Title: Acceptance 4

Author: Morgana (morganalebeau@yahoo.com)

Website: http://www.oocities.org/morganalebeau/

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Acceptance

By Morgana

 

Chapter Twelve - Confrontation

Thranduil dropped the papers he was reading. Seated behind Elrond's desk, he found it impossible to concentrate on matters at hand. A plan for planting more trees at the center of Imladris failed to capture his attention when images of Elladan invaded his thoughts. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that implanting the idea of it having been a dream had been the wrong thing to do. He should have let Elladan decide; the Elfling might have preferred to keep their lovemaking a secret, enabling them to continue with their lives unchanged.

Butterflies tickled his insides, making it very clear that he was in love with the Elfling. Sighing worriedly, he leaned back in the chair. He was glad he had come to Imladris because it had enabled him to talk to his son and Lurtz, but he had never expected to fall in love with one of Elrond's sons. This could only end in tears.

"Thranduil?"

Hearing his name startled him and his gaze shifted to the doorway, finding Elladan standing there with a very determined expression on his face. He forced himself to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "Do you want to help me with these plans?"

Elladan shook his head, purposefully advancing on Thranduil. He remained standing in front of the desk, probing the blond’s eyes. /Did you use your bewitching voice to make me believe it was just a dream? I saw you use it on Ada./ But why would he do such a thing? If his memories were true, the elder Elf had enjoyed their lovemaking as much as him. Why deny it had ever happened?

"We need to talk." Elladan raised an eyebrow when Thranduil averted his eyes, breaking eye contact, and he took that as a confession of guilt. /You did manipulate me into believing it was a dream! Why?/

"What about?" Thranduil's voice shook slightly.

"Last night." Elladan tried to read the expression on Thranduil's face.

"Last night?" Thranduil forced himself to look at Elladan and meet his gaze. He cringed, seeing the determination and knowledge in them. /He has figured it out. Did he ever believe it was a dream?/ It had been foolish to think this ploy would work!

"Are you going to pretend it never happened? That it was a dream? You gave yourself away when I ran into you earlier. You repeated your suggestion, but I am not asleep any more. Why did you do it?" His heart beat wildly; he still wasn't sure last night had really happened, and there was a chance that he was making a complete fool out of himself.

Thranduil sighed miserably. "Do you not understand, Elladan? According to ancient custom we are mated now. By denying it ever happened I gave you back your freedom."

Elladan's eyes widened; suddenly his strength left him and he collapsed onto a chair. Staring blindly at Thranduil, he nodded his head. "I knew you had made love to me, and that it was not a dream." Only then Thranduil's words truly registered. "We are mated?" Elladan moistened his still kiss-bruised lips. "I never considered..." His voice trailed off as his mind tried to accept Thranduil's admission. "Mated?"

"We made love, Elladan!" said Thranduil sharply. "You know our traditions as well as I do!" He bowed his head in defeat. "I merely wanted you to live your life free of this bond. I cannot bind someone as young as you to me. It would not be fair."

Elladan stared at Thranduil in disbelief; the fact that they had made love last night finally sinking in. "Why did you do it?"

Thranduil frowned, locking eyes with Elladan.

"Why did you make love to me? Was it just the magic of the moment or --" Was it more? He hoped it was more than just the magic influencing Thranduil.

Thranduil wrung his hands. "When the magic takes over I lose control, but that does not mean I used you... I do love you, Elladan."

"You love me?" Elladan jumped to his feet, placed his hands on the desk and leaned in closer to study Thranduil's eyes.

"It is true. I do not know when it happened, but I lost my heart to you, and last night... Last night should never have happened."

Elladan finally understood, recalling something Elrond had just told him. Thranduil had no idea how attractive, how bewitching he was and felt that being bound to him would make Elladan miserable. How could Thranduil think that? Looking at Thranduil, the Elf looked eternally young, having the appearance of an Elfling who was even younger than him. And then there were the eyes, and the long, blond hair. How could Thranduil think himself not attractive? This was just one big misunderstanding!

Thranduil peeked at Elladan now that the half-Elf remained quiet. Maybe he should apologize, but what for, exactly? He didn't regret making love to the Elfling, or falling in love with him. His only regret was that their love could never be. "Elladan, I never meant to hurt you."

Elladan raised a hand and waved the apology away; it was not what he wanted to hear. "Do you love me?"

"I just said so, did I not?" Thranduil squirmed uncomfortably on the chair. "But your father will never allow it."

Elladan grinned. "I just talked to Ada, and I did not get the impression he was opposed to our love."

Thranduil's head jerked back. "You told Elrond?" It was even worse than he had thought! He was surprised he hadn't been ordered to leave Imladris yet!

Elladan slowly advanced on Thranduil. "Ada was not thrilled about my admission that I love you, but he wants me to be happy." He came to a halt next to Thranduil's chair. The elder Elf looked miserable. "Let me summarize our situation," said Elladan teasingly, leaning in closer until his face hovered in front of Thranduil's. "I am in love with you. And you love me back."

Thranduil nodded, feeling entranced by the half-Elf's closeness.

"And we made love last night."

Thranduil nodded again, unable to lie to Elladan. "But --"

Elladan shook his head, continuing as if Thranduil hadn't spoken. "We made love, and that means we are married now.”

Thranduil moaned miserably. "Aye, that is true." He had made a mess of things!

"Then what is the problem?" Elladan grinned, seeing Thranduil's stunned expression. "Isn’t everything right, now?"

"Elladan, you cannot be serious! You do not want to be stuck with me! You should be with someone your own age; a maiden who will give you children. I will ruin your life." He had to make Elladan understand!

Recalling his father's words to pursue Thranduil like Legolas had Lurtz, Elladan straddled Thranduil, ignoring the choked moan that escaped the blond's throat. Thranduil's starlit eyes grew big and Elladan leaned in closer to touch his lips to the elder Elf's, kissing him passionately. Beneath him, Thranduil reacted to his closeness by growing hard. "You want me; you want this."

"But I cannot have it," whispered Thranduil saddened. "Do you fully understand the consequences if you accept this bond? You could not take another lover as long as I live and -- Elladan, I rule in Mirkwood. I cannot stay away forever. Your sacrifice would be too great, too terrible. I know you love your family and Imladris. I cannot take you away from here to wither away in Mirkwood."

"Then stay here. You told me your oldest son is currently in charge in Mirkwood, and it seems like he is doing a good job. You can stay here, with me..." But the truth was that Elladan didn't care about their future; he was too eager to taste Thranduil's lips again. Only the present mattered to him!

Thranduil moaned low in his throat as Elladan parted his teeth. He allowed it, and let Elladan's tongue chase his. Savoring the moment, he briefly closed his eyes, and the sensation of being devoured by his lover intensified.

Elladan released Thranduil's lips and grinned, pulling back. "You cannot deny you love and want me."

"But Elladan..." Thranduil shook his head, lost for words.

"No more buts," decreed Elladan. "We will deal with Ada when he returns from his stay at the Bruinen. In the meantime we will work things out between us." Knowing that Thranduil didn't consider himself good enough for him saddened him. "You are beautiful and last night was magical. I had always hoped my first time would be special, and it was."

"I did not know you were untouched, Elladan. If I had --"

Elladan smiled warmly. "It was a good thing then that you did not know." Thranduil's expression was one of utter disbelief and Elladan raised a hand to brush the golden hair away from Thranduil's face. /You are extremely insecure, are you not? But you hide it well./

"Elladan, think this over. Do you really want your father to know we made love and are now mated? Do you want to live your life bound to me?" Thranduil hoped his words would make Elladan reconsider. The Elfling had no idea what he was getting himself into!

Elladan caressed Thranduil's face, tracing the other's jaw line. "I told Ada about my dream, and it will come as no surprise that last night really happened. He suspects as much."

"Aiya Elbereth," whispered Thranduil, worried.

"We did not discuss the 'consequences' as you call them, but I am sure he wants us to follow tradition and to be together." Elladan cocked his head, staring deeply into Thranduil's eyes. "I want to be with you. The question is; do you want me as well?"

Thranduil knew he had lost; Elladan already possessed his heart and his love. "I want you as well, Lirimaer, but --" Elladan silenced him with another passionate kiss, and Thranduil surrendered to his younger lover. Elladan's hands settled on either side of his head, keeping him in place. A smile began to surface on his face, feeling Elladan's arousal pressed against his stomach as the half-Elf shifted on his lap.

Elladan released his lover's lips after long moments and stared into Thranduil's sparkling eyes. "Amim mela lle, Thranduil." Holding his breath, he waited for his lover to answer him.

Thranduil moistened his lips, searched Elladan's eyes, and found true love there. Fighting this was useless. Elladan would never let him go. "Amin mela lle," repeated he sincerely. "I hope I can make you happy, and that you will never regret being bound to me."

Elladan heard true concern in Thranduil's voice and pressed a kiss onto the blond's lips. "I fell in love with you the first time I looked into your eyes, melamin. I will never regret loving you."

Thranduil finally allowed himself to believe Elladan's admission. "You really want to be with me?"

Elladan nodded determinedly. "Aye, I want to be with you..." Grinning wickedly he added, "And I want to make love to you again."

Thranduil released a nervous chuckle. "Lirimaer, making love will be different without the magic influencing it."

"It might be even better, because we will have control," said Elladan. "Would you like to find out?" He couldn't help being erect again! Thranduil's soft smile only made him want the elder Elf more.

"Are you serious?" But then Elladan rubbed against him, making it very clear the half-Elf –was- serious. Thranduil brought up his arms behind Elladan's back, and studied his new lover for some time.

Being watched like that made Elladan nervous. "I am serious. Do you not feel my desire for you?"

"I do," whispered Thranduil.

Thranduil shifted beneath him, apparently wanting to rise from the chair, and Elladan got back to his feet, although he kept one arm wrapped around the blond's waist.

Thranduil stood motionless, realizing this had never been his decision; Elladan had made it for him. "Then come to my bed and let me love you."

Elladan quivered with expectation and pulled the blond close. "You accept me as your lover?"

"How can I not?"

Elladan smiled brightly. "Then take me to your bed and make love to me." He had finally achieved his goal; Thranduil was his!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bird's song woke Elrond from pleasant dreams. Frowning, he took in the alien surroundings, but then remembered that Glorfindel had taken him to the cottage his lover had selected for their stay. Glorfindel was wrapped around him, his lover's head resting against his shoulder. Dotingly, Elrond let his fingertips explore the blond's soft skin, wishing he had already fully recovered so they could finally make love. He knew Glorfindel was keeping back because the blond worried about his health, but making love might actually help him recover instead of merely tiring him.

A wicked plan formed in his mind, and his fingers began to unbutton Glorfindel's shirt, slowly sliding it down to the blond's waist. Already hard nipples trembled beneath his touch and Glorfindel moaned deliciously, shifting against him. Elrond rolled the nub of hard flesh between his fingertips and sought out his lover's lips, parting Glorfindel's teeth and exploring the warm cavern.

Glorfindel's eyes filled with awareness at his lover's touch. Surprised, he stared at Elrond, whose hand now slipped inside his leggings, palming his erection. "Elrond?" Glorfindel wasn't sure how to react. He had envisioned their first time together, but Elrond taking the initiative surprised him. "You should be resting." But now his lover's fingers pushed down his leggings, exposing his arousal. Glorfindel swallowed hard and found he was unable to stop Elrond, craving this as well.

"Glorfindel, rest is not all I need." Elrond's hands returned to caress the blond's chest, playing with his lover's sensitive nipples. Looking into Glorfindel's eyes, he found they had darkened to midnight blue. "But I will need your help. My ankles -- I cannot --."

"Hush," whispered Glorfindel huskily. "I understand." Elrond's eyes burned with desire and passion. "I want this as well." Glorfindel folded an arm around Elrond's waist and gently rolled his lover onto his back. "Tell me when your ankles hurt?" The last thing he wanted was for Elrond to be uncomfortable during their lovemaking.

Elrond nodded quickly. "But do not worry about my ankles too much. Other parts of my body need you more."

Glorfindel grinned, very much aware of the fact that his lover was already erect and leaking pre-ejaculate. "How do you want to do this?"

Elrond's eyes darkened with lust. "I want to feel you inside me..."

Glorfindel carefully straddled his lover's hips, and his hands traveled down Elrond's chest. "I crave being inside you as well." Bending down, he placed one hand next to Elrond's shoulder to support himself while his other tangled in the long, dark hair. His lips descended onto his lover's and his tongue possessively traced the inside of Elrond's lips, suckling the bottom lip until the half-Elf finally parted his teeth. His tongue quickly took advantage and slipped inside.

Elrond moaned wantonly and his arms came up behind Glorfindel's back, pulling him closer. His body woke after long years of enforced celibacy, and he took control of the kiss, his tongue duelling with Glorfindel's for dominance.

Glorfindel eventually pulled back, panting slowly; the kiss had left him breathless. Sliding down Elrond's legs, he made sure he stayed clear of the mending ankles. Bending down again, he smiled, seeing Elrond's erection standing proud, begging for his touch. Teasingly, his tongue licked the weeping head, and then swirled around the shaft, making Elrond buck in want.

