I’m pissed.

For a variety of reasons.

Where to begin…

Let’s start with Vixen, even though we’ll be coming back to this subject more than once…

The sheer hypocrisy astounds me.

After berating me for not spilling my guts to her on demand, she avoids ~my~ questions in the most asinine way imaginable: a food-fight. During the course of this little event she also manages to put her knee where it is Most Definitely Not Welcome!

I repair to my current home for a time, to bathe and change my clothing… When I return, my slave is waiting for me like a good girl. We spend a few moments together, laughing at the commoners and generally having a good time. Eden blusters as usual, but nothing comes of it. Xanthia leads him out of the Dome.

It occurs to me at that moment that I have not told my slave that I will be leaving for Achethe today. She doesn’t take it well. In fact she has a small tantrum in the midst of the dome, and even refuses to come to me when I call for her! Well, I borrow Crimson’s whip, and take my little Empress into my office for Correction. She pleads of course; her fear is more torture for her than anything I could do. In the end, only three strokes are needed.

Enter Vixen. Again.

Pounding on my door, ordering me to cease in my duties to my slave. As I was finished by then anyway, I had no problem with allowing her inside, but she used a master key to unlock my door anyway!

She began with her now-commonplace remarks, that I am a pig, that I should be whipped as Cipriana was whipped. ~Blaaaaah~… ~Blaaaaaah~… ~Blaaaaaaah~… If Vixen had ever seen a real whipping such as I’d had as a child of 6, she’d applaud my keen sense of mercy here.

In time she did leave me to tend my slave. But not before my anger was roused. The moments just after Correction are precious, intimate… Not to be cheapened by the presence of an observer.

I sat with my slave as her tears flowed, cleansing her heart of disobedience. Crimson came back a little while later, and I returned his whip to him. He began to engage Cipriana in a bit of ‘conversation’, as I think of it. I could see that she was taking it a bit more personally than I would have, but it was nice to see that her Correction had not stolen her ‘fire’, merely re-channeled it.

Crimson, having no sense of etiquette, kept pushing even after his points were scored. My slave, being the Essence of Woman and having a woman’s pride, struck out against Crimson. It was nothing much, just a well-placed scratch over the eyes. He took it far too personally.

When a slave misbehaves, it falls to the master to Correct her, not the offended party. Still he took her over his knee and whipped her! I cannot describe the anger I felt to see another man lay hands on ~my~ property… I bid him come to the TerrorDome, but he refused. I demanded restitution, and he laughed. Well, I will have him dealt with the Syndicate way.

Finally, Vixen managed to spoil my evening again, in a very unusual way. After my slave and I had returned home, I lay down and began to drift off to sleep. After a time, I sensed movement and a disturbance of the covers as she, my slave, moved closer to me. She didn’t speak, but pressed herself close, and I could feel her nakedness. I was so angry and pre-occupied from the events of the day that I was actually annoyed for a moment that this beautiful, naked, willing woman wouldn’t just leave me alone and let me sleep.

The realization hit me a moment later as she blew lightly into my ear and reached down my body…

PAIN!

My groin was suddenly reminding me of its visit from Vixen’s knee just a few hours ago… With a growl of pain and frustration, I shoved Cipriana out of my bed and heard her body thump on the floor. She was persistent; I give her that. She picked herself up and crawled back into bed with me. I rolled over and pulled the blankets tight, forming a sort of shell to keep her out. “Go ta sleep” I mumbled, and lay on my side facing away from her, Cursing the name of Vixen Blade.

I could hear her, lying by my side, crying. Again.

I had to get out of there. I was angry, and didn’t want to take it out on this particular slave. I got up, dressed, and walked out, avoiding Cipriana’s hurt, rejected expression as much as I could.

So now I’m at the SandCastle, quill in hand, and slave underfoot. Please excuse the redness of my ‘ink’… I have to get back to my fun now.

