Title: Reflections Author: flamebrain flamebrain00@yahoo.com Spoilers: Lady Heather’s Box Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em, not making any money. Summary: Post-ep for LHB. Musings. Notes: To Linda, for getting me hooked. First try as C/S pairing, though I love them together. Un-betaed, all mistakes are mine. This was supposed to be a little different, but it just wrote itself... I’m sorry, Cat, I’m sorry, Cat, I’m sorry, Cat… The phrase echoes through my mind, mocking me as I stare down at the amber liquid swirling in the bottom of my glass. I never intended for the nickname to slip out, the name I have, until now, called her only in my head. It figures I would fail to govern my mouth just as I failed to solve the case. Just as I failed her. Failed her, failed her, failed her… I did and I know it. I could not provide closure in her ex-husband’s death. Not for her and not for Lindsay. That tiny face, so like her mother’s, begged me to make it all stop. To end her nightmare, to find her father alive, and to stop her mother’s erratic behavior. But I couldn’t stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it… I want my world to right itself. I have always thought myself good at my job, yet when it most counted, I failed the most important person in my life. Not that she’ll ever know her importance to me – I’ve made sure to keep my distance. She barely even likes me. Some shifts I’m not sure she even notices I’m alive. Alive, alive, alive… I wonder morosely if I am alive. I’m existing, drifting through life with a wall around me. The only person who gets close is Grissom. That’s because he knew me before. He knew me when I had everything and held me when I lost it all. He provided me an escape from the life I had lost to this city with its flashing lights and masks. It’s perfect for me here. My mask is just another in the crowd of Sin City. Sin City, Sin City, Sin City… The perfect place for me. I gulp the last of my drink and sweep my hand across the bar, sending the glass crashing to the floor. I look detachedly at my hand, which has begun oozing blood. Well, there’s proof. I am alive after all. Even if I’d rather be dead. I’d change places with Eddie-the-bastard in a heartbeat. I’d do anything to bring the smiles back to Lindsay and Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. I’m sorry, Cat.