:::sits, thinking about the events last night:::

Mairin is dead. She sacrificed herself for Uncle Alterio. He is alive...he is greiving over Mairin, but, he's Uncle Alterio again.

No one knew that Mairin would die. I didnt even know they were going to get her to do this. I had no idea until they brought Mairin to the area. Poor child. Poor Uncle Alterio. He and Vixxy are fighting, already. I dont know if Uncle Alterio will be able to live with the fact that Mai is gone.

::::thinks about other things, not wanting to dwell on Mai too long::::

Vix and I...that was strange. After the curse took effect, and we had aged..we locked eyes. Its like we were feeding off of each others strength and hope. We both got stronger. Our eyes never left one another until Uncle Alterio woke up.

I had recieved the letter from Casi, and the one from Vix, which is why I was starting for the dome. I just happened to wander up on everyone gathered around Uncle Alterio. Ah, well...

~Lyrias~

:::lets the ink dry then tucks the journal away::::

--Journal entry 19 September, Lyrias

We succeeded in getting the real SSAG guards released from Wonderland. With help from the midgets and also to get Alterio out of the cove. We found him there alone. After a small argument with Jane. She didnt want to divulge to us who she was going after to jump into the volcano. Alterio babbling a language that i didnt understand, I tried to get him to Block the -handler- from his mind. Lyrias also talked to him. Neither of us could get through to him. Jane left and returned shortly with Mairin. We resumed out course to the volcano and Lyrias, myself, Legato and Sergeo chose to stay at the bottom, rather than to carry Alterio to the top. The others continued on, Jane, Lina, and Mairin. She jumped in with the pebble. Upon, her jump Alterio stopped breathing and smoke starting come from him.

All that were close to him, that inhaled the smoke became old, and wrinkled. I was about to give up But one thing stopped me. I looked at Lyrias and I couldnt look away from her face. I could sense she wasnt giving up. Our eyes locked together helped give me strength to go on. Silently praying, i couldnt look away from her. Then suddenly, after what seemed like an eternity, we both heard Alterio moving and talking. That broke our concentration. The ones that had become old had returned to normal as was Alterio. But this cost us dearly. We Lost Mairin. She never returned from the volcano. ALterio went into a rage, yelling and cursing all of us. I cant blame him but Mairin wanted to help her father. She loved him dearly and didnt want to see him the way he was. One nightmare has ended... has another one begun? He is rejoining the Knighthood and has threatened to get all those involved in Mairins death.

I of course, got blamed for this to. I tried to tell him I had nothing to do with Mairin jumping in the volcano and i didnt. I argued against that from the first time it was mentioned by Jane. Last night, However, when Jane showed up with her, there was no stopping this. I had my hands full with Alterio and his rambling threatening all of us. We had to move and finish this. Mumphra was talking to us through Alterio's mouth. Trying to bribe Lyrias to release him, the would give her Thirlia and such. Told me if i released him, he would marry me right afterwards. Said -if- I loved him or ever loved him now was the time to prove it and release him. I DO love him, I Have always loved him. But i hadnt gone this far, put my life in danger several times by gathering information from the enemy... just to give up now. Yes I love him more than my own life. I wanted the real Alterio back.. I hope in time he sees I did the only thing I could do. I had no other options. This wasnt just for me. Our children, as well were suffering. They knew something was wrong with him. They had become afraid. What was I to do? Release him and let them continue to live in fear? Everyone that loves him was suffering and living in fear. Well, that nightmare is over. But i fear another one is starting. How much more do the children have to see? Havent they been through enough?

"sighs as she closes the journal and heads out to check on the children and go to the shoppes, just hoping he comes to his senses soon before he destroys the children he has left"

--Journal entry 19 September, Vixen Blade

~she sits, huddled in her bedclothes in her house alone, trembling like a leaf in the wind, her skin cold, her grey eyes wide and shocked, the pallor of trauma on her skin. All the lamps have been blown out, the drapes drawn to shut out the deceitful light. All the power and good humour and confidence she once possessed now drained from her. She shuts her eyes, and shakes her head, trying to stop it from replaying in her head...the small figure hurtling toward her death, licked with flame, consumed, all without a cry... Her heart contracts painfully, causing her to loose another hollow, anguished cry. Desperate she tears the bed apart to find her journal beneath the pillow, needing a release....something to take away the pain...the guilt~

What have I done? ~the writing is scratchy, hasty, and shaky~ If I'd known she wouldn't come back, I never would have asked her...never would have let her go! I would never trade her for Alterio! He's not worth it. He's not worth her life, and he never has been!

Mairin...oh Gods, forgive me. You were all the purity we had left. And I sent you to your death for it. I have your blood on my hands. I love you...oh gods, I loved you like my own blood! What am I to do? What are any of us to do?

How could I have done this?

She never even questioned. She never tried to turn back. She gave herself up willingly to save her father. She had so much trust...she trusted me! She didn't even pause before walking off that edge. She never faltered...not once. She didn't even scream...

I could argue that she was the only one. The only one here with no stain upon her soul. The only one that still had hope shining in her eyes. The only one that had something to believe in. And I'd be right...but was the sacrifice worth it? NO! No, no, no!!! We're not worth the dust on her feet! None of us! I gave her up!

Where's my honour now? Who am I?

~she leaves it unsigned, looking more frightened than she ever has in her life. She clamors off the bed, still dressed in the tattered shirt and pants she wore yesterday, and almost literally flees to the dome, if only to get away from herself and her treachery~

--Journal entry 19 September, Jane Maichen

::She rubs her tired eyes as she sits up in her bed. She reaches over for her journal, deciding to write after a sleepless night. She opens it to a blank page and writes slowly, thoughtfully, sorting out her thoughts carefully:: Last eve we may have brought an end to this nightmare that has plagued us as of late, But at a cost. XXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXXX.

