Stupid Quotes inspired by SEB

Date unknown:
Driving past Kingston Beach, waves are ankle high. Bob doesn't really care but Seb says 'wow bob, they are really huuuge today hahaha'. He has said this every day we go past, commenting on the size and shape of waves noone would possibly be small enough to catch. One day he made the startling observation that they were 'breaking pretty far out'. I know, this isn't very funny, just hang on, they get better.

Date: 24 September, 2002.
Cory's hair is purple. He explains that his hair was red but he dyed it blue/black and now it is purple. A minute passes where everyone stops to ponder these words of wisdom and Seb, trying to be helpful pipes up after a few minutes and says 'You know, blue and red DO make.....(pause) uh purple you know'. Truly a classic was that one. And Seb still doesn't get what was so funny, he wondered why I was laughing so hard.

Date: unknown:
This is maybe the classic Stupid quote, everyone's favorite. Bob, Seb, Jason and I were walking down the hill to bobs house, when Bob's dad drives past in his Valiant ute. He sticks his finger up at Bob and mouths at him and Bob returns the compliment along with me and Jason but by that time he was long gone. So, five minutes later or so, Seb runs up and says excitedly 'hey bob, that was your dad back there!' Bob's response was, in these exact words 'NO S*** SEB' before proceding to swear and mutter under his breath.

Date: 25 September, 2002:
On the bus to school. Someone said something about how they were told to go to the office on Tuesday morning (this being a wednesday). Seb says 'you know, Tuesday was yesterday!'.

Date: 25 September, 2002:
Connol spots a dude with a bald patch and says 'I want a hair cut like that' and Seb says 'your dad has hair like that Connol' (I sure hope connol thanked him for telling him how his dads hair looks, as if he hadn't noticed).

Date unknown:
Another classic, My English teacher tells us how long a 60 second commercial costs in prime time. Matt thinks for a while before saying in all seriousness '60 seconds?? thats a minute!!!!' Written in Jarred's diary: Paper with dote (paper with dot, homework on paper in dot point. How the hell do you misspell 'dot'??).

Date Bike Camp:
Scotty tells us that we are to shut ever gate that we find shut after going through it and to leave open the ones we find open. In a field where there are near on 90 sheep Reece asks 'what happens if we leave the gate open?'.

Date 7th October:
In Math, Damien is standing next to the teachers desk. From the otherside of the desk comes a girl who shall remain anonymous for now. Anyhow, sitting on Damien's side of the desk is a book with the girl's name written in large letters and a mouse pad. She points in that general direction and says 'can you pass me that?'. So Damien hands her the mouse pad. He felt like an idiot afterwards.

Date Unknown:
Microsoft Word(tm) help, the first item on the list of help topics is "how to use help". Think about that one.

Date Monday, 21st October:
Thanx to Josh for this one. In the middle of town, there is a building, maybe three stories high. On top of one is a metal fence. But the fence doesn't strech to the edge and doesn't go all the way around, just covers one little section of the right hand. The rest is an open free fall to the concrete below. Oh, if the fence wasn't there you'd land on the building next to it.

Date 24th October:
Today, mum found the little book of stupid stuff me and my sister said as a kid. My favourite 'I wanna be normal when I grow up'. That was me of course.

Date 30th October:
Danni- "Josh, do you like dots?"
Josh- "Yeah, dogs are cool"
Danni- "No, dots, like you know, little dots?"
Josh- "Little dogs are ok, I prefer cats though"
Me- "No, dots josh, like, polka dots"
Josh- "Shut up Pas"
Danni- *holds up poster with dots like an aboriginal painting*- "No, DOTS"
Josh- "WHAT???? Oh, dots. yeah, they look good"
Josh, it's better to keep your mouth shut and have others think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Date 30th October:
Thanks to josh for this one. A new product: Tiny Teddies Giants. Oxymoron??????

Date 3rd November:
St Aloysius School fair. Relatively cheap fair, but an ok one anyhow. This is classic. I'm with damien, and we go into the white elephant.
Me: "Lets haggle with these guys"
Damien: "..."
Me: "Ok, whats the most expensive item here" (I spot a computer monitor on a desk. It's an osborne mpv1024ni. Basically, it's old, but it's a hell of a lot better than my old monitor, just less powerful). I walk over to the guy behind the desk.
Me: "How much for the monitor??"
Guy: "It had a $20 sticker on it before"
Me: "I'll give you a dollar for it"
Guy:(looks thoughtful) "Five"
Me: "two"
Guy: "Five"
Me: "Two, thats as high as I go"
Guy: "ok then".
In short, I payed the guy with a $20 note and me and Damien lugged this monitor all the way home laughing our heads off (thanx to damien for carrying it 2/3rds of the way)

