A few of my closest comrades and I have decided to rebel against the patriots here at DBU. Our organization is inspirationally called the REDCOATS. We, the officers, stand against the institution because they are lazy, overly dressed, poorly managed, and overall have very bad manners. They also have a distinctly fishy smell to them. If communism wasn't evil we would be communist but since that is not an option this is our only recourse.
We hope you have had a marvelous summer and are ready for a new year here at DBU. We hope to bring a bit of reformation onto the campus and maybe even rebel a little.
Our policy and the reason for our forming is to give an outlet to the student body for their frustrations and anger at the institution for everything. Financial Aid(s), Housing, and Cafeteria are our first priorities but we plan to broaden our horizons with our subordinates help. Look for us as the semester sweeps through DBU.
The REDCOATS are coming.
Signed,
Benedict Arnold
Your disgruntlement with the institution known as DBU is entirely understandable, but your decision to become Redcoats does not make much historical sense. Fact is, if you live at the DBU colony, you are still a colonial, even if you're not a Patriot. Historically, colonials who were not Patriots were known as Tories, Loyalists (that's loyal to a king, taxation without representation, etc . . .), and worse (Pacifists,Turncoats, Yellowbellies). The Redcoats looked down their noses at ALL colonials regardless of their political views - given, Benedict Arnold might be an exception there, but there was only one Benedict - and it sounds like there are many of you.
I would also like to point out that all the cool people in the American Revolution were Patriots, ie. John Paul Jones, Andy Jackson, Patrick Henry, and Francis Marion, alias, The Swamp Fox. Well, Major John Andre could be an exception to that, but I think it's the only one.
So, since you people are probably really cool people too, I suggest you be true Rebels (that's what the British called us) and join the Swamp Fox or somebody like that. Just FYI, The Swamp Fox had a secret island hideout in the Carolina swamps from which he and his Rebs made daring surprise attacks on the Redcoats and the Greencoats (that's the infamous Tarleton). The Brits never found the camp. It's quite possible our so called Patriot institution has been infiltrated by Tarleton spies. I seem to have observed several large bodies of water in our colony which might be considered swamps - and I know there's an island around here somewhere. Anyway, just some thoughts for your consideration. Although I warn you that if you do become Redcoats, the Swamp Fox may ride again.
The Snip