Greetings literature aficionados! We live in the information age, and as such, there are hundreds of thousands of great books waiting on the shelves, calling to us with their mocking tones, “Pick me! Pick me! Don’t you love me anymore?”  Shut up! Shut up!! SHUT UP!!! It makes you want to lock yourself in your room for two years with only a flashlight and a case of Vienna sausages!!
…Anyway, to help you decide which book to get, I recently went to Borders bookstore with the intent of reviewing a bestseller. As I surveyed the rack, a title jumped out at me.  Not literally…that hasn’t happened since they upped my meds.  The book is called The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by: His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. I decided that this would be a good book to review because lately my dining room table has been telling me how unhappy I am all the time.
    I picked the book up off of the shelf and immediately noticed that it has a very pleasant weight. It’s not heavy, like books made from a maple-based paper; rather it has a light, airy weight, reminiscent of birch parchment. I carried the book to the “café” section of the store and began my review.
    The book has a pleasing picture of the Dalai Lama on the cover. He looks right into your eyes with a calming gaze, as if saying, “Shhhhh, there there, shhhh, it will be OK. They’ll never find those bodies in the crawlspace. Shhhhh.”  A gold border runs around the book, giving it a touch of elegance. I ran my fingers over the cover and was delighted to find that the serif font that spelled out the title and authors was slightly raised, truly a treat for the senses.  I then dropped the book on the table several times. The thump that it made was very pleasant, and had a delightful mixture of harmonics.  Next, I slid the book across the table and noted that its glossy cover gave it a good coefficient of friction. I stood it up and carefully removed my hands. I’m glad to say that it did an excellent job of standing up by itself.
    Next, I opened the book up and examined the pages.  The paper was very soft and felt exquisite as I rubbed it on my cheeks. I could see a few of the other patrons glancing over at me; obviously jealous of the joy I was experiencing. They were stuck with their dreary tomes, but I had discovered a new classic. I smelled the paper, and it has a very neutral scent. I then licked a few of the pages. The taste is also neutral. Then it hit me; the book’s spirit is perfectly centered! The Dalai Lama has worked his magic! It was about this time that I was escorted from the store by some friendly and helpful clerks. I must have been causing sales to drop because people were realizing that their selections could not stand up to the fantastic book that I was indulging in.
    I recommend that you run out right now and buy this book. It will cheer you up when you are down, and help you lead a happier life. Why, the voices in my head hardly even complain anymore! All they talk about is how fantastic they feel. And remember, if you buy enough copies, you can stack them and stand on them so that you are high enough to see into the boys’ shower room at Rush-Henrietta High School. That’s all for this week’s Book Nook, remember the Book Nook credo: “Pluribus nex firmus!” or “Anything sounds smart in Latin!”