Title: Found in Lost Memories

Author: Court (remylebeau@yahoo.com)

Website: http://www.lediableblanc.com/personal/fanfic/

Rating: R

Pairing / Main characters: Gambit/Wolverine

Series/Sequel: complete

Summary: Jean helps Logan with his lost memories. What he finds out is that he has a deeper connection with Remy then he ever  thought possible.

Disclaimer: All the X-Men are (c)copyright of Marvel Comics.

Archive/Distribution: Yes, just e-mail me telling me where.

Warning: This story is Alternate Universe! I took a few liberties with the whole Logan's lost memories and Jean's powers. Talk of non-consensual sex with a minor (rape) and curse words. I also took it easy with the accents.

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Found in Lost Memories

By Court

 

Chapter One

"Are you sure you want to do this, Logan?" Jean asked from her seat in front of Logan.

"Yea, Jeannie, tired of not knowing," he almost whispered back.

"Ok, but if you want to stop just tell me and-" Her sentence was cut off with a wave of Logan's hand.

"Yea, yea, just get it over with already," he growled.

"Ok, I am just going to open the memories enough that they will come to you slowly. I don't want them to overwhelm you, especially since we don't know what they are and how you will react."

She would never show it, but this scared her. Logan came to her to unlock his past, which surprised and thrilled her at the same time. Surprised that he would finally ask for help and help from, to use his term, a "spook" and it thrilled her that he trusted her enough to be that "spook". But not knowing what will come from these memories was the scariest part, they could be anything and cause almost any reaction. She was thinking about backing down from what she was going to do, refer him to the Professor, knowing he would never let him do it. She was suddenly awoken from her thinking by Logan.

"We gonna do this or what, Red?" he scowled.

"Yes, sorry, I was just thinking of the best way to do this. Let me just go in and see what we are dealing with, and don't fight me, Logan," she ordered.

"You are starting to sound like Slim, and I don't take orders from him either," he growled.

"It would be easier on you and me if you didn't try to resist. YOU are the one that came to me, Logan," she reminded him.

"Ok, just get started, I'll try not to fight ya, but I ain't promising nothing."

"Fine," she huffed

She placed her hands on either side of Logan's face and entered his mind. She looked around his mind until she found what seemed to be the memories that had been lost in the back of his mind. She was tempted to look at the memories, see what they are, see if they were harmful or traumatic, but she stopped herself. She knew that this could cause the memories to flood into Logan's mind and that would be too much at once and could cause permanent damage. So she only cut a small hole in the fabric of the memories, allowing only parts to seep into his open mind. After what seemed like minutes, but was truly 2 hours, she exited his mind with a small sigh.

"There it is done," she stated proudly.

"So why don't I remember anything?" he questioned

"Like I said, I only allowed a small hole to be created, the memories will only flow out slowly and only when you are stable and calm. You will probably remember them through dreams since that is when your mind is at its calmest. Understand?"

"Yea, Jeannie, I get it," he sighed as he rose to leave.

"Good. Please keep me informed on what you remember, and please stay on the grounds for the next few days so we can make sure everything is going smoothly." She shot him a smile that she knew he could not resist.

"Yea, Jeannie, I will keep ya up to date on your gossip."

"And?" she glared at him

"And stay on the grounds." He rolled his eyes and moved to leave.

"Logan," she said while grabbing his shoulder. "Thank you for trusting me enough to do this, I know it is the best thing for you."

"We'll see about that," he shrugged. "And thanks, Jeannie."

"Anytime." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left out the door with a smile on her face.

Logan stood there for a minute thinking about what he just did. "What the hell was I thinking," he said to himself. Scared of what could come of these memories, scared of what would happen if he did something the others would not approve of, scared if he did something that HE did not approve of. He shook himself of his self pity, grabbed a beer from the frig, and went to his room to settle for the night.

***

The next morning Logan made his way into the kitchen. Still too early for most people in the mansion. Getting closer to the door he could smell Jean and Scott on the other side, mingled with fresh coffee, eggs and bacon. His stomach growled and he pushed the door open and mumbled, "Mornin."

"Good Morning Logan," came from the corner where Scott read the morning paper.

"So how did you sleep," Jean questioned with a wide grin on her face. She was almost as excited as a kid on Christmas.

"Fine," was the only thing that Logan muttered before sitting down at the table with his coffee and food.

Jean knew he would not say anything with Scott sitting at the table to listen, so she gave her husband a nice mental nudge, and he took the hint.

"Well, I have a Danger Room mission to work on, so I will see you two later." With that Scott got up, kissed Jean on the cheek and left the room.

With out wasting any time Jean looked at Logan, "Well?"

"Well what?" He knew what she wanted to know, but this was too much fun.

"You know what! Did you dream anything last night? Remember anything?" she was almost bouncing out her chair, like Logan had the secrets to the universe in his head.