::She crosses out that last sentance and bites her lip to think of how to reword it::

The cost, though, was great. Mairin, Alterio's eldest here on the island. She was so brave, no question, not crying out. And she did it all for him. Jane...poor Jane. I know she was close to her. She broke down crying up there. I wonder to myself, wondered all night, wether I should have allowed this. I feel to blame, the loss of such a young, vibrant girl.

::She shakes her head lightly::

But if we wanted Alterio to be back the way he was, without hurting him, it was the only way. She accomplished what she needed, that I saw after I came back down the volcano. She will rest peacefully knowing he is alright and that her brothers and sisters can have him back.

Alterio blamed Vixen. She did nothing. She said nothing as we accepted Mairin's volenterring, she stayed with Alterio while Jane and I went up with Mairin, she did not hand her the pebble, she did not give the people the instructions on how to go about this. I don't know...perhaps I should take full blame for this and let Alterio do what he will...

--Journal entry 19 September, Lina Metallium

Well I have returned to the Isle, though it seems to be for only a single day. I am so glad I did though.. it sent my heart over the moon to see Lyri.

*sighs and redips his quill*

How I wish I didnt have to leave so soon.. but I must.. my brother, my own blood is in need of my help. Its a call I cant refuse how I wish to get it over with though.. to return to Lyri, the woman who holds more of my heart than anyone.. even myself.

I am sorry my love, I will return as soon as I can

*leaves the journal open in his home where he knows lyri will find it*

--Journal entry 19 September, Taeliesyn

::Just arriving back at this hour from the North End of the Isle, he passes Sir Paul in the foyer of Carazzi Manor. Paul carries Sir Carazzi's belongings that are being retrieved from his brief tenure at Coconut Grove. Neither man speaks to the other, as both are in various states of grief and anger, but Paul's face registers a bit of surprise seeing Alterio in full Knightly regalia. Nothing is said and Alterio enters his study. Mirrors are covered with black linens and the light is dim. He reaches in his desk for his bottle of rye, pours a glass, finds a note from Vixen on his desk. Glancing at it, the words barely register. He'll reread it shortly. But his worn journal is open now, and he sits to write. ::

I conferred with Aemelia and in her wisdom, she has relented and allowed me to return to the Order. She knows now that a piece of me has died and perhaps in that death I will emerge the Knight I once was. Swift, ruthless and unremorseful.

I will avenge Mairin. Aemelia concedes that my mission is personal, but will not prohibit me from taking those away from life, those that took Mairin from me. I want revenge, and I shall not stop until I have gotten it.

Abdication of the throne...a fine Prince I'd have been, if only my children could have benefitted from the new status. What child wouldn't want to be royalty? Mairin and Thirlia were the two I knew would be gracious with titles and nobility. My other children..well..

::his eyes reread Vixen's letter and his writing now becomes, from an elegant measured hand to brutal slashes of ink across parchment, as if he was writing in the heat of anger with a bloody dagger::

YOU...how DARE YOU blame ME for her death..I would NOT sacrifice her to save ANYONE, particularly ME. HOW MANY TIMES have you said yourself that my CHILDREN are the one thing that allows me to function...you....dirty Wench...

Perhaps...just perhaps..your neglect of her...Was this because I would not take you as a bride, ergo you would not act as a mother? You....oh, I suggest you stay far, far from me...How dare you...

Perhaps if Mia were to die...you would know how I feel. I recall my anger, my pain when the staging of Mia's death happened those years ago...before you even came forth and told me those children were mine..how I worried for you and grieved a loss... A loss you've yet to know.

Perhaps, perhaps you will understand what I'm going through if you go through it yourself...

How DARE you. The Handler has let me go...but back to what. To a woman who blames ME for the slaughter of my child? Damn you...

::From pure exhaustion, the quill slips from his hand and he blacks out for awhile..fifteen minutes, maybe twenty. But this is not a dreamless sleep. Mairin calls to him in a white room, "Father please don't leave me here, you promised you'd come back.." and when he reaches for her hand, he awakens. Startled, he rubs the pebble he's got in his pocket..the pebble from her descent into the volcano.::

Mairin. I know you are with me. Be you haunting me? Or be you alive on another altered plateau? If it takes the death of one. or of many, I shall get you back. Be patient, my sweet little one..this does not go unnoticed nor ignored...

I will bring you home.

::Throwing the glass against the wall, he now rises, strapping the claymore more tightly to his back, his chainmail gleaming brightly, the colors of the Crimson Tide worn. The Officer, reinstated as Lieutenant, leaves his study and decides to go searching for those whom shall pay, and he begins at the Pleasuredome::

--Journal entry 19 September, Sir Carazzi

*she sits at the writing desk, scrawling her thoughts by the light of a single flickering candle.. pausing for a moment to look back at Calhin, sleeping quietly as she herself cannot*

I think I'll go crazy, with much more of this. I have an ultimatum now, at least.. aid in Alterio's vengeance, or see myself torn limb from limb, broken body displayed on the walls of the Pleasuredome. I betray my friends, on the one hand, and betray them on the other with my death.. but I cannot choose. If I help as I have been demanded to do.. I condemn my dearest friends for Mairin's loss. Poor sweet

Mairin.. so innocent. The last of us all to be so, perhaps.. gods willing, she is not dead. That would resolve all of this so quickly.. so easily. If she is dead, then I must choose. Ben, Jane, so many others involved in all of this, I cannot be a part of their dying.

But on the other hand...

I don't want to die...

*the last line is spotted and mostly smeared by the teardrops that fall upon it before the ink dries*

--Journal entry 19 September, Casidhe