Title: Those Things You Do
Author: Trinalla Mohani (riddickgurl@yahoo.com.au)
Website: no site
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Those Things You Do 3 (Logan's POV)
By Trinalla Mohani
When I left Scott I went for a walk around the grounds. It helped to clear my head and I realized a few things. He's as scared as I am. Only I have no idea why he thinks I'll reject him, or why I already apparently have. He's perfect and I would want nothing more than to create a lasting relationship out of this thing we've got going. And so I'm going to put my fear aside and my cards on the table and hope that he cares enough for me to pick
them up and not throw them in my face. I must have been thinking pretty hard coz I ended up in the middle of the woods with absolutely no recollection of my journey here. Doesn't matter anyway coz I'm going back there right now and I'm going to clear the air between us. Amazingly enough, Jeannie was right about everything. And I thought she was heartless with no feeling, I suppose I should just stay away from the med lab anyway, I don't like the way she can read people's minds. Well I don't mind if she reads my mind it's just that I wish she'd tell me what it is she sees. Unlike dropping it on me the way she did, fully 5 months after the fact. Bygones. I'm going to see if I start afresh with this second chance. It's not often that an opportunity like this presents itself, so I'm going to make the most of it!
I'd made it to the side door of the mansion when I got a telepathic calling from Old Wheels. Apparently after about a month of just letting me wander around the grounds and please myself, he's decided he's got a job for me. Well at least that's what he said, obviously his idea of a job was far different than mine.
I walked into his office, didn't bother knocking because he didn't expect me to. He was sitting behind his desk reading a piece of paper. He looked so absorbed and undecided I almost backed out, figuring I'd come back later. But when he realized I was standing in front of his desk and staring at him, he put the page down and cleared his throat and it was then that I knew something was very wrong.
"Logan, have a seat and we'll get started." He said it in such a calm controlled voice, (I wanted to hear him lose that control just once). But he invited me to sit down and as I had no idea what this was all about I figured it would be better to sit on a chair than fall over one when he dropped his bombshell.
"I made a promise to you when you were first here, Logan and I intend to keep it. I've been looking through all the files I could access in collaboration with the ones that lead me to the military complex in Canada and I have some new information for you." His eyes never looked into mine and I knew his control wasn't holding up. But then his words sank in and I froze. The memories rushed in and I could do nothing to stop them. Images I'd
forgotten for decades and repressed since I'd regained them poured into my mind's eye and I could see the events like it was taking place right in front of me, and like a nightmare I couldn't turn away. I popped a claw into my thigh and as the pain pulsed through my nerves I felt my control regain its hold on my memories and I looked at Xavier with such ferocity in the back of my mind I almost smiled to see him flinch.
"I got everything I needed from that search thanks, Wheels." I growled, deliberately using the name I knew he hated.
"This had nothing to do with, uh, Weapon X, Logan. I had no idea it was still inhabited. In all the records I looked up, it was abandoned. It's uh, your life before they captured you that I'm talking about and I must say you lived quite a long life." He was obviously incredulous about something, but I figure my past couldn't be more worse than I'd imagined. And I thought the Weapon X memories were bad, seems like my life before was no walk amongst the daisies. Then something he said clicked in my mind and I just had to ask him.
"Just how long are we taking about, Wheels?"
"A very long time. If you were wondering how old you are at the moment, Logan, I'd hazard a guess of about 1365 years. That's how long."
* * * * *
Jean was walking down the hall to talk to the professor when the door to his office burst open and Logan came storming out. He looked as mad as hell and Jean plastered herself to the wall to avoid being trampled as he stalked past her, intent on his destination.
"Logan- ?"
"GRRRRRRRR!"
"Okay, I'll let you get on." she watched him stomp away, her mind coming up with all sorts of scenarios and reasons that would put Logan in such a mood when she heard the weak mental voice of Charles in her head. She tore her eyes away from Logan and cautiously made her way into Charles' office; half-afraid of what state it might be in.
"I don't think he took my information too well." Charles commented ruefully as Jean's shocked gaze travelled around his wrecked office.
"You could say that..."
As Logan stormed into the Danger Room and threw everyone out to start his special simulation, Scott and Jubilee were up in her room, mouths still agape as they stared at the information that rolled down the screen on her computer.
"My God, Cyke, do you realize this could be what he found when he went to that complex, not so abandoned as we'd thought. He could have regained his memories, every one of them. And Fuck me, but if I remembered doing all that, I'd be searching for the nearest and tallest building I could find, either that or the biggest mother-fucker of a gun." Scott tore his gaze away from the screen to look at Jubilee in astonishment. She ignored him and
continued to read Logan's profile. She frowned as she came to the end and back-tracked a bit to check something.
"That's funny." Jubilee frowned. "They have nothing on his life before they recruited him. You'd think if they'd kept an eye on him to capture him and implant the adamantium in the first place that they'd have a record of his life before." She turned away to look at Scott, "But they don't. Tell me what that means, Cyke." Scott merely shrugged and got up out of the chair with a thoughtful frown marring his classical features.
