[#63. A Dawn story. She decides to start up her diary again, and goes to Buffy, Willow, Anya, Spike and Xander to help her fill in the blanks. Rated PG]
28 Mar 2004
So, Tell Me . . .
Chapter One
Dawn found Buffy at the kitchen counter looking over the latest round of bills - electric, water, telephone, gas, cell phone.
“Hi.” Dawn said cheerily. “Whatcha doing?”
“Playing soccer.” Buffy replied absently.
Dawn looked over Buffy’s shoulder.
“They never stop coming, do they?” she commented.
“Nope.” Buffy said. “Not in a million years.”
“If you’ve got a few minutes there’s some things I was wondering about. I’ve decided to start writing my diary again, and there some stuff I don’t remember.”
“Sure, what do you want to know?”
“Well, when I was up on the tower that Glory’s crazies built, I could see that you were wailing pretty good on her with that Troll Hammer, and then you came up to save me.”
“Uh huh.”
“But how did you kill her? I thought she couldn't be killed.”
“Actually, I didn’t kill her. She was hurting pretty bad, so at the last minute she turned back into Ben because she knew I wouldn’t kill him. So I told her, told Ben, that if he, she, I think I said ‘you’, ever come near me or any of mine -- well, then he swore they wouldn’t, and I just left him lying there to go after you.”
“So, what happened to him, them? Did they just go away?”
Buffy hesitated, then looked into Dawn’s eyes.
“If I tell you, you have to promise that you won’t say a word to anyone, not to Willow or Xander or Tara, Anya; no one, and especially not to Giles. Promise me!”
Dawn was getting an uncomfortable yet exciting feeling.
“I swear, I won’t say anything to anyone. So what happened?”
“Well, not long ago Willow said something, I don’t remember what it was now, but it started me thinking about what went on before I -- jumped. And it occurred to me that I didn’t know what happened to Ben either. And I didn’t remember anyone saying anything about it, so I asked Giles. And he said that after I left Ben to save you, he, Giles, went over to Ben, and told him that he knew one day Glory would come back and make me, make all of us, pay for my act of mercy, so he put his hand over Ben’s nose and mouth and suffocated him.”
“Oh, my God!” Dawn was shocked. “I never would have thought Giles would do something, COULD do something, like that!”
“Sometimes he surprises even me. I couldn’t take Ben’s life even knowing how much evil was still inside him. I guess we should be thankful Giles could. No telling how many of our lives he saved. But it’s not something he’s proud of, that’s why you can’t ever let him know that you know.”
“No, of course not! I’d never let on. But what about the others? They never asked?”
“No. I think they believe that I killed Glory and then she turned back into Ben. And I’d just as soon they keep on believing that. And the only reason I’m telling you is because since you were the one she was after, and you went through so much, I feel you have a right to know the whole story.”
Dawn gave Buffy an affectionate hug.
“So should I put it in my diary, or would you rather I didn’t?”
“I don’t know. I’ll leave that decision up to you. But if you do decide to, you have to make sure you put your diary someplace safe, so no one will find it.”
Dawn nodded. “I think I know just the place. And, thanks for trusting me. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t.”
Chapter Two
[Author’s note: This chapter references my Buffy/Charmed crossover story “Just A Short Vacation” - #57.]
“Willow, do you have a minute?”
“Sure, Dawny. What’s up?”
“Well, I’ve started writing my diary again, and I’ve been trying to catch up on all the things that have been happening, and there’s something I hope you can help me with.”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Well, to start off with - when you went to San Francisco and met the Charmed Ones, and then went all evil on them, they drained your powers, right?”
“They sure did. And it was a good thing, too.”
“So, does that mean that they’re more powerful than you are?”
“Well, yes and no. If I had attacked them separately, then I could have killed them, no problem. But when they’re together, I don’t think there’s any magic on earth that can defeat them.”
“Then their magic is stronger than yours?”
“Well, I don’t know about that. Their magic is good magic, but mine comes from a darker place. But which is stronger, I really couldn't say. I guess it all depends on how it’s used.”
“Say all four of you teamed up, would that mean that you guys would be the most powerful force in the world?”
“Probably pretty close to it. But that’s not to say we could never be defeated. You see, their strongest magic is defensive. When they start that ‘power of three will set us free’ nothing can break through that barrier it forms. So when I attacked them, it absorbed everything I threw at them until I had nothing left. But they also have active powers to go on the offense with.”
“Like Piper’s freezing or exploding things?”
“Exactly. And Paige can move things with her mind. And the last time I talked to Piper she said Phoebe is now able to channel emotions so she’s able to redirect energy balls or beams or something.”
“Is that all they can do?”
“Oh no. They also have their Book of Shadows with tons of spells and potions they can use against almost any kind of demon there is.”
“So why don’t you have one?”
“Well, I guess mainly because there have been so many Spell books I’ve had access to I haven’t needed to start one of my own. And don’t forget, when I went evil I absorbed so much from so many of them that I probably have more in my head than they have in their Book.”
“Okay, then. That clears a lot of stuff up. Thanks.”
