Title: Distractions Author: Amy aka Lady Julieanne Disclaimer: CBS and their affiliates own the characters and the show. I wish I did, but that does not change anything. Rating: PG-13 to NC-17, if you can't handle it, don't read it. Pairing: C/S Archiving/Distribuition: Ask and ye shall receive. Summary: This is Sara's POV during Bad Thoughts. It will help if you read that story. (Shameless plug) Feedback: Has become necessary for my survival. I shall wither away and die without it. Help me survive. js1n2001@yahoo.com ********************************************************************** The next few weeks were agonizing for me. I pulled away even farther from the group. I assume everyone thought it was because of Hank. But really it was just getting harder to hide my attraction to Catherine. I have crushed on people before, but never have I felt this way. I can't even look at her sometimes for fear that my emotions will be written all over my face. I continued to work as usual, most times staying after shift to get things done. Mostly it was because going home came with the realization that I would be going home alone. And much as I needed the distraction of other company, I don't want it anymore. I have resigned myself to the hell of unrequited love. I know that it is her I love and that if I were to be with anyone else, it just wouldn't be fair for them. Or for me. She is already changing my life. Before now, I never thought twice about involving myself with someone, even if my heart wasn't in it. But somehow she's gotten into my head and I know that she would disapprove. And I don't want to disappoint her. So I refrain from dating. I try to go out occasionally after work, but my heart is not in it anymore. I know what I want, and as soon as I get the courage, I'm going to figure out how to get her. Today had started out better than yesterday, so I guess that's a good sign. Today was the first time since I went out drinking with Catherine that I had finally been able to get her out of my mind for more than thirty minutes. I focus strictly on work and my police scanner has once again become an important part of my life. I am once again at work early and Grissom sends me straight out on a 419. No one else has arrived, so for now I'm on my own. Secretly, I hope he sends Warrick to work with me. I know that Warrick has no interest in conversation with me, so I can focus easier on work. Nick always tries to chat, and I appreciate knowing he wants to be my friend, but I just don't feel like talking. And there's no way I'm going to be able to work with Catherine. I talk with Brass and the neighbor, who found the body, for long enough to figure out the basics. I cross under the tape and I see another CSI Tahoe pull up. And out steps Catherine. Shit. I take a lingering look over her curves. Double shit. I just love that shirt of hers. The way it moves up on her. I can see her stomach, and when she ducks under the tape, I get a look at the muscles on her back. Shit, shit, shit. Sometimes I think Grissom knows my desire for her and purposely sends her out to work with me just when I get it all back under control. We start processing the scene, and I can hardly keep my eyes off of her. I wonder if she has any idea of the things that go through my head? Good lord, I certainly hope not. I try to busy myself gathering fibers, taking pictures and fingerprints. By the time we head back to the lab, I know that today is different from all the days before now. I can't put my finger on it, but I know today will change things. I get samples to Greg, and head into a conference room with Catherine to discuss everything we have so far with Grissom. Catherine focuses on the folder she got from Brass with his notes on the neighbor as Grissom and I go over the basics. It almost looks as if she's avoiding me. But, that's probably just my imagination. Brass' report details the family life of our vic. I know he got his information from the neighbor, and I can't help but wonder if my neighbors ever knew this much about me. I mean, this lady seems to know a lot about our vic's family life. My beeper brings me back to reality with a page from Greg. I wander off to his lab to see what he has for me. Nothing useful, go figure. I tell him to run it through CODIS just for fun. I pass by the conference room Catherine is in on my way to my office. I notice that once again, she simply looks beautiful. I retreat to my office with my lustful thoughts and dive head first into some paperwork that I let accumulate. I have never liked this part of the job. Give me some action, or some science and I love what I do. I loathe paperwork. Form after form after form. I'm surprised I don't have to fill out a form just to use the restroom around this place. Catherine finds me in my office and we