Title: Those Things You Do
Author: Trinalla Mohani (riddickgurl@yahoo.com.au)
Website: no site
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/main characters: Cyclops/Wolverine with Iceman/Pyro, Jubilation/Rogue feat Xavier, Jean and Storm
Series/Sequel: sequel to The Tale Of Two Hearts, unfinished, parts 1-5
Summary: Logan come back from Canada a changed man. Do they still have a chance to make a relationship work?
Disclaimer: I don't own them and don't get any money from them...more's the pity. ;( I need pocket money!
Date: July 2001 (WIP)
Archive/distribution: Yes,anywhere, just let me know.
Warning: Awfully angsty and sappy and eventually rating will rise. Xavier bashing.
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Those Things You Do 1 (Scott's POV)
By Trinalla Mohani
"So, you're back."
It was the most inane thing to say but I was so overwhelmed with this sudden rush of feeling that bombarded me when I saw him, I couldn't think of anything else to say. It had been almost 5 months since he'd left. He merely grunted and tossed the motorcycle keys in my direction. That hurt. I didn't even rate to be given an answer. Maybe he's exhausted mentally as well as physically, but then the man has an infinite healing ability so that scratches that idea. The only other thing I can think of (besides the one I'm avoiding) is the possibility that he's distracted by events and all the stuff he'd encountered in Canada. Then there's the other one, maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me, be near me. I can't really blame him for ignoring me; we didn't really part in the best of terms. I think he was actually disgusted with me. Not hard seeing as I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself. I watched his touching and awkward goodbye to Rogue. He never once glanced in my direction, then he decided to nick off with my motorcycle. Nice. I consoled myself on the double loss by saying to myself that he took the bike to be close to me when in truth I knew that to be total bullshit. So now he's back and he never even said 'hello'.
* * * * *
Scott walked into the kitchen and not bothering to turn on the light, made his way unerringly in the dark to the cupboard and then on to the coffee machine. He poured himself a coffee and leaned back against the counter to savor the caffeine rush. He let out a sigh, cradling the mug in his hands he asked quietly yet clearly into the darkness of predawn, "Why are you doing this, Logan?" Logan was silent for such a long time that Scott thought he'd continue to ignore him, but then he answered just as quietly in his gravelly voice, "Leave well enough alone, Slim." Scott made a disgusted noise and slammed his mug down on the counter, sloshing hot coffee on his hands, the pain barely registering as he swung around to confront the silent man sitting
at the kitchen table.
"You're being an asshole do you know that, Logan? You've been back all of two weeks and not once in that entire time have you said more than a dozen words to me. For some convoluted reason Jean thinks I'm mad at you for nicking off with my bike and that you're dodging me to avoid a confrontation. But it's not that, Logan, not by a long shot. I know you're avoiding a confrontation, but it has absolutely nothing to do about my motorcycle. I can't stand much more of this you know, it's slowly but surely killing what human feeling I have left." Scott paused and took a deep breath and let it out in a heart-wrenching sigh."You're killing me, Logan. You're breaking my heart." His voice was little above a whisper.
With that, he walked out of the kitchen, his shoulders slumped in defeat as Logan simply stared fixedly at the spot where Scott had been standing only a few seconds before. He dropped his head into his hands and felt himself totally fall apart after weeks of trying to keep everything together. Unable to handle the tidal wave of repressed emotion and memories, he stood up violently and ran out of the house and into the woods as if to run away from all
that haunted him.
When the rest of the X-men woke up later that morning, they found notes from Scott detailing his schedule and a plea to take over his responsibilities for a day or two, till he got back. Xavier was given a note explaining Scott's need to be alone, 'completely alone' meaning that the professor didn't have permission to follow him on Cerebro or try to read his mind. Xavier always respected people's privacy but was worried about Scott none the less. This wasn't like him at all. Scott hadn't done something spontaneous like this since he'd first come to the mansion. Logan was the only X-man not to receive a note, so when he came back from his long run, looking worn out, he was surprised when Jean came up to him and asked if they could talk. He agreed and wearily trudged up the stairs to his room, Jean following close behind. As soon as the door closed behind her, she got straight to the point, not wasting anytime. "Logan, did you get a note from Scott?" she asked, already half suspecting the truth.
