Title: Can't Run Forever
Author: Chris (teufelce@aol.co)
Website: none
Rating: PG
Pairing / Main characters: Wolverine/Cyclops
Series/Sequel: unfinished, parts 1-5
Summary: Movie. Why Logan really left the school.
Disclaimer: The characters and universe of X-Men are the property of 20th Century Fox and the Marvel Entertainment Group. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended.
Archive/Distribution: If you want it - please just let me know where.
Date: May 2001
Thanks to: To Jo and Z - for always being there when I needed you, and even when I didn't - thanks, mates.
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Can't Run Forever 1 - Run
By Chris
A year ago, if someone had asked if the Wolverine ever ran from anything, they would've wound up with a chest full of metal. Wrong or right, I never backed down from a fight. Ever. That's not saying I never felt fear - I did. Every day of my life. I just never let it dictate my actions, never allowed it to control me. Never let it weaken me...
Until now.
Now I'm on a bike riding along an icy road heading back up north, running away with my tail between my legs. Running. Me, the big bad Wolverine. You see, I finally found something that terrifies me enough to take everything I ever believed about myself and turn it upside down...
You.
You, with your perfect face and your perfect smile. Your perfect clothes, your perfect manners, and your perfect image. Your perfect girlfriend and your perfect life. Everything about you smooth, sleek, flawless.
I tried to hate you, I did. I used every opportunity I could to pick a fight with you, because that was something I could handle. Something I could understand. Not like the raw emotion that exploded inside me the first moment I laid eyes on you. If it had only been lust, I could have dealt with it. But it wasn't just that. It was so much more than I had ever felt before, and it scared the hell out of me.
I wanted you. Body, mind, soul - I wanted it all. I wanted to crawl inside you and never leave.
Me, with my coarse face and a smile that only showed teeth sharp enough to tear your throat out. Worn and dirty clothing, the manners of a beast, and the image of a bar room brawler. Alone, with a life I can't even remember. Everything about me rough, abrasive, flawed.
I flirted desperately with your girl during the day. And lay awake nights thinking of you. You could never know just what it was I really felt inside. But you didn't really believe it, did you? Not all the way. Oh, you went through all the motions of being jealous, made all the appropriate noises. Always, though, there was something there that said you knew it was all just a mask. Some scent tickling in the back of my nose that I couldn't quite ever identify... Eyes forever hidden by tinted lenses, that gave away nothing. I could never read you, not like everyone else. You were a smart one, alright. As soon as you knew about my sniffer, you were always so careful to never be alone with me long enough for me to get a fix on what you were feeling. You didn't wear that heavy cologne the first day I met you, but you did every day afterwards. Your voice, always so carefully controlled, so I could never tell what you were thinking.
I couldn't handle it. Feeling. Not knowing.
So I ran.
Yeah, I told you all I was leaving to find my past, but that wasn't half the truth. As much as I need to know about my life, the parts I can't remember, that wasn't why I left. I left because I needed. So before I did something I'd regret, I ran. Hopped on your bike and took off like a bat out of hell. The professor offered me a car, you know. I turned it down. You see, I wanted that bike. If I couldn't have you, I wanted something *of* you. By the way, you did a great job with her, you know - she's still purring like a kitten.
So why am I writing all this to you? Hell if I know. Can't get you out of my head and it's driving me crazy. I may have run from what I felt, but I still have to face it. Maybe I just want you to know.
There it is, Scott, why I really left. Now you can go back to Xavier's happy little family and be glad I did. I don't think it would be wise for me to return, so this is goodbye. Watch after Marie for me - she's a good kid, and she's gonna need someone. Take care of her. And yourself.
Logan