Title: Broken Glass, Broken Walls, and Broken Buttons Author: Kerry Marks Rating: NC-17 Pairing: S/C Disclaimer: Not mine, not associated, no profit, don't sue. Spoilers: Lady Heathers Box...I think Archive: Sure just tell me where Feed back: YES!!! Positive or Negative But please send it as a personal E-Mail. I'm at erlover2003@yahoo.com(What can I say, I always loved Maggie Doyle) Summery: Just read it. Authors Note: This is my first try at a CSI fic so don't get pissed if I get something wrong. Also if your not into S/C stuff or not into f/f slash stuff at all don't read. Be warned: this is smut. But then again if you weren't, you wouldn't be in this group. This is from Sara's POV. I watch on as Lindsey hugs her mother. I see the pain still evident on the little girls face. I'm watching trough the window, still sitting in my car wondering why the hell I'm at Catherine's house. What was I going to say to her? What could I possibly say to Lindsey? I had failed them both. *I* had failed. This was the third time in a week I have driven to her house. This is the third time this week I've driven off with tears in my eyes still not knowing what I could do to ease the pain on both their faces. Catherine had been *so* strong and I could do nothing to bring her some sort of peace. Every night I imagine Lindsey getting older and asking her mother what had happened to man that had killed her daddy. Then I imagine Catherine saying he hadn't been caught. They had *failed* to find him. I had managed to avoid her at work for the last couple of weeks but it was getting harder. I knew it was only a matter of time before we were assigned a case together. It was only a matter of time until we had to at least try and work together. I drive home not knowing where else I could go. As soon as I walked in the door I kick off my shoes and socks and I grab the hardest liquor I have in the house. I take a large shot way too fast. It hits me and hits me hard. I drop the glass and it shatters as it hits the wood floor. I place my back against the kitchen counter and slowly drop to the floor. I put my head in my hands and I cry again; for so many reasons. I failed to solve the crime. And not just any crime, a crime that closely effected someone close to me. Someone I care for and love. Someone, in all honesty, I *want* and had fallen for. Someone who I would do anything for, yet, when she had needed something, I had failed to rise to the occasion. The liquor was finished doing its thing. I had never really been able to drink but kept it around the house for moments such as this. The smallest bit of alcohol had always had a huge effect, and it tended to block out what I needed to. I put the drink back and got the broom to sweep up the mess I had made. As I sweep there is a knock at the door. I quickly sweep the glass shards into a dust pan and I set it on the counter. I hurry to the door and look through the peep hole. I am excited and at the same time scared by who I see. Catherine. I quickly try to compose myself, wiping the last of the tears away and brush my hair down, and slowly open the door. "Catherine, hi." I say cooly. "Come in." She storms into the house looking pissed. She slams the door behind her. "What the hell are you doing?" She yells. "What are you talking about?" I ask but I have a pretty good idea. "You know what! You don't talk to me, you're flat out avoiding me at work, and yet you've shown up at my house three times this week!" Yep, busted. "Oh, that." Smooth Sidle. Real smooth. "Yeah, *that*! Are you stalking me?!?" "No, I just..." What could I say? "Just *what*? Did you think I wouldn't notice? I am a CSI, I get paid to notice. I saw you through the window and you were crying. Is there something wrong? Is there something I should know? You've been acting strange ever since you closed Eddie's case." Catherine said starting out with anger but ending with genuine concern and care in her voice. It sort of puzzled me. Why should she care? What do I say to her? Well, she would see right through me if I lied so I might as well just come out and say it. Damn these tears that are starting to fall. I've never been good about sharing emotion. I always try to hide it. I walk over and sit on the couch. Catherine follows me to the living room but she is still standing. "I guess I was hoping that you wouldn't notice. I can't even look at you without wanting to break down and cry. Every time I see you, every time I hear you voice, it reminds me of what I did, or, rather, what I didn't do. I *failed*, Catherine. I *don't* fail. And what makes it a thousand times worse is that I failed *you* and there is not a God damn thing I could do that could ever make up for it." The tears are really comin' now. "Since when do I matter so much to you?" She says with an eyebrow raised. "Since about two years ago when you were a total bitch to me and all I've ever wanted to do since then is impress you. Do you have any idea how much I wanted to solve this case for you? For Lindsey? I know how much she means to you. I wanted to be able to catch the bastard who killed her father. I want her to feel safe in knowing that the person who killed her father is either on death row, or gonna rot in prison for the rest of their life. I wanted that for her. For you. You just don't understand." "I'm sorry that I was such a bitch to you when we first met, but you know, you're not exactly the easiest person to work with. I had no idea you felt that way. You don't exactly wear your emotions on your sleeve. And your right about one thing. I don't understand. I've never understood you. I know you wanted to catch this guy, Sara, I do. But sometimes you just have to let it go. They'll kill again. And when they do I know you can catch them. Over the last two years you've become the best CSI to walk through those doors in a long time. You have the potential to one day be better than Gil, but your problem with this case is that you took it personally. I don't understand why, but you did. I don't know what you feel for me, but whatever it is, you need to leave it at home. That's why you fucked up. You let your emotions get the best of you and it got in the way of your work." "It doesn't matter what I feel for you." I say looking