Elrond stared at the Elda, whose red lips were now possessively wrapped around his throbbing erection. Glorfindel took him deeper, alternating between suckling and licking. He threw back his head at the divine sensation and involuntary thrust into the blond's mouth.

Glorfindel relaxed his throat, taking Elrond deeply. He wrapped his fingers around his lover's hard flesh, stroking in the same rhythm as he suckled.

"Melme... stop or... I will come..." Elrond stuttered deliriously, unable to keep back any longer as Glorfindel licked down the length of his shaft. The sensation was too much and he came hard.

Warm cream dripped from Glorfindel's lips as he finally released his lover's sated sex. Grinning naughtily he laid down next to Elrond, placing one hand on his lover's chest to feel its up and down motion. Elrond was panting hard! Large eyes showed dilated pupils and they were now directed at him; Glorfindel saw the question in them. "I want you to be relaxed when I take you and making you come is the best way to ensure you are no longer tense."

Elrond chuckled, feeling utterly relaxed. "It worked..." He pulled Glorfindel back atop of his body, and the blond blanketed him, stretching his body and carefully covering every inch of his body, mindful not too put too much pressure on still mending ribs. "You are a devious imp, nîn ind."

Glorfindel smiled against Elrond's chest. His hands rested on Elrond's hips and he began to stroke the smooth skin.

Elrond groaned contently, allowing his lover to take control again. "I am so fortunate to have you, Glorfindel."

Glorfindel lifted his eyes and met Elrond's. He grinned wickedly and rubbed his erection against his lover's groin. Elrond's eyes widened, as Glorfindel kissed him passionately while one hand stole between their bodies to slowly massage his lover's returning erection.

Elrond groaned, feeling himself harden again. "You will exhaust me, Glorfindel. Did you not take me here to rest?"

"You started this," whispered Glorfindel into his lover's ear and licked its tip, drawing another pleading groan from the half-Elf's lips. "We need oil." No matter how much he wanted to make love to the half-Elf, he had to properly prepare his lover first. Glorfindel's eyes searched the room for something suitable. "I will be right back." He raised himself onto all fours, left the bed and hurried into the bathroom. He returned triumphantly, showing off his prize to Elrond. "Rose scented oil." He had packed it because Elrond used to it to remove the tangles from his hair after washing it.

"It will do," said Elrond, pleased. Glorfindel proudly twirled the flask in his hands as he returned to their bed, making Elrond smile. "You did well remembering you brought it with you." Elrond slowly parted his legs, allowing his lover to slip between them.

Sobering, Glorfindel locked eyes with Elrond. "Are you sure you are strong enough to do this? What if we jostle your feet and --"

Elrond cut him short. "You will be careful, melme."

Glorfindel nodded and opened the flask, letting the oil drip onto his fingertips. "Do you want to roll onto your side?"

Elrond shook his head once. "I want to see your eyes. Put a pillow beneath my hips."

Glorfindel took hold of a pillow, helped Elrond lift his hips and slipped it in place. "Better?" The smile Elrond gave him answered his question.

"Touch me, Glorfindel." Elrond took hold of his lover's hand and placed the blond's oil covered finger near the entrance of his body. "Make love to me."

Glorfindel swallowed hard, suddenly growing nervous. Leaning in closer, he claimed his lover's lips and deepened their kiss, while he massaged the guardian ring, waiting for Elrond to admit him.

His hands tangled in the blond hair, making sure Glorfindel could not break off their kiss and pull back. Elrond sighed into his lover's mouth as one finger slid inside. Moaning, he locked eyes with the blond, hoping Glorfindel would seek out the spot that would make him squirm and beg for more. When Glorfindel's finger brushed that sweet spot, he yelped softly.

Glorfindel removed his finger and returned with two, scissoring inside the warm passage, stretching it. Elrond's pupils were dilated and the irises had turned dark grey with need. "Soon," he breathed, finally releasing Elrond's lips to allow his lover to draw in much needed oxygen. Elrond squirmed beneath him.

"Now, please..." Elrond's arms dropped to the bed and his fingers clawed the sheets. He licked his lips in eager anticipation, seeing Glorfindel rub the oil generously onto his erection. "Now..."

Glorfindel looked over his shoulder, saw that his lover's mending ankles rested comfortably on the bed, and decided against lifting Elrond's legs and supporting them. Their lovemaking would be slow and sensual. Curling his fingers around his erection, he positioned himself at the entrance to his lover's body. He entered slowly, pushing past the ring of muscle and stretching on top op his lover, kissing Elrond deeply.

Elrond quivered, feeling Glorfindel sheathe himself to the hilt. Looking into the blond's eyes, he saw love and trust reflected back at him. The first thrust took him by surprise, making him bite Glorfindel's bottom lip.

Glorfindel thrust again, aiming for the spot that would bring Elrond ecstasy. His fingers buried themselves in the dark hair, and he continued the kiss, ignoring the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.

Surrendering to his lover's thrusts, Elrond involuntarily arched his back, allowing the blond to thrust even deeper. Fingers curled themselves around his throbbing erection and his eyes grew big, realizing his lover was stroking him, bringing him to orgasm once more.

Losing control over his raging need and emotions, Glorfindel's thrusts grew erratic and harder. Burying himself deeply inside his lover's body, he climaxed.

Feeling Glorfindel grow tense with the release of his orgasm, Elrond let go as well, surrendering to the ecstasy that coursed through his body.

Glorfindel's eyes widened, feeling Elrond's muscle contract around him, and a tormented groan escaped his lips.

"Meleth-nîn, amin mela lle," whispered Elrond bonelessly.

Glorfindel smiled adoringly and supported himself, unwilling to rest his weight on the exhausted half-Elf. "You are my very reason for living. Never leave me, Elrond." His sated sex slipped from his lover's body and he rolled onto his side, pulling the half-Elf close. "Are you satisfied now?" he asked teasingly, wiping the sweat from his lover's brow.

"Very satisfied, very content," mumbled Elrond tiredly. "I have wanted to make love to you since you saved me from Ugluk, but --"

"We always got interrupted," chuckled Glorfindel. "Melamin, I should clean us up. Why do you not go to sleep and let me attend to you?"

"Are you not tired, then?" Elrond was already slipping back into sleep.

"Nay, I feel energized," quipped Glorfindel amused. He stroked Elrond's hair until he was sure that the half-Elf was asleep, and then pressed a kiss onto his lover's chest, just above his heart. "I will always love you, nîn ind."

Slowly, so as not to disturb his lover's well-deserved sleep, he entangled himself from the embrace and returned to the bathroom to retrieve a washcloth so he could clean up his lover.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrohir watched Erestor closely, and when the elder's Elf's stomach growled again, he took the other's hand and pulled him to his feet. "You need to eat."

Erestor sighed dejectedly, but did not protest, allowing Elrohir to pull him along. Knowing Elrohir worried about him made him comply when the half-Elf told him to get moving. The fact that Elrohir was still at his side surprised and pleased him at the same time. Elrohir had not shied away when they had talked about that fateful night; the half-Elf had held him close and comforted him. Elrohir's closeness soothed him and he straightened his shoulders, determined to overcome his fears.

"Sit down, Erestor," ordered Elrohir as he rummaged through the kitchen cupboards. In the end he placed a plate filled with cheese, fruits, meat and lembas on the table. "And now we will eat." Giving the example, he put a piece of lembas into his mouth.

Erestor followed Elrohir's example and chewed on some lembas. His appetite had been gone for days, but was now returning. Eating some cheese as well, he peered at Elrohir, wondering what the half-Elf was thinking.

Elrohir caught Erestor's wondering gaze and smiled. "Would you like some warm wine?" Maybe the wine would help Erestor's nerves settle down. Seeing Erestor nod, he uncovered the wine and warmed it over a fire. After pouring it into a goblet he handed it to Erestor, who sipped slowly.

Erestor sighed contently when the warm liquid flowed down his throat, warming his body and his soul. A quick look out of the window told him it was already noon. How long had they slept and talked? "I am neglecting my duties to your father. Someone should --"

Elrohir touched a finger to Erestor's lips, silencing him. "I am sure Imladris will continue to exist without you locking yourself in Ada's study all day long."

Erestor allowed Elrohir to trace the outline of his lips, swallowing hard when the finger finally retreated. The breakdown he had suffered had offered his feelings a way out and he felt relieved, knowing that there were no more secrets between them. "Pen-neth, what will happen now?" He worried about their future, about Elrond's reaction to finding out about his feelings for Elrohir - and what if the young half-Elf decided to desert him after all? He had been badly hurt in the past, and he wasn't sure he could ever express his love physically. Was it fair to expect Elrohir to be content with kisses and touches when the half-Elf was entitled to so much more? Why take an emotionally crippled lover?

Erestor's face was an open book to Elrohir. The doubts, the fears, the uncertainty, it was all there in Erestor's dark eyes. Instinctively, he curled his fingers around Erestor's hand, rubbing the knuckles. He felt lost for words. Nothing he said would convince Erestor that he was here to stay. He had to show his dedication and affection through deeds and not words. "What will happen now?" he repeated Erestor's question. "You will take a hot bath, rest, and eat meals regularly. When you are rested you will return to your duties." Disappointment shone from Erestor's eyes, and Elrohir smiled warmly. "And I will stay close the entire time."

Erestor was taken aback by the sincerity in Elrohir's voice. "But --"

"I will have to move in with you, but I assume that won't be a problem? I will gather my personal belongings and take them to your rooms, which are larger and more comfortable than mine," continued Elrohir, pretending he didn't see the relief in Erestor's eyes. "I will seek out your bed more often," added Elrohir, "every single night if you want me to." Suddenly Erestor's expression darkened, and Elrohir hurriedly added, "So I can hold you close."

Erestor lowered his eyes. "I hate feeling this vulnerable." The confession was hard to make, but he felt comfortable enough to show his feelings in front of Elrohir. If the half-Elf was willing to make this work, he would try as well.

"Arato-nîn," started Elrohir, while slowly raising Erestor's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss onto its palm, "I am honored that you share your feelings with me. I will not fail you."

A nervous twitch appeared beneath Erestor's left eye. "I am afraid I will fail you, pen-neth."

"You won't," said Elrohir determinately, bestowing another kiss onto the Elf's skin; this time on Erestor's knuckles. "Now that you have finished your wine, would you like to take a hot bath? It might lift your spirits

Erestor blushed. Elrohir said quickly, "You can soak in the bath tub while I look in on Ada." He heard Erestor's relieved sigh and felt saddened, realizing just how insecure the other was.

Erestor nodded once. "A hot bath sounds divine." Looking at Elrohir, he cocked his head. "Did you mean it? About moving in with me?" The one thing he dreaded was being alone with the shadows of his past, and Elrohir keeping him company was the one thing he desperately craved. To have the half-Elf close at all times would help him deal with the memories.

After rising to his feet, Elrohir walked over to Erestor and knelt at the other's side. He gathered the elder Elf's hands in his and locked eyes with Erestor. He considered every word carefully before he spoke them. "I will stay with you as long as you want me. I will hold you at night and guard your dreams. The nightmares will end and you will grow strong again. I promise to be there for you every step of the way."

Erestor's eyes filled with tears, but he fought them back. Raising Elrohir's hands, he placed kisses on the fingertips. Words deserted him and he hoped the gesture would speak for him.

Smiling warmly, Elrohir nodded once. He rose from the floor, pulled Erestor to his feet, and guided the elder Elf back to his rooms.

Notes: 

Amin mele lle = I love you

Nin ind = my heart

Arato-nin = my champion

 

Chapter Thirteen - Completion

Elladan felt nervous when Thranduil closed the door behind them. The blond had led him to his guest rooms and now extended his hand, guiding him towards the bed. His mouth felt awfully dry now that he fully realized they were about to make love again. When he had challenged Thranduil in the study, he hadn’t thought the elder Elf would act this quickly. Lowering his eyes, he stared at the floor, trying to calm down.

“It is normal to be nervous,” said Thranduil softly as he wrapped his arms around Elladan. He still marveled at the Elfling for pursuing him in this manner. The half-Elf had faced this head on, never giving him the chance to say no to this relationship. Elbereth help him, Elladan knew exactly what he wanted! He cocked his head and waited for his young love to lift his eyes. After longs moments their eyes finally met and Thranduil smiled warmly, seeing the insecurity and love in those dark orbs. “Last night you trusted yourself to me. Will you do the same thing now and put your trust in me?”

“I cannot help it,” said Elladan, swallowing hard, “I am nervous. You are my first lover, and I do not know what to do. Last night took me by surprise and –“ His eyes darkened to near black. “I thought you would take me and –“

Thranduil raised a hand and his thumb followed Elladan’s jaw line, watching the half-Elf closely. “I surrendered to you because that is the nature of my magic,” Pausing, he chose his next words carefully, “Would you also surrender to me?”

