Journals of an Insane Genius

Dear Penthouse Forum, I never believed this would happen to me. I recently purchased a new computer and I've entered the exciting world of CyberSex. Let me tell you, my life has become hotter than ever. But don't take my word for it; these transcripts of the chat sessions speak for themselves.

HornDog: I'm here trying to write a story about CyberSex from a CyberVirgin's point of view
bluemoon: ok
HornDog: Ummm... I'm from AZ, 35 year old male
HornDog: Are we supposed to whisper like this?

bluemoon: i don't know....are we????
HornDog: Well, you know...
HornDog: I've never done this before (honest)
HornDog: I guess whispering is kinda sexy =)

bluemoon: oh, i're doing fine.
bluemoon: so, you've never had a cyber sex???
HornDog: No
HornDog: I write stories and I thought this could be an interesting topic
HornDog: Hopefully you won't get angry with me

bluemoon: no, not at all.
HornDog: Do you think HornDog is a good name?
bluemoon: yes....
bluemoon: horny all the time???
HornDog: I had trouble figuring out what I should call myself
bluemoon: you can call yourself anything you want.
HornDog: ummm... yeah, I guess you could say that
bluemoon: anything!!
HornDog: yeah, but you know, there're lots of guys called BoyToy
HornDog: Do females really respond to that kind of thing?

bluemoon: i think so....
HornDog: Oh?
bluemoon: who doesn't like having a boy toy??
HornDog: well, you've got me there
HornDog: so... why bluemoon then? it reminds me of a joke about smurfs
bluemoon has left the conversation.

I guess she must have lost her Internet connection then, shoot! I didn't let this stop me, soon I was chatting away with an even more receptive female.

hotLatina: I'm Maria. I'm an exotic dancer. what's your name sweetie?
HornDog: Ummm… Steve, I manage an apartment complex in AZ [Steve = my friend's name]
hotLatina: okay, umm Steve, tell me something sexy in Spanish ;)
HornDog: Soy Oso Grande Sudado [I am a large sweaty bear]
hotLatina: LOL - a sense of humor turns me on [LOL = laugh out loud]
hotLatina: what do you look like, are you tall?
HornDog: I have blonde hair and blue eyes
hotLatina: yeah but how tall?
HornDog: and I'm really, really funny
hotLatina: OMG! you're not tall. Not at all? [OMG = Oh my God]
HornDog: and I drive a sure-footed Plymouth Neon
hotLatina has left the conversation.

Can you believe it? You could tell she wanted me. I was probably going to find out her phone number soon. Somebody should really do something about these flaky connections. Fear not, soon I found the girl that would take me to new heights of ecstasy, as I fed her bowl after bowl of hot, steamy Doug.

sexkitten: so what are you wearing?
HornDog: a tie dyed T-shirt, jeans, and Emporio Armani cologne
sexkitten: Oooooo Armani makes me *so* Hot!
sexkitten: Know what I'm wearing?
HornDog: what?
sexkitten: nothing at all. How does that make you feel?
HornDog: kinda like my name
sexkitten: I want you to strip for me. Sloooowly
HornDog: Okay, I'm taking off my shirt, it's over my head
sexkitten: My! what a hairy chest
HornDog: wait a second… shoot!
sexkitten: what?
HornDog: the shirt is hooked on my glasses, I'm stuck.
HornDog: Could you… could you give me a hand here?

sexkitten: are you for real?
HornDog: yeah. you wanted me to do it IRL didn't you? [IRL = in real life]
sexkitten: yes, but
HornDog: there, I got it
HornDog: now I'm slowly sliding off my jeans…

sexkitten: Mmmmmmmmm yeah, I'm licking my lips
HornDog: mmmph… Hnnnh… darn it…
sexkitten: what now?
HornDog: i was so excited i forgot to take my shoes off first. i'm stuck again
sexkitten: what on earth is wrong with you?
sexkitten: Quit fooling around! Don't you want to ring my bell?
HornDog: is that it there?
sexkitten: oh yeah. here, i'm opening my legs so you can get a better view
HornDog: reminds me of the Liberty Bell…
HornDog: that has a crack in it too =)

sexkitten: you're an idiot!
HornDog: you said you liked a sense of humor. are you a liar now too?!?
sexkitten: I'm sorry baby, you're just teasing me.
sexkitten: Don't be an Anger Ball.
HornDog: Anger Ball?
HornDog: nobody talks like that… except…
HornDog: mom?
sexkitten has left the conversation.

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