down. "If you don't want to tell me, fine. I have ways of finding out." She says as she moves to squat in front of me making me look into her gorgeous blue eyes. "Oh, yeah? And what would that be?" For as long as I live, I know I will never be able to tell her the truth. She doesn't answer she simply reaches up and kisses me full on the mouth. I'm shocked and don't realize I'm kissing back until its too late. Damn, busted again. "See, I do have my ways of finding out." She says with just a hint of a smile. "That proved nothing." I say looking away. Why can't I face this woman? She gently moves my head back so she can look me in the eye. "Oh, yeah? Then why did you kiss me back?" She challenges. "I..." What can I say? "That's what I thought. You're busted with no way to hide yourself." "Yeah, but you said to leave my feelings at home." I say getting a little pissed at the fact that she's backed me in a corner I know damn well I can't fight my way out of. "Open your eyes girl! Where the hell are you?" Damn, she got me again. I am indeed at home. "What the hell do you want from me Catherine!?! You've already read me inside out! You've broke down all my walls! The one thing I truly try to hide, and you've succeeded in finding it out! What the hell do you want from me!?!" I can't stand it. I have nothing left to give. "What if I said I wanted you right now?" I don't think my mouth could have dropped faster. "I..." What is it with me and 'I...'? Can I not finish a fucking sentence when shocked? "OK, lets try something simpler. What if I said I wanted to kiss you again?" There was a certain wild spark in her eye that I didn't really know if I liked. It scared the shit out of me. Then again, maybe I did like it... OK Sara, just answer the question... "I wouldn't say anything." "Because you're scared shitless. Because you're afraid you might actually have something good; that someone might actually want you for you. I know you, Sara. I was you." She challenges me. Oh, my dear Catherine are you in for a surprise. "NO! That's where your wrong! You don't know a damn thing about me 'cause if you did you would know I would reply with this..." I kiss her. I grab the back of her head and I *kiss* her. Our mouths crush together in a heated battle. Her mouth opens and she whimpers as I slipped my tongue into the now open space. GOD, is her mouth sweet. Her tongue meets mine and they intertwine. She sucks on my tongue. It's my turn to whimper at the action. God, I want her; I've always wanted her. But can this be real? I pull away, as hard as it is, and stare deep into her eyes questioning her motives. "Do you want this?" I say. I need to know. "Yes," she says breathlessly as she pulls me in for another kiss. She stands up a little bit and pushes me back into the couch. She then straddles my hips. She rips off my shirt, breaking the buttons and sending them flying everywhere. She pulls it off my arms and then roughly pulls off the tank top that I wore under it and pleased to find out that I'm not wearing a bra. Her hands immediately return to my front and she roughly but not painfully massages my breasts. I moan into her mouth and arch my back so that I can get closer. She moves down to kiss my neck and I moan again. This is everything I've ever wanted. She stops and looks at me after I moan. It was probably more of a grunt than a moan. I guess it sounded like a protest so I look her in her beautiful, deep blue eyes. "Don't stop, Cat. Please, just don't stop." I say pleadingly. She lays me down on the couch so she can lay on top of me and be more comfortable. She starts to kneed and massage my breasts again and goes in for another hot kiss. God, I could kiss her forever. She breaks away again and starts kissing my neck. When I moan I make sure that this time it actually sounds like a moan... "Oh, God. Cat, please..." I need her. She moves down to my breasts and licks my nipple with just the tip of her tongue, teasing me. This time I was sure to grunt my frustration. "Cat, please..." I whimper again. She puts the whole of the nipple in her mouth and sucks. God, I want to scream it feels so good. She roles my other nipple between her index finger and thumb, pulling it with the same motion that she is doing with her mouth. I moan. Again. She moves lower still and while she is dipping her tongue in my belly button she some how manages to pull of my pants, again surprised by the fact that I am not wearing anything underneath the article of clothing. She slows her kisses as she nears my pelvic bone. She spreads my legs and kisses my inner thighs making me squirm in anticipation. She gently parts my lower lips with two fingers and lightly slides her tongue up and down the folds. I moan from the touch. She circles her tongue around my clit a few times before she sucks on it. I give a small scream and it just encourages her to suck harder. She slowly moves her mouth away from my throbbing button. I again grunt in frustration but the grunt quickly turns into a moan when she uses her tongue to enter me. She licks as far as she can before pulling out her tongue and then thrusting it in again. She makes circles and varies her speed of thrusts. She uses her fingers to role my nub around causing an even bigger sensation, second only to the massive orgasm I know I'm about to have. One final thrust of her tongue and one last circle inside me and I know I've died and gone to heaven. I see nothing but white light. I slowly come back down and she is still invoking small shudders from be by licking up the rest of my wetness. When she sees I'm back to earth she moves up to look into my eyes. "I love you, Sara. No matter how I might of acted in the past and no matter how you might really feel, I love you." She says and gently kisses my lips allowing me a taste of myself. I smile up at her when she breaks the kiss. "Well, that's a damn good thing. I think I love you too." She kisses me again. "Um, Cat?" I say pulling away. "Yes. Whatever it is, yes." She says. "Good, cause I was just gonna ask you if you wouldn't mind joining me in the bedroom. I think its time that I repay you for your much needed and welcomed act of love." I say and I wink to her as the desire in her eyes grows in leaps and bounds by the comment. "Yes."