"It just doesn't add up. Something's not right," Jubilee trailed off as she reread the profile and it suddenly clicked. "Oh my fucking homosexual, coke-sniffing, cross-dressing God, they're still following him!" Scott spun around to face her as she turned in her chair to explain. "The file isn't closed, Cyke, they still have tabs on him. According to them, even though he's not on assignment, he's still part of Weapon X."
Scott was stupefied. He wearily rubbed his forehead. He'd learned too much in only a short amount of time. His brain couldn't quite comprehend it all. But he was brought back from his revery when Jubilee appeared in front of him and grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to focus on her.
"I don't think he knows, Cyke. He doesn't realize that they still have tabs on his every movement. Tell him, help him. Save him." She urged him looking into his eyes intently before moving over to the computer to get rid of all the files and cover her tracks so that the people at Weapon X, if they found out that someone hacked into their top secret files, couldn't trace it back to here.
Scott walked around the room absently, knowing that there wouldn't be any more of their original discussion. There was nothing he could tell her that would seem relevant or even meaningful in the light of their recent discovery. Now he felt he had a bit of insight into Logan's character and he would try to help him in any way he could. There was just too much of Logan's past with Weapon X that reminded him of his time at the Orphanage. And he'd
be damned if he'd let another person be used and abused in such a fashion.
But then why has Logan been avoiding him for so long? It couldn't be his past, it felt like so much more than that. Admittedly having mind-blowing sex with a person once didn't necessarily come hand in hand with intimacy and shared troubles. Scott chewed on his lip in agitation and paced up and down Jubilee's bedroom. He hardly noticed when she snatched the remaining chocolate and sat down on her bed to scoff it down. He was running through his head all his near-encounters with Logan since he'd returned and although it hurt to relive all the rejections, it helped him to focus on the problem at hand.
Every time Scott had walked down a corridor that just happened to contain Logan, the stout man would look longingly at Scott before quickly concealing his emotions and even more quickly turning around and walking in the opposite direction to avoiding running into him. There was something in Logan's gaze that tugged at Scott's memory before it was swiftly hidden behind an impenetrable shutter. He'd seen that look on Logan before but hadn't been directed at him. Scott sighed as the incident eluded him and finally walked out of Jubilee's room, carefully closing the door behind him as he started to formulate a plan to get around Logan's defenses and into his heart (and preferably his bed at the same time.)
* * * * *
Scott was walking down the corridor in search of Logan when he came across a very worried and baffled Jean. He called out her name and waited till she was beside him till he asked what was wrong. She shrugged and looked away before chewing on her nail and flicking an agitated look in his direction.
"I was just talking to Charles. He had a talk with Logan and apparently it didn't go down to well-" She broke off to look around anxiously as if she thought Logan would appear at any minute and skewer her for mentioning his talk to the professor.
"Well I'm looking for him, Logan that is. So if you know where he headed could you tell me?" Scott asked, trying hard to keep the note of eagerness out of his voice and only partly succeeding.
"Um, well he kind of went off under a storm cloud so I don't think now is a good time to approach him. I'm afraid he'll reduce our woods to a wood-chip pile if he keeps storming out there every time he's in a bad mood or in need of some quiet reflection time. I'm a perfectly good counselor or there's Ororo, her garden always manages to cheer me up. I think the students find the time they spend alone in her room at the top of the house a very
relaxing and rewarding experience." Jean paused in her ramblings when she realized that Scott was no longer standing beside her and let out a sigh. Her shoulders slumped as she headed for the lift. At least amongst all her experiments and medical equipment she didn't have to worry about everyone else's problems.
Scott hated to just walk out on Jean when she obviously needed to vent her feelings, but he had to find Logan and if he didn't confront the man now he knew his courage would fail and he'd never have another chance to redeem his relationship with the stalwart Canadian. He jogged out of the house in the direction of the woods and noting the darkening colour of the sky, grabbed his jacket as he fairly flew out the door. He didn't know why but
he had a gut feeling he knew where Logan went in the woods for some quiet time, he headed for the lake.
It was a fair way into the woods and only those who were so lost in thought or looking for a very good exercise ever found it or knew that it was there. The reason Scott knew it was there was because of the many weeks spent camped there when he'd first arrived at the mansion. It had been his escape from all the experiments that Jean had exacted on him and the patient yet tedious lessons that the professor had tried to teach him. He'd needed
the solitude to center himself and it also served to remind him of the few good times in his life.
It was just a hunch but Logan seemed like a guy who'd appreciate that kind of natural beauty the lake represented as a place to reflect and relax, and let Fate run its natural course. So with the destination in mind and a lose objective to get Logan to talk to him, Scott set out at a light sprint and disappeared into the woods.
The professor turned away from his window and rolled over to his desk. It wasn't easy to see his favourite student brought down so low by his emotions for a man who preferred the open road and his own company. Although he thought of Scott as his own son and only wanted what was best for him, he really couldn't see how Logan could do his boy any good. And so to see him run into the woods in the wake of Logan's angry withdrawal, both made him want to give Logan a stern talking to and it also made him want to help Scott in hisendeavour to win Logan back.
