I do find mm'self up late this evening
a heat tha' resides behind my eyes and against my brow so constant and singing that it willnt allow me to dream.
I woke to the smell of sweet smoke and couldna find the source
and when I laid in m'bed found the scent residing in my hair and on my pillow...
I shouldn't wonder what will happen when Sylver and I take up residence together...
As of late he has been th'only thing on m'mind, I seem to be oblivious t'eating and drinking, the time passes numbly wi'oat him around and when he's in m'arms flies and then I find m'self alone again...
I've never been instilled with such a hunger as the one now...keeps me weak in the kneez
a glazed
wild look in this once-serene eyes
So are the effects of love?
I shouldn't be one to know..
I've never been well taken care of, genuinely cared for, and I'm s'nervous when it comes to being hurt.
It happens s'oft..
Which is part of the reason m'lord Alterio's presence is so discomforting, every time he comes about that light in Sylver's face ices over and horrid words are flying from his tongue, or murmured at his back.
I know he cannot duel Alterio, the ratios aren't right..
but I should think out of respect for my soon to be betrothed that m'lord Alterio might not wish to anger us...

He is flirtatious as ever
And the thing tha' strikes me as odd is that I know he doesn't even care aboat me, so I can't figure out what his motives be..
I hope all is wel with him, and his daughter
I shouldn't, however, like to be involved. I've not place,
and my heart is with Sylver
Semper Fidelis,
he spoke that to me once
Always faithful I think it meant.
And true.
I miss him,
and my fingers grow weary in writing, a concentration lost.

--Journal Entry, 18 October, Arachne

Something happened last night that I am greatly concerned about. It seems my past self...the bad side...is creeping out again. I have tried so hard to carry myself with dignity and posture, while being humorous and a tad outrageous...and until last night, I have done just that.

But last night...something snapped in me that scared the living hell out of me. A dock whore...Leahman by name...had visited the Pleasuredome. She tried to go after me, and I warded her off. Okay, I'll be honest, I ran. But then she started to come onto Vixen, whom I care about very much now...and I lost it. I may not have displayed outright insanity, but inside, I was chaotic. I struck her in the head, giving her a nasty wound by my staff. Normally, I would have been shocked at what I had done...but for a while...I had to hold myself back from beating her more. I don't know whether it's my hate for whores, my caring for Vixen, or simply my subconcious craving for chaos, but hitting a woman is not acceptable. Luckily, a lady named Magdellanya confronted me and slapped me...and it set me back to my senses. I healed the whore, at my own expense...and resumed having a nice night with Vixen. But a good deed does not erase history. I hit a woman. Even when I was chaotic, I never hit a woman...I surely hope that this was a one-time thing, and not a trend...

--Journal Entry, 18 October, Valyndor Lyndrae

*she sits down at the desk to write by flickering candlelight, waiting for Cal to come upstairs*

Well, today was a bit of a rough one, to be sure. We went out on the 'Rover' to try to figure out what was going on with the sharks. Sure enough, as I had suspected but didn't want to suggest, the "sharks" were, in fact, sharken, and attacked the boat in full force. We managed to fight them off after a bit, but not without some loss... one of the mates was killed, and two bitten badly. Cal got a nasty slash 'cross the arm, which I had to stitch up after we got back to shore. Jasmin was kind enough to heal it for him when we were at the 'dome later in the evening; he was in pain before that, though he wouldn't admit it to me. But despite all that, we managed to kill a few of the buggers, and are devising a plan to capture and kill more of them... and at least we've probably ensured that the number of islanders taken as victims will be minimized.

On another note, I haven't seen that plaguey rabbit at all today. I was at sea for most of it, though, so perhaps it'll turn up again tomorrow. I wish it wouldn't... it's getting Cal and me more than a bit worried. What will happen will happen, but the rabbit's pushing its luck.. I'm not so patient as I seem to be. It'll be rabbit stew for dinner again...