Elladan’s eyes searched Thranduil’s. He fully understood what the elder Elf was asking. “You want to make love to me?”

“I want to claim you as my mate.” Thranduil leaned in closer and kissed Elladan sensually, careful not to rush the Elfling who trembled in his arms.

A lump of emotions formed in Elladan’s throat as he tried to imagine what it would be like to feel Thranduil inside him. “I want that as well, but –“

“You are scared,” said Thranduil in an understanding tone, “But I assure you there will be no pain, no discomfort - only ecstasy.” One hand traveled down Elladan’s back, rubbing the skin through the fabric in soothing circles.

“I want you as well,” said Elladan, his voice growing stronger. “And I want to be your mate for the rest of my life, but – this is new, and…” His voice trailed off as words deserted him.

“Trust yourself to me, and stop worrying,” whispered Thranduil seductively, slowly unbuttoning Elladan’s shirt. “We will explore this love together, and your nerves will settle once you feel more certain of our relationship.” He pushed the shirt from the half-Elf’s shoulders and sighed appreciatively at seeing the smooth, hairless chest. “You are beautiful, Lirimaer. Let me pleasure you.”

Elladan slowly nodded his head. “I trust you. I cannot explain it, but I trusted you from the start.”

Thranduil smiled dreamily, leaned in closer, and claimed Elladan’s lips again. This time he took his time exploring the warm, wet, cavern. The tip of his tongue lightly touched his lover’s palate, drawing a chuckle from the half-Elf. Thranduil pulled back and took in Elladan’s flushed, giggling appearance. Elladan’s youth was part of what attracted him to the half-Elf, but he also appreciated his strong and determined character. “Come to my bed.”

Elladan licked his lips and his insides twitched in anticipation, only adding to his nervousness. Last night he had been inside his lover, and now it was his turn to experience that feeling.

Thranduil laid his love down on the bed, and then crawled closer on all fours. Hovering over Elladan, he kissed the half-Elf passionately and let his tongue slide down his lover’s throat. Traveling down further, he encountered a hard nub of flesh and licked it lightly. Elladan moaned beneath him and the half-Elf’s hands found their way into his hair, tangling in his locks. “Close your eyes, Lirimaer.”

Elladan wondered about the request, but complied, closing his eyes after stealing one more look at Thranduil who was smiling wickedly. Now that his eyes were closed, the touches seemed to grow even more sensual, and when Thranduil pulled down his leggings, he released a sharp whimper. His eyes opened again, locking with Thranduil’s.

Thranduil smiled, amused. “I said, close your eyes, Elfling.” Elladan shut his eyes again and Thranduil rewarded him by bestowing several light kisses onto his stomach. Elladan chuckled, making Thranduil smile in turn. “You are ticklish, Lirimaer, I will remember that.” 

Elladan managed to keep his eyes closed in spite of Thranduil’s teasing tone. He sucked in his breath when something wet and soft touched the head of his erection, suckling softly. He bucked hard and slid deeper into the welcoming warmth. Throwing back his head, he instinctively began to thrust, eager to reach orgasm with this wet heat still wrapped around him.

Letting his young love take control, Thranduil relaxed his throat and managed to keep up with Elladan, taking in as much as he could.

Elladan’s eyes opened involuntarily as Thranduil’s finger traced his lips and he greedily curled his tongue around it, sucking hard. Entranced, he stared at Thranduil’s bobbing head; a curtain of silky gold caressed his skin every time the blond moved and Elladan panted his lover’s name in need. “Thranduil… Please…”

Suddenly the finger was withdrawn, and Elladan’s eyes widened, feeling the slippery digit near the entrance to his body. Pushing deeper into the comfort of the mattress, he surrendered to the sensation. He tensed slightly when Thranduil pushed past the guardian muscle, entering his body. An incredible sensation swept through his lower body and he bit his bottom lip in surprise. Another wave of ecstasy washed through him as Thranduil rubbed that sweet spot inside him. Unable to keep back any longer, he released a pleading gasp, thrust hard, and finally reached orgasm.

Thranduil pulled away; a few drops of his lover’s essence still clung to his lips.

Elladan panted hard and sought out Thranduil’s eyes. The blond gave him an impish look and then reached for a small, glass flask attached to his belt, which he placed on the bed. Holding his breath in anticipation, Elladan lazily watched Thranduil strip. “You are as beautiful as I remember,” he complimented the blond, recalling the silvery reflection of the moon sliding over Thranduil’s naked body.

Thranduil finished removing his clothes and straddled Elladan’s hips. “I want to make love to you, Lirimaer.”

Elladan raised a hand and curled his fingers around his lover’s shaft, stroking the hard flesh experimentally. The moan that Thranduil released made him realize how close the blond was to orgasm. A droplet of pre-ejaculate slid onto his fingertip and Elladan brought it to his lips, getting a small taste of his lover. Unable to find the right words to describe the feelings moving through him, he simply stared at Thranduil.

Thranduil returned that smile, seeing the curious expression in the half-Elf’s eyes at opening the small flask. Drops of clear liquid dripped onto his fingertips and he lay down beside his lover, telling Elladan to drape one leg over his thigh.

Elladan complied and maintained eye contact with his lover, feeling insecure now that the moment was finally upon him. Last night Thranduil’s eyes had been filled with rapture whilst riding him, and he wondered if he would feel the same way when Thranduil finally made love to him.

“Trust yourself to me,” repeated Thranduil. He was extremely pleased with Elladan’s reactions thus far. Elladan trusted him, and seemed eager to proceed. Placing one finger at the entrance to his lover’s body, he slowly massaged the guardian ring. Elladan relaxed and Thranduil pushed past the ring of muscle, confident his young love was ready for this next step.

Elladan sucked on his bottom lip at the invading sensation, but stayed calm and relaxed, recalling how divine it had felt with his lover’s finger had rubbed that certain spot. And now Thranduil was doing it again! Involuntarily he arched his back, mumbling something unintelligible.

Thranduil pulled back, added more oil, and returned with two fingers, slowly sliding back into the tight passage. He sought out Elladan’s lips and kissed him deeply, trying to distract his lover from any discomfort he might feel. Elladan responded eagerly, taking control of the kiss, and Thranduil used that moment to add a third finger.

Elladan’s eyes grew big, feeling full, and he reacted to that invasive sensation by growing erect again. Forgetting to breathe momentarily, he surrendered to the sweet sensation sliding through his groin as Thranduil continued to manipulate that sweet spot inside him.

“Are you ready, Elfling?” Thranduil removed his fingers and watched Elladan closely. “And do not hesitate to say no. I won’t pressure you into doing this when you are not ready.”

“But I am ready; I think…” said Elladan huskily. “I want to complete this bond.” And he desperately wanted to come with Thranduil inside him.

“Tell me to stop if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” said Thranduil firmly. Coating his erection with oil, he studied Elladan’s eyes. “Roll onto your side, Lirimaer. This is your first time and it will be easier on you this way.”

Elladan swallowed nervously and rolled onto his right side, feeling Thranduil spoon behind him. A hot erection pushed eagerly against his cleft and he briefly closed his eyes, wondering what making love would feel like. Thranduil parting his buttocks caused him to tense. The tip of his lover’s erection now pressed against the entrance to his body and his nervousness returned.

Thranduil felt Elladan tense up and reacted by lavishing kisses on to his lover’s delicate neck. His tongue eventually licked the tip of a pointed ear, making his love squirm. His fingers found Elladan’s arousal, stroking slowly whilst his lips nibbled on an earlobe. Slowly, the tension left the half-Elf’s body and Thranduil positioned himself at the entrance to his lover’s body, slowly and carefully pushing past the guardian ring. Now that Elladan’s orgasm was building, it was easier for him to push inside and claim the half-Elf as his own.

Elladan clung to the elder Elf, whose arms were wrapped around his waist, as the invasive feeling grew stronger. Moaning low in his throat, Elladan involuntarily pushed back.

Now that he was buried to the hilt, Thranduil slowly pulled back and then thrust again, aiming for that sweet spot that would bring his lover even more pleasure.  Thrusting slowly and purposefully, he made sure he was bringing his new, inexperienced love pleasure instead of pain. Elladan remained relaxed and he continued to stroke his lover, feeling the tension return to the half-Elf’s body; Elladan was about to come.

His lips suckled the skin beneath Elladan’s ear, leaving a passion mark. Suddenly Elladan pushed back, and delirious moans tumbled from his lover’s lips. He changed the angle of his next thrusts, brushing his lover’s sweet spot. Elladan yelped and suddenly hot cream dripped down his hand. Forcing himself to stop thrusting, he relished feeling the spasms around his shaft. Releasing his orgasm as well, he thrust one last time, biting Elladan’s neck simultaneously.

Elladan trembled, as Thranduil’s teeth broke his skin. His lover’s hold on him tightened and Thranduil pulled him even closer. Looking over his shoulder, he saw rapture on the blond’s face. “Thran… duil?” His voice shook violently and he felt relieved when the elder Elf locked eyes with him.

“Amin mela lle,” whispered Thranduil, smiling, satiated. Slowly pulling out, his sated sex left his lover’s body. “How do you feel, Elladan? Did I hurt you?” He hoped not. He hadn’t witnessed any signs of discomfort and he had watched the half-Elf’s reactions closely during their lovemaking.

Elladan quickly reassured him. “You only brought me pleasure as you said you would.” Slowly, he rolled onto his other side so they lay facing each other. Raising his hand, he caressed his lover’s face. Thranduil’s eyes sparkled; the stars had never shone this brightly before.

One hand stroked Elladan’s back, whilst his other brushed back damp locks of dark hair. “Lirimaer, there is no turning back. We are now mated for life. I hope you will never regret it.” Thranduil moistened his lips. “We must discuss our future. So many things are happening and –“

Elladan nodded once. “Ada told me several Elves will sail to Valinor, and I think he is one of them, but I cannot imagine ever leaving Imladris. This is home.”

Thranduil’s smile revealed his relief. “I want to stay as well. I care about the forests, the animals and all inhabitants of Arda. I have no desire to leave either.”

“We will stay then.” Elladan curled his fingers around the blond’s hand and brought it to his lips, bestowing a gentle kiss on its knuckles. “Amin mela lle.”

Thranduil pulled his love close, holding him tightly. “I will never desert you.”

Elladan smiled sleepily as his eyes closed. Tension and lovemaking had exhausted him, and his body demanded he rest. “Melamin…” Dozing off, he squeezed Thranduil’s hand once more.

Enfolding the half-Elf in a warm embrace, Thranduil tucked Elladan’s head beneath his chin and continued to stroke his back soothingly. “We belong to each other now, Lirimaer, and I pray we will never be separated.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel placed hot tea, lembas, fruits, cheese and some smoked salmon on the kitchen table. He had spent the rest of the day exploring their surroundings and had found a lovely spot at the Bruinen where Elrond would love sitting in the sun. He had let his lover sleep, knowing very well how exhausted Elrond was. The dark haired half-Elf needed time to recover, and that included lots of sleep.

Stepping into the bedroom, Glorfindel leaned against the wall and watched Elrond sleep. The half-Elf was full of surprises; he hadn’t expected Elrond to instigate any lovemaking at this point, but he was glad his lover had taken that step. For the first time since admitting their feelings their love felt real.

Elrond somehow sensed that he was being watched in his sleep, and awakened to find Glorfindel’s gaze directed at him. Lazily, he stretched. The pain in his chest was growing less with each passing day and even his ankles seemed to be mending. And he owed it all to his lover’s excellent care.

“I prepared something to eat for us. Would you like me to carry you into the kitchen?” asked Glorfindel.

Elrond nodded thankfully. “I do feel hungry. You wore me out, melme.”

Glorfindel laughed warmly, pushed back the covers and lifted Elrond in his arms. “You look better today. Must be the rest you are getting,” he said teasingly.

“Rest?” Elrond raised one eyebrow. “I have not had much rest yet.”

“And whose fault is that?” Glorfindel continued his teasing, whilst helping Elrond to settle down on the chair. “I was asleep, having completely innocent dreams, I might add, and you woke me!”

Elrond grinned wickedly. “I did not hear any complaints at the time.”

Glorfindel sat down as well and poured them some tea. “You surprised me,” he admitted honestly. “I was not sure you were strong enough yet for that kind of activity.”

Elrond noticed the smug smile on the blond’s face. “You are still awfully proud you recalled bringing that oil.”

Glorfindel’s smile sparkled. “Aye, I am proud I did! Because of it we can now enjoy days and nights filled with lust and love.”

Elrond sipped his tea, studying Glorfindel. “So that is the real reason you manipulated me into coming here? You want to ravish me day and night?”

Glorfindel leaned in closer and provocatively licked his lips, knowing what it did to Elrond. The half-Elf groaned, growing hard again. “What did you think, Elrond? Of course I want to ravish you. I want to hear you scream your pleasure and beg me for more.”