"Yea, Red, I remembered something last night." He took another sip of coffee

"So what was it!?" She was squealing like a 5 year old.

"You are getting as bad as Bobby, ya know that, Jeannie? I remembered a fishing trip, that's it, just a fishing trip. Nothing special."

"Oh," is all she said, almost disappointed. "At least we know it is working out okay though, right? No headaches or anything, right?"

"Nope, just fine," he mumbled between mouth fulls of eggs.

"Ok, well I must get ready for a shopping trip with the girls. Should you need me-"

"Yea, I know where to find ya," he laughed knowing the girls would not leave the mall until they maxed out all of Wings credit cards.

As she got up to leave the kitchen door opened lazily and in walked a yawning, very tired looking Cajun that seemed to be sleep walking to the coffee machine.

"Well, look who got up before noon," chuckled Jean.

All she got in return was a wave of the hand from Remy confirming that it was way too early for verbal bickering.

"Well, since he is not going to play, I will leave you two." She grinned as she left the kitchen.

Remy sat down across from Logan with a large mug of coffee and sighed. "Why Cyke schedule sessions dis early for?"

Logan laughed. "Knew there had to be something that got ya out of bed this early, you wouldn't do it on your own."

"Got dat right," Remy yawned in response.

They both sat in silence, Logan finishing his breakfast, Remy finishing off a third cup of coffee. Then Remy broke the silence. "So, word 'round da mansion is y' let Jeannie in y' head."

Remy gave Logan a sly grin knowing he had information that he wasn't supposed to have. He was not about to tell him that it wasn't really word around the mansion, he just happened to be on watch duty the night before and witnessed it in the camera room. He was just curious of the details.

"The walls are too God Damn thin here," Logan growled

"So whats goin' on? She chasin' 'way those nightmares?" he got up to put his cup in the sink before Logan could answer.

"Nope, she just giving me back the memories I lost before the whole Weapon X thing," he stated matter of factly. He had no clue why he was telling the Cajun, but he figured everyone would know soon enough.

"Oh?" Remy said shaky. "What kinda memories are those?"

A sudden fear hit Remy. What if Logan hadn't just forgot, what if what he feared was just locked away with those memories, what if one day Logan remembered, what if he knew now! Then he would tell them, then they would know, everything they thought of him would be confirmed. Remy's head was flying a million miles a minute on the wings of panic. He almost didn't hear Logan's answer.

"Not sure, I haven't remembered everything yet, Jeannie made it to where I remember a little at a time in dreams," he stopped when he noticed the sudden fear in the air and wondered where it was coming from.

When he glanced over to Remy at the kitchen sink he saw that Remy was staring out the window and gripping the sink so tight his knuckles were white. Concerned he got up and quickly walked over to the area where Remy stood to see what was outside that scared Remy. When he looked out the window there was nothing.

"Whats wrong, kid?" he questioned concerned.

Remy jumped. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't even notice that Logan was next to him. He quickly got himself together and put on his best poker face.

"Nothin, Logan." He looked up at the clock. "Merde! I was suppose to be in the Danger Room five minutes ago."

Logan grabbed Remy by the elbow and spun him around. "Your lying, kid, I smell the fear on ya, what's goin on?"

Remy faltered for a second, trying to think of something to say, he knew Logan could tell a lie from a mile away, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"You'd be scared too if y' were late to a session wit' Cyke." He gave his best smile and hoped Logan would drop it and he did.

"Ok, but, kid, ya know I am here if you need to talk about something." He knew that is all he could do, if the kid didn't want to talk he wouldn't.

"Merci Logan, that means more then y' know, really." Remy smiled and raced out of the room.

***

Logan padded his way through the mansion hall to his room. He had spent the day fixing his bike and fighting a few sessions in the Danger Room and now he was ready to sit back with a few beers and watch the game. As he sat watching hockey he could not help to think back to that morning. "What the hell spooked the kid," he whispered to himself. All day he tried to think of what caused it and could not pin-point anything that was said or done, and it didn't help that the Cajun would never talk to anyone. "Damn! Why I am worrying about it anyway, Cajun's not my problem," he cursed mentally. Why was he worried about the kid, he had to think about that one, he always worried about him. He could never think of why, but ever since the Cajun set foot on the mansion grounds he felt like he had to watch the kid's back. It was that look, he remembers like it was yesterday. When Ororo introduced Remy to him the look the kid gave him. It was only in his eyes for a second, but he caught it, and it burned into his memory. Ever since he felt he needed to stay close to the kid, to protect him from whatever put that haunted look in his eyes. Logan shook his head. Too caught up in thought about everything to enjoy the game he turned off the tv and crawled into bed. Before finally closing his eyes he wished to what ever god was listening, "Let it be something more interesting then fishing, the only thing I got from that is remembering why I don't go fishing anymore". He chuckled to himself and closed his eyes and fell into sleep and dreams.