BK

-Journal Entry 20 March, BossKuno

*After BossKuno leaves in his fury, she crawls to the back room, removing the floorboard from it's loose place and plucking out her journal. She takes it to the dining table and throws it down, then sits...*Whimpers*...and instead kneels on the chair, evidence of Crimson's marks on her still making that particular luxury of sitting painful*

I am so angry I can't see straight.

First he enslaves me. I wasn't against him..I was more hurt at the fact that Nemesio sold me for the "price" of a common seashell..but that hurt had nothing to do with Boss Kuno. I had noticed him here and there and thought him to be attractive. But that's not here nor there. I am too angry to think along the lines of attractiveness right now!

So after some.."Misunderstandings"..we, I thought were getting along well. I had quickly become accustomed to the idea of being His slave. And he does remind me a bit of Father..his strength, his intelligence. Not just any man can leave everything behind, come to this wretched island with a mere 250 gp, and build the beginning of his own Empire. That takes risks, guts, and smarts. I find myself drawn to him but I dare not let on more than I have. Her face turns red I've already said more than I should to him.

I could love him. But would he let me?

He whipped me last eve for disobedience. I know I deserved it, but I was beyond angry with him! Just acquiring me, then just "oh, by the way, I'm leaving you." Leaving me? Just like that? I saw red.

Although that mean whip scared me more than I'd been scared I think ever.. and it stung like fire. I could not piece a coherent thought together, I think I might have apologized for things I haven't even done yet..I don't know, the pain blurred a lot of my memory. Chews the end of her quill and adds And I know he was lenient. I sense that. He could've killed me if he chose, yet he didn't.

And when he came to my side when that horrid Crimson dared to touch me! It was almost.. chivalrous.. although I'm sure he only did it because I am his property. So are his clothes..his property.

I could love him..he probably won't let me.

I casted a heal on myself last night. I cast for the strength to walk..to ease his burden of carrying me, although I don't weigh much, I wanted him to be comfortable. It was a long and trying night, he seemed out of sorts and I didn't want to anger him further. He also seemed to sense that when I went outside..it wasn't to escape. And it wasn't. I just wanted to clear my head, but got disoriented, lost my bearings. And he found me and was very tender with me.

I do love him. But I can't let on. He'll think I'm manipulating him..and with the Gods as my swearing point, I'm not.

But even though my feelings for him are gentle..I AM SO ANGRY AT HIM! I made an overture last night..even though my bottom felt swollen, bruised and raw, and my back still had the aftermath of fire, still I wanted to give him a special goodbye, a promise of my own to show him he will be missed and that I care for him..and what did he do? He pushed me onto the floor!!

HE PUSHED ME ON THE FLOOR! I know now he's probably bedding half of the women on this wretched island and doesn't like me like he likes them. Well! I caught myself before casting a spell that he'd have probably whipped the skin off of me for (was going to cast the illusion and feel of a huge block of ice to land on his crotch) and it just wasn't worth it.

And I cried. I felt weak, I felt ugly, for the first time in my life. But I composed myself, and went down to the Bazaar. Shopping always makes me feel better. My head is clear and now I'll try and remember that I'm just some "item" he has, like a sword or a pouch.

I love you..damn you for not loving me.

*She hears a noise and throws her journal in the back room, missing the mark of the hiding place*

-Journal Entry 20 March, Cipriana_BK

"she rubs her eyes and gives up trying to sleep as she glances out the window and sees its morning anyways, she sends the maid down for coffee and writes in her jounal while she waits"

Yesterday was interesting to say the least. First, Kuno is gone and Cip has taken over his office. I cant say much for her decorating skills "shudders" and I dont think he is going to be to happy when he returns and sees his office is done in all pink and taffeta.

And we have Cip yelling at all of us for sleeping with Kuno. I never did and I dont even want to. For one thing he and I cant get along for five minutes. She even accused Donk!

And lets see.. Alterio.. Well it looks like Thia has stuck it to him. Like he wasnt warned in the beginning. He never listens. He should have learned from her sister but i guess he is just to damn hard headed. I guess that is the only way to get along with him though. Im the only one that didnt screw him over and I got screwed over. Figures though I guess. I could have asked for support for Alkane also but chose not to. I am perfectly capable of providing for him. Hmm maybe I should ask for the propery my home is sitting on though, before Thia ends up with it to. She has her hand in his pocket and i doubt she will stop til she breaks him completely. And i be damned if I will lose my home to her. I have put to much into it. I will kill her before I let that happen....

