*She sighs and begins to write of tonight's events.*

Tonight started out so nicely...until that wench showed up. Ben and her exchanged some words but she didn't attack. I believe she was afraid. As she should have been...I also met someone else....Razzin, Sethin's brother. He was angry when he met that mad woman...so mad that he hurt his own hands. Of course, I was being a soft hearted fool as always I helped him out. I do believe I'm running out of skirt here. I use it for bandages so often I think I'll pick up a new one at Vix's shop.

*she sighs and closes her eyes for a moment then opens them again and begins to write.*

Oh, how can I miss Ardwin so? Now, more than anything... I wonder if he even thinks of me. No, why would he? I'm still so unsure of what I'm doing here. I've never been with someone as kind and caring as Ardwin. Do I even deserve him? Everyday I fight a battle with myself and my destiny...am I truly capable of being loyal to one man without hurting myself? So many questions gone unanswered...all I am truly sure of is that I care for him more than I have ever cared for anyone...I may even love him. Oh, but I can't be sure. Fate...what do you have in mind for me?

*She closes the book and heads off home.*

--Journal entry 26 August, Nestasia

"curses and rubs her throbbing temples, she sighs and picks up the quill to try to write""

Well another night and Alterio still didnt come home. Where the hell are you? I know he is on this Isle somewhere, cuse he hates the mainland.

Who is he with this time? hmmm well he wont stay gone forever and he better have a damn good excuse this time. NOT that im gonna believe it anyways. Has he returned to his whoring around again?

"she sighs shaking her head as she glances around at the knocked over furniture in his room" This is his fault. Why does he try me like this?

I think im finally losing it. Yesterday on the beach i not only was talking to myself.. I was answering also. Should i just leave the Island before he finally succeeds to drive me over the edge to insanity? I dont think I can control the anger i feel much longer. It gets harder each day that he doesnt come home.

"she sighs and lays the quill down as she rises to get dressed to try to make it through another day"

--Journal entry 26 August, Vixen Blade

--sits quietly at the table in the dinning area of Lady Mags house listning for any movement from the other room where Dari lies sleeping--

So much has happened in such a short time I know not where to start... I have not been to the dome much until last eve and Fierjen came in with a strange woman I had not met he introduced her to me as a friend. I am not comfortable with this woman as she seems to be much to familiar with My Dear One Fierjen she even calls him Chicken what a silly and childish name.

Fierjen spoke with Lady Zyllah last eve in the dome and they decided to search once more for Darionus in a spot that lady zyllah rembered he asked me and this other woman to accompany them and we did. To my dismay I realized that he wished the other along because she is a healer and I suppose he has not enough faith in my abilities tho I have been studying ever so hard in my spare time.

We searched in a cave behind a lovely water fall and we did find Darionus he was in terrible shape filth, hurt and so frightened but the worst I fear is he does not rember who he is or any of his friends I believe it is because of the awful head injury he had.

Fierjen took Dari and I to Mags house so I could care for him thru the night ... I can not help it I do not trust this woman I met last eve she is hiding something she knows more about Dari then she is saying .. and I fear she will take my Fierjen from me I know he cares for me but to be truthful I would not deny him happiness with another. At least she could be free to give him her heart and be with him with out having to ask permission.

What would he want with me a mere slave who can not give freely anything really I had to ask permission to even show my affection it is not fair to Fierjen for him to have to do so as well. If he chooses to go to another I will not stop him but I will always be there if he needs friend.

-- hears a noise from the other room and stands and hurries to Dari's side making sure all is well --

--Journal entry 26 August, Jasmin Rose

::::She sits on the beach, cloak spread out beneath her, the 'dome in sight though dark and empty at this time of night, and writes::::

It truly is beautiful...the sea, the sand, the sky with its millions of illuminated specks, punctuated by a lustrous sphere of pure light. I would miss this. ::::She stops as she catches glimpse of a small shadowed form making its skittish way across the sand and watches for a moment before returning her attention to her journal::::

I'm such an idiot. I was almost home, only to have to return to the waterfall to retrieve my journal. I guess I just walked off without it. That doesn't surprise me somehow as it seems my wits have left me these days. I thought I'd make the detour in the hopes that I could get some brandy at the 'dome but I see it all but closed. There might be someone in there but I don't want to seem...desperate. I must pick up more later.

