Wednesday, Novemeber 10, 2004
As I have observed the past several performance labs, I have
noticed a disturbing factor. Some of you students out there insist on
singing French songs. My understanding was that France is not currently
allied with us, and therefore those of you that would sing French songs are
walking a thin line of treachery against our great country. Now if you
plan to sing in German just remember who we fought in both World Wars.
However, let me say, I understand DBU has sent out a fair number of
spies, and therefore German songs may be a cover for something bigger. I
am not at liberty to discuss the issue further. Then of course, there
are those of you who insist on singing the Italian songs. May I remind
you that Italy is notorious for switching sides, especially in wartime,
and therefore, my advise would be to make sure that they are currently
on our side before each and every performance.
I also noticed this past performance lab that the audience needs
to be enlightened on when to applaud. DO applaud when you are certain
that the performer is finished. In the case of a singer, this means
wait till the accompanist is finished and both the singer and accompanist
have relaxed therefore cuing the audience that the piece has ended. DO
NOT withhold applause from the performer that has finished a piece that
ends abruptly. Again the key is to watch the performer (or singer and
accompanist, hint, hint). This sounds complicated,but with a little
less dozing durring the recital and a little more attention, you will be
sure to give your applause at the proper time for each performer. With
enough experience you could even go on to Audience Grad School and get
a Master's Degree in Applause.
Written by the Modulator, Ushering in the Keys of Change.
NEW! A Review of Bonnie Johnston's Senior Voice Recital by The Modulator. You will all want to read it, I'm sure.
Friday, September 24, 2004 This weeks performance lab
consisted of a presentation by a...(don't stop reading)...lawyer. He
actually protects the music industry from pirates. I didn't know there were any
around still. Do we have any large Friday, September 17th, 2004 Friday, September 10th, 2004 To all of you who didn't make it to
Performance lab on Friday,
September 10th, you missed much valuable information. By the way, why do
we Friday, August 27, 2004 Has anyone ever seen the "choral hall"/"recital
hall"/"classroom"/"performance venue for lesser operas and recitals" more
crowded? I mean, except for Fiddler on the Roof auditions, in which lots
and lots of non-dancers pretended to dance the Pre-Lenin Russian "fling" en
mass. But I mean, good grief Charlie Brown! Where did all these
people come from? We seriously are happy to have everyone in our rapidly
expanding musical family. But we suggest that a different setup might be
more helpful. And space conscious. And less hot. Okay, enough
incomplete sentences, but I think that you get my point. Look forward to a year of happy reporting...as
soon as we get some more good reporters on board! Come on, music major
family! Email as at
bodies of water around here with big boats displaying black flags? I have
seen some shady looking characters hanging around Mountain Creek Lake. H-mm.
Apparently there have been cases of musicians being held for ransom by pirates
of the Raised Seventh Counterfeit Trade Society. The demands for the
releases are pretty high, including A's, B-flats and even an
occasional high C-sharp.
Awareness is the first step to protection. Do not put one dollar bills in
envelopes that say "do not open until instructed to do so". This causes
undo stress in the pirate's life. Talk to the pirate in simple
direct sentence (ie. "Take me to your leader.", "Where do you keep your can
opener?", "How did you get my music?"). Attempt to sing solfege to lure
the pirate to sleep before you try to escape. And always remember.
The CTBPG (Council for Turning Bad Pirates to Good), is dedicated to rescuing
you within 7,354 days of your disappearance.
Written by the Modulator, ushering in the Keys of Change.
Friday Recital Performance Lab did not consist of recital of performance this week. Instead we had announcements. Sign up for Friday recitals.
We're musicians, we want to hear music. By the way, did you know that there are nineteen fluorescent lights in Roberts 206?
The main emphasis of Performance Lab was a reminder to read the Music Handbook found on the DBU web site, and to read all signs (including
traffic signs, this is especially important when your driving!).
There are new hours for the music lab and the lab may only be used during those hours, I guess I won't be able to procrastinate on my
composition piece this semester. I was so looking forward to staying up all night in the lab the night before it's due, my eyes bulging out from
staring at a computer screen for thirteen or fourteen hours.
We were also informed that there are several sets of expensive headphones missing from the recording studio. Thief beware, the Fred White
Watchman always gets his man (or woman).
The meeting concluded with the segregating of the pianist and vocalists. Apparently you can't be both. Be ye hot or cold but not luke warm.
What about the composition and guitar majors. Wasn't segregation outlawed a long time ago. The Emancipation Proclamation...We hold these truths
to be self evident...
Written by The Modulator ushering in the keys of change
call it a lab? Are the music professors running scientific tests on us to
see how long one can sit still throughout a ten minute piano piece, or
how many people can stay awake through Chopin, or perhaps it is an
experiment in how high a Soprano can sing before the audience crumbles
under the sheerness of the high tones. Anyway, back to the topic at hand,
the Music Librarian spoke to us about research helps and databases and
even an online music library to locate and listen to a large selection
of classical music. Contact the music librarian if you would like a
handout that gives you all this information.
For those of you taking conducting that have scores of conducting to
practice, you can now find the scores you are conducting through the
online databases. Not to mention conducting scores of energy, but that is
besides the point.
The online databases have also been proven to reduce wars over single
copies of articles or books in the library that may be needed for an
entire class. And speaking of books, we all eagerly await the arrival of
Dr. Lippens new imaginary book entitled, "How to Compose". Now what is
it that we're composing?
Well, until next week, may you live life harmoniously, praise God
melodiously, and attend class rhythmically.
written by The Modulator, ushering in the keys of change