Title: King Kong on Cocaine Author: Amy aka Lady Julieanne Rating: Let's just say don't let the kids read this. Probably R for use of language. Disclaimer: Let's face it. You know I don't own them. I know I don't own them. But what's the harm in a little fun? Pairing: C/S of course! Spoilers: Not really. If you've watched the shows, you'll note the references, but there's no specific line or scene from any episode with the exception of the Pilo. (You know.... "King Kong on cocaine") Summary: Remember that one story i wrote? Of course you do. If not, it was titled Bad Thoughts. This is a look into Catherine's mind during and possibly after that story. It's not all written yet, so I don't know. Feedback: Is 100% necessary. You know this by now. No feedback means no more stories. A/N: This is an attempt at a different style of writing for me. I'm sure you'll all catch on. Love it? Hate it? let me know. js1n2001@yahoo.com ********************************************************************** Breakfast. That's how this all started. I asked her to breakfast. Told her I was concerned about her. She had been distracted all night long and I had noticed a similar distraction occasionally before. So I told her I was concerned and that I was going to figure it out. Figure her out. In reality, I wanted a chance to be near her. Away from the eyes of the gang. I wanted to see if I had a chance. I'll admit that I hadn't been the nicest person to her. When she came to Vegas to investigate Warrick, it angered me. And she's got that same attitude Grissom has. Like somehow she knows more than the rest of us. It can be so infuriating. At first, I tried to tell myself that I wasn't attracted to her. The simple fact that I was made me even harsher on her. I mean she just walked into my life and tried to turn it upside down. I think she might have succeeded if I had let down my guard enough. She made an effort to become closer. Even wanted to buy something for Lindsey on her birthday. But I was still cold with her. I couldn't face my attraction to her. I didn't need anyone else. I was a strong independent woman. I was a single mom struggling through college after having given up my bad habits. I succeeded. I didn't need someone else to make my life happy. Lindsey became my life. She filled me with happiness. She was more understanding that I ever could have comprehended at her age. She handled my divorce from Eddie well. And the first time she woke up in the middle and found me in the arms of another woman, she understood that too. She took Eddies death with more grace than any child I've ever seen. She was upset and cried but not long after, she was okay with it. She had seen what her father was capable of and though she loved him, she hardly ever mentions him anymore. I had Lindsey I didn't need anyone else. I was determined to be the best mother that I could. And I must admit I was doing a damn good job. I am more proud of Lindsey than I am of anything else I've ever done in my life. I'll admit that I was lonely. That sometimes I just wanted to be with someone. And I had my flings. But I realized that if I were to be with someone, it would have to be more permanent than what I had going for me at the time. Warm bodies provide temporary comfort. But now I really want to BE with someone. Not the strangers in the night that usually occupy my time. Someone I can talk with. Someone I can laugh with. Most importantly, someone I can share my life with. I wasn't thinking of sharing my life with HER. Sure I was thinking about how absolutely stunning she is. Tall and lean and gorgeous. More of a cocky grin than a smile, but it lights up her face just the same. Beautiful eyes, soft brown hair. Everything I ever wanted. It took me a long time to realize that she was the one I wanted. Her beauty, her charm, her intelligence, all of it. But it was not to be. Sara was straight. Wasn't she? I've seen the looks that she gives Grissom. You'd have to be blind, or be Grissom, to not notice her attraction to him. She looks at him with a longing in her eyes. I used to wonder if she'd ever look at me that way. She's like forbidden fruit. I want that which I cannot have. I desperately want that which I cannot have. Then one day I notice her not looking at Grissom like she had previously. I new she had a thing going with an EMT, and I assumed that he was the cause of Sara's newfound lack of interest. Then I find out that he's cheating on her. Okay so there wasn't concrete evidence to back up my theory right away, but I knew. If it happens enough to a person, they start to learn the clues. But she either ignored them, or just didn't see them. I had thought she was more observant than that. But sometimes vision is clouded I guess. Hell, Eddie tried his best to sleep with every woman in the western United States and I didn't catch on right away. