Posted February 5, 2004

Snipe sources have recently discovered that DBU has formed committees that will look into starting an Honors program at the university. It seems as though the prominent members of the administration have finally realized that, yes, there are smart people at DBU.

Granted, the undergraduate intelligentsia does not make their presence as apparent as collegiate PACs, BSUs, or the GHRC (Glowing Heart Reject Club). In fact, it would seem that the names on the various Deanˇ¦s/Presidentˇ¦s/Emperorˇ¦s Lists published every semester insist on a shroud of secrecy to cover up their existence. For instance, the English Honor Society (Sigma Tau Delta) disguises itself as a support group for Baptists with sexually transmitted diseases. Really, who would want to publicize an association with that sort of group on a campus such as this? (ˇ§Dear Mom and Dad ˇV Youˇ¦ll never guess what happened to me this weekend! [insert generic one night stand experience here] But itˇ¦s okay, because I joined the DBU chapter of STD!ˇ¨) Yeah, not likely. Thatˇ¦s the point.

Moreover, guerilla websites such as will sufficeˇ¦s host jab and ponder with wit and keen insight, yet remain camouflaged by pseudonyms and euphemisms that further fog the truth. As a result, only the privileged elitists will be able to discern fact from fiction, irony from groundless satire, objectiveness from subjectiveness. These web sites demonstrate the surreptitious nature of honors academia at the university. Sans encouragement and readily available methods of _expression from the administration, intelligent undergrads are cast into a suffocating cranny of deceit, sarcasm, and suspicion.

Thatˇ¦s why DBU needs an Honors program. We need to hear these knowledgeable voices equally as much as we need to hear a bi-weekly Glowing Heart recital, to watch a weekly Patriot baseball game, and to participate in a regular Bible study. Gifted undergrads need more than an annual Paideia Conference and a semesterly student presentation at the Friday Symposium (and not have to worry that the Q/A session after a wonderfully-written birth control paper will turn into an 8th grade health class). They need more than one Dr. Naugle; they require an Honors faculty that will provide broad support and justification for the latent ideas and potential that often hibernate in this winterish academic atmosphere. Where are DBUˇ¦s Kings Peter and Edmund, Queens Susan and Lucy, to bring summer to the zombie minds of the hilltop campus? They have a Magician with a worldview wardrobe, but where is the Lion?

The purpose here is not to accuse the administration of anti-intellectualism but of a lackadaisical ignorance of supra-intelligent students. Perhaps they have been enlightened. Perhaps the sniping methods of the Embassy and the fiendish Knights have finally captured the gaze of the wandering, blazing, all-seeing Eye of Mahler. Of course, one should reserve a concretized judgment until the actual Honors program is revealed. Will the undergraduate intelligentsia actualize extensive and challenging courses, formidable mentors, specialized scholarships, and another by-line on their resume? Or will the program merely be the hoi polloi residue of a half-a**ed attempt to construct an ivory tower? Letˇ¦s pray for the former.

But thatˇ¦s my two disembodied heads of Lincoln.

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