The plot of this special seems innocent enough: Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) are on their way to the planet Kashyyyk to reunite Chewie and his family for the celebration of Life Day. Along the way, they are ambushed by stock footage... I mean, the Empire, so Chewbacca might not be reunited with his family.
What we get is half an hour of Wookiee growls before anything happens, and even then we have to suffer through five minutes or so of multi-colored acrobats accompanied by Dr. Who-esque music. Anyone who can sit through this without getting bored has a will of iron.
Alright, a fourth of the show is over. What now? We finally get to see Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) and R2-D2. "Finally", you think, "the story and action will pick up now." Mark doesn't look that well, however, since this is shortly after his motorcycle accident, and they used a lot of make-up to cover up the damage. However, Luke is Luke, and it's good to see a familiar face. However, you can't help but cringe when Luke tells Chewbacca's wife Malla: "Let's see a little smile". The dialogue is atrocious, and Luke and Artoo are quickly whisked away to leave us with more Wookie grunts.
The next few scenes are a mix of... something. I'm not exactly sure what. For the next half hour, here's what you'll experience: Art Carney as the over-anxious trader Saundan. You can't help but yell out "Norton!" everytime he comes on screen. There's also Harvey Korman in drag as a four-armed chef which presents the fine art of Wookiee cuisine, more Wookiee grunts, Saundan presenting Chewbacca's father Itchy with this pseudo-soft porn holographic device that has singer Diahann Carroll telling the elder Wookiee that he looks "adorable", and this long spiel that she is his ultimate fantasy. If they had started going into "$1.99 the first minute, $2.99 every minute after", it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. What do we learn from this? Chewbacca's Dad is a dirty old man, er, Wookiee. Oh yeah, there's some more Wookiee growls.
Every so often we cut to Han and Chewie still trying to make it to Kashyyyk, stock footage of Darth Vader (voiced by James Earl Jones), and finally, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) and C-3PO (Anthony Daniels). Carrie Fisher looks absolutely out of it in this scene (many speculate on her former drug habit being the culprit), and she nearly falls when she gets up to walk over to the viewscreen. Overall, she seemed very much out of character, briefly argues with C-3PO, and tries to find out where the missing Han Solo is. Fortunately, Art Carney comes to our rescue (I use this term loosely) substituting Wookiee speak with some corny, but blessedly in English, dialogue.
After some more Wookiee musings, Imperial officers show up at the door, complete with cheesy "terrifying" music. Obviously, these people never paid much attention to Star Wars, as the Stormtroopers hold their guns somewhat sideways, making them more "Gangster Troopers" than anything. After much "Let me see you identification" banter, and a dazed trooper being mesmerized by a Jefferson Starship video complete with phallic-looking lightsaber/microphone things, we are spared for a few minutes. The coolest (Yes, you heard me right) part of the show begins. The animated cartoon has a strong Heavy Metal/anime look to it, and features the voices of all the main characters. It also features the very first appearance of Boba Fett, who speaks more dialogue here than he does in the entire Trilogy.
Regardless, the story goes like this: Chewbacca sends a distress signal to the Rebel Alliance that sends Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 to the Panna system in order to find the crashed Millenium Falcon and rescue their missing friends. However, once on the planet, Luke's Y-Wing fighter crashes on the "muddy" surface, and the Rebels are nearly eaten by a giant beast until Boba Fett rescues them.
The droids are wary of this "stranger" that calls them "friend", but Fett offers to take Luke to the Falcon to find Han and Chewie. Once there, Chewbacca warns Luke to stay away from a Talisman that renders humans unconscious, but Luke succumbs to the spell. Boba Fett then captures Chewbacca, but the droids convince him to let the Wookiee go. In order to counteract the talisman's magic, anyone affected by the artifact must be suspended upside-down to delay the effects. We find that Han has already been affected, and Boba Fett nominates himself to go into a local town and find the cure. Chewbacca decides to accompany him, and with much reluctance, Fett agrees.
Once in town, Fett tells Chewbacca to stay behind, stating that if Luke could trust him, so should he. In town, Fett finds the serum, and immediately contacts Darth Vader, where it is revealed that Feet was hired by the Empire to infiltrate the Alliance and reveal their hidden location. However, Artoo intercepts this transmission, but he and Threepio are unable to warn anybody of this betrayal.
Chewbacca and Fett are discovered by a group of Stormtroopers. In their escape, Fett fires off a few shots, but Chewbacca takes charge and destroys the Imperial transport.
Back at the Falcon, Han and Luke are revived, and Luke asks Fett to come back with them to join the Alliance. The droids intervene, telling about the intercepted transmission, and Fett escapes, vowing to get his revenge.
With the end of the cartoon, also ends any credibility to this special. Does it end here? Oh no it doesn't. We now see Imperial troops storm Lumpy's room, ripping the head of a stuffed Bantha and just making general hooligans of themselves. We now see a "touching" scene of Lumpy reattaching the head of "Banthy" (the name I've given the stuffed toy), and placing a blanket over its "wounded" body. We're now subjected to another bad Harvey Korman bit. It's some kind of instruction video. Then we get the pinnacle of visual Hell: The return to the Mos Eisley Cantina where Bea Arthur (of Golden Girls fame) is now the barkeep. During the course of this segment, she gets seduced by Harvey Korman, sings to a giant rat, and gets jiggy with Greedo. (Actually "Ludlow", a close relative.)
Finally, Han and Chewbacca arrive at the Wookiee household, and after a brief scuffle, Han throws a lone Stormtrooper over the treetop railings. Now we get to see lots of Wookiee hugging and false sentiment that is, (indulge my pun) quite "forced". For the longest time, I used to wonder why Harrison Ford didn't want to be associated with anything related to Star Wars. I think I've found the reason why. Although he's the best actor and most in character during the show, he looks extremely uncomfortable.
Now this is the part where the Holiday Special gets in a whole weird area. The Wookie family stands around growling for a bit (Han has made a hasty exit at this point), and while holding these light-things, suddenly appear in long red robes, and walk through space into a glowing white light. At this point, I was convinced that the writers were taking acid. When the Wookiees reappear, they're in a room filled with even more of their kind, and somehow, Luke, Han, Leia and the droids are able to join them on this "special" day. If this isn't weird enough, Princess Leia starts singing. It's a holiday song for the show sung to the tune of the main Star Wars theme. If you remember Bill Murray doing a similar bit for Saturday Night Live in the '70's, this one is a lot more painful. Of course, Murray was only kidding during his bit. This Holiday Special song is intended as "serious". After the song, these is more Wookiee grunt, and then it ends.
It's amazing that something this horrible came out less than two years before the near-perfect Empire Strikes Back. The acting is static, the costumes are pathetic (Itchy is one ugly-looking mamma-jamma, and Lumpy bears more than a passing resemblance to Gary Coleman.), and the songs are morbid. The only reasons to ever watch this production is to see the cartoon and the main Star Wars actors. Otherwise it's a passing curiousity. Otherwise don't bother.
Hopefully, if an Episode I TV special comes out anytime soon, it won't be titled: Star Wars Holiday Special II: A Gungan Christmas. I think it would be time to hang up the ol' lightsaber if that ever happens.
Still curious about seeing the Special? My friend T'Bone may be able to help you out.
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