*she brushes a strand of mussed hair from her face, and writes by moonlight, being too lazy to light a candle for such a short while*

Well, I suppose it's still the twenty-fifth. It may well be tomorrow by now.. it's late, and dark. Though I'm still wide awake, of course.. Cal's just gone down the hall to fetch us some water.

We did have our date tonight, as he promised. I think it helped him a bit.. poor dear's been a bit stressed of late. I can't blame him, of course.. if I knew half the historical things he did and had to sing "Lassie Come Beat Me" thrice a night and that's it, I think I'd go daft. He puts up with it better than I ever would, to be sure. The date was lovely though.. and he bought me a new dress with some of the money he's earned around here, which I wasn't expecting in the least. It's lovely though.. and I'm so happy that we've managed to keep ourselves the same through the marriage. Some things never change.. especially common thieves and stubborn bards.

To think that Char thinks I've married into servitude.. cookin' and cleanin' and all that domestic life. Me? Cook. Heavens forbid.

Here's Cal back with the water..

Casi Flynn

*she signs the page quickly, before the pen is lifted from her hand and she herself lifted from the chair.. the journal is left open to dry, and quickly forgotten..*

--Journal Entry, 25 October, Casidhe

"after leaving Val at dome a few hours ago, at his insistance that he needs to think and would stay there last night, she sits at the desk stareing out at the darkness, thoughts running through her head, she pulls the journal over and jots them down"

I can only be me, that is all that I can be No more, no
less, why do they try to change me

I love, I laugh, I live and cry,
I've wished many times, that I could die  

Some days I'm happy, others I'm not,
How to be happy, I'd almost forgot

I am a loyal and honest friend,
And I'll be there until the end

I am a romantic, sensual, sexual, and passionate too, to
the love of my life, I'll share this with you  

I can be sweet and shy or sassy and bold, I'm quite a
handful, or so I've been told  

I am not perfect, I have many faults,
and I get scared I put up high wall 

Some times I'm not as forgiving, as I'd like to be, because when I hurt, I hurt deeply

My logic most times is misunderstood,
I don't always do things for my own good  
What they seem to expect from me,
I try hard to change to be

But I have many facets, like a diamond you see... with all my faults im still me.

"she rubs her eyes and shoves the journal aside leaving it open to dry"

--Journal Entry, 26 October, Vixen Blade

"sitting in the empty dome she sighs and pulls the journal over and begins to write"

Havent seen or heard from Val since the night i left him here drinking. He wasnt at dome last night when i arrived. Maybe he decided to go to his home. No one has seen him around here. Oh well, maybe its best for him to get out of this mess now.

After reading the note from Alterio, I think maybe I should just be alone. I cant live up to any mans' expectations. I cant be what they want me to be. Im just a failure at whatever I try.

Work...I think Im going to take on more work at the shopps. Maybe let some workers go and do the work myself. Keeping busy Is what I need. Less time to socialize and to think. Aye, thats what i need to do...

"she shuts the journal after letting it dry and lays the quill down and orders a wine from Donk as she sits silently thinking"

--Journal Entry, 27 October, Vixen Blade

*finishes helping jasmin tend to the animals, and watching her leave to attend to her other duties, sits down, right where she is at, and begins to write.*

I must confess, today i recieved the biggest shock, I went to the dome at an unusual early morning hour, finding M'lord Halfdan and Mags there, M'lord Halfdan greeted me with some wonderful news....

Anastasia is here!!! or so he feels it is her, and surely it must be so for he would nae lie to me over such a thing. He felt the resemblence uncanny, and she responded to the name of Clemont!! Oh it must be her. Those he does say that she deny's any other existance of a sister, although I knew that to be the case.

While i am ever so happy to hear that she is upon the Isle, Alas i fear that good news does nae come without its price. Mags told me that Anna has quite a temper, and actually attempted to stab M'lord Black!!! I nearly fainted upon hearing this. Tis difficult for me to comprehend any relation to me acting in such a way, though i know she has had different circumstances then I. To make matters worse, she also told me that Anna actually hit M'lord Black. She hit him just like a man!! *shakes her head, wondering just what has happened to her sister to make her act in such a unladylike mannor*

Lady Mags found this all extreemly funny, and was rather amused by it, why I do nae know, though truth be known, while i do work in her home, i find her rather, touched, at times. I stay away from inciting her rather strange sence of humor as much as possible, yet if she continues upon this notion that every woman is attempting to "bed" her beloved "dan", I fear she will send herself to wonderland sooner then later.

I shall end this for now, as I simply MUST compose a letter of must humblest apoligy to M'lord Black, for Anna's behavior. I only hope he nae holds it against myself, nor the Clemont name. He has been only kind to me, and I wish nae to appear ungrateful. I have a feeling I may require his assistance one day.