"No. Why on earth would One-Eye be sending me notes?" Logan scoffed as he rummaged around in his meager wardrobe for clean clothes, a strange felling of guilt, hurt and dread filtering into his chaotic mind. For a moment Jean simply stood there and studied him closely. Her eyes narrowed in distaste.
"You went too far this time, Logan. You've driven him away," she said quietly with conviction. Logan stilled in his movements and his head shot up, his back to her, in an instant he was tense as if sensing danger.
"What makes you think I had anything to do with whatever it is you're talking about?" He ground out. Jean let out a long-suffering sigh.
"This morning when we all woke up, Scott and a duffel bag full of clothes and supplies were missing and we all had notes telling us in detail how to take over the daily responsibilities that are his. No words on where he went or when he'll be back," she paused and stared at Logan, her eyes boring into his back. "You sent him away, Logan. He means a lot to me, as I know he does to you. Tell me what you did that hurt him so much that he felt he had to run away." Jean sighed. "I may love Scott, Logan, but I also hope I'm your friend. Tell me," she urged when he remained silent, his back still turned towards her.
"What makes you think I have anything to do with his disappearance? Maybe the guy just felt he needed to get away," Logan closed his eyes and focused his thought on the woods outside to stop the ache in his chest from spreading.
"You forget I read your mind once, Logan," she stated quietly, "I never told you what I saw, not fully anyway. We were interrupted if you recall." When he didn't answer she continued on, "I felt your feelings for Scott. Even in that little time you'd known him, something about him held you captive. I never said anything to anyone, so when you started to hit on me and deliberately went out of your way to annoy Scott, I knew that you did it to cover your own feelings for him. I tried to tell you once after the mission at the Statue of Liberty but you wouldn't let me finish. I know your feelings, Logan, and I know Scott. He's hurting and he was always very good at hiding his emotions. He's so good and he gets hurt so easily. But this time the hurt goes deep. I know him, Logan," she reiterated, seeing Logan swaying. "He's never been like this before. What have you done?" she asked in a pained whisper, her arms outstretched, silently imploring him to answer.
Slowly he turned around and Jean gasped at the naked agony and heartfelt pain that showed in his eyes. His jaw was tightly clenched and his hands were clenching and unclenching spasmodically. He took a step forward but though better of it and moved to collapse in the bed, his head hanging between his hands.
"It's a long story and it ain't pretty, Jeannie," he stated gruffly. Jean wisely decided to stay where she was, noting his agitated movements.
"You don't have to tell me it all, Logan. Just the part where you thought you had to ignore him ever since you got back." She crouched down in the place she'd been standing and looked at him expectantly. The silence dragged on but she waited.
"I didn't want him to be near me, not after what I'd found out," he finally said, his voice full of despair and pain. "We didn't part well, when I left, and I figured if he thought I still felt as I did then, he'd be able to move on. I thought I'd be able to move on." He sucked in a shuddering breath and raked his fingers through his hair. "The nightmares are worse now, you know?" he joked half-heartedly and once again the silence stretched till Logan raised his head an met Jean's steady gaze.
"He has a right to know, Logan. He may have your heart but then you have his. He deserves an explanation, Logan. He needs to learn the truth, from you."
* * * * *
Scott's POV
I can't believe him. I can't believe I let myself love the bastard. I just had to get out of there. I couldn't take anymore strained silences and awkward cover ups and I sure as hell didn't want to see his God damned jacket-clad back anymore! And so I escaped. I left notes for everyone, though I'm not sure it was a good idea to leave Bobby and John in charge of my motor mechanics class. But for all my planning I just couldn't see Jean or Ororo trying
to teach a bunch of kids about a car's engine. Maybe Logan could have done it, but then that's my problem. I'm in love with an asshole. One that can't even give a decent answer to a fairly straight forward question. And I need to know damnit!