But seeing them try to fix things between them made him wish he'd done things differently in the past. Maybe then he'd still be with Eric and none of this Human-Mutant war would ever have started and he wouldn't have to be the enemy of the man he loved out of necessity. Sometimes he wished he didn't care for humanity as much as he did. (sarcasm from the author - incase you missed it)
It was that mysterious time just before the sun sets and the world succumbs to darkness that Scott finally made it to the lake and, correct in his assumption, found Logan hunched on the jetty looking out over the still waters. Scott took a deep breath to bolster his flagging courage and, not bothering to mask his footfalls, approached Logan with purpose. His mind was racing but a strange calm had settled on him and he didn't question
where it came from, he was just thankful that it gave him the added strength to face his fears.
"Logan, we need to talk."
"Those are some pretty famous last words, Slim." Logan retorted in a casual tone of voice.
"Yeah, well, I'll take that chance." He moved forward slowly till he was a foot away from Logan broad back.
"Why're you so scared, Slim? I can smell it rollin' off ya in waves." Logan patted the ground beside him and finally turned to look at Scott. "I won't bite, I promise. Well, depends on the situation, I've been known to bite people in the heat of passion." He grinned roguishly and Scott absently rubbed his shoulder and mattered under his breath "I know." He sat down next to Logan but left a little space between their bodies. He rubbed his cold hands before stuffing them in his coat pockets and looking out over the lake.
"I came across something today, Logan. Something about you." Scott paused to search for the right words. "I realize it could be seen as a breach of trust but I needed to understand you, otherwise you'd just slip away and I'd never get the chance to say and do the things that I wanted." He sighed, acutely aware of the lightly tensed body beside him.
"I want us to have a relationship, Logan, and I'm hoping that I'm not asking for too much. All I need from you now is a little trust and the truth. Trust in me, Logan." Scott almost held his breath but forced hiself to let it out slowly.
There was silence as Scott waited patiently for Logan to say something. He braced himself as Logan opened his mouth to speak.
"What did you find, Scott?" he finally asked. The fact that he'd said 'Scott' instead of the other nicknames he usually called him told him it was serious.
"It's not something I can easily tell you, Logan. It's probably easier and best if I just showed you." he stood up and extended his hand to Logan. "Will you come with me?"
Logan stared at the hand for along moment but finally grasped it in his own and allowed Scott to help him up. He was uneasy with the information Scott had dropped on him. If it was his past Scott had stumbled across, he didn't seem too upset, but then he probably didn't know all of it. All 1365 years and he could only remember a fraction. He felt his anger at the cruel hand he'd been dealt, rise up again but with Scott beside him, he was able
to push it aside.
Side by side they made their way back to the mansion, both silent and absorbed in their respective thoughts.
"Jubes, could you get the information back up again?" Scott asked tentatively as he and Logan stepped into her bedroom. She frowned at him and bit her lip as she transferred her gaze to Logan.
"It's gonna be tricky and dangerous, Cyke. If I didn't tip them off the first time, then certainly when I hack in again only a couple of hours later, they're gonna be tracing me."
"Jubes, I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important. And I swear you secret is safe with Logan, he'd never tell anyone how brilliant and intelligent you are." he joked.
Jubilee shook her head, a small smile on her lips. "You have deadly charm, you know that, Cyke? Only for you, I swear. No one else could get me to do the things you do." She added, making her way over to her computer, booting it up like before. She turned back to the men as she waited for the computer to go through the motions. "Have you told him?" she asked Scott.
"No. I figured it would be easier if he saw for himself. And I figured between the two of us, we could convince him that it's true and that we can help." Scott answered, not looking at Logan, and Logan's unease increased.
A few minutes later Jubilee had the same files up that she and Scott had seen before. Both she and Scott were silent and tense as Logan read throgh all the information Weapon X had collected on him.
"Fuck." he muttered, dragging a hand over his face. Jubilee took it as a sign to add her input.
"They're still keeping tabs on you, Logan." she stated quietly. "They probably had your record frozen and then when you turned up at the complex, they reactivated it." she exchanged a worried look with Scott before continuing. "In their eyes, you're still a part of Weapon X and they'll probably stop at nothing to get you back."
"But the implants gone." Logan muttered. "I ripped it out when I escaped. They'd have to put a new one in."
"Logan," Scott spoke for the first time since the files had been brought up, "we can help you, if you trust us." He looked imploringly at the other man, willing him to believe that together they'd be able to beat this.
Logan shook his head distractedly and Scott reading the action correctly, held his ground and waited for Logan's answer.
"There's more, you know. More than Weapon X." Logan started but broke off in frustration. "I've lived so long and yet I hardly remember anything. 1365 years so the professor tells me." he turned to Scott with a pained look, "Knowing that and wanting you, it feels like I'm a god-damned paedophile for fuck's sake!"
Jubilee and Scott shared a speaking glance over Logan's bowed head.
"It doesn't matter to me, Logan. You're who you are now. That's all that matters."
"We can help you." Jubilee added, sharing Scott's anxiety.
Logan look one last look at the file on the computer before he turned back to the two other people in the room. "If what you say it true, it seems like I'll need it."