::::She stops to stare at the moon thoughtfully, the soft lapping of the water at the shore resounding rhythmically in her ears and head::::

It amazes me to think that people far, far away from here...from me...can look at the same moon, the same stars, even the same sun, the same time I do. They see it as I do...steadfast and unwavering...changing, perhaps, now and again, yet still the same. Always the same. I don't know why, but I've always been fascinated by that. Too bad life, love, is not so consistent, so sure, as the sky. But that would make it easy...

::::Blinks::::

All right, Rows....you're officially rambling now.
Gods...I need a drink.

--Journal entry 26 August, Rowsy

::On the mainland he finds his old captain's journal and smiles a bit as he fingers through the pages. on one of the blank pages he begins to scribble occasionally looking out over the waterfall near his family's old estate::

*laughs* you would think they'd seen a ghost... those that knew me in those days at least, of which a few yet remain. oh if my brother could see me now, that bastard...and HER. *pauses* No... I wouldn't want to see Veronica. how could she? how indeed could anyone walk out on their "beloved" in a time of need? and to leave with HIM..... Besides *smiles* , my thoughts are now of someone else...should i let these new found feelings go on? Do i even have enough of myself left to give?

::sighs and walks over to the window and looks down at the ocean::

I hope the Quiet Lady kept her promise to be safe...

Galadhring Roquen Lhug Celeb
26 urui...ys 3131

--Journal entry 26 August, Ardwin

*sits, staring at a chest full of more money than she's ever seen in her life*

My gods. I'm absolutely bloody rich. By my standards, anyway, I suppose.. there are people on this island that could buy the entire village back at home, with money left to spare.

Unfortunately, my plaguey morals would have to interfere, as always. I barely did anything to deserve it- just went to try and find the Marshal when Ben was fighting that fellow with the filthy name. He says it's mine to keep, since he can't spend the entire reward on his own. I'm sure Jane got some of the reward, too, since she was looking for the Marshal as well..

I need the money so terribly, and I'm certainly going to keep it. Enough of morals. It's mine.

*lugs the chest of gold to her horse, strapping it to the saddle to transport it home*

--Journal entry 26 August, Casidhe

*sits on the shore of some God-forsaken place on the mainland thinking about her family and loved ones with a taut, tight look of sadness and longing across her face as she writes*

God, I miss everyone terribly...this place has become so strange and foreign to me...nothing like my beloved home on the Isle. And...speaking of beloved....my one beloved...Taelie. God, the days are so empty and lonely without him. I can barely stand it. I miss him so much, I miss the time we spent together. I simply miss him...terribly and wholeheartedly. I hope to be back in his arms again very soon...very soon. I am not sure I can take another day without being able to see him and talk to him.

It is so lonely here...so very lonely...

I hope Uncle Alterio is well, as well as Vixxy and the children..I miss my Lia...I just miss everyone....I miss my home.

Maybe soon I can make it back to that which is familiar. I love you Taelie...

--Journal entry 26 August, Lyrias Dreams

Ive sat here at this desk for hours looking out into the darkness, watched the sunrise again. I was at dome last night -alone- yet again. There were quite a few people around for a change. But still, i felt out of place and bored. Black started a bonfire on the beach, but we didnt get to enjoy it. I decided to go swimming while he started the fire. I stripped off my clothes and waded into the water and Ezmeralda did also. SHe was dragged down by a wave i guess. She almost drowned and would have if not for Black, Fierjen and Azorah. SHe was caught at the bottom on coral and couldnt get loose. I tried to dive down but soon had to surface, unable to hold my breath any longer. They managed to get her to shore and she is ok now. Once again I felt useless.

I stayed at dome for a while after that, just doing nothing... sitting silently mostly and thinking. Only word I've received on Alterio is, he did manage to make it to Dome,for a brief time, the night before. I havent seen him, however.

Yesterday, after much complaining from everyone, i took the step of firing the girls in the cage and hired men to dance. "smirks" why should we woman have to watch nude dancing girls?

Well, I've done a lot of thinking the last few days about leaving the Island. Im tired of waiting on Alterio to come home. Seems thats all ive done since i arrived on this island. He is the only reason i came here. And where has he been most of the time? Not with me and most of the time i dont even know where he is. I think its time for me to put him and this island behind me and move on ...once again. Where to? That i cant answer cuse Im not sure.