A weak blush settled on Elrond’s face. “Glorfindel…”

“I want to feel you beneath me, squirming with need the way you did only hours ago. Being inside you was incredible, and I want to feel that close to you again.” Glorfindel brushed one stray lock away from Elrond’s face and pushed it behind the half-Elf’s ear. “I want to explore every delicious inch of your body. I will find ways to drive you insane with passion.”

Elrond felt at a loss for words. Looking into Glorfindel’s eyes, he sensed that his lover was sincere. Glorfindel had always struck him as a sensual being, but he had never expected his lover to be this eager to make love to him. “It has been a while,” said Elrond, trying to explain. “It has been a while since someone wanted me like that. After Arwen was born Celebrian and I had separate bedrooms. She did not want to get pregnant again and we seldom made love. Shortly after that the Orcs attacked and –”

Glorfindel nodded. “I know that this is new to you and that it is making you nervous, but you are in good hands with me, melamin. There is no reason to worry. I believe we are meant to be together, and making love to you was a divine experience.”

The blush remained on Elrond’s face and Glorfindel sighed deeply, marveling at the fact that it made Elrond even more attractive. “Eat, and maybe we can later watch the sunset together?”

“I would like that.” Elrond rested his hand on Glorfindel’s and gently squeezed it. When had he seen the sun set for the last time? Too long ago. He would love to share that experience with his lover.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I will fill the bathtub,” offered Elrohir when they returned to Erestor’s rooms. Looking at the elder Elf, Elrohir was relieved to see that some color had returned to the once pale face. /I hope it helps that he knows I am not leaving him to deal with this on his own. I really want to help him overcome his fears./

“Thank you.” Erestor eyed Elrohir curiously. He was beginning to believe that Elrohir was sincere and that the young half-Elf was determined to see them through this, but the reason still eluded him. Why would Elrohir want to be with someone like him?

Erestor followed Elrohir into the bathroom where his former student began to fill up the tub with hot water. Elrohir even added some oil and the room filled with the sweet fragrance of lilies. Erestor hesitated, not wanting to remove his clothes in Elrohir’s presence, and shuffled his feet, waiting for the half-Elf to leave the room.

Elrohir looked over his shoulder and expected to find Erestor in the process of undressing, but the elder Elf’s look told him that Erestor preferred some privacy when bathing. “I will collect some things from my rooms and then return here.”

Erestor sighed relieved, but noticing Elrohir’s disappointed expression he felt guilty for shutting him out like that. He took a step closer to the younger half-Elf and rested his hand on Elrohir’s shoulder. “Pen-neth, this is not about you. Ever since that night I feel uncomfortable showing myself naked to others. That is why I never joined Elrond and your brother when I was invited to the baths. I –“ Erestor lowered his eyes and stared at the floor. “I still carry scars from that night.”

Elrohir’s heart went out to Erestor. “I hope that the time will come when you no longer feel uncomfortable in my presence, Arato-nin.” Slowly he pulled the dark haired Elf close and rested his forehead against Erestor’s. Looking into dark eyes, he smiled weakly. “There is no need to feel ashamed.”

Erestor’s eyes closed momentarily. “Rationally I understand that, but my feelings say something different." He couldn’t reveal the ugly scars to Elrohir, not now and maybe never. He doubted the younger half-Elf understood what those Orcs had done to him and seeing those scars would make it terribly real. What if those scars scared Elrohir away? He would never forgive himself for losing Elrohir in that way.

“You can have all the time you need, Arato-nin,” said Elrohir reassuringly. “I will check on you in one hour, and maybe we can go for a short stroll in the gardens? It is a lovely evening.”

Erestor nodded shyly. “We will go for a walk, but I really need to check if there are any urgent matters that require my attention. I doubt your father has recovered enough to see to those matters.”

“Later,” decided Elrohir, “First you will bathe and relax.”

Erestor gave in, knowing very well how stubborn Elrohir could be. “Agreed.”

Elrohir walked over to the doorway, regretting leaving Erestor alone when he wanted to be close to the elder Elf.  He wanted to take care of Erestor, and make sure no emotional breakdown would follow. Making eye contact with the dark haired Elf, he nodded once, and smiled warmly.  The weak smile that showed on Erestor’s face made his heart ache and he reminded himself that the other needed time. Closing the door behind him, he drew in a deep breath and headed for his rooms to collect clothes and other personal belongings.

Erestor removed his clothes and draped them over the chair near the doorway. Slowly, he slid into the warm and welcoming water. A sigh fled his lips as he immersed himself, briefly letting the water close over his head. Surfacing again, he leaned back and let the hot water massage his tense muscles, which slowly loosened.

His thoughts returned to Elrohir and the obvious concern he had read in the half-Elf’s eyes. He knew Elrohir worried about him, but was it worry born out of love or pity? Elrohir said he wanted to learn to love him, but was something like that even possible? Wasn’t the young half-Elf forcing himself into something he didn’t want?

His head started to hurt from these racing thoughts which continued to run in circles. Through the years he had learned that it was useless to try to change Elrohir’s mind when the young half-Elf was determined to do something his way.

Massaging his temples, he groaned softly. When had everything become so complicated?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thranduil saw how awareness returned to Elladan’s hazel eyes and smiled as the expression grew warm at seeing him. The youngster had fallen asleep shortly after making love, and he had enjoyed watching him sleep. The large brown eyes sparkled mischievously. “Did you sleep well?”

Elladan nodded once. “But I did not plan to fall asleep on you after…” Recalling the last hour’s events he blushed weakly. “It was even better than I thought it would be.”

Thranduil gracefully accepted the compliment, knowing very well that it had been so good for Elladan because he had gone slowly and had taken great care to properly prepare his young lover. “It will be like that for the rest of our lives.”

Elladan’s blush intensified, hearing those words. “I know Ada will accept this, he told me -- but what about your family, your sons? How will Legolas react to finding out that we are together now?”

“I know my sons very well and I think they will accept this. I am counting on them to understand that our love is true.” He wasn’t worried that Legolas and Valthoron would protest his choice. He had accepted Lurtz, had he not? Why would his sons then begrudge him his love?

“Lirimaer, we are sweaty and should take a bath.” Thranduil pressed a chaste kiss onto Elladan’s brow. “And we need clean clothes as well.”

“I will collect some from my rooms. Will you wait for me? I want to take that bath together.”

“Hurry, then, for I crave a hot bath.” Thranduil released his young love from his embrace and watched Elladan stretch luxuriously when leaving the bed. Although he knew they were now fully mated, he still expected Elladan to reconsider and end this relationship.

Elladan slipped into his robes and grinned wickedly. “Do not worry, I will hurry back to you.” He marched toward the doorway, opened the door and disappeared into the corridor. /Elrohir, where are you? I am dying to tell you what happened!/ He craved telling his twin about Thranduil and the love they shared. His twin would be happy for him, and he desperately needed to tell someone now that his father and Glorfindel had left.

Turning left, he headed for his rooms, which were next to his brother’s, hoping to find Elrohir there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrohir turned around, hearing the knock on the door and instinctively knew it was his twin. They had been able to sense each other’s presence as long as he could remember, and it had often been useful when one of them had gotten into trouble. Elrohir walked over to the door and opened it, gesturing his twin to follow him.

Elladan grinned, but then his expression changed to puzzlement, realizing Elrohir was packing clothes into a bag. “Where are you going?”

“I am moving to Erestor’s quarters,” said Elrohir, momentarily stopping packing. “It is a long story, brother, but he needs someone close right now.”

Elladan saw the worry in Elrohir’s eyes and instantly grew concerned himself. “What happened that Erestor needs you close?” His former tutor always made the impression that he was able to handle anything that came his way. But now that he got a closer look at his brother, he found that Elrohir looked exhausted and a bit too pale. “And what is wrong with you?”

Elrohir considered his brother’s question carefully and reached a decision. “Elladan, sit down.”

“Is it that serious?” But Elladan complied and sat down on the bed. Looking up, he found that his brother was pacing nervously.

Elrohir forced himself to calm down and seated himself next to his twin. “I learned something very important about Erestor.”

“And what is that?” Elladan felt lost. What was his brother trying to tell him?

“Elladan, that night, when the Orcs attacked Nana, they also assaulted Erestor. We were so worried about her, that we never realized there was another victim.”

Elladan had expected a lot of things, but this wasn’t one of them. Elrohir’s words caused a dark pain to reappear and he quickly pushed the memories of his mother’s battered form away. He couldn’t recall Erestor being there. “But Elrohir –“

Elrohir interrupted his brother. “Remember that Glorfindel arrived shortly after we did? We took care of Nana and he looked after Erestor. Try to remember, Elladan, there were two riders on Asfaloth’s back that night.”

Elladan strained his memory, hating the fact that he had to recall that night. Focusing his memories, he frowned, realizing Elrohir was right; Asfaloth had carried two forms that night. “But what does that mean?”

“Erestor knew they tormented Nana and he did his best to distract them, to draw them away from her. They hurt him in every possible way, Elladan, and he nearly died, but Ada and Glorfindel nursed him back to health. We always wondered where Ada was, but he was sitting with Erestor. Nana did not want Ada close, remember?”

“I remember,” said Elladan, nodding his head.  Elrond had spent an awful lot of time in his study, and they had been forbidden to enter that room. He had always wondered why. Now he knew; his father had been looking after Erestor. Then Elrohir’s words fully sank in. “In every possible way? Does that mean…” His voice trailed off, as he was unable to speak the words aloud.

Elrohir nodded, saddened. “They beat and raped him, and I am afraid it happened more than once. He flinches every time I touch him. Elladan, he is so ashamed. And we never noticed! During all those years in which he helped Ada raise us, we never noticed!”

Elladan’s hands turned into fists. “I will now take an even greater pleasure in killing Orcs!”

“I understand that you feel that way,” said Elrohir slowly, “but I doubt your anger will help. Erestor needs our love and support instead.”

“I will try to control my temper, but – Elrohir, I already hated those monsters for what they did to her, but my hate burns even deeper now that I know they hurt Erestor as well!”

Elrohir smiled compassionately. “It happened many years ago and Erestor learned to deal with these dark memories; we can do that as well.” Elrohir paused briefly, seeking out his twin’s eyes. “There is one more thing you should know.”

Elladan sighed distressed, locking eyes with his twin. “This cannot possibly be worse.”

Elrohir drew in a deep breath. “Erestor has been in love with me for years. He told me when he collapsed in my arms.”

“He is in love with you?” Elladan’s eyes grew big. “But he is - was - our mentor!”

“He stopped being our teacher many decades ago, Elladan.”

“Do you love him?” Elladan’s thoughts returned to Thranduil and how happy they were. Did Erestor and Elrohir feel the same way about each other?

Elrohir seriously considered the question before answering it. “After a fashion. I have great respect for him and I greatly care for him.”

“But that is not love.”

Elrohir gave Elladan a thoughtful look. “It is not maddening passion and lust, you are right about that, but maybe this is something deeper, more elemental. I feel deeply for him and I love holding him in my arms, or comforting him. Maybe it is a different kind of love.”

At hearing ‘maddening passion and lust’ Elladan blushed fiercely and realized it was time he shared his secret as well. “It is the way I feel about Thranduil.”

Elrohir’s widened. “Thranduil?” He recalled what his father had told them about Thranduil. “But according to Ada he is arrogant and –“

“That is not true!” stated Elladan in a firm tone. “Elrohir, Thranduil is friendly, warm and compassionate!”

“And you are utterly in love with him,” said Elrohir, recalling that Elladan had confessed to being in love with Thranduil a few days ago.

“And he loves me back.” Elladan lowered his eyes and cringed, knowing his twin would figure everything out.

“Elladan, what did you do?”

“We made love. Twice!” Elladan raised his eyes and stared defiantly at his brother. “We are mated now.”

Elrohir sighed deeply. “Elladan, Ada –“

“I already talked to Ada and he gave me his blessing.”

Elrohir stared at his brother in disbelief. “Are you sure about this?”

Elladan nodded firmly. “Thranduil and I talked and agreed to this bond.”

Elrohir’s expression softened. “And Ada agreed to this as well?”

“Aye, before he left.”

“Left? Elbereth, what happened whilst I was talking to Erestor?”

“Glorfindel took him to a quiet place at the Bruinen to recover and I agree. Ada needs a break.”

“And no one bothered to tell me?”

Elladan shrugged. “I wondered where you were when you were not there to say goodbye to Ada, but I was too intent on solving matters between Thranduil and I.”

“So Glorfindel and Ada left? Then who rules Imladris? Erestor cannot take on that responsibility in his current state.”

“Thranduil will look after all current affairs. Ada and he talked before he left. I think they buried the hatchet… maybe because of me. I know Ada does not want to see me hurt.”

“Thranduil is in charge of Imladris?” Had the whole of Arda gone mad? Elrohir took hold of Elladan’s hand and gently squeezed it, trying to deal with everything he had learned. “You love Thranduil? And you are happy with him?”

Elladan smiled brightly. “Aye, I love him. He is wonderful. I know you will like him once you get a chance to get to know him. Just keep an open mind when you meet him. A lot of what Ada told us no longer applies to Thranduil; he has changed.”

