. He has wit, talent for expression and an attitude which lends itself well to social graces. He says he is a gypsy bard. Well, that would indeed work.

I had seen him a few times in passing but never spoken. Then all of a sudden, for no truly apparent reason, he speaks and we dance ... did I forget to mention that? Yes, we danced.

It was nice.

Oh an the name of this mysterious enigma of a man? Why it fits him well. Raven Nightwind

More later perhaps...
Xanthia, Journal Entry, 4 January.

(takes out his journal, although it has been around a week since he has wrote,and notices dust had been collecting on it) Dear Journal,
Things have certainly improved since I've last written. I told Chastity that I loved her, and it seems she may also have similar feelings for me.I almost thought I lost her last eve, she did not like he fact that I was not talking enough, and she was right and she wanted me to leave her alone until I've changed. I have decided that I should try my best to keep up our lines of communication between us if I truly love her, which I do. Just last night, I told of how I made my way to the island and she seemed interested. I think that was the beginning of change. She is my world, and my days have been so much better with her there to brighten them.

Journal Entry, 4 January, Eden Arcane.

*Quietly sits at the dome, alone, jotting down a few thoughts*

Tis been awhile since i've had the time to write, much has happened though some of which is of little concern to me.

Seems that Attrei is no longer courting Ros, she finally told us all the truth of her past life, and is quite compromising. Seems she was bethrothed to a man from her homeland, it was an arranged marriage, from her father, though he only did it because he was perpetually lacking funds, and was given a handsome amount in exchange for her hand. Ros did nae wished to be married to this gent, though she tried, however he was a tyrant, and treated her horridly even before the nuptuials were set to be spoken. Thus she ran. However according to her customs she is still bethrothen to him untill at which time he weds another or is dead. Thus she felt it necessary to tell Attrei of this, and stop the courting at once as there was no hope for anything further. I dare say he was upset, and did nae handle it well at first, but i think that he is beginning to understand the real reason, and will respect that. They do seem to get along well as friends now.

One of the biggest events to have happened since i last wrote, is Vixen and M'lord Carazzi Sr being wed. I was stunned to witness such an event!! This is quite strange, as rumor has it Vixen was always in love with M'lord Carazzi jr, not to mention she was involved in a courtship with Val! While i am sure she has her reasons, I wonder, just what kind of woman does this, Marries the father of a man she claims to love, while still involved with another!! She is in the middle of a triangle of men, each with feelings for her in one way or another. I do not wish he any ill, actually i do hope she is content in her new position as the Lady Carazzi, but how confusing, she is now the grandmother to her children...and while i try and let all that has happened between us pass, I am still quite hurt, and now more so angered, that she had the nerve at one time to actually say that I was involved with Val!! Questioning MY virtue, when it seems now, that it is hers in question. I will still not spite her though, for a womans heart is a very complex thing, and someday i may be in a situation that i must choose between difficult choices. Who am I to judge.

*redipps her quill, and continues*

Eyas...ah, that moody little elf. Seems i have been graced with the pleasure of his company almost nightly now, of which i am glad, though i wish it would have been under other circumstances. Since his being injured in the mutiny upon the deamonshadow, he has been almost a constant presence in the dome.

His wound is healing well, though its slow. He is as flirtatious as ever though when the dome is full, he refrains. He will sit with me, hold my hand, and even cast a few low toned comments my way, but doesnt make rude, lustfull comments in public as i've seen others do. He doesnt flaunt our courtship, though won't deny it either if asked. I rather prefer it this way, shows me a level of respect, and dedication. Most just consider him a thief, assuming that he is always after something, has ulterior motives, I wonder what they would say if they knew him on the level i do, there is so much more to him then meets the eye, *chuckles to herself* Oh journal...if they only knew!

Seems that there is this new "lady" about the dome recently, Lady Vyras...odd creature, she claims nobility, and whence i first met her i thought as much also...Yet upon seeing her the past couple eves, I have come to realize what she truley is...A spoiled brat! While i do nae know much of her story i can say that she gives the true honorable nobles a bad name, She is spoiled, selfish, whiney, and lies constantly to procure what ever it is she desires. Seems M'lor..*

shakes her head, not granting him the decency of a title even in her journal*

...Nems, has some sort of tie with her from somewhere upon the mainland, and this link with her has him acting as a horses arse, catering to her every whim, with so much as a batting of her lashes. I never knew much of him to begin with, though now i am wishing i knew even less...The man is an insufferable creature and even swung his fist upon Ros, though he missed several times. I belive his ego grew larger then his mouth then for he actually swung his blade and cut her!!! The bastard. I was so enraged that i interviened, and he swung upon me as well, though he missed. Seems he needs more practice *chuckles*..He seems to think that once he speaks all will listen..."end of discussion"....end of discussion my arse! Tis a free world and Ros has the right to speak whenever she so chooses. I may loose, even perish, but i will always defend those who mean the most to me, it is the way of dedication, and TRUE breeding....the honorable way..Lets see if the "lady" Vyras can stake that claim!!!! Breeding alone will not save your life, but those who are your true friends just might, She needs to learn that..and fast.

*redipping her quill once again*

Thinking back upon this issue of the sandpaper, i must say i was pleasently amused to find a small section of gossip referring to the lady Mags...Eyas actually pointed it out to me, Seems Mags finds Lyrias attractive, in a nag sort of way, and wishes to mount her. *laughs out loud, thinking of a private joke* Well i dare say that is a switch...at least the rumors of me incorporate stallions. But it must be true, as it is in print. I do wonder if M'lord Halfdan is jealous *grins*

Havent seen Lyri about much since her wedding to Tae...I know he has travled to the mainland upon a personal quest of sorts, but i wonder what has happened to her...We may not talk as much as we used to but i miss our "private" conversations. She is quite a kind and dedicated woman..much more so a lady then that of lady Vyras.

Tis been fairly quite at the dome of late, in respect to any turmoil or problems...I do believe the sharken threat has all but diminished, though i'm sure they are still lurking about, Though i did venture with Grey and Eyas to see Attrei's new home. It was quite scandlous circumstances at first, at least to me, as Attrei did nae wish for any to know of his new home, and I reluctuntaly went with Grey and Eyas only to offer support should Eyas require it, as he is still healing from his wounds..Though i must confess i was as nervous as a doc whore learning that Altreio had chosen another for his nightly amusement...

..I did nae wish to invade Attrei's privacy, tis nae right to do such to another....We searched his home, noting how bare of furnishings it was..though for some reason he did have this oddly shaped bath...huge it was, almost as though 6 could fit in it at once!!! I have nae ever seen the likes of such..imagine, bathing with 5 other people at once! Attrei finally caught us, as he was in an upstairs room, and did nae seem to happy at the prospect of his brother and I being there, (Grey was outside, keeping watch) Though Eyas handled it well, explaining to him we were just concerned for his well being. I still say we should have nae ever gone into his private home...Espically since the doors were all locked...But thanks to Eyas and his blasted lock picks, we did...Alas, such is the things i must learn to deal with i fear, I do nae agree with them, but i have accepted it as part of being involved with a thief. Who knows, mayhap someday i will be glad for his talents as such, one never knows what the future holds.

Well enough for now, i have already written a book, mayhap i shall run a few errends, and return here later this eve.

Journal Entry, 4 January, Charquin.