head out to interview our vic's ex-husband. Catherine drives as I stare at the window. I watch her reflection in the glass. I can sense everything about her. I can smell the most wonderful scent, it's a mixture of lavender and cinnamon. It's a strange combination, but I love it. I can feel her as she looks at me. I know she is concerned. I haven't been very talkative today. Not that I usually am, but today I'm even quieter than usual. I see a struggle behind her eyes and wonder what she is thinking. Ah. Shit. She really is concerned. Tells me I look like I'm in pain. She wants to figure out what's wrong with me. She invites me to breakfast. Dammit. Not only do I have to work with her, now I have to spend time outside work with her. Not today. I don't want to do this today. What am I going to tell her? Oh, I can blame it on all Hank. I wonder if she'll believe me. Catherine and I begin to interview Mr. Freese and I use the excuse of wanting a drink to get access to his kitchen. It only breaks the rules if I snoop. Just taking a look is okay. I notice right away that his knives are conveniently in plain sight. Oh and one of them is missing. I return to the interview just as Catherine finds out that Scott is gay. Oh boy, this should be fun. If his son found out, I can just imagine the response. Some people just can't handle alternative lifestyles. And in my experience, men are the least understanding. He tells us about his marriage and his divorce. He thinks he has a good relationship with his kids, but then he tells us that his kids are unaware of his sexuality. Okay, the twins I understand, they're only twelve, they might not be able to cope. But his older son is 19. He should know by now. Jesus. This is one screwed up family. Dad's gay, mom's bisexual. No one knows. It makes me appreciate the fact that I had the guts to tell my family. I mean at least it won't be one big surprise to them when I die. So they don't talk to me, hopefully someday they'll get over it. Hopefully. This whole time I'm thinking it was the son. Something in my gut tells me I'm right. The kid's parents had both been lying to him his entire life. That can be pretty upsetting. And if he's not in the right mood when he finds out about everything. Well, let's just say disaster. We get all the contact information from him that we will need in order to talk with everyone else in the family and head back to the lab. We pull in and I can feel Catherine's eyes on me once again. I know that I've been avoiding contact with her tonight, be she just doesn't realize what's going through my head and if she did, she'd probably never speak to me again. Hold on a minute. She just said date. To me. Earlier she said she wanted to take me to breakfast and figure out what was bothering me. Now she calls it a date. I think my heart stopped and I nearly fell over. Date. Can't be a date. Catherine doesn't date. I mean she doesn't date women. Oh hell. I'm in trouble. What if she has noticed me looking at her? Catherine checks in with Doc and I run off to find Greg. He tells me we got a hit on CODIS. Yes! I knew there would be something there. I just knew it. I am almost giddy with his news and Catherine's `date' reference. If I smile any bigger, someone around here is going to start thinking something is wrong with me. Either I took too long talking with Greg, or Catherine's visit with Doc was all to short, because I leave Greg's lab and there she is. I tell her my results from CODIS and she fills me in Doc's prelim. She wants to go talk with Jonathan and I offer to go with her, but she tells me to stay behind and check the evidence. I know she's right. One of us should stay behind before Grissom starts thinking we forgot what our jobs were. I need some time to myself. I check my office to see if Processing has my pictures done. Must have been a slow night for them, because they are waiting for me on top of a brand new stack of paperwork. I grab the pictures and head towards my lab. Well, it's not my lab, but it's my favorite lab room. This one has a lot of table space and the lighting is more than excellent. I'm lucky that Nick and Warrick seem to be out in the field working on their case, and the room is empty. Good. I don't need people around right now to notice the huge grin on my face. No matter how hard I try, I can't get this silly smile to go away. I get wrapped up in my work and don't even notice that nearly two hours has gone by. Grissom comes by looking for Catherine, who has not yet returned. He calls her and doesn't get an answer. Damn. I knew I shouldn't have let her go out there alone. I knew it. God Catherine, you'd better be okay. Brass and I head out to the kid's apartment to check on her. ********************************************************************** Thanks for reading!