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that she was better than him. Hell, she was better than Grissom. I wanted to tell her, I wanted it to be me that she came to for support. But I had tried all this time to build up my walls so that she would not see my attraction to her. I could not let them crumble now. I kept reminding myself that I did not need what I wanted. That I was strong by myself. That she was strong without me. And then she knows. I see it in her eyes. She knows what Hank has done. I instantly hate him for putting that pained look in her eyes. She was strong. Now she looks vulnerable. And the walls I had built over the years crumbled. One look at the pain in her eyes and I was done for. I knew I would do anything I could to keep that look out of her eyes. I did the impossible. She didn't notice, but it took all my courage. I'm not sure anyone really knows, but I, like so many others, have a fear of rejection. I'm not sure what I would've done if she had said no. But thankfully she didn't. I asked her to go for a drink. It didn't sound at all like a proposition for a date or anything like that. It sounded like someone who cared trying to help a friend. It sounded like everything she needed it to be, and nothing I wanted it to be. That night, with the both of us drinking our way into oblivion, I almost confessed to her. I almost confessed all of it. My lust for her. My deepest desires. But the biggest secret of them all was that I was in love with her. I didn't realize it was anything but lust until that night. Until she trusted me with her vulnerability. She trusted me not only to be there for her as a friend, but to make sure that she made it through this night okay. I nearly blew it that night. I almost told her everything. She had gotten up to get another pitcher for us to share. Just as she turned away from the bar, a beautiful young red-haired woman was attempting to make at pass at Sara. At my girl. Okay, so she's not my girl, but hey, I can get jealous as long as she doesn't notice. Sara laughed at whatever the girl said to her and then motioned in my direction. Even I could tell the red-head assumed I was Sara's date. A look of disappointment crossed her face and she turned and walked away. I felt fantastic. I don't know what was said, but it was clear that Sara was coming back to me. And the red-head had to live with the disappointment of thinking Sara was taken. She was mine as far as this bar was concerned. Sara didn't know it, but with that one small gesture she had made me feel like a goddess. I felt so good that I nearly told her everything when she came back to our table. Now I wonder what would've happened if I had told her that night. Would she think it was just my drunkenness, or would she believe me? Could it have gone anywhere that night? And if it did, would she try to brush it off, or would she be willing to let it continue? I'm actually relieved that I didn't tell her that night. I am a hopeless romantic, even after all I've been through. I believe in fate, destiny or whatever you want to call. The theory that everything happens for a reason. I can't help but think that if I had confessed that night, things would be different now. And I like things the way they are now. I really like things the way they are now. She is mine. I am hers. Without a doubt we belong to each other. I would do anything for her, and I can see in her eyes that she would do anything for me. What a wonderful feeling. I have someone to spend my life with. Not just fleeting moments in between the sheets, but a lifetime of exquisite happiness. A lifetime of love. For all my romantic dreams I never once thought that this is what real love felt like. Don't get me wrong. I have thought I was in love before. Hell, I even thought I loved Eddie. What a fucking mistake that was. The best thing he ever did was give me Lindsey. Everything else he fucked up. He gave me the coke habit that it took so long to kick. He fucked up my life. He fucked up our marriage. My mother used to tell me it wasn't nice to speak ill of the dead. But in his case, I'll make an exception and I'm sure mom would understand. I'm actually glad he's dead. It simplifies my life. No more run-ins with his gambling friends, no more visits from him when he's drunk. And since Lindsey seems to be handling it so well, fuck it. I'm glad he's out of my life. I thought I loved him. Hell, in my younger days I fell in and out of what I thought was love. Moved to Seattle with a boyfriend I thought I loved. Ended up in Vegas when that didn't work out. Decided maybe now wasn't the time to find love. Then Eddie came along and was actually quite the charmer. At least when he was sober. But now. God, now I know this is love. If this isn't love, then someone is playing one giant cosmic joke on my heart. Just the sight of her gives me a thrill. When she's close and I can smell her hair, or that perfume that she wears on our nights off, it sets my heart beating like I just ran a marathon. The touch of her skin sends electric