Subject: Re: [pf] How do we get people to have smaller families?
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2000 16:22:59 -0800
Arianna Light wrote:
> I used to clean for a home that had two complete, separate garages, two stories and a large basement, and four complete bathrooms. Any guesses on how many lived in this home? Would you believe one?
>
> Apparently, some Americans are not yet ready to cut back on their personal level of consumption. Best, Arianna
Sounds to me like a lonely person who is, perhaps unconsciously, hoping others will come into his/her life and wants to be ready when they do.
How many divorced adults continue to sleep in a large bed alone for years, thinking/hoping someday someone will be there with them again? (I've been alone for over 9 years, still have the double bed, and I still only sleep on half of it!)
If not loneliness, perhaps there is some other reason why the person has such a large house, some other unfilled need, probably unacknowledged. We live in such an inhumane culture, that deprives us of so much of the nourishment we need to be whole people, that people are forced to find ways to try to experience that wholeness, or medicate the lack of it, or substitute something pathetic like a house with 4 bathrooms.
I know you are a compassionate person, Arianna, and I'm not saying this to you, only to the tendency that anyone ever has to blame people for their habits. I think people do need to be responsible for their consumption, and I also think there are so many sick and negative influences on people in this culture, especially around connecting in soul-satisfying ways with people and with nature, and so many messages about filling the lacks inside with *stuff*, that it really shouldn't surprise us when people do that.
The challenge, it seems to me, is to develop a sub-culture, which may hopefully one day become the main culture, that recognizes heart, soul and spirit, as well as interdependence with other people and with the natural world, and the human being's need to be fulfilled in these ways in addition to being fulfilled in bodily needs. This, I think, more than any amount of media campaigns on voluntary simplicity, or books or groups or financial independence for individuals, is what's needed for a sustainable society and economy. It's something we have to do together, in my opinion, build something humane and Earth-honoring that also works. And in the meantime, be as compassionate as we can for the people who are reaching for a false promise of fulfillment through consumption.
Betsy
--
Betsy Barnum
bbarnum@wavetech.net
http://www.oocities.org/RainForest/1624
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There is a fire burning over the Earth, taking with it plants and animals, cultures, languages, ancient skills and visionary wisdom. Quelling this flame, and reinventing the poetry of diversity, is the most important challenge of our times.
--Wade Davis, Shadows in the Sun: Essays on the Spirit of Place
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To: Positive Futures list
From: Arianna Light
Subject: Re: [pf] Consumption in lieu of fulfillment
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2000 17:08:52 -0800
Betsy said: Sounds to me like a lonely person who is, perhaps unconsciously, hoping others will come into his/her life and wants to be ready when they do. If not loneliness, perhaps there is some other reason why the person has such a large house, some other unfilled need, probably unacknowledged ... The challenge, it seems to me, is to develop a sub-culture, which may hopefully one day become the main culture, that recognizes heart, soul and spirit, as well as interdependence with other people and with the natural world, and the human being's need to be fulfilled in these ways in addition to being fulfilled in bodily needs. This, I think, more than any amount of media campaigns on voluntary simplicity, or books or groups or financial independence for individuals, is what's needed for a sustainable society and economy. It's something we have to do together, in my opinion, build something humane and Earth-honoring that also works. And in the meantime, be as compassionate as we can for the people who are reaching for a false promise of fulfillment through consumption.
---
Exactly. I did not say more about the individual because I will not risk identifying other people and their problems in this non-private forum. What you said above is why I believe example remains our most powerful tool. Persons who consume to fill the heart or soul often cannot be "told" there is a better way. But those same persons do sometimes notice when we live happily and sustainably without the material baggage that, far from fulfilling them, gets in their way and causes them an ever-growing sense of emptiness. And sadness. Best, Arianna
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To: Positive Futures list
From: Priscilla Richter
Subject: Re: [pf] How do we get people to have smaller families?
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2000 17:48:58 -0800
Betsy Barnum wrote,
> How many divorced adults continue to sleep in a large bed alone for years, thinking/hoping someday someone will be there with them again? (I've been alone for over 9 years, still have the double bed, and I still only sleep on half of it!)
>
I've been alone since 1982, but I have to admit that I sleep in more than half of my double bed (and not because I am that large -- I like to sleep in the middle of the bed and claim my space). My next thought was, though, that if I were to share my bed, I'd need a larger one. Help! I'm succumbing to the mindset! Seriously, though, what appeals to me intellectually is to sleep on an individual size futon pad on the floor and roll it up during the day. But I have to truthfully say that I don't see myself doing this. I love the comfort of my bed and sometimes I like to read in bed, too. Can't see doing that on a portable pad.
Betsy continues,
> The challenge, it seems to me, is to develop a sub-culture, which may hopefully one day become the main culture, that recognizes heart, soul and spirit, as well as interdependence with other people and with the natural world, and the human being's need to be fulfilled in these ways in addition to being fulfilled in bodily needs. This, I think, more than any amount of media campaigns on voluntary simplicity, or books or groups or financial independence for individuals, is what's needed for a sustainable society and economy. It's something we have to do together, in my opinion, build something humane and Earth-honoring that also works. And in the meantime, be as compassionate as we can for the people who are reaching for a false promise of fulfillment through consumption.
>
[Priscilla: ]
I agree here. To do the work of deep transformation means that we need support of people -- all kinds of people. The ones we can relate to and the ones that give us much more trouble. We need the "yuppie FI'ers", we need the poor folks who aspire to own the material goods that are so readily advertised at every turn, we need those who are hungry spiritually for deeper meaning and have funny ways of trying to find it, we need all of us.