*a large inkblot mars the page as she drops the pen on it... laughing merrily as Cal pulls her away from the desk and extinguishes the candles*

--Journal Entry, 18 October, Casidhe

:::sits inside her home, at the dining room table with her old tattered journal, ink, and quill, setting to write, as she hears Bailey shuffling about around her::::

Per'aps I shant be as bad as I 'ad first thought I would be. Taeday was interestin tae say the ver' least. Calhin and Casi took the 'Rover' out. 'e came back with a nasty gash across 'is arm. Landar...poor Landar...may 'is soul rest wit ease among the twiligh doves. The poor Lad...'e didna make it back. It seems tha t'ere were a few ot'rs whom were injured...a few bites taken out o'them.

Calhin brought one o'the buggers back with 'im. Tis the most awful thing I 'ave e'er seen in m'entire life time. 'alf man, 'alf shark. 'ow can all o'tha be possible? Doesna seem tae be a figment o'my imagination. I saw the bloody carcass when we were about tae burn it. Then, more swarmed the beach, throwing up a carcass of a mer. Unfortunately, we 'ad tae burn it as well, tae keep more from flocking tae the dome.

::thinks on the walk back to the dome with Benjamin:::

Per'aps Laddie was righ after all. Per'aps M'Lord Calkane does take a fancy tae me. 'e seemed most worried about me travellin alone tae the dome. 'e didna wan me tae be by m'self. Says tha if'n I need 'im tae send a messenger tae 'im, and 'e will come.

::remembers his fingers against her cheek, as her face involuntarily reddens even more:::

'e 'as such a gentle touch. Though, fer a moment, I thought 'e was ashamed tae 'ave touched me. Then...'e kissed me. It 'as been a ver' long time since any lips 'ave touched mine. I froze. I didna knae wha tae do. But...then...even in spite o'm'self, I leaned up and kissed 'im back. I would 'ave ne'er done tha before. Ne'er.

Per'aps tis time I opened m'self up tae someone else. Per'aps tis time tha I opened up period. Since m'last love....I s'pose I 'ave jus been afraid. Well, nae more. I am going tae take it one day at a time, and see w'ere it goes.

****Tika*****

::::leaves the journal open on the table to dry, as she steps outside her small cottage, leaning against the doors frame, looking out over the ocean::::

--Journal Entry, 18 October, Tika Flynn

*waking up with a start in the middle of the night, as she sometimes does, especially on those quiet nights when she's fallen asleep with a light heart, and everything that haunts her creeps up on her out of nowhere, she jolts upright and tries to catch her breath. She realizes she's been crying, and gets very ashamed of herself. Wiping her face on her nightdress's sleeve, she stumbles over to her little table, turning the chair backward and hoping that the broken chair leg doesn't give way while she sits on it for a couple of minutes as she writes in her diary*

So much has happened lately, between seeing Kristal again, making new friends as well as reconnecting with old ones, sometimes it seems as if nothing ever changed. I palled around with Lyri last night for a while, and with the exception of seeing that fin head thing, it was like old times. Mags is becoming like a big sister to me, and for a second or two I could actually forget what happened.

Even when that man Dan that Lady Mags called a Mary..MARY! You donnae call a man that huge Mary! *giggles* everything felt good, I felt like me, the old me, before..that happened. It felt good.

Even when the pretty half-elf slave girl, what's her name, Jasmin? caught me snooping in Dan's office, and he scolded me something awful *turns crimson remembering that* I still felt like me. Not this girl who's here now shaking in her socks at the dream I had. Dan didn't scare me a whole lot when he scolded me 'cause he didn't yell. But I knew I owed him and Jasmin apologies and I gave them apologies. But Lyri better not find out or she'll tease me forever!! *smiles a little, being up this late but thinking of things like this comforting her*

But why I woke up was it wasn't really a dream, it was remembering what happened 3 years ago this coming Winter Solstice, knowing that things can't ever be what they were. Regardless of where I go or what I do, things will never ever be as simple as they were.