Date: 3rd November:
Salute goes out to the little kid who drew a picture for the paper with a dude holding a bow on it and 'lord of the rings' above it. He had written "This is legless, he is my favorite character in the Lord of the Rings.".The people at the paper had also failed to realise they were reffering to 'Legolas', not legless

Date: 9th November:
My moms not happy today. I told her me and my sister were on illegal narcotics and she believed us until I started air fishing and she realised she'd been taken hook line and sinker. This is what followed:
Mum: If you've been doing drugs and I find out you're grounded til June.
Me: Mum, theres a rule that says even if you SAY I'm grounded til June, I'm not. It won't last half a week
Mom: Wanna put that to the test?
Me: yeah
Mom: Ok, you're grounded til June, that will be all.
I walk up half the stairs then go back down and look at her
Mom: Oh alright, you're not grounded, you haven't done anything anyway.
Me: SEE??? I TOLD YA!!!!!
This very nearly DID get me grounded til June.

Date: 9th November:
This happened mid way through the year, and the person responsible STILL isn't forgiven, never will be either. My english teacher for most of the year couldn't remember my name. I was 'Sam' after my slightly retarded cousin. Anyhow, I never got an 'A' for anything, my report before this was a straight 'B' on the top syllabus. But when I handed in my media essay, I got 3 'A's and a 'B' on top syllabus. And her comment??
"I do NOT believe this is your work, it does NOT match your writing style. I ran a search on the net and found no information on it, so you get an 'A', but I am COMPLETELEY convinced that you did not write this".
To tell the truth, it came off the top of my head in one period of English. I typed it up in one english lesson. And the irony of it all?? From that day forth she never called me Sam again.

Date: 9th November:
This happened before the above event. English teacher who shant be named was still convinced I was Sam. Anyhow, I was in Business Studies typing something or other up in the computer lab when she storms in and says 'Sam, what class do you have now?'. I say 'Business Studies'. She asks the name of my teacher and I tell her, then she says 'NO you are not, you've got English with me, come upstairs'. She then proceeds to storm off upstairs, expecting me to follow. I stair after her confused. A short while later she storms in again and says 'SAM, I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN'. I say to her 'I don't have english now, I have business studies, it's a double period'. To which she replies 'you're in 8R aren't you??'. I tell her I'm not, I'm in 9F and that she's thinking of my cousin. She turns red and apologises, then walks out. Oh, Sam has the same problem, but he has a mission thing where if she calls him by my name she has to put a coin into the missions.

Date: 12th November 2002:
hate someone called damien?? go to google and type in {damien's gay} minus squiggly brackets. Then show him the top two.

Date: 12th November 2002:
This is brilliant, though I'm not sure it's true. Apparently before the advent of www.hell.com, if you went to google and typed 'go to hell' and clicked 'I feel lucky', you'd get taken to microsoft.com

1. written on carl thorsell's pencil case: IORN MAIDEN

2. Mrs Kearney says in SOSE
'the western front runs along the border of such and such for 400 miles'
and Carl goes 'who?'

3. anonymous voice from the back of the class
"Is Sacred Heart Day all day?"
Sacred Heart is the name of my school btw.

i'm on the bus, and holy dwyer is just gibbering on and on and on about mindless bs. I was wondering just how stupid a person could get, so i asked her
'hey holy, what's the eighth color of the rainbow?'.
For those of you with a mental handycap, there are only 7 colors in the rainbow. Nehow, Holy, being the clever person that she is starts counting on her fingers and mouthing hte names of the colors of the rainbow silently. After much deliberation, she goes
'violet!!'
'...'
'what?? It's violet'
'...'
'uhh... holy there IS no eigth color!' (slightly smarter friend of holy's)
'huh? aww yeah!!'

Oh on the subject of holy, we were mouthing at her, trying to get her to shut up, and when we stopped she was talking to her friend about an annoying person she'd always make up an excuse to hang up on.
'yeah, it's like "my mum's calling me for dinner, bye!"' and seb, in all his funnines goes
"dinner? are you having CON-TINENT-AL CHI-CKEN? If anyone can email me telling me how thats funny, i'll send you a dollar if i pass you in the streets

so we're sitting on the bus and i bring up south park with josh, and seb who 'overheard' turns around and goes
'aww i saw the funniest episode of south park yesterday, it's the one where kenny dies'