“I will keep an open mind,” promised Elrohir. He wrapped his arms around his brother and hugged Elladan close. “I am happy for you.”

“And I hope you and Erestor work out as well.” Elladan returned the hug, feeling cherished and loved. He could always count on his brother to understand. “You should return to Erestor’s rooms then, if he is not feeling well. I hope he will recover from what those monsters did to him.”

Elrohir pulled back and sought out Elladan’s eyes. “It will help that I do not have to worry about you, brother, now that you have found your love.”

“Do not worry about me, Elrohir. Thranduil and I are happy and we will rule Imladris whilst Erestor and Ada are recovering. Make sure Erestor takes the time he needs to recover, brother, and assure him that he does not need worry about Imladris.”

“I will,” said Elrohir in a grateful tone.

Elladan let go of his brother and got to his feet. “You can find me in Thranduil’s rooms or in Ada’s study.”

Elrohir nodded once. “And I will be in Erestor’s chambers.”

Elladan smiled warmly and headed for the doorway. He would pick up some clothes and toiletries and return to his lover. The fact that Elrohir had found a love as well pleased him, but he wondered at the fact that it was Erestor, their former mentor. He had to admit though that Erestor was handsome and attractive as well as intelligent and diplomatic. /We both ended up with much older lovers,/ thought Elladan, amused. /I hope Erestor and Elrohir will be as happy as Thranduil and I are./

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Erestor? Are you still in the bathroom?” Elrohir frowned at finding Erestor’s rooms empty. He pushed the bathroom door ajar and peered inside. His heart missed a beat, seeing Erestor in the bathtub, still naked and asleep. “Erestor, you cannot fall asleep like that,” mumbled he in a concerned tone. The water had probably long cooled down and couldn’t be comfortable any more.

Grabbing a towel and some warm robes, he walked toward the tub and sat on his heels, studying Erestor. Involuntarily his gaze dropped to Erestor’s shoulders and chest and he sucked in his breath, seeing the scars that disfigured the smooth skin. Entranced he leaned in closer and his fingertips hovered above the skin, not yet touching. Were those bite marks? Other scars stemmed from long, sharp fingernails cutting deep in the flesh. Elbereth, Erestor had endured so much!

A tear slipped from his eyes and dripped from his chin, landing on Erestor’s skin. Suddenly the black eyes filled with life.

Erestor nearly released a keening wail at finding Elrohir this close. He grabbed the towel, scrambled to his feet, wrapped the fabric around his shaking form and ran for the bedroom. Collapsing on the bed, he pulled the blanket around his body, ignoring the fact that he was still wet and shaking. Elrohir had seen the scars! The one thing he had wanted to keep away from the half-Elf had now been revealed! Shaking like a leaf, his gaze fastened on the doorway to the bathroom, dreading Elrohir’s return.

Elrohir drew in a deep breath to steady himself, and when he felt in control of his feelings, he joined Erestor in the bedroom. The elder Elf immediately averted his gaze and now stared at the floor. Sitting down next to Erestor, he extended his hand, hoping the dark haired Elf would take it.

Erestor peeked at Elrohir, uncertain what to say or do. In the end, he freed one hand from beneath the blanket and offered it to the half-Elf, who curled his fingers around it.

“What upset you?” asked Elrohir softly, trying to capture Erestor’s gaze.

“I did not want you to see what they did to me; the marks they left on my body.” Erestor’s voice shook with emotion. “It is a constant reminder of that night.”

Elrohir slowly wrapped an arm around Erestor’s shoulder and pulled him close. “But there is more.”

Erestor panted softly, trying to control his raging emotions. “I was scared seeing them would chase you away.”

“I am still here, am I not?” Elrohir finally caught Erestor’s elusive gaze and smiled warmly. “Those scars will not make me leave.” In order to prove the point he was trying to make, he pushed the blanket slightly down, revealing the scar that showed beneath Erestor’s collarbone. “Allow me.” Tenderly, he planted one kiss on the scar.

Erestor’s eyes swam with tears as Elrohir’s lips touched his marred skin. It felt like finally receiving absolution for what had happened to him so many decades ago. Maybe he could finally start to forgive himself.

Notes:

Nana = mother.

Amin mela lle = I love you.

Melamin = my love.

 

Chapter Fourteen - Saying goodbye

‘Lorien

Haldir signaled Rumil to remain hidden. Celeborn had told them to expect Legolas and a second party, but seeing the Uruk-Hai at the Woodland Elf’s side had stunned them. The thing that baffled him most was the bantering, the teasing tone and the quick, stolen caresses whenever their horses got close enough for them to reach out and touch. Haldir worried about what this might mean. Why would Legolas allow one of their enemies this close? Why hadn’t Legolas killed the Uruk-Hai by now?

“Legolas, I feel eyes upon us,” whispered Lurtz softly, hoping only Legolas’ ears heard his words, but if these watchful eyes belonged to Elves their sharp hearing would also pick up on his comment.

Legolas nodded. He had sensed the gazes as well. “’Lorien’s guardians are watching us and will stop us shortly.” A wicked grin surfaced on Legolas’ face. “They are probably wondering if they should kill you now or wait until after they interrogated you.”

Lurtz growled. ‘Let them try to kill me. They won’t succeed.” His instincts had fully kicked in, making sure he wouldn’t be taken by surprise. “I do not like this.”

“Give them time to get used to your presence, melamin.” Legolas used that last word on purpose, hoping the ‘Lorien Elves understood Lurtz was a friend and not an enemy. Hadn’t Elrond told them about his new mate?

Haldir froze, hearing an Elf call and Uruk-Hai "melamin". He sat hidden behind branches and leaves, his presence unseen by the Uruk-Hai’s eyes, but Legolas’ gaze darted up the tree, revealing he knew Haldir’s whereabouts. /Melamin? Does this mean – Nay, that cannot be. No Elf would take a Uruk-Hai for a mate!/

“Haldir? They are nearing the talan. We should reveal ourselves,” said Orophin. His arrow was aimed at the Uruk-Hai’s heart and he merely waited for Haldir’s order to kill the foul creature.

“Put away your bow,” whispered Haldir. Seeing the disbelief in his brother’s eyes, he shrugged. “Celeborn told us there would be two messengers, Legolas and one other. It does not seem that Legolas is the Uruk-Hai’s prisoner, and he called him "melamin".”

Rumil shuddered. “I heard that as well, but I cannot believe that it is true!”

“We will find out,” said Haldir eventually. His brothers put away their bows as ordered, and Haldir soundlessly lowered himself onto the ground, following Legolas and the Uruk-Hai. Rumil and Orophin stayed at his side; their hands rested on daggers in case they needed to defend themselves against the Uruk-Hai.

“Halt,” said Haldir firmly, stepping onto the path and thus revealing himself. His gaze shifted from Legolas to the Uruk-Hai and back again. Legolas looked as confident and calm as always, but the Uruk-Hai was definitely jumpy and ready to draw his sword. “Lord Celeborn told us to take you to his talan, but...” His voice trailed off, getting a good look at the Uruk-Hai. There was no war paint on his body and no armor either. The sight mystified him.

Legolas glared at Lurtz, telling him with his eyes to remain quiet and to let him do the talking. “Haldir of ‘Lorien, may I present my mate to you? This is Lurtz.”

“Your mate?” Haldir, who prided himself on never showing his emotions openly, now stared at Legolas in shock. “Your mate?” He heard Rumil and Orophin whisper behind him and their tones mirrored his disbelief.

“He saved my life several months ago,” explained Legolas, “and he has changed his ways.”

Haldir forced himself to act politely whilst he was trying to deal with this new information. “I will take you to the Lord and the Lady.” Did they know about Legolas’ new mate? Had Elrond told them? If not, they would be equally shocked!

“Then lead on,” said Legolas in a light tone. He saw the disbelief and loathing in the ‘Lorien Elves’ eyes, but it was something he had expected. When he had accepted Lurtz as his mate he had known that they would encounter a lot of prejudice and that they had to fight to get accepted every time they went somewhere new. Now he had to show Lurtz that he stood at his mate’s side and would not desert him.

Haldir saw determination in Legolas’ eyes, and wondered about the Prince. “Dismount and leave your horses in my brother’s care. Orophin will look after them.”

Orophin cautiously moved closer and Lurtz noticed how the Elf’s hand rested on the hilt of his dagger. He decided against addressing it and dismounted. It was good to feel the earth beneath his feet once more.

Legolas joined them and then turned to face Haldir. “Take us to the Lord and Lady of the Wood. We cannot waste any time.” He wondered how much Haldir knew about the plan to aid Rohan. Had Celeborn and Galadriel already confided in him?

“Follow me.” Haldir turned, but didn’t feel completely comfortable, knowing an Uruk was this close to him. A look at Rumil told him that his brother felt the same way.

Rumil concluded the little procession, keeping a close eye on Lurtz.

They walked in silence, but Rumil noticed the silent looks Lurtz and Legolas exchanged. Walking behind them gave him a good chance to study the Uruk-Hai. To his amazement he found that the long, dark manes had been braided the way the Elves in Imladris wore their hair and the clothes Lurtz was wearing were definitely made by Elves as well. Puzzled, he wondered what had made Elrond accept one of Saruman’s creatures in his home.

After long moments of heavy silence they began to climb the talan. Legolas felt eyes upon them and locked gazes with his mate. Lurtz was doing his best to act unaffected, but the stares were getting to him. Acting on instinct, Legolas grabbed Lurtz’ hand and held onto it.

A murmur swept through the spectators at seeing the gesture. Some frowned in disapproval, others whispered softly that it was a disgrace for an Elf to act like that, and even smaller group stayed silent, watching and keeping back their judgment.

After reaching their destination, Haldir stepped aside. “The Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood,” he announced as a blinding light descended the stairs.

Lurtz’s eyes narrowed, but he stared at the light, never flinching away. The light was bright, but still pleasing to his eyes. Suddenly the light faded, revealing two forms. The Lady’s gaze was directed at him and he cocked his head, returning the look. She was beautiful, but her radiance also chilled his soul. It almost felt like there was too much power bundled in this fragile form.

“Welcome to Lothlorien,” said Celeborn, watching his guests curiously.

“We bring greetings and news from Elrond of Rivendell,” said Legolas, bowing slightly.

“We know why you are here,” said Galadriel. Her gaze still rested on Lurtz. When she had first seen him in her mirror she had feared he would end Legolas’ life, but the Uruk-Hai had nursed Legolas back to health instead. She had watched them during these last few weeks; her mirror giving her an insight into their love.

Celeborn however, didn’t possess his wife’s knowledge, and was at a loss for what to say. When his sentries had told him that an Uruk-Hai was in Legolas’ company he had almost given the command to have the foul creature killed, but Galadriel had stopped him. Now he was slowly beginning to understand why. The way Lurtz looked at Legolas told him there was much love there.

“Elrond and I agree that old allegiances should be honored, and we will fight alongside Men one more time,” said Galadriel, hearing Haldir’s sharp intake of breath. Turning toward him, she added, “Ask for volunteers, Haldir. Our army will leave in the morning. The people of Rohan are fighting an overwhelming force and many of them will die. When you ask for volunteers let them know that many of them will die as well. Do not accept any fathers; let them stay with their children instead. This army will march toward its doom. Let them know the truth.”

Haldir nodded, saddened. “I will tell them.” Raising his eyes, they fastened on Galadriel. “Who will lead this army?”

Galadriel’s eyes were soft and warm, hearing that question. “Who would you chose to lead them?” She already knew the answer.

“I will.” Haldir felt Rumil’s hand settle on his shoulder, and he sensed his brother’s shock. “I will lead them. If my men must face death, so will I.”

Galadriel’s eyes swam with unshed tears. She had known he would volunteer, but a part of her had hoped he wouldn’t, for she had seen his death at Helm’s Deep in her mirror. “Lead them well, Haldir.”

“Brother, I will come with you,” said Rumil firmly.

Haldir shook his head and locked eyes with his brother. “I ask you not to. I do not want to see you among the dead.”

“You cannot stop me. I volunteer.” Rumil gritted his teeth. “Orophin cannot come; he has a wife and child to care for. Let me come instead.”

“Rumil...” Haldir wished he could stop his brother from volunteering, but his hands were tied.

Legolas cleared his throat, discretely trying to draw Galadriel’s attention. “Lurtz and I will join the army as well.”

Galadriel nodded. “Your presence is needed at Helm’s Deep,” she said thoughtfully. “What remains of the Fellowship needs your eyes and ears, and your mate’s power will greatly aid the people of Rohan.”

Legolas and Lurtz nodded. “Thank you, my Lady,” said Legolas softly.

“You should rest now,” added Celeborn, “Rumil, take them to the guest rooms.”

“Please follow me,” said Rumil, who still kept a close eye on Lurtz. In spite of what he had heard he still didn’t trust the Uruk-Hai. He led them to their guest quarters and asked a maiden to bring food and tea. “We will march at sunrise.”