I'm glad it doesn't snow here, maybe I'll try and lose track of the days and forget when Winter Solstice is. I wonder if he likes it back at the mainland. I sneak packages out to him with extra gold, and I miss him. But I know he's better off there. I had to send him there when I heard that..*shakes, writes a name and then crosses it out so hard and so thoroughly that the paper rips* was here. Because even though they say he's not here anymore, I don't believe it. I expect him to jump out from behind a tree and for it all to begin all over again.

I try not to walk too closely to trees anymore.

I brought it on myself, I know. And as long as Kristal doesn't find out, Lyri doesn't find out, NOBODY finds out, I can keep smiling, maybe I can even make myself believe things will be ok.

Mumphra scared me though. Something tells me he knows.

ACK! *the chair gives way and she lets out the mother of all elven cusses, as she lands on her bottom on the floor*

--Journal Entry, 18 October, Aemeryllis

Ah, almost another week has gone by and yet still no sign of Anna, I tell you i grow more impatient by the day. I have met many more here of late, and find myself enjoying their company, passing the time.

I have met one lady in particular a few nights ago, Rosalyn. She is rather young, oh how i do wish i was so again, yet this lady is rather pleasent, and i find her company something i look forward to each eve. At first i thought her Anna, oh hope beyond hopes, as her hair was identicle in color to my own, such as Anna's would be. Yet after discussion with her, i find that Alas, she is nae my elder sister. But has come to this isle to search for some happiness, as her grandmother has recently passed.

Nothing of super interest has happend within the dome of late, lest none that overly concerns me, other then some fearful rumors of sharken floating about, This is the first real danger i have heard of since my arrival, and I confess, i am a bit fearful.

I nearly had my purse stolen today, one by the name of Aemeryllis, although i found it rather amusing, for some reason, i nae felt threatned, besides, tis nothing in there of any value. I brought little with me when i came, rather, i had very little to bring.

I have been reading the local paper of late, and have found many interesting tidbits of isle life, its most informative, and am considering sending some submissions in it myself. Perhaps an add of some sort, searching for Anna, Mayhap if she is here, she will read it and come in search of me...

Bah!! Whom am i kidding, She nae even knows of my existance, she would surley be suspicious of such an article if she ever did read from it. Mayhap would even scare her from this Isle. Some strange creature beckoning her to come to some establishment she has nae heard of before, claiming to be of relation! She would surely think it the work of one of those who wish her banished from Bria, and would nae show at all...

*glancing upon the stars outside* But I must find a way to contact her...I simply must...

--Journal Entry, 19 October, Lady Charquin

My dearest Journal,

Two days ago I began a new adventure, my latest of traveling endeavors that has landed me here on this beautiful island of Crystal Shores. On my first day, I arrived quite weary and travel worn, and looking quite the mess. I was directed to the town meeting place so to speak, they call it Pleasuredome. *Laughs softly* Grandmother is probably rolling over in her grave to hear me entering a place with that title, but I must say that it is not as it seems. The people there were quite nice, one in particular was a woman named Lady Charquin. She told me about a few of the people that we saw at the bar and even bought me food and drink, not to mention telling me of a suitable place to stay. She was very nice but she seems to have a lot on her mind, I have met up with her again today at the bar and I believe a comradery is well on its way. That first night I was escorted to my room by Sir Carazzi who I'm told is a bit of a flirt, but the circumstances called for an escort due to the danger that was lurking outside, I can't be sure but Sir Carazzi and a lady with the strange name of Mags spoke of some sharken creature, I myself do not wish to encounter any of these creatures, their name alone sounds frightening. This evening I might an older man named Halfdan, and surprisingly he owns a slave, however, the most surprising thing is that she likes to be a slave and he treats her very kindly, like she is a valued piece of property he says, I hope that he sees her as a diamond and not something as common as a shoe,as both are valued, but for much different reasons. I do believe that in this place I will find the missing pieces to my jigsaw puzzle of a heart. Ah,I will write more but till another time journal, I fear I am tired from drink and need to get some rest.

--Journal Entry, 19 October, Rosalyn