This is Snip reporting live from the LC. Two angels have been sighted.
They appear to be Christmas angels blowing trumpets, and are painted on
the transom over the entrance to the Academic Computing Lab.
Leftover Christmas decor? Perhaps. However, it may be a sign of the
end times. Although the two are dressed as Christmas angels, we must
remember that this is only an artist's conception and may be
misleading.
The important fact appears to be that they are blowing trumpets - a
well
known sign which may either represent judgment or the rapture.
The question of the possible significance of this sighting was referred
to the religion faculty. Dr. Bell could not be reached for comment.
However, Dr. Estes sent blessings and said that the way to know whether
these angels are Christmas angels or end time angels is to find out
whether Dr. Trammell knows about them. If he does not know about them,
then it is certain they are end time angels.
If the angels represent judgment, then the question is: are they
judging the computer lab, or warning all students that they enter at
their own risk? The latter seems most likely since, according to recent
reports, Clippit is headquartered there. It may also be the lair of the
sentient computer. Since the union of said computer and Clippit,
numerous baby Clippit's have been sighted in the special glassed in
bays. It has even been suggested that "bay" is an alternate spelling
(from Clippit's erroneous files) for "baby." We may have a baby ward on
campus. Students are not to worry if this is the case, Campus Security
will take care of any unattended children.
Further speculations on this issue have been postponed until the angel
artist can be contacted for questioning. If anyone knows the artist or
can provide information of his/her whereabouts, please email the Snip
at
dbusnipe@yahoo.com
New evidence surfaced today which proves the evil designer/decorator of Fred White is succeeding in mentally cracking a DBU music student. The evidence is in the form of a letter, which the student, who asked to remain anonymous, wrote to an off-campus friend during the first week of the spring semester. The Snip received permission to reproduce portions of the letter below. They have been edited to maintain the privacy of the individual.
Dear ___________,
Here I am back at school. Guess what! They have heat in the bathrooms in Fred White now! Isnt that exciting? Of course, the roof still leaks, but hey, at least were not in the Stone Age anymore. We also have a brand new tile floor in the theory room. Its hideous, blaring, ghastly, etc . . . There are squares of white, black, and blue set in diagonal rows. The blue is the problem. It is the ugliest bright blue I have ever seen. There are two ways to describe the floor: It looks like a 50s ice cream parlor floor; or, It looks like a garage mechanics floor. We have concluded that administration hates us.
On to more cheerful news . . . . . I cant think of any. . . Oh, someone donated another broken organ. Now there are three broken organs cluttering the hall.
[Excerpted paragraph which contained random references to inside jokes. The Snip contacted the original reader of the letter and verified that the references were so random that the writer had to explain them to the original reader.]
This letter seems to be full of completely random thoughts. Must be that bright floor getting to me.
Love,
_______________
P.S. Sorry this letter is so random. I do not think Ive lost my mind, but that blue floor is really disconcerting.
This letter shows disturbing evidence of the double-wides effect on studentsmental and emotional state. The depressed state shown in the letter raises the question of whether the evil designer was in league with Clippit. Keep in mind that Clippit did try to influence the mental state of a student towards taking his own life. Although the specific identity of the designer remains a mystery, it has been determined that he/she was a member of Dumb Blondes United, which organization went under the suspicious name Dumb Blondes Undercover until very recently.
Submitted by The Snip
Students who frequent the Fred White building express concern over the sanity of the interior designer for Rm. 100. This is mainly due to the new tile floor installed over Christmas break. Students and teachers describe the new tile as gBright and ghastly!h The floor in question is a checkerboard pattern made up of large tiles in three colors: white w/ grey flecks, black w/ grey and white flecks, and very bright blue w/lt. blue flecks. Some students claim they now get headaches during class due to the new tile colors. At least one teacher, who shall remain anonymous, got dizzy while crossing the room to the white board and had to sit down to finish the lecture.
Although the official reason for the new flooring is the acoustics of the room, some students think otherwise. One suggested that decorating old Fred White double-wide is not at the top of administrationfs agenda, so administration just bought cheap tile at Tyronefs Discount Tile in Duncanville. It has not been verified whether Tyronefs actually exists, but judging by the tile, it probably does. Others believe administration (or whoever is responsible for the tile colors, which is probably administration since nothing gets done without their approval) hates music majors and is experimenting to see how soon they will crack. While it is probable that some music majors are cracked, other signs in Rm. 100 point to a mentally unstable interior designer rather than administration. For example, the pencil sharpener is located on the back wall near the door. There are also six file cabinets, three tall ones and three short ones, against the back wall. Whoever installed the tile put the cabinets back so that the short ones are farthest from the door and the tall ones now block the pencil sharpener. That was not terribly bright. Thus far, no music major has cracked (who was not cracked already), but there may be some in the near future. We are still working on tracking down the designer for questioning.
Submitted by The Snip