“We will be ready.” Legolas nodded once and watched Rumil leave. Turning to face Lurtz, he saw the dark expression in his mate’s eyes. “You cannot expect them to welcome you with open arms. Remember what I told you? You will have to prove yourself over and over again, but I will never leave your side. You always have me.”

Lurtz cupped Legolas’ chin in the palm of his hand. “Will you make love with me tonight?” He needed his lover’s touch.

Legolas smiled warmly. “Aye, we will make love tonight and fight tomorrow.” Leaning in closer, he claimed Lurtz’s lips and was delighted when those lips parted. He knew the healers had finished smoothing Lurtz’s teeth and although they were still sharp, it now enabled Lurtz to kiss him without the fear of hurting him. Lurtz answered the kiss with a raw hunger which made Legolas take his mate’s hand, leading him to their bed. Tonight they would make love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir raised his gaze and met Galadriel’s. “This is a suicide mission. How many of our kin will die? I dare not ask for volunteers.”

Galadriel inclined her head. “I agree with you, Haldir, but how many more people of Rohan will die without our support? Elrond is right; we have let Men fight too many of our battles.”

Celeborn let go of her hand and walked over to Haldir, placing a hand on the Guardian’s shoulder. “I remember a time when Elves died in battle alongside Men. For too long we remained safe at Men’s expense. That must change. If I could I would lead this army, but Galadriel will sail for Valinor shortly and someone has to look after ‘Lorien.”

Haldir’s eyes widened. “You are sailing for Valinor?” Within seconds his world had been upended.

Galadriel nodded. “The time of the Elves is coming to an end and I will join Elrond when he sails for Valinor. Many of our people will follow. My husband has decided to stay here, and I already mourn losing him. Your destiny lies in Edoras, Haldir.” An immensely sad tone slipped into her voice, recalling seeing his death. “I always loved you like you were my own flesh and blood, Haldir, but you cannot change your destiny and neither can I.”

“I will do as you command, my Lady,” said Haldir softly. “But my heart is slowly dying at hearing that you will leave our beloved land.”

Galadriel was losing the fight to keep back her tears and slowly turned away from them. “Fight bravely, Haldir and take good care of the lives entrusted to you. One last word, my son; you can trust the Uruk-Hai. I saw his heart in my mirror and it is true.”

Haldir watched her climb the stairs, and for the first time in his life she seemed old. Her movements were slow and a great sadness emanated from her being. How heavy this decision must weigh on her, sending her people into certain death.

Celeborn’s hand still rested on his shoulder and he sought out his Lord’s eyes. The blue in them seemed clouded by sadness. “Can’t we stop this madness?”

Celeborn shook his head. “I do not want them to die either, but I agree with Elrond and Galadriel. It is time we accept our responsibility and joined in the fighting.”

Haldir looked at Celeborn; in his heart he agreed. “But the price will be high.”

“It is already high, but so far we have been spared, Haldir.” Celeborn drew in a deep breath and pulled Haldir close, bestowing one last embrace on his lover. “You must be strong now, meleth-nîn. We will be separated and I do not know if we will ever meet again in this lifetime.”

Haldir rested his head on the elder Elf’s shoulder. “Our time together was too short. If I fall in battle I hope the Valar will allow me to be reborn, and I pray I will find you again.”

Galadriel’s eyes finally released their tears, hearing the dedication in their voices. She stood watching them from atop the stairs, hating the fact that this war would separate them. Her heart went out to them, knowing the pain they were in.

She had married Celeborn out of love, and her love had been returned. Celebrian was born and their love had deepened, but the physical attraction had been lost some time during the millennia they had shared together. When Celeborn had first shown an interest in Haldir, she had encouraged it, much to his stunned surprise. She had made sure the two Elves met, talked and revealed their attraction. She had never feared losing her husband’s love, knowing they were tightly tied together emotionally, but she had felt saddened, knowing he still craved the physical side of their love when she could no longer give that to him.

Haldir had always been one of her favorites and she found that watching them together made her happy as well. There was much love in their eyes and gestures when they held each other.

Now she waited patiently for Celeborn to join her. They had much to discuss. Later that night Celeborn would return to his own private rooms; they’d had separate bedrooms for centuries now and she liked having her privacy restored. Although she loved Celeborn deeply, she was turning more solitary with the passing of years.

Celeborn held Haldir close a little longer and then broke the embrace. “Always remember I love you, Haldir. And I pray you will return to me after the war.”

“I will stay alive for you,” vowed Haldir passionately. His eyes briefly left Celeborn and locked with Galadriel’s. Seeing the pain in them, he released Celeborn. “You should comfort her; she does not deserve to feel like this.”

“You are strong, Haldir,” said Celeborn, regretting having to let go of his lover. “But you are entitled to comfort as well. Do you want me to seek you out tonight?”

But Haldir shook his head. “Being together one last time would only add to our pain and I will be busy gathering the volunteers. Stay with her tonight. I will find comfort with my brothers.” He longed to be with Celeborn, but knew tonight was not theirs. “We will say our goodbyes in the morning.”

Celeborn sighed, distressed. “I do not want to lose you. Please take good care of yourself. You are very precious to me.”

Haldir raised his hand and caressed his lover’s face. “We will meet again,” he vowed, but somehow the words felt wrong. Was he destined to die at Helm’s Deep? His heart cried out at the injustice and an ominous feeling washed over him. Would he ever feel his lover’s touch again?

Celeborn slowly climbed to stairs to join his wife, but his heart stayed with Haldir, hoping his love would return to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir’s gaze was infinitely sad when he looked at the nearly two hundred sentries that had stepped forward when he had called for volunteers. He had made sure they knew there was little chance they would return to ‘Lorien, but still they volunteered. “Say your goodbyes to your loved ones and join me at dawn.”

The volunteers left to join their family and lovers for one last time, and Haldir bowed his head in defeat.

Orophin moved closer toward him and wrapped his arms around Haldir’s shoulders. “Brother, they made their decision knowing what lies ahead of him. Do not feel guilty for leading them to Helm’s Deep.”

Haldir turned in the embrace and locked eyes with Orophin. “At least you are spared.”

“If I could I would join you, but Rumil will accompany you. You must look out for our brother.”

Haldir nodded. “Where is he?”

“He went to gather his things. We will spend the night at your quarters, brother. I do not think you should be alone tonight.”

“How very right you are...” whispered Haldir in a choked tone. “I will lead my men into death and –“

Orophin stopped him and hugged him close. “Come with me.” Orophin led his brother to his rooms where Rumil was already awaiting their arrival. “We should sleep tonight.”

Haldir allowed himself to be guided to the bed where the three of them lay down, holding each other close. Soothed by his brothers’ presence Haldir managed to drift off into a restless sleep.

Rumil and Orophin’s stares met. Orophin lay behind Haldir, hugging his elder brother close and Rumil had settled in front of Haldir, stroking the silver hair.

“Rumil, this weighs heavily on him.”

Rumil nodded, but continued to stroke his brother’s hair. “I will be his shadow.”

“Many of us will die and I am afraid Haldir will be one of them. I cannot explain this feeling.”

“I feel it as well,” agreed Rumil. “I will see to his safety.”

Orophin still felt worried, but also realized the situation was out of his control. He had to believe Rumil and Haldir would keep each other safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imladris

Elrohir rocked Erestor slowly, while whispering softly to him. “You kept this inside for so long, Arato-nîn, let it go now. I do not think less of you because of these scars. You will always be my champion. Do not feel ashamed.”

Looking Elrohir in the eyes, Erestor slowly dropped the blanket, revealing more bite marks that had left him scarred for life. “Are you sure you still want me? You should know what you are getting yourself into.”

Elrohir swallowed hard and stopped Erestor from dropping the blanket even farther. The elder Elf’s hands shook; Erestor wasn’t ready yet to take this step. Pulling the blanket back into place, he pulled the other close. “Your body has healed and although it carries scars I will not love you less because of them. They are a part of you, and I want all of you.”

Erestor hesitantly met the half-Elf’s gaze. “How can you be so sure?”

Elrohir smiled. “Because you have a wonderful spirit, Arato-nîn. Being with you is a precious gift.”

“Even when I break down in tears constantly?”

“That will pass, Erestor. You will grow stronger and more confident, and the past will lose its hold on you. Give it time.”

Erestor nodded slowly. “I never thought this would ever happen. I had dreams in which you spoke those words, but to actually hear them, I –” Speechless, he cuddled up to Elrohir, who slowly lowered them onto the bed. He expected himself to panic, but he felt safe and treasured, as Elrohir stroked his back.  “I dreamt of it during lonely nights, but to actually feel you this close and to know that you will stay... I cannot believe it yet.”

“I understand, Arato-nîn.” Seeing water drip from Erestor’s hair, he pressed a chaste kiss on the other’s brow. “Stay here whilst I fetch a towel and comb to attend to your hair.”

Erestor nodded once, and regretted that Elrohir was leaving the bed, but a moment later the half-Elf returned and nudged him to sit upright. He allowed Elrohir to towel dry his hair, and sighed blissfully when gentle fingers began to untangle the long locks. The comb slid easily through the dark strands and Elrohir braided them skillfully. Recalling that the half-Elf had mentioned walking the gardens earlier, he looked over his shoulder, meeting sparkling brown eyes. “We can go for that walk if you still want to.”

Elrohir smiled enthusiastically. “I would love to.” Realizing that Erestor was still naked beneath the blanket, he left the bed and selected burgundy colored robes from Erestor’s wardrobe.

Erestor shyly dropped the blanket and quickly slipped into the soft robes. He felt a little more confident now that had Elrohir had seen the scars and not left. After fastening the robes he rose from the bed, joining Elrohir and taking the half-Elf’s hand in his. “I will try to overcome my fears and doubts,” he promised softly. “But it will not be easy. I lived with them for so long that it is hard to fight them.”

“We will fight them together,” said Elrohir in a doting tone. “Let us now venture outside and enjoy the sun set, Arato-nîn.”

As they walked toward the gardens, Erestor tried to sort out his thoughts and feelings. Elrohir seemed determined to see him recover, and the younger half-Elf was giving him all the strength and courage he needed to face that horrid night. For Elrohir’s sake he had to try.

“You are brooding,” whispered Elrohir as they stepped into the gardens.

Erestor followed as Elrohir led him toward a bench, where they both sat down. His hands were cradled by the half-Elf and Erestor finally sought out puzzled brown eyes. “I was thinking back to that dreadful night.”

“You can confide in me about that faithful night. I won’t shy back from it. Maybe talking about it will ease your burden.”

“You are right, I must face the past before I can look toward the future.” Erestor drew in a deep breath, hoping his strength would not desert him. “At first they beat me. They used their fists, sticks and their swords to beat me into submission. I remained defiant though, knowing it would enrage them further. Celebrian was at the back of the cave, and saw everything.”

Elrohir sucked in his breath. He couldn’t imagine how hard reliving that night was on Erestor.

Erestor sighed, determined to see this through. His eyes remained locked with Elrohir’s and he drew strength from their connection. “When they turned their attention to her, I called them cowards. It infuriated them, and they concentrated on me instead, leaving her alone again. I had achieved my goal, but--” Erestor swallowed convulsively. “They stripped me, ripped the clothes from my back, and their sharp fingernails dipped beneath my skin. I thought beating me was the worst thing they could do, but I was so wrong...”

Elrohir sat silently, giving Erestor the time he needed to tell this horrid tale. He showed his support by gently rubbing the elder Elf’s knuckles.

Erestor was no longer able to maintain eye contact and lowered his gaze. “They started to touch me. I managed to remain silent, knowing my defiance angered them; they wanted to hear me scream instead. I fought to maintain my silence, thus keeping them away from Celebrian.” Erestor shook violently, reliving those horrific moments. “I had never had a male lover and was completely unprepared for what was going to happen.”

Elrohir swallowed hard. Erestor’s fingers felt icy cold in his and he rubbed them, trying to warm them again.

“It took five of them to make me scream. I was hurting badly at that point and bleeding.” Erestor’s voice deserted him momentarily and he forced his quickening breathing to slow down again. “They forced themselves on me until I fainted. Then Celebrian’s screams for help made me regain consciousness, and I yelled at those cowardly dogs to leave her alone, knowing only too well how they would punish me. But Celebrian was safe once more.”

Elrohir’s mouth had gone dry, hearing Erestor’s pain-filled tone. “You kept Nana safe, but you paid a terrible price.”

“Thankfully Glorfindel arrived, and whilst Elladan and you were busy seeing to your mother, he wrapped me up in his cloak. I was close to dying when he found me.”

Elrohir frowned. “I was always told that Elves who were violated died-- but you did not, and I thank Elbereth for that, but I wonder what kept you alive.”

A faint blush appeared on Erestor’s pale face. “You did.”

“I did?”

Erestor stared into the distance, avoiding meeting Elrohir’s eyes. “I have loved you for many years, pen-neth, but you were so young. I could not reveal my feelings to you, and even now you seem too young to be tangled in this web of emotions.”