Morte finally showed up last night. He hadnt heard a word of what had happened. Well he knows now and was determined to fight the old man. I know one of them would die if he does. I dont want that to happen.

And to top that off the old man showed up last night. I hadnt seen him since the night he tried to kill me. I thought he was going to try again last night. But he surprised me and says he isnt going to and will look after me? I still dont understand that really. You would think he would want as far away from me as he could get. I didnt like some of the things he said last night to me but i held my tongue. I never really cheated on him. Yes, Morte kissed me but it was so sudden and over before I realized what had happened. What he said about Breuse and me having three Carazzi's was uncalled for.

He is keeping his interest in the stables and Im glad he is. It is more his than mine after all. I make sure he gets the money from the sales. Its not like i need it anyway. Zeingfeild informed me yesterday we have a new addition at the stables also. One of the eggs hatched yesterday.

This new person on the Isle..Rhonan looks like he is going to be nothing but trouble. He is rude and obnoxious and loud. And the dome looks like a whole herd of pigs has been in dome after he has been there. And to make it worse, he seems to have taken up with Nems and Mori. This cant be good. After the way I saw how he treated poor gwen last night I will be sure to steer clear of him. As much as I can anyways..

Well thats all for now.

Vix "she signs it just as the maid appears with the coffee, she nods to her and ushers her out of the room so she can be alone"

-Journal Entry 21 March, Vixen Blade

I love how things never change. At the same time I resent it. Again, this is nothing new. "Life is tough and then you die" so many have said. I guess it's true, but I'm hardly so bitter. Sure, bad things have happened to me in my short span of sixteen years. Many more bad things are to come, I'm sure. But I've overcome. Sure, I've still got this annoying pride that consistently gets the better of me, and a bothersome temper that makes me argue when it'd be better to smile, and shake my head condescendingly. I was never very graceful in such situations. Maybe someday maturity and experience will lend me that sort of wisdom. Many have said I'm just a kid. In many ways, I guess they're right. I don't care. It's better than missing childhood days, isn't it? Though I do, because I don't really have the freedom of a child anymore.

Ah, my son. I love him so much it hurts. I miss him so much I feel like I'm going crazy! But I don't want to travel while I'm ill. I'm still trying to make arrangements with my family for their departure. We finally received word from Kienen. Things are going okay, I guess. I'll be glad to be rid of so many relatives, I think. Too many reminders of days of old. Painful memories of back then. I need more than four years to recuperate. I want to hold Paul again...I dream of him, his little hands and big eyes. I yearn for him...soon I'll have him back with me. But decisions must be made then. What to do?

The isle will never change. In all the time I've been here, it's been the same, and so have the people. An endless dance I've little time or patience for. I play the games now and again, because I have this annoying habit of getting sucked into them whether I want to or not, but I've been overly tired lately. A little aloof. Boss puts things into more perspective. He's a worthy ally, and I enjoy his company. I've been displaced of late because of illness and other things I've been dealing with, like the minor repairs needed for my shoppe, and work. I don't intend to dive in head first until things are sorted out with my son and Sir Paul. It might just be easier to start calling the baby Paulie. Ah well. Haven't seen either Alterio of late. I saw the younger briefly some days ago, but little came of it. He's more amusing than anything, I find. I wish to visit the children, soon. How I miss the twins and Mai! And just what has become of Lia?

The days are so long...they drag by. It's so hot here! I cut my hair...again. I'm not sure why. It was an urge one day...perhaps a desire for that time when I was young and carefree, the stout, joyous fighter Clarity-Jane. I miss her, but I can never be her again. It's sad. But I'll live. Jane Maichen isn't so bad. She's a mother. What could be bad about that? Too many decisions...

Janie

-Journal Entry 22 March, Jane Maichen