The
Betty Boo
Scrapbook
Few singer/songwriters have touched as many lives as talented street rapper Betty Boo. On the eve of her hotly-tipped comeback, come with us as we take an exclusive peek into Betty's personal Scrapbook with words kindly supplied by Betty herself. After she had helped contribute to this article, she kept phoning me up and I ended up having to change my phone number. Bloody women, eh? And she kept trying to reverse the charges.
BETTY: "This was the sleeve for my first proper record that propelled me into the hit parade.
I had released something before this that I can't really remember, something about not being able to dance to the music you're playing, with DJ Cockmaster and The Purple Bell Ends. I didn't like that though, Doin' The Do was loads better. The lyrics were all mine and they took me ages.

"Betty Boo, Betty Boo just doin' the do."

I wrote that in my bedroom, my mum really liked it and said I should be on Top Of The Pops.
My mum was a slag, though.
I dressed up as a schoolgirl in the video for this. Years later, Britney went and stole the whole idea and got to number one. Fucking redneck. And she's got moles on her legs, not like me. I think I could take Britney in a fight. I would just kick her in the fanny."
BETTY: "Here I am, pretending that I live in Outer Space for the Where Are You Baby? video.
This was a bit like the film Barbarella except I didn't get my tits out like Jane Fonda did.
They were only small anyway. Jane Fonda's that is, not mine. Mine are quite big. That's what Tommy Jenkins said anyway when I was 15, he said they were the third biggest he'd ever seen, and Tracey Hopkins was fat anyway so she doesn't even count. I'd have bigger tits if I was a fat floppy cow who just ate crisps and biscuits and sucked off Warehouse Supervisors for a bag of chips and mushy peas. But I'm an internationally famous recording artist."
BETTY: "This is me at a gay Smash Hits Awards bash or something. If you look closely, you can see my nips. They're better than Tracey Hopkins' nips, hers droop down to her knees, you could probably swing on them if you needed to jump over a big gap in some caves somewhere.
You couldn't swing on mine, I never get them out, not even in potentially life-saving situations.
Actually, I was going to get them out here but I was over-ruled by Philip Schofield who was presenting. This was long before he dyed his hair grey. He reckoned that my breasts would bring down the tone of the programme. He should talk, he ended up in a fist fight with the old beardy bloke out of Carter - The Unstoppable Sex Machine. Wanker."
BETTY: "This is me having a poo in my jeans.
There was an entire photo-shoot of this and it cost a fortune, so I can't believe Smash Hits changed their minds at the last minute and replaced the whole feature with an interview with EMF about their favourite type of toothpaste.

Sometimes, you have to suffer for your art and this is a prime example. You can see the concentration on my face, I was really trying to make this work.
I'm not bothered anyway, I had the jeans washed and gave them to an Epilepsy Charity Shop.
Tracey Hopkins was walking around in them a week later and she doesn't even have epilepsy, she just puts it on. I'm surprised they even fitted her, the fat cow."
BETTY: "This was taken during a video shoot, after somebody pointed out to me that I'd forgotten to put my knickers on. To be honest though, I'd done it on purpose, I used to dream of a day when innocent perverts could surf the worldwide web and access pictures of my toilet parts. It never fucking happened though and I remain thoroughly disgusted to this day. How hard can it be for a photographer to slyly take a snap of my hairy axe wound? What's wrong with them? Jesus Christ!"
BETTY: "This is a snap from my new comeback video, where I've teamed up with Alex James out of Blur to form Wigwam. The song's a bit rubbish to be honest, sorry, I thought it would be a bit better. Still, I've not aged that much, have I? Alright, I'm wearing a wig and that but I reckon I still look alright. Better than that bearded tramp out of Blur anyway, he made no effort at all, I might as well have 'teamed up' with a Big Issue seller for all the good it did me.
Even at this late stage in my career, I'm still trying to deliver a good solid 'snatch' shot, hence this photograph taken from below which was my idea. You still can't see owt though, I think they blacked it out. You wouldn't need to black out a picture of Tracey Hopkin's snatch, it's hairier than a big black hole, and she doesn't even wash herself properly."
Back To The Pigeon Loft
With special thanks to Betty Boo