Elrohir placed two fingers under Erestor’s chin and lifted the elder’s face gently so their gazes could meet. “Seeing me tend to my mother and completely forgetting about you must have hurt.”

“It did, but I understood that your first concern was for her. She is your mother.” Erestor briefly closed his eyes now that he could not look away. “I clung to my love for you when Glorfindel placed me on Asfaloth’s back and took me back to Imladris. Whilst Elrond tended to my injuries, it was your face I saw, not his. I did not know I was hallucinating and close the Halls of Mandos, but once I was recovering I understood my mind had deceived me, making me think it was you who was looking after me.”

“I am so sorry,” whispered Elrohir, feeling miserable.

“Once I began to recover I longed for your presence, but I also understood that I had to distance myself from you and the others, for I did not want you to know what had happened to me. Keeping my distance was the hardest thing I ever did. There were so many times when I craved a touch or a word from your lips, but I could not have it.” Erestor sighed tiredly. “I never wanted you to find out.”

“I never thought I would say it, but I am glad Ada told me about that night.” Elrohir moistened his lips. “It made me seek you out. If he had not told me, I would not have found out that you loved me.”

Erestor finally met the half-Elf’s gaze, which was filled with affection and compassion. “And now we are sitting here, holding hands.”

Elrohir reacted at once and brought one of Erestor’s hands to his lips, and pressed a kiss on the palm. “I feel honored that you confided in me, Arato-nîn.”

“You deserve to know what they did to me.” Erestor felt oddly nervous when Elrohir leaned in closer to plant a butterfly kiss on his lips. His skin began to tingle with warmth, and it coursed through him, driving away the perpetual cold that had taken up residence inside his soul since that dreadful night. “What are you doing?” he whispered against Elrohir’s lips.

“I am kissing you,” said Elrohir in a gentle tone, realizing how lost Erestor felt. “You never expected me to return your feelings and now that you have me, you do not know what to do.”

It was true. Erestor briefly closed his eyes and nodded once. “I do not know how much I can give you, pen-neth. I feel maimed for life.”

“It does not have to be that way,” whispered Elrohir, resting his hand at the back of Erestor’s neck, gently pulling the elder Elf closer. “Let go of your fears and enjoy the kiss and my closeness.”

Erestor opened his eyes, needing to make visual contact with the younger half-Elf. “I want to let go of my fears, but I am not sure I can.”

Elrohir gently claimed Erestor’s lips, keeping the embrace and kiss light. The dark haired beauty moaned softly, melting against him and a smile stole onto Elrohir’s face. /He trusts me and wants me. In the end, he will overcome his fears. Our love will prevail./

 

Chapter Fifteen - Helm's Deep

/Lurtz, join me. I require your help./

Galadriel’s soft voice immediately pulled Lurtz from his dreams. Careful not to wake his sleeping mate, he eased Legolas onto his side. Lurtz rose from the bed and looked about, expecting to see Galadriel close, but she was nowhere in sight.

/Down here, Lurtz./

Hearing her voice in his head was a strange sensation, but he complied anyway. After putting on his clothes, he descended the talan and ignored the curious looks he was getting. At the foot of the tree, Galadriel stood waiting for him. The white apparition signaled for him to follow, and he cautiously walked toward her.

Galadriel stopped and reached for the carafe filled with water, which she poured into the bowl that would show her the future. “Look into my mirror, Lurtz, and tell me what you see.”

Remaining alert, Lurtz looked into the water. Instantly waves appeared, and images formed in the water. Thousands of Uruk-Hai, Orcs and Easterlings attacked, slaughtering young boys, old men and experienced soldiers. Legolas appeared as well, holding his own and counting how many enemies he had taken out, shouting the number to a Dwarf. Rumil was there as well, fighting bravely. Lurtz briefly looked at Galadriel, wondering why she had asked him to look at the future.

“A –possible- future,” said Galadriel softly. “Look again.”

Lurtz looked into the water once more and this time he saw Haldir, fighting alongside his archers. They were fighting a losing battle, but still Haldir refused to admit defeat. “They are greatly outnumbered.”

“Watch,” said Galadriel, but this time her voice trembled, already knowing what would happen next.

Lurtz growled when a sword slid through Haldir’s arm, distracting the Elf. Another Uruk-Hai came up from behind the ‘Lorien Elf, raised his sword and cleaved Haldir’s back in two. Lurtz sucked in his breath, seeing the agony in Haldir’s eyes. “He will die?”

Galadriel held Lurtz’s inquisitive stare. “You have the power to keep him alive; to change his destiny.”

“I should have known,” sighed Lurtz. “Why am I always the one to save these Elves?”

“’Tis your strength,” explained Galadriel. “You saved Legolas and later you cared for Glorfindel. Why not save one more Elf?”

Lurtz’s eyes narrowed in surprise. “You watched me?”

“My mirror shows me many things,” said Galadriel evasively. “I know that your love for Legolas is true and that you care for our kind. I would ask of you to keep one more Elf safe, for Haldir is very precious to me.”

Lurtz considered the request. “My first concern is for Legolas.”

“Look at the water,” said Galadriel, working her magic once more.

Lurtz stared and more images appeared. This time cheers filled the sky as the last members of Saruman’s army were chased back to Isengard.

“You will win this battle and Legolas will remain unharmed. He has honed his skills for millennia and knows how to keep himself safe. You do not have to worry about him in the upcoming fight.”

Lurtz smiled, seeing Legolas embrace him now that the victory was theirs. Relieved that his mate would come to no harm, Lurtz continued to watch as the vision changed, showing him Haldir’s corpse.

Galadriel took a step closer to him and inclined her head. “You are an unknown power in this eternal fight between good and evil. You hold Haldir’s fate in your hands. Will you keep him safe for me?”

Lurtz’s gaze shifted back to the water, which still showed him Haldir’s dead body. “I will do the best I can.”

Galadriel sighed relieved. “That is all I can ask for. Thank you, Lurtz.” She turned to leave, but then looked over her shoulder to meet his eyes one last time. “Many millennia ago, Elves were taken prisoner by the dark forces and changed into Orcs; and later into Uruk-Hai. I always wondered if some good survived the darkness and it seems it did. Your heart has been touched by love and you took the chance Legolas offered you. The two of you will be happy and live a long and fulfilled life.”

“Thank you, my Lady,” said Lurtz, feeling puzzled at hearing her words.

“You will always be welcome here.” Galadriel moved toward the talan, leaving Lurtz to ponder everything that he had just learned. She could only hope that Lurtz would remember to watch Haldir’s back when that horrible moment would arrive.

Lurtz returned to their guest rooms, finding Legolas awake. Large, azure eyes met his and he sat down on the edge of the bed, enjoying the feel of Legolas’ arms folding themselves around him.

“Where did you go? I was about to search for you when you returned.” Legolas felt worried.

“Galadriel wanted to talk to me. She made me look into her mirror.”

Legolas held his breath. “What did you see?” It was considered a rare privilege to be awarded a look at Galadriel’s mirror.

“You will survive the upcoming battle,” started Lurtz, leaning back into his mate’s body, “but Haldir won’t. She asked me to keep him safe and to make sure he survives.”

“Haldir will die? Aiya, if you can prevent it, please do.” Legolas’ heart twisted in anguish at the fought of losing Haldir. “He is a skilled warrior, renowned for his knowledge of wood lore and loved by many. If you can save his life, you should.”

“I promised to do the best I can,” said Lurtz, worried. “It would be easier if she stopped Haldir from leaving; then he would not face any danger at all.”

“It is not that easy. Haldir is ‘Lorien’s Guardian. It is his task to lead his men into battle.” Legolas rested his head on his mate’s shoulder. “Haldir would never agree to stay behind.”

“Then we do not have a choice,” said Lurtz, thoughtfully. “We must watch his back and keep him safe.”

Legolas pressed a kiss on his mate’s cheek, watching the dark eyes burn with passion. They had made love only hours ago, but it seemed like Lurtz wanted more. “Come here, nîn bellas, and make love to me again. The sun will rise shortly and these are our last private moments.”

Lurtz growled approvingly and claimed his lover’s lips. He would never tire of making love to his beautiful mate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir woke when Rumil struggled to sit upright. “Is it time?” he said in an emotionless tone. He would only be able to go through with this if he kept his emotions tightly controlled.

“Arien is rising, brother, and aye, it is time to get ready.” Rumil watched Orophin wake as well and smiled, saddened, at his brother. “It is time to say goodbye.”

Orophin’s eyes widened, fully realizing for the very first time that he could lose his brothers at Helm’s Deep. “Rumil, Haldir, I –” Searching for the right words, he grew silent when they didn’t come to him.

Haldir extended his hand and pulled Orophin to his feet. He enfolded his brothers in a hug and tried to bury this moment in time, to lock it away in his mind so he could take it out and relive it when he needed it most. “Orophin, our hearts will always be with you. Do not despair about us yet. There is a small chance that we will survive.”

“But my heart feels heavy with foreboding,” said Orophin as he fought his tears.

Haldir placed a brotherly kiss on top of Orophin’s head and then released them. “Rumil, get dressed and then join me. We will march within the hour.”

Rumil grabbed Orophin around the waist and hugged his brother tight, knowing very well this might be the last time he could hold him. “Do not lose faith, brother.”

Orophin allowed Rumil to pull away and wiped at his tears, feeling embarrassed at crying when his brothers needed his support. His heart bled, seeing Rumil and Haldir change their clothes and he helped drape Haldir’s cloak over his brother’s shoulders after adorning the armor.

Rumil, wearing a blue cloak over his armor, joined his brothers. “The moment is finally upon us. Orophin, brother, do not lose heart and believe we will return.”

Orophin grabbed Rumil’s forearms and held him in place. “Return to ‘Lorien. Please do not leave me behind.” Turning toward Haldir, Orophin drew in a deep breath. “I cannot lose you. Keep each other safe.”

Haldir nodded once. “I will watch over Rumil.” Realizing that postponing their departure would only add to their pain, he rested a hand on Rumil’s shoulder and steered his brother toward the corridor. He heard Orophin follow, but didn’t turn around.

Stepping outside, he looked at the gathering of archers, ready to leave ‘Lorien to travel to Edoras where they would meet their fate. His heart twisted in his chest, seeing Celeborn and Galadriel approach. Both looked saddened and troubled, and he wished he could fold his arms around his lover and hold Celeborn close one more time. It was true; their time together had been too short.

Staying true to his role, he bowed slightly and locked eyes with Galadriel. “We are ready to leave, my Lady.” Stealing a look at Celeborn, he saw an unreadable expression in his Lord’s eyes. His attention was drawn away from Celeborn when Legolas and Lurtz appeared. Galadriel had assured him that the Uruk-Hai could be trusted, but in his heart he wasn’t convinced yet.

Haldir managed to hide his own raging feelings when Celeborn rested a hand on his shoulders. Their eyes met and spoke of things which had to remain unsaid between them. He was ‘Lorien’s Guardian, and Celeborn the Lord of the Wood. Galadriel would always stand between them. In public they could never show their true feelings.

“Haldir,” started Celeborn, “it will take you two days to reach Edoras. You must leave now, for they are running out of time. Fight bravely and keep as many of our kin as possible alive. I trust you to lead them well.” But his eyes spoke differently. /Haldir, carry my love with you, and I pray it will sustain you in your darkest hour. Please return to me unharmed./

Haldir inclined his head. “Their lives are safe with me. We will fight well and make you proud.” His eyes met Celeborn’s, hoping his love understood. /I will always love you, Celeborn, but my heart is heavy for I fear I will not return to you. I wish we could share one last kiss./ But kissing his lover in front of his archers was impossible. Haldir straightened his shoulders, nodded respectfully while keeping Celeborn’s gaze and then signaled Rumil to follow him to the head of the army. At his signal, the archers marched forward, following their leader.

Galadriel placed her hand on Celeborn’s and cradled his fingers in hers. “Darkness has come over your mind, my husband.”

“I fear losing him.” Celeborn sighed, distressed, knowing he could not keep this from his wife any longer. “When Lurtz looked into your mirror I saw Haldir’s death as well.”

Galadriel’s eyes filled with compassion. “Then you also know that Lurtz and Legolas will do their best to keep Haldir safe. You must have faith, my husband.”

Celeborn nodded, and his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. “My heart is leaving me and I do not know how to deal with the loss.”

“Let me comfort you,” offered Galadriel. “We will sit and talk, and I will look into my mirror on the morning of the third day, after the battle at Helm’s Deep has been fought.”

“And you will tell me if he survived or not?” Celeborn’s eyes filled with hope.

“I will tell you, meleth-nîn. Now come with me and we will talk about Haldir and Rumil. Maybe talking about them will ease our pain.” Galadriel gently squeezed his hand and led him back to their rooms, hoping Haldir would return to ‘Lorien shortly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir’s heart was heavy with loss and regret, and when Rumil’s hand settled on his shoulder, he forced himself to leave his musings behind. What good was it to dwell on the past when the future held such pain and terror? He should face his fate and accept that they were going to die.