I am working in Appalachia this year. My patients and their families are people that I would never come into contact with under "normal" circumstances. I cherish them and their ways. The helplessness and succumbing to authority that they've experienced (to coal companies, the welfare department, their religion, the medical establishment, etc) make me crazy, but they have wonderfully close (if dysfunctional) families, they have solid values, many have very simple ways. They are complex beings like I am, in very different ways, but they teach me much.
We really do need to keep our compassion intact and watch our propensity for being judgemental. We need to join, as Betsy said, heart, soul and spirit with one another as we seek ways to honor the integrity of the Earth and each other. For we journey together and we will all die at the end of the journey. So we might as well try to enjoy one another, understand and accept one another, no matter how difficult the challenge.
When I first started at the hospital last summer, and nursing staff would ask me if I saw such-and-such program last night, I would simply say that I didn't have a TV. When someone would try to sell me a Longaberger basket (for some reason they are *real* big here) I would simply say that I was too cheap to buy that kind of stuff. They would raise their eyebrows at first, but now they kid me about being a tightwad. I'm less "different" and more accepted as one of them. If given a compliment on a piece of clothing, I have no fear about saying, "thank you, this is one of my thrift shop finds". I am not proselytizing, but merely letting them know in a quiet way that other lifestyle options are available. I don't look weird, I don't act weird, but quietly maintain a presence of being different. And it is ok. I need them and they need me. We are interdependent. I know in the grand scheme of things that this isn't much, but it is enough for this moment and place that I am in. One step at a time.
Maybe I miss writing sermons...
Blessing, Priscilla
Huntington, WV
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To: Positive Futures list
From: Betsy Barnum
Subject: Re: [pf] Consumption in lieu of fulfillment
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2000 19:59:13 -0800
Arianna Light wrote:
> What you said above is why I believe example remains our most powerful tool. Persons who consume to fill the heart or soul often cannot be "told" there is a better way.
I think even more than this is needed. Example is certainly much more powerful than instructions or mere information. But it's my feeling, growing stronger and stronger, that in order to have a sustainable world, we need to actively create it, not just by our individual choices of how to live, but by working *together*, taking our values into the world, and jointly establishing new economic relationships, gradually building new systems and new institutions that reflect our deepest values.
We live in a society that is organized unsustainably, and it is very difficult, within existing institutions, to live in ways that do not harm the Earth or cause human suffering, no matter how committed we are. And it *shouldn't be* so difficult! We have a society centered on the automobile, zoned to keep separation between the various realms of human life and interaction, we have all manner of policies and structures, both social structures and infrastructures, that are designed to keep us all separate and isolated, and this kind of system gives us choices that don't include the ones we really want.
We are living in a time of huge transition, a critical time, a dangerous and exciting time. We know the world can't tolerate the current systems much longer. And here we are, alive today, awake, with a perspective and an understanding of what life *can* be with less focus on materialism and more on true fulfillment that comes from love, connection and slow savoring of life. We can't keep this to ourselves and just hope others will notice. We can envision a society that makes it *easy* for people to live sustainably--and if we can envision it, we can start to make it happen.
I think we need to devote as much energy as we can to building the foundations of different social and economic structures that encourage cooperation, togetherness, lowered consumption and true fulfillment. This is something we can *only* do together, with other people, in neighborhoods, communities, cities. We need to engage simplicity and sustainability in our *public* lives as well as our private lives. There are *so* many opportunities to do this!
Betsy
--
Betsy Barnum
bbarnum@wavetech.net
http://www.oocities.org/RainForest/1624
**************************************
There is a fire burning over the Earth, taking with it plants and animals, cultures, languages, ancient skills and visionary wisdom. Quelling this flame, and reinventing the poetry of diversity, is the most important challenge of our times.
--Wade Davis, Shadows in the Sun: Essays on the Spirit of Place
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To: Positive Futures list
From: David MacClement
Subject: Re: [pf] Consumption in lieu of fulfillment
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2000 10:27:24 -0800
At 06:26 26/01/00 -0800, Diane Fitzsimmons wrote:
>To piggy-back on Betsy's marvelous suggestions (and to say something that Betsy herself has said so many times before), we need to forge more personal relationships with our co-workers, neighbors and friends and family of our friends and family.
>
>It is not enough to get to know others interested in our values. We must get to know people we think we *won't* have anything in common with, or maybe even dislike.
>
>[David, at 07:25 29/01/00 +1300: ]
** I was going to disagree, initially mis-reading "forge more personal relationships with" as meaning work hard at becoming friends with. There are too many people among our acquaintances, and the work would contain too many knock-backs to be worth it, IMO.
** Then she clarified this, saying: "We must get to know ...", and I realised Diane wasn't talking about what I and my daughter did, (before then, I disliked her so much I couldn't stay under the same roof with her), but rather a mild 'getting to know', so each can have a reasonable idea as to what kind of a person the other is, and what concerns they're focussed on. Stopping short of friendship, in most cases.
** That /is/ worth doing, and persisting at (though not far enough to lead to annoyance in the other), since:
(i) we might learn something about the real world from the other (talking only to others with similar views is distorting, rose-tinted-glasses stuff), and:
(ii) they have a good chance then of taking our own concerns more seriously, which IMO is probably sufficient reason for making the (to me, considerable) effort at 'getting to know' someone you've seen around.
** This "removing of the blinkers" on both sides is always valuable, and the process contributes to the building of community; hopefully a community that only consumes at need, not the current "I live to buy!" mania. Literally mad.
David.
(David MacClement) d1v9d-at-bigfoot.com
www.oocities.org/Athens/Delphi/3142/Pg1-AD11.html
or better: http://davd.tripod.ca/
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