Chapter Three
“Anya, Hi. You’re not busy or anything are you?”
“No, just watching out for any teenage klepto girls. Haven’t seen anyone like that, have you?”
“Not for a long time.”
“Good! Good for you! Now, what else can I do for you?”
“I’m starting my diary again, and there’s a lot I don’t know.”
“Well, you ARE very young.”
“Yeah, I know. Anyway if it’s not too painful, I was wondering if you tell me why you’re so afraid of bunnies.”
“You had to say the ‘B’ word didn’t you? Just ONCE I wish I could go one day, that’s all I ask, just ONE DAY without hearing that word!”
“I’m sorry. If you’d rather not . . . .”
“No, that’s okay. Maybe it would be good therapy for me. You know, like they say - face your fears?”
“Well, how about if we call them something else? Something like -- Evil ‘B’ Demons? EBDs?”
“Yes, that would work. EBDs. I like it! Now why didn’t Xander think of that? You’d think if he really loved me, he would have come up with some clever and catchy euphemism to keep those horrid images out of my head.”
“I don’t know. So, were you always afraid of EBDs?”
“No. In fact back in my younger days when I was Aud and was living with Olaf, before I turned him into a troll for cheating on me, I raised them for their fur and meat.”
“Then when you became a Vengeance Demon you were scared of them?”
“No, I don’t think so. I don’t remember ever having anything to do with them.”
“So why is it that you’re scared of the EBDs now?”
“That’s a very good question. Why AM I afraid of them? You know, I bet it was D’Hoffryn! He was really pissed at me for losing my amulet, and I just know he added an unreasonable fear of Bun -- EBDs as further punishment. DAMN! Damn him!”
“Should you be cursing him like that? Isn’t that kind of dangerous?”
“Oh, no. When people curse him, it just means his VDs are doing their job. But I do feel a little better now that I faced my fears.”
“So you’re not scared of EBDs anymore?”
“Terrified.”
Chapter Four
“Spike! Hi! You’re not busy are you? ’Cause I could come back later.”
“Little Bit, come on in. Not busy now, but ‘Passions’ is on shortly. Can’t miss that, you know.”
“Well, this shouldn't take long. You see, I’ve started up my diary again, and I’ve been trying to catch up on some stuff. There’s a lot I don’t remember, and there are some things I don’t know.”
“Welcome to the club. Nobody knows everything.”
“I know, but I thought that since you’ve been around a pretty long time, you might know this.”
“Well, it might help if you actually told me what it was you wanted to know.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, I’ve was wondering what makes vampires work.”
“Cash, mostly, if we can’t steal it. Or fresh, warm blood.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. How are you guys able to walk around and talk, and do other stuff?”
“Ahh, the Big Q! You want to know why, and how, we are the Living Dead.”
“Well, yeah. It IS kind of creepy, when you think about it. No offense.”
“None taken. Well, it just so happens I think I have the answer for you. Many years back, just before I came over here from the Motherland, I happened to eat a very large, and by large I mean particularly fat - lots of blood, and quite tasty, woman who was investigating that very question. I figured I needed to gorge myself for the boat trip over because I didn’t know if I’d be able to feed on the voyage. Anyway, I picked her out and followed her home. But at the time she was having some sort of meeting with her fellow paranormal mates. So it was easy for me to get an invite. She just thought I was one of them. Well, I had to sit through her lecture before I could get her alone. There were too many to kill, plus some of them were carrying stakes.”
“What was it about?”
“She was reporting on her research about us vampires. Most of it was long-winded boring gibberish, but some things actually made sense.”
“Such as?”
“Well, obviously we don’t breathe to live, but we sometimes do breathe in and out, that’s how we talk, and smoke. In fact, she said that vamps who do neither for a long time actually forget how.”
“That’s really interesting, but what I was mostly wondering about is how, well, when you and Buffy were, you know, doing it? Well, in sex-ed in school they explained what happens when a guy gets excited. You know, about how the blood makes his - I mean he, you know. But since your heart doesn’t beat, and you don’t have any blood, well, how does it work?”
“Well, first off, we do have blood, our veins are full of it. And it does circulate, some. Whenever we move, our muscles move it though our veins. Of course, how we can move around at all is supernatural, some sort of magic.”
“But how does the blood get into your veins?”
“Well, when we feed, the blood goes into our stomachs, and then it’s absorbed into our bodies like a sponge soaks up water.”
“But what about when you, you know - get excited?”
“The fat Bird only briefly touched on that. I guess the subject was a bit embarrassing to talk about, but she seemed to think that it had to do with our nervous system, which works well enough for us to be alive, so to speak. Somehow it stimulates the right muscles into pumping the blood to where it needs to be.”
“Hmm. Makes sense, I guess.”
“So, anything else?”
“I don’t think so. That was what I was mostly wondering about.”
“Well, if you think of anything else, it’ll have to be later, my show is on now. Care to stay and watch it?”
“Sure.”
“But no talking! This is a critical episode, don’t want to miss a bit of it.”
“I’ll be as quiet as a mouse, a dead mouse.”
* * *
“Well, THAT was a bleeding disappointment! They never even showed what happened to little Timmy! The sodding buggers!”