Rumil sensed how hard this was on his brother. Haldir had never kept his love for Celeborn a secret to his brothers and Orophin and he had found out at an early stage. He had rejoiced for Haldir, having found true love, but now the separation hurt Haldir deeply. “He will wait for you to return to him. Hold onto your love for him.”

Haldir’s face seemed carved out of marble, bereft of any emotion, but when one looked closer, the eyes simmered with tears and regrets. He had to forget about Celeborn and the love he bore the Lord of the Wood. His men depended on him and he had to make sure the casualties were as few as possible.

“Haldir, you can talk to me. I am your brother. I know your heart, your love and your doubts.”

Haldir looked about; making sure none of his men could hear him. “Rumil, I will need your support in the next few days. The fact that many of us will die weighs heavily on my mind.” He didn’t dare mention missing Celeborn’s love, for their relationship had to be kept a secret; none of his men could find out.

“I will be at your side,” vowed Rumil passionately. “I will be there when you need me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas stayed close to Lurtz, aware of the curious and sometimes hostile looks his mate was getting. It would take the ‘Lorien Elves some time to get used to Lurtz’s presence, and he wasn’t sure they would ever trust him. Two days wasn’t nearly enough for Lurtz to prove himself to the Galadhrim.

“They don’t trust me,” said Lurtz softly. “I cannot blame them for being alert, but I do hope they won’t attack me in the back during the battle.”

Legolas blinked once. “Not on purpose, but –” Legolas paused briefly. “In the heat of battle they might mistake you for one of the attacking Uruk-Hai.  Maybe we should stay close to each other.”

Lurtz nodded once. “And the two of us should stay close to Haldir. He doesn’t trust me either and I wonder if he will even let me get close to him.” But he had promised Galadriel to keep Haldir safe. “We know what will happen during the battle…” mused Lurtz. “Legolas, keep an eye on Haldir as well in case I fail.”

“I will watch him closely.” Legolas exchanged a look filled with longing and affection with Lurtz. “It will be a massacre.”

“They will be slaughtered. Ten thousand against a handful of archers and inexperienced soldiers. Will our presence make a difference?”

”We must believe that,” said Legolas thoughtfully. “You told me that you saw victory in Galadriel’s mirror. Cling to that. Somehow we will survive and claim victory.”

Lurtz recalled the images in Galadriel’s mirror. “You are right. We will be victorious.”

“And we must make sure Haldir stays alive,” said Legolas softly. “Much depends on you, Lurtz.”

“I will not fail him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imladris

Erestor slowly entered Elrond’s study, surprised to find Elladan and Thranduil going through several papers. Elrohir had hinted that Elrond had asked Thranduil to perform his duties while recovering, but seeing the blond Elf-Lord seated behind the desk was a rare sight. Softly clearing his throat, he announced his presence.

Elladan looked up first. “Erestor!” Seeing his former tutor, he got up from his seat in the windowsill and handed the dark haired Elf some documents. “We do not know what to do with these; maybe you do.” Suddenly, Elrohir’s words returned to him and he had to fight to keep the emotions from showing clearly on his face. Now that he knew the truth, Erestor’s expression looked haunted to him and the advisor’s hands trembled slightly as he accepted the papers.

Elladan’s heart went out to the elder Elf, but he managed to hide his concern. Questions swirled in his mind and he wanted to ask Erestor how the elder Elf had coped after that fateful night, but his vocal chords refused to voice those questions. /I cannot ask him. Erestor does not even know that Elrohir told me! I must act normally./

Thranduil looked up from behind the desk and recognized the chief advisor. “Erestor, your help is most welcome.” Ruling Imladris differed greatly from ruling Mirkwood.

Erestor inclined his head. “How can I help?” Elladan’s gaze met his and he flinched, seeing the expression in them; it mirrored Elrohir’s when the half-Elf worried about him. Did Elladan know as well? /Elrohir and Elladan are close, and they cannot keep secrets from each other. Of course Elladan knows./ That thought saddened him. For so many decades he had managed to keep this a secret, and now everyone seemed to know. Did Thranduil know as well?

Thranduil noticed the tension building between them, but couldn’t explain why the situation felt strained. “Could you look at those papers for me?”

Erestor stared at the papers in his hands, recognizing Elrond’s plans for adding trees and statues to the gardens. “I will take care of it. How else can I be of assistance?” He had come here, hoping to work quietly, but now Thranduil and Elladan’s presence made him uncomfortable.

Thranduil was about to ask Erestor to look at other papers as well, when Elladan spoke first.

“Nay, there is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow,” said Elladan, concerned. “You look tired, Erestor. Maybe you should rest for a little while?”

“Maybe I will.” Erestor’s tone was suspicious, knowing almost certain that Elrohir had confided in his brother. He lowered his gaze, unable to meet Elladan’s gaze any longer. Why couldn’t this have stayed a secret? He felt so ashamed!

“Would you join us for dinner later? I know that you prefer to eat in your rooms, but now that Ada and Glorfindel are gone it will be lonely for all of us.” Elladan cringed privately at the way Erestor was avoiding his gaze. /Aiya, I showed too much; he knows I found out./

Erestor’s mouth became awfully dry. “I will try to join you for dinner, but I do not feel well.” Seeing Elladan’s alarmed look he realized he had said the wrong thing.

“What ails you, Erestor? I may not have Ada’s gift of healing, but I do know which herbs he uses to cure certain ailments.” Elladan reached out instinctively, resting his hand on Erestor’s shoulder and noticed the tremors coursing through the elder Elf. He was tempted to pull back, but didn’t, needing the physical contact. He had never realized how close they had come to losing Erestor. /And until now I did not know how much I cared for him./ Erestor was a trusted friend, and he would not desert the elder Elf whilst he was struggling with his past. “You can tell me.”

Thranduil had placed the quill on the desk and watched Erestor closely. For the first time he noticed how pale and gaunt Erestor had become. “I might be able to help as well,” he offered. “Elrond is the true healer among us, but I too know a great deal of herb lore.”

Erestor suddenly felt cornered, and forced himself to hide behind the mask he usually wore. He couldn’t show them his distress or pain, and had to make up something that would satisfy their curiosity. “I have trouble sleeping,” he said eventually, opting for a half-truth, knowing very well that Thranduil was perfectly capable of detecting a lie.

“I can remedy that,” said Thranduil. “I will prepare a sleeping potion for you. I will give it to you at dinner.”

Erestor sighed deeply. “Thank you, Thranduil.” He knew better than to dismiss the Elf-Lord’s offer. It was better to give in.

“Now return to your rooms and rest. Elladan and I can manage,” said Thranduil firmly, dismissing the chief advisor. Now that he had studied Erestor extensively, he realized that the dark haired Elf hadn’t slept probably for nights. “Maybe you will sleep better during the day.”

Erestor nodded once, indicating he understood and moved toward the doorway. Would his misery ever end? He had made a fool out of himself in front of Elladan and Thranduil, and now he had been dismissed like a sickly child that refused to rest properly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor headed for his rooms, but halted when he reached the doorway. He could hear Elrohir rummaging about, probably unpacking his belongings and putting them away in the closet. After drawing in a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped inside.

He hadn’t thought it possible, but seeing Elrohir’s personal belongings sit on the table, cupboard and nightstand made him relax. It definitely looked like Elrohir planned to stay for a longer period of time. His cold, empty rooms now felt warm.

Elrohir turned to face him and a content smile appeared on Erestor’s face. “Pen-neth, you warm my heart.” Acting instinctively he opened his arms and wrapped them around Elrohir when the half-Elf pressed his body against his. “Amin mela lle, pen-neth.”

Elrohir beamed at hearing Erestor’s admission, but, pulling back, he got a good look at the dark haired beauty, and he disliked seeing the dark circles under Erestor’s eyes. “Would you like to rest?”

Erestor moistened his lips, feeling oddly nervous. “I do not dare to sleep, pen-neth. The nightmares have been upon me for so long.”

“They seem to stay away when I am close,” observed Elrohir. “I would love to hold you in your sleep.”

Erestor hesitantly met Elrohir’s eyes. “I do not feel comfortable taking up this much of your time.”

“I would rather stay close to you. I would worry constantly, not knowing how you are doing.” Elrohir guided Erestor to the bed and they lay down facing each other. Wrapping an arm around Erestor’s waist, Elrohir adoringly gazed into the other’s black eyes. “You have no idea how good it feels to hold you in my arms. There are no words to describe the contentment running through my soul.”

Erestor still had trouble believing Elrohir enjoyed his company. /I need to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. Eventually he will tire of this behavior -- and then I will be alone again.../ Erestor rested his head against Elrohir’s shoulder, relishing the other’s closeness. His eyes widened, feeling Elrohir press a kiss on to his dark hair.

“Arato-nin, stop doubting yourself,” said Elrohir in a kind tone. “You are much stronger than you think. Please look at me.”

Erestor gathered his courage and looked into Elrohir’s eyes, seeing only affection and concern in them. Luscious, red lips hovered close to his and a sudden urge overcame him; he wanted to possess those lips, to kiss them long and tenderly.

Elrohir saw the hesitance in Erestor’s eyes and kept perfectly still, letting the elder Elf make the first move. He sighed blissfully when Erestor’s lips covered his in a sweet, undemanding kiss. The fact that Erestor had taken the initiative pleased him, and he deepened the kiss.

Erestor gasped slightly at the sensation and stared into Elrohir’s eyes, noticing the dilated pupils. Did he really see passion and need in them, or was it, which was more likely, just his imagination?

When Elrohir released his lips, Erestor could no longer keep quiet. “Pen-neth, you can do so much better than me.”

“Nay,” said Elrohir, shaking his head. “You are the best.”

A lump formed in Erestor’s throat at hearing the sincerity in Elrohir’s voice. A wave of gratitude washed through him and he claimed Elrohir’s lips once more. Feeling the half-Elf’s tongue nudge against his teeth, he parted them, allowing Elrohir to explore his mouth. The entire time his eyes were locked with Elrohir’s; he feared the dark memories would return the moment he closed his eyes or averted them.

Pulling back, Elrohir smiled smugly. From what Erestor had told him, he had gathered that the elder Elf feared intimacy, but Erestor’s reaction to his kisses encouraged him. Erestor loved and trusted him, and that love assured the elder Elf that he wouldn’t be hurt. “My kisses do not make you uncomfortable?” Elrohir fought to keep the knowing tone from his voice.

Erestor shook his head. “Quite the contrary; I feel more than comfortable when you are close. I trust you, pen-neth. I know you could never hurt me.”

Elrohir smile brightened. “I am honored you trust me, Arato-nîn.” He raised a hand and caressed the other’s face. “When I look at you I see wisdom, love, pain and suffering. I want to ease your pain and end your suffering, Erestor. You say you trust me…” His voice trailed off as his hand tangled in the long, black hair.

“Aye, I do,” whispered Erestor, entranced. Elrohir’s eyes seemed to pierce his very soul and the soothing caress to his hair worked miracles, allowing him to lower his guard and -really- allow Elrohir in.

Elrohir saw the change in the dark eyes and smiled lazily. Touching his lips to Erestor’s, his tongue traced the inside of his lover’s lips and then dipped into the wet warmth, coaxing Erestor to join in the sensual duel. Soon their tongues were wrapped around each other, moving in a slow cadence.

To his utter surprise, Erestor felt relaxed and he did not flinch when Elrohir’s fingertips touched his face in a gentle caress. The kiss took his breath away and he panted softly when Elrohir released his lips. “I never thought…”

“What?” Elrohir smiled pleased, having a fairly good idea of what was going on in Erestor’s mind.

“I thought I would never again enjoy someone’s touch,” admitted Erestor shyly. “But I am not ready to…” His voice faded, hesitant to voice his doubts.

“I understand, Arato-nîn.” Kissing didn’t make Erestor feel threatened and the elder Elf was not yet ready to take the next step. Neither was he. Slowly, his feelings were starting to change, and newly found love was taking the place of concern and affection. For the first time, he whispered, “Amin mela lle, Arato-nîn.” The words and sentiment were true. “I am falling in love with you.”

Erestor looked at Elrohir with tired eyes. /What is there to love, pen-neth? Why would you fall in love with me when I have so little left to give? Maybe it would have been better if we had stayed friends instead./ Doubt nagged at his mind, making him feel listless. “Pen-neth, I am not sure about this.”

“But I am,” said Elrohir firmly. “All we need is time. Give yourself the time to heal.” He refused to let Erestor run away from this. “I am not yet ready to take this any further either. We can take our time getting in touch with our feelings.”

Erestor hoped Elrohir wasn’t making a fatal mistake in wanting to pursue this. Elbereth knew he wanted this to work! Raising a hand, he caressed Elrohir’s face. “You are my salvation, pen-neth.”

Elrohir smiled brightly. “We have all the time we need, Erestor, and we will not rush this.” Pressing a kiss onto Erestor’s forehead, he held the elder Elf tight. A content feeling washed over him, telling him that eventually everything would work out between them. But they still had a long and hard road in front of them.

 

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