shivers across my entire body. One kiss, one kiss and I'm filled with a desire that burns through me like lava. It's unbelievable the way my body reacts to just being near her. I love to look into her eyes and watch her emotions play across them. She thinks she can hide things from the world, but if you look close enough, it's all right there in her eyes. The way her eyes light up fascinates me. I can tell when she's excited about something, when she's upset, when she's happy, sad and everything n between. Admittedly, my favorite thing is to watch her eyes darken with desire. Looking into her eyes and knowing that I am what she desires excites me to no end. I know that all this sounds like pure lust, but I swear it's not. She moves me in ways that not just physical. She is everything to me. She's intelligent, and charming, and funny. She looks at me and it makes me want to be her everything. Her best friend, her lover, the one who fixes the wounds on her soul. Most important, the one who makes her happy. The one who puts a smile on her face. Enough of my musings. I remember how this all got started. She looked pained that day. I could tell she was distracted and at first I assumed it was Hank again. The way he had hurt her. Maybe she still hurt. Whatever it was, I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But I couldn't. Not the way I wanted to. I couldn't take it anymore. I told her that after we got off work that night I was going to take her out to breakfast and figure out what was wrong. She looked like a deer in headlights. I don't know if she was shocked that I cared or shocked that I was not asking. I was telling. She didn't have a choice but to go. We worked through the night and the closer the end of shift came, the more excited I was. I tried not to show it, and by now I'm pretty sure I've become good at my acting. After all, she knew nothing of my lustful desires. That night was filled with shocks. First Doc tells me that he knows my secret. And then he tells me that Sara has one too. That sometimes she looks at me the way I've been looking at her. How did I not notice? Damn, I'm an investigator. I should know these kinds of things. Apparently Doc sees things the rest of us don't. Maybe it's because he doesn't spend that much time with all of us. The second shock came not long after my talk with Doc. I went to interview a material witness who was on the fast track to being a suspect. Then he hits me! I couldn't believe he hit me. But, I didn't have to believe it for long as I passed out on his floor. I don't know how long I was there, but I remember coming to. Sara was hovering inches above my face. She looked so sad and worried. Then another shock. I let it slip. I called her an angel, which she is to me. But then I kissed her. It was brief, but the feel of her lips on mine was like no other sensation. Sara looked completely shocked. I think she just figured I was woozy or something. She took me outside and got me all fixed up by the EMT's. I gave my keys to the officer guarding the kids apartment and there was Sara, standing next to the Tahoe she had driven over. Holding open the door to help me get in. She must still think I'm woozy. Big, big shock. Sara pulls me into her arms and kisses me. And not the brief butterfly kiss I gave her. No. She grabbed my hips and placed a light kiss on my lips. Then I felt her tongue tracing the outside of my lips. She started to pull away. I was not going to let that happen. I wanted this. Before I could even think about it, my tongue was brushing against hers. Oh man that one touch ignited a fire that slowly burned and settled in my groin. She felt it too. She groaned at the touch and pulled me into her harder. Yes! She liked it. She pulled me harder into her and I seized the moment. I thrust my tongue and kissed her as if I were going die the very next moment. I wanted to know every part of the insides of her mouth. I wanted to feel her tongue dance with mine. I knew I was on the right track when her grip on me became even tighter and I could feel her muscles quiver in delight. Before I know it, I'm ready to rip her clothes of and the sudden visual image causes me to moan deep into our kiss. Just as quickly as she had pulled me into her arms, she was suddenly gone. I could no longer feel her mouth on mine. I'm not sure that I've ever felt so much disappointment. I could hardly breathe and when I looked into her eyes, I could see I was not the only one who was turned on by that one kiss. Sara wasn't breathing either and her face was flushed from our kiss. She said something about getting back to work. Work? How am I supposed to go back to work? A kiss like that and I'm not even sure if my brain can put together sentences. I feel like King Kong on cocaine. ********************************************************************** Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. One last favor? Please send me feedback. Pretty please?