“They always do that. That’s so you’ll keep tuning in. Anyway, now that it’s over, I thought of something else.”
“Sodding buggers. Oh well. What was you wanted to know?”
“Why is it that vampires always seem to know Kung Fu?”
“Don’t really know. Maybe it’s some kind of survival instinct. Just like we know to stay out of the sun, and don’t play with fire, and just where to bite to find the jugular vein.”
“I thought you guys went for the carotid artery.”
“Nope. It’s too deep into the neck. Our fangs aren’t long enough to rip into it. Go for the jugular. Grrrr!”
“Well, okay. You’ve been really helpful, and I appreciate it. And don’t be mad. Maybe tomorrow they’ll show what happened to Timmy. If not, then maybe the day after tomorrow. So, I’ll see you later.”
Chapter Five
“Hey, Dawny! Come to see the Xandman to help fill in some of the blanks in the new Dawnster Chronicles?”
“Yeah. How’d you know? Oh. Anya, right?”
“Yeah, she told me you asked her about the EDBs.”
“You mean EBDs.”
“Yeah, whatever. She wasn’t real happy I hadn’t thought of something like that.”
“So what did you tell her?”
“That I love her so much I can’t think straight when I’m around her.”
“And she bought that?”
“No. But women like hearing that kind of stuff so she forgave me, mostly. So, what treasured memories do you need me to recall?”
“Well, it’s not so much what I don’t remember, it’s something that I don’t understand.”
“Okay. So, shoot.”
“Well - I’m have trouble understanding why . . . I mean, I know you love Anya, and she loves you, so why didn’t you marry her?”
“Oh, that.”
“Everyone knows it was one of Anya’s vengeance victims that made you think he was the future you, but even after Buffy killed him, you still chickened out. And I just can’t understand why.”
“It’s complicated, Dawn, very … complicated.”
“People always say that, but only because they don’t want to talk about it. So if you’d rather not, just say so.”
“No. I guess you deserve an explanation. I guess everyone does. It’s just that…. Look, you’re right, I do love Anya, more than anything I’ve ever loved in my whole life. And I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. But getting married means -- family, you know -- kids. And I’m not so sure if that’s such a good idea. I mean, well, look at your mom and dad, they had you kids but they still broke up. And my parents should have split up years ago. But they stay together just to make each other as miserable as they can. And I’ve always been caught in the crossfire. And I don’t want that for MY kid, or kids.”
“But that doesn’t mean you and Anya can’t make it. Neither one of you is your parents, or mine.”
“I know, but it’s more than that. You see, Dawn, deep down inside all guys are terrified of marriage. Well, most … some … okay, maybe just me, but there’s something about that piece of paper that seems so - permanent! As it should be!”
“So why did you ask her to marry you in the first place?”
“I’m not sure. Probably because that’s the way I was raised -- You meet. You fall in love. And you get married. But when it came right down to it, all I could see was my parents - the fights, the drinking, the hostility, the getting even. And I just couldn’t do that to Anya; couldn’t take a chance on it. I know you probably don’t understand any of this. Hell, I’m not even sure I do.”
“No. I think I do, a little. And I guess maybe it was better to do it before you guys got married than six months or six years down the road.”
“That’s exactly what I thought!”
“But you should have broken it off before your wedding day. That was just mean, and cruel.”
“I know, I know. And you don’t know how bad I feel about that. But it’s done now.”
“So, do you think you guys might ever get married, some day?”
“Who knows? Heck, one of us could die tomorrow, or next week, or next year.”
Chapter Six
“So, how’s the fact-finding going? Filling in the gaps?”
“Not bad. After I talked to you I went to see Willow and Spike and Anya and Xander. I’d like to ask Giles a couple of things, but I know it costs a lot to call all the way over to England.”
“Well, the next time he calls us I’ll make a point of letting you talk to him, unless, of course, there’s some evil crisis he’s calling about.”
“Okay, I’ll remind you of that.”
“So, any secrets you’d like to share?”
“Not really. That is, no secrets. But there is something else.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think you’ll ever get married, and have any kids?”
“Well, sure, I guess. Someday I’d like to settle down, raise a family.”
“Anybody in particular in mind?”
“Why? What’s going on in that devious little mind of yours?”
“Nothing, just wondering.”
“Uh huh.”
“Do you love Xander? You know, like REAL love?”
“Of course I love Xander. I love him to death. And I couldn’t imagine him not being around. But if you mean do I love him and want to marry him, then no. It’s not that kind of love. It’s kind of like the love I have for Giles. It would kill me if anything happened to either one of them, but there’s no --- sexual feeling there.”
“So what about Angel?”
“That’s a hard question. I still love Angel. I always will. But as far as settling down, well, if I want any children, then Angel can’t be the one. For one thing , there’s that Curse. And even if we found some way to make love without him turning back into Angelus, maybe some kind of spell or something, well, vampires can’t have kids, souled or not.”
“Well, I guess that pretty much answers that question. So I guess I’ll go upstairs and get started. Looks like I’ve got a lot to write about.”