"lays the quill down as she hears Marissa crying, she rises and goes to check on her , then get dressed for the day and maybe off this Island by tonight, she sighs and shakes her head sadly"

--Journal entry 27 August, Vixen Blade

~examines herself in the mirror, turning around, to the side, getting a look at her profile, searching for any sign of an unwanted outline beneath her light blue tunic. She finds none, and smiles in grim relief at her own reflection, her chest successfully bound flat enough to suit her. She examines her face, the defined cheekbones, the large eyes and smiling mouth she's seems to have grown into without ever noticing, leaving her with a charming, handsomely pleasant, if not beautiful or even pretty, face. She tilts her head to the side, silvery hair falling about her shoulders, and makes a face at herself before turning to her bed and producing the journal from beneath her pillow~

How embarrassing to have everyone know. It was really awful. I thought everything would be fine as long as I wore looser clothing...apparently I was wrong and that dratted gossip columnist noticed what was going on. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I know that it's a normal part of being a woman, but I liked being built boyishly. I figured I was done growing, what with being sixteen already. Now Fier tells me I have two more years or better to go. Well whoopdeedoo.

Most people don't understand why I'm regarding this as an enormous and unfathomable disaster! I tried to explain it to War, and I think he kind of understood, but I don't think he realizes just how I feel. When I was a child, I never fit in trying to be a Lady. I was always messing it up somehow, soiling my skirts, speaking when I wasn't supposed to, that sort of thing. People knew I was hopeless in that sort of role, but I kept trying. None of the other little girls liked me, because they were so perfect, and I was so clumsy. So I was friends with the stable boy, Kohlan, and my father, and that was about it. Then we moved to Meadowood, where I decided, under Wesley's guidance (another man) to be a fighter. I was teased over being a girl and trying to fight! So what did I do? I wore breeches and tunic, and I cut my hair, and I scrapped with the rest of them like any other boy. I hid my femininity, made it vague and largely unnoticeable, so they'd accept me, even knowing I was a girl. The fact wasn't an obvious one...so it worked! It worked, and that's how I got by. Everywhere I wnt afterward, that's how I got by, too. People could overlook the fact that I was female because I didn't overtly look it, and I certainly didn't act it. So I wasn't looked down on as a female as the others were. I din't have to go through that. It worked for me.

Now look what happens. I have to bind them flat each day, and it aches at times, but I plan to do it from now until the day I die. I can't lose that ambiguity that allows me ro be who I am wherever I go. I won't be kicked down and treated like a second-class citizen in a man's world once again! That's a fight I refuse to be bloodied in a second time.

So the other women can tell me it's normal, that they're perfectly fine with them. They can even tease me until I'm ready to cry like I was yesterday (rather silly of me, but I just couldn't help it), but they don't get it either. They all have other weapons to use, whether it be skill with a blade, their beauty, or some other way to intimidate men into treating them well. What have I got? I'm short, plain, not that exceptional of a fighter. I can be easily brought down by one or two men larger than me, and I know it. So I stick to that ambiguity to allow me to be accepted, but it's hard to be ambiguous when one's got a constant reminder bouncing around in their shirt.

~she scowls over that quite fiercely~

Good thing I'm a healer...I carry a lot of bandage.

--Journal entry 27 August, Jane Maichen

::She sits up in bed, looking out the window and noticing she slept a bit too long this morning. She runs a hand through her dishevled hair and opens her journal to an empty page::

Last night I figured out a few things, as I sat in the 'dome. I feel like certain friends of mine, especially Ben, are only friends to me when they are having a rough time, or well...or when there just isn't anyone else to talk to. I just don't know really, I mean, I really don't know what I mean. Most of the night last night, I sat in the 'dome, by myself, while everyone else went outside, for what? I don't have a clue really. And during my reading, I put down my book, after realising that my friends were only friends lately when it suits them. I wrote Ben, my dearest and closest friend. And what I wrote was horrible. I don't even know what I was thinking. And so, after slipping it in the door, and him already finding it, I started to think over the words in the letter. I began feeling an over whelming guilt. Besides if I have a problem with someone I should just confront them right? So that's what I decided to do, but when I stepped into Ben's office, he looked horrible, exhausted. So I got the letter back and let him get the rest he so desprately needed. And so I destroyed the vile piece of parchment, and resigned myself to speak with Ben when I see him next time.I still feel awful about writing that, but atleast he didn't read it...and he won't.

::Rubs her eyes lightly and continues writing::

I shouldn't have slept so long, now I feel even more tired than before. Ah Well, suppose it's time for me to getd ressed, and do something with this unruly head of hair.

--Journal entry 27 August, Lina Metallium