Arrived just the other day. This island seems to be in turmoil. I though I had found a peaceful place to gather my thoughts and make plans for the future, instead, I seem to have walked into a hornets nest of activity. I have met some very interesting souls and have been told about some that seem to lack a soul. On a more positive note, I have met someone from my home. Stoke seems at ease here and I do not wish to push him past his limits, so I will try to make arrangements for sleeping quarters and see how things work out for the time being.

--Journal entry 30 August, Lilith

::Plops down onto her bed after a wasted night at the pleasuredome andthrows open her journal, shifting quickly to a blank page. She writes furiously as she makes her last attempt tocalm her temper::

What the hell is everyone's problem lately. So yeah I have a small cold, which seemed tp be at its worst last eve. I feel almost back to my normal self this eve. But yet all day I haev delt with jokes about me having this cold and such. Can't people realise I have feelings too? I don't think I'll be going back to the pleasure dome for a few days...I should spend some time around my house anyway. I barley spend any time here...and its a cozy little place. I could catch up on some sleep, or even just pour myself into my writing.

People I considered friends, well most aren't what they seem. I feel terrible about something I heard as I went to go outside, then I hear when I come back in, that that person is telling everyone there that bit of information, which wasn't true to begin with. OK I got a little angry about that, I'll admit, but I had a reason. And then I greet a friend I haven't seen in a while, and what do I get...a glance...nothing. Well so much for that. And then I go to say goodnight to what I thought a dear friend, and well I was worried, they seemed ill. But all I got was a snide attitude from them. So much for that. So when I decide to go back to the pleasuredome, I feel that I am going to have to start from scratch....if I ever end up going back. The way I feel right now, I don't feel like seeing anyone there as long as I llive. The only thing this Island truly brings me is grief. I ask myself, why do you stay here Lina? And everytime the answer was because of those close to me. They were like my family. Eh some family.

Perhaps...perhaps...eh I say that alot. Perhaps I should get my head out of the damned clouds and see the facts that have been satring me in my face all along. Like why the hell did I feel bad for writing that letter to Ben then take it away before he could read it? This eve all the reasons that I wrote it came right back to me. Eh my "Friends" dont care that I am sick, they don't care if I'm in a rotten mood...and after all I try to do for them. Well no more...I am tired of caring and getting back nothing. Everyone can think what they like. ah well I should end this, beofre I throw my journal out the window.

~Lina

::She then clenches her hand, snapping the quill as she tosses the open journal on her nightstand so it can dry::

--Journal entry 30 August, Lina Metallium

*She sighs as she looks around the little cabin. "I'll fix this place up one day" She sighs as she moves to the little desk with her journal on it.*

Well, I haven't been able to write for quite some time. I guess I'll never be able to fix this little place up. I've tried for the last days...maybe when I get enough money I'll buy some nice furniture and it will be suitable for company...but not yet. Oh, I've missed Ardwin so...he's back on the isle and I still cannot see him as much as I would like to. I guess I really do have the worst timing in the world. And what of this date with Alterio? Of course, its just a meaningless date between two people trying to get to know each other better...right? I don't know anymore, though Alterio is charming, I have absolutely no attraction to him and I'm sure Ardwin will understand...I mean he must know how much I care for him and that I could care for no other in the same way. But why does Alt have a sudden interest in me? I've heard of his ways and I am no whore from the docks. If that is what he is expected then he shall be surprised. Maybe I should cancel it...dating the boss's guy is not exactly helping me get promoted. But I am not dating Alterio...oh, enough talk of that man. I am more concerned for Ben, he seems so strange now. I believe this murdering mad woman has gotten to him. I understand that he is concerned for us all but I believe he will be of no help if he does not get some sleep. Can he not understand that I feel guilty for both these murders? Gods, why have you cursed me with such a weak heart? Why can't I stand the pain of losing a friend, or resist the invitation of a well-known man, or even be separated from my love for over a day? Why must I be so vunerable, why must my heart think for my mind?

*She leans and runs a hand through her hair then begins to write again*

Fate and pre-destination....does all this happen for a reason? Was I meant to learn something from Sethin's or Ezzie's death? The same way I had to learn from my ordeal with Claude? So then what have I learned? What have I been taught, Fate? What am I to learn from thy fickle lessons? Pain? Heartache? Inner strength perhaps? No, not inner strength...this has only proved how weak I am. Then what do you want for me? What good is outer beauty without inner beauty? I have both yet where have I gone, what have I learned? Nowhere, nothing...

*She sighs and places her quill down. "Why?" She shakes her head and climbs into bed attempting to go to sleep.*

--Journal entry 30 August, Nestasia

::::She drops heavily onto the chair by her kitchen table, shrugging off her cloak and kicking off her boots. She then relieves herself of her broadsword which she felt necessary to carry to the 'dome in light of recent reports of seemingly random murders around the place. She laughs to herself as she yanks her journal towards her and begins to write...unwittingly reverting to the second person as if removing herself...from herself::::

How amusing. Yes...funny indeed that you could fall for the shenanigans of a mischievous bard. Haha....Rowsy, you're a fool. A fool to take it seriously. Please. Because of a few pretty words? Only words. Ordinary words strung together to make them sound nicer. That's all they were.

::::She chuckles at herself, shaking her head, then continues::::

Ahhh well...wishful thinking, perhaps. Though nae with your head, Rows. Think with your head, Row, not with your heart. That only serves to disappoint, you know that. I mean...how realistic was it of you to even consider the possibility that some wonderful man might fall head over heels in love with you out of nowhere. Not likely. What were you thinking? Really. Hmmm...perhaps he took your note to heart and decided to run. Smart. And, of course...something unavoidable may simply have come up. Gah! Who knows!

::::She stops writing and eyes the newly-purchased bottle of brandy on the counter. Setting down the quill, she stands and moves toward the bottle, then picks it up and inspects it before uncorking it and filling a glass. She downs the contents and shivers involuntarily as its warmth courses its way down. She closes her eyes as her mouth burns slightly, then picks up the bottle and carries it to bed::::

--Journal entry 30 August, Rowsy

"she curses pacing the floor at dome and heads home for a while... she storms into the manor slaming the door behind her and goes upstairs...she looks around and shakes her head NOT expecting to find him here as usual... she curses calling him every vile name she can think of.."

WHY do i keep putting up with his shit? Sit in dome or here at home for weeks and dont see him. But soon as i leave dome to come home for the night, he goes there. Ive had enough. I dont need him or this aggravation. He has to learn he cant have it all. Things cant always keep going the way he wants. Ive stood by for years, accepting and ignoreing his whoring around. Sitting at home alone waiting for him to come home..No damn more.

People are right.. i Deserve better than this. And he says the other guys in my past didnt treat me right. HA! WHO is he to judge? He is worse than the others.

And Nestasia? So much for friends, right? Friends to my face, But when im not around thats a different story. But i guess i should be use to that dagger stuck in my back by now. Would she have been brave enough to accept a date with Alterio IF i had been present? I dont think so....

"she shakes her head angrily and looks out the window a moment as she tosses the quill down and slams the journal closed"

--Journal entry, 31 August, Vixen Blade