AloneInTheDark

ðHgeocities.com/darxekergab/AloneInTheDark.htmlgeocities.com/darxekergab/AloneInTheDark.htmldelayedxâkÔJÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÈ”JOKtext/html`Ê®õKJÿÿÿÿb‰.HSun, 06 Feb 2005 02:36:42 GMTMozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *âkÔJJ AloneInTheDark



		Alone In The Dark Dir. Uwe Boll

		After several stressful days at work, I felt the need to see a movie. I specifically wanted a movie that required no higher brain functions. A scary movie would fit the bill, and a bad scary movie would fit the bill even better. There was a new movie with two actors I really like in it, but it was based on a video game, and movies based on games are generally bad. So away I went to “Alone In The Dark” and settled in. As it turns out, I called it exactly right. Whew! What a stinker. The … “plot” … of “Alone in the Dark” is that hundreds or thousands of years ago there was a Native American tribe, the Abskani, who found a gateway into another world, a world of demons. They eventually closed this gate, and then all of the Abskani mysteriously disappeared. They left behind lots and lots of artifacts, though, pinpointing the exact location of this gate for anyone who could find all of the artifacts and decipher them. So of course people do - because they’re stupid. Christian Slater plays Edward Carnby, a detective of the paranormal who realizes lots of weird stuff is happening and tries to get to the bottom of it. He used to work for Bureau 713, the government agency which monitors the critters from the other side of the gate and blasts the bejeezus out of them when found. Bureau 713 is now led by Commander Richards, played by Stephen Dorff. Carnby and Richards initially hate each other, but the situation changes when they realize they are, in fact, attracted to each other. Kidding, made that part up. That would have made it a more interesting movie. Carnby saves Richards’ life at one point, and they become the best of buddies. While watching the show, I was reminded of those really, really cheesy movies that used to come on cable: the ones that are so bad that they’re kind of funny. “Alone in the Dark” is one of those. It was hilarious, but it never tried to be. It takes itself too seriously to be a truly great bad movie, but it’s still a pretty good flick, if you’re in the mood for awful. Like when you’ve had a bad couple of days, for example. You can sit back and radiate smugness, because as bad as you may have it, you are secure in the knowledge that you are in no way associated with something this truly stinky. Slater and Dorff, what in the hell were you thinking? Did you need the money, or were family members were being held hostage? Oh, almost forgot - the evil critters? I think the designers were trying for Alien, but ended up with a creature that looks more like a cross between a dog and a cockroach. It’s just sad. I rate it: Avoid Christian Slater as Edward Carnby Tara Reid as Aline Cedrac Stephen Dorff as Commander Richards

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