I haven't been here for years. I used to come here in the past to get away from the mansion and let my worries ease. I could get lost out here so easily. I wouldn't ever have to go back. It's all very tempting because I know I could do it. I always wanted to be a Boy Scout and out here in the woods just below the Canadian border in the cabin I found abandoned years ago, I could live quite comfortably off my wits and nature alone. But then I couldn't do that to the professor and definitely not to Jean. Nor I think could I let the children down like that, especially Jubilee.
This is my place for time alone. It gives me time and space away from anything that walks on two legs. No one knows about it, Xavier knows that there's a place I used to disappear to, but he doesn't know where and he wouldn't violate the privacy of my mind to find out. So I've come here to contemplate my worthless existence and figure out if it's worth it to go back to the mansion and continue to be the fearless field leader of the X-men.
To let my heart shrivel up and die a slow and painful death, seeing the object of my love everyday and knowing I can't have him. Maybe he'll make it easy for me and disappear for a couple more months or years on his quest to find out the truth about his past.
I've been sitting here staring at the same tree for the past hour and I have to say I think I've memorized it. At least as much as I can with my glasses on. I think it's about time I did something productive like chop wood for the fire I'll need tonight. Then I'll have the freedom to go basic and get around without either the visor or the glasses. I'm heartily sick of seeing red and I think I deserve a break before I put them on again and suffer the deprivation if not seeing all the colours of the rainbow. I couldn't even tell what colour Logan's eyes were, I had to ask him. And when he asked me what colour mine were, I answered truthfully: I honestly don't remember. Brown I think. Nothing extraordinary there. There's nothing extraordinary about me at all. I'm just a failure, an idiot, a bloody mug for thinking that Logan could love me in return. I'm nothing if not an extraordinary loser. A miserable one at that.
* * * * *
It was a week before Scott returned to the mansion and he slipped in as quietly and unobtrusively as he'd left. He left 'thank-you' notes for all the X-men for taking over his duties and calmly got back into the swing of things, not missing a beat. Bobby and John were reluctant to hand over the motor mechanic lessons but the others were happy to have Scott return and taking back his responsibilities. They had never fully appreciated the amount of work that Scott put into the running of the school and the mansion as well as taking care of X-men business.
No one asked him where he'd gone or if it had helped, nor did he volunteer any information. His time seemed to be entirely taken up with work and he barely saw anyone except at lessons and mealtimes and sometimes not even then. He worked himself so hard he didn't even sleep some nights. Four people watched his obsession with drowning himself in work and became increasingly worried when he started looking so exhausted and gaunt that it
looked like he'd collapse at any moment. But every time they approached him to try to persuade him not to work so hard, he mumbled an excuse and disappeared off somewhere, most likely to work on something else.
"Professor, he's going to kill himself if he keeps on like this," Jean exclaimed, so worried and agitated that she was pacing up and down the length of Xavier's office. Charles sighed and rubbed the back of his neck wearily.
"There's nothing you or I can do, Jean. The problem was there before he left, he's just decided to handle it in a different way. But the reason behind his behavior can easily be solved. He's doing it on purpose, we both know that, just never wanted to admit it." Jean and Charles exchanges a 'look' before turning as one to Logan who sat still and slightly unfocussed on the couch.
"Logan, you have to talk to him and tell him the truth. This is eating you both up and no happiness is coming from it. Tell him and make him see your side then get him to talk even if you have to chain him to a chair and threaten him." Jean spoke forcefully then in an aside said,"(though in his current frame of mind I'm not really sure that would work)." Logan's gaze moved to focus on her and he looked imploringly up at her.
"Jeannie, you don't know what you're asking," he growled.
"I'm asking for Scott's happiness as well as your own. Is that too much to ask for? I love both of you but you're making a royal mess out of both your lives. Do it, Logan, please," she pleaded, kneeling down in front of him to be on equal level. He looked from Jean to the professor where he sat before his desk and then back to Jean. Jean and Charles held their breaths as the silence lengthened.
"Alright." Came the quiet answer and they both exhaled in relief.
Go back to The Tale Of Two Hearts