--Journal Entry, 28 October, Lady Charquin Clemont

~~sits at her desk in the backroom of the bakery. the smell of fresh baked herbed bread, wafting around her and out the windows. she smiles softly remembering her play time with the children this morning, and just how much fun she had with them. pausing before writing, she rises to wait on a customer. waving as she watches them leave, then returns back to her journal~~

Dear Journal,

All things seem to be well. The children have brightened my day. Giving me smiles and happiness each and every day. And when I wake, the saddness that once met me each morning, is no longer there. And that makes me feel wonderful. I was to the point of not being able to handle it anymore. That "sinking into a deep hole you could not get out of" feeling. Being with my brother, the children and Lyrias has made my life so much better.

I was very harsh with Anthony, and received a note from him several days ago, stating he did receive the gp's I sent to him. I do hope everything is fine with him now. I worry over both my brothers so much. And was only trying to help him. But did not realize how much trouble he was in. I am just glad I could help him now.

~pauses, redipping her quill~

I have not had the chance to get to the 'dome recently. I do miss it so. I will have to make it a point to get down there this evening some time. I heard they had a wonderful fashion show the other day. I wonder how that went? Alterio and I had breakfast together this morning. He looks wonderful. And happy. That makes me very happy. It has been a long time since I seen him that way. And he most certainly deserves it. He has been through so much lately.

I have not seen Ben in quite some time. But when I do, my heart still skips a beat. At night is when I miss him the most. He used to hold me till I fell asleep. Not that sleep does not come to me now, it does. No bad dreams at all in quie a while. But I still miss him so. I heard through one of my older customers, whom I might add loves to tell me of him often, that he is seeing someone.

All I want is for Ben to be happy. He deserves that happiness.

~pauses, hearing the bell jingle on the door again~

Well another customer, I have so much to write about. But will save it till next time. I am off to serve.

~giggles sightly at her last sentence, the rises letting the ink dry as she moves out into the main room. smiling as she bids the Lady Gwynhiemer "Good Morning" and goes about filling her order, as the lady begins to tell her of all her aches and pains. smiling as she listens~~

--Journal Entry, 29 October, Alianna Carazzi

And yet again I fail. I try to do whats right for Draco and now i lose him. Alterio demands he be returned to him. Do i have a choice in anything? No I havent had a choice in anything since i came here. He demands and I obey. "feels that invisible collar tightening around her neck choking her, she shudders and takes a deep breath" It never ends. Whats next? Take one thing at a time from me and put me on the docks to work? Wouldnt surprise me a bit. But he always gets what he wants..always.

--Journal Entry, 29 October, Vixen Blade

What I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is let them go and try to move on.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, but only a few accept that responsibility.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion soon fades.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

--Journal Entry, 29 October, Vixen Blade

~standing on her balcony, she inhales the fresh evening air deeply, the fragrance of exotic (not erotic) blossoms tickling her nose. She sneezes abruptly, but grins all the same, plunking into a cross-legged position on the floor to write in her journal~

I feel glorious. Yes, you got that right. Glorious. Things are just right -or as near to just right as possible- right now. No one's trying to kill me, no one blatantly hates me, I haven't been insulted or teased in awhile... The business is good, I haven't failed at anything recently. Rather, I've been a success! I even learned a whole song almost perfectly on the lute. It's all very, very good.

I feel I'm being a good Queen to the midgets now. Amalric's letting them join the SSAG so they can protect themselves and give back to the community. They're all so excited about it. It makes me grin. It makes me want to dance! Heck, it makes me want to speak in rhyme right along with them...but I won't. Also, I provided Aidan with housing! He's right across the hall, and I don't have to worry so much about being way out here alone with sharken running about.

Ah yes, the sharken. They're still a problem. A problem I intend to rectify! I'm looking into that one, plotting how to take care of it. Of course, Aidan thinks I take on too much. I'm young. I bounce back. Moving on...

Ben's still shoving me back. I'll have to see about that, too. He's being deplorable and malevolent. It's driving me crazy.

My Uncle Kienen and his bloody envoy want me to come home and speak with the dolts at Haven because my dratted sister's decided to come along looking for gold that's her "right". I told them to shove it...to tell her to shove it, and to shove it themselves. Well, that's taken care of. I think I should go visit Mairin and Thirlia tomorrow! I'm so excited.

Jane

PS: I have to figure out a way to make Aidan take my gold for the library! Bah!

~she leaps up to go to the dome, whistling loudly off-key and pirouetting randomly~

--Journal Entry, 29 October, Jane Maichen