***

Logan was walking down a city street, not a familiar street, but yet he knew where he was going. He glanced at a address, then a street sign above his head: "Bourbon Street". He crossed the street calm in the knowledge he was going in the right direction to his hotel, and taking in the sites and the smells of the city. Suddenly a strange sound caught his attention across the street. He stopped and turned to see what it was just in time to see a small boy quickly stagger from a corner restaurant and into the alley. He was closely followed out by a man yelling, "I told you to stay out of here, you little demon, we don't want you here, we don't serve your kind!" He had seen street kids before, they were in every city, but for some reason he was worried about this one. Maybe it was how young he looked, or the fact that he looked like he was sick the way he ran from the restaurant, or maybe it was just curiosity of what "kind" the restaurant doesn't serve. Whatever it was he found himself crossing the street to search out the kid. He headed down the alley he saw the kid stumble into and found it had many cross alleys. His sense of smell was not any help since the overwhelming scent of trash and urine covered anything human. He walked the alleys for almost an hour when he heard a small sound behind a dumpster, so faint his hearing almost didn't pick it up. It was crying. Logan bent down and looked behind the dumpster and there he was. The small boy was huddled between the wall and the dumpster trying to look invisible.

"Hey kid, why don't you come out of there," Logan said trying to coax him out.

There was no response from the kid, just a small whimper and the sound of him trying to back himself closer to the wall away from Logan.

"Come on, kid, I won't hurt you, you look sick and I bet you're hungry. Come on out and we'll get some food." Logan was getting worried that the kid wasn't saying anything and that he had not even opened his eyes. If he had to he would move the dumpster and drag the kid out but he knew that would only spook him. In his most calming voice Logan asked one more time: "Kid, I know you are scared, but I just want to help you, I won't hurt you, please at least talk to me."

"I can't, go 'way," the child said in a faint mumbled whisper.

"You can't?" Logan questioned. "You can't what? If you can't move I can move the dumpster and carry you out."

"NON!" The broken cry rang out through the alley and scared eyes flew open to meet with Logan's and then quickly dropped to the ground in fear. "Please, leave me 'lone, go 'way, I can't."

Logan had to take a minute to register what he saw, those eyes were like nothing he had seen before, red on black, demon eyes. Then it dawned on him, that is the "kind" the restaurant did not serve, mutants. "Those bastard, he is just a hungry kid," he thought. Not only was this boy alone on the streets, he was a mutant, making it that much harder. His heart broke for the child, he could not imagine what he had been through in his small life and that just made him want to help him more. He thought maybe if he could figure out what he couldn't do, he could go from there. Let the kid do the talking. "Kid, I don't understand, ya can't what?"

"I can't fuck y', go find somebody else," the small voice said in almost a sob.

"What?" is all Logan could think to say.

His head was spinning, the word rolling over and over in his head. "Fuck? Fuck? Did he say Fuck? That can't be what he said, he can't be more than 7 years old, he can't even know what that means. Shit!" He looked at the boy, wanting to get him off the streets more then ever now.

"Kid, I need ya to come out, I don't want to," God how could he say this, "fuck ya, I don't want anything from ya. I want to get ya some food and make sure ya are ok and get ya off the streets. Please?" He held out his hand and prayed that the boy would take it.

The child looked up at him, his body visibly trembling in fear. He stared into the man's eyes for long minutes as if trying to read his soul. After a while he gave in and reached out his small, shaky hand and put it into Logan's.

Logan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "That’s a good, kid, come on out, I won't hurt ya."

Once the boy crawled out from behind the dumpster into the street light he noticed just how bad off the kid was. He was shaking badly from weakness, he was way too thin, bruised, dirty, and he could smell the blood on him. Logan knew he had to get him some food and get him cleaned up now! Logan knelt down to be eye level with the boy.

"Listen, kid, I have a hotel room-" Logan was interrupted by the kid jerking away his hand and yelling.

"Non! I can't!" the boy yelled. "I can't," he repeated in a whisper and passed out.

"Shit!" Logan cursed as he put an arm out to grab the kid before he hit the pavement. He picked up the boy in his arms and rushed to his hotel room.

   

Chapter Two

All Logan could think about was getting to the hotel. He was running as fast as he could through the crowd of tourists and pan handlers, slowing every so often to look down at the boy. "Shit, now what am I gonna do," he thought to himself. "I should have minded my own business and walked on." As soon as that thought came he shook it away. "God only knows what would have happened if I didn't show up, the kid would have probably died behind that dumpster and no one would have given a damn!" The thought angered him, he was going to kill the boy's parents when he found them, if he found them.

Finally he arrived at the hotel. He stopped briefly at the front door wondering how he was going to explain carrying in a half dead boy into a hotel. The clerk knows he came alone when he checked in earlier today, he was just hoping he didn't notice or care. He quickly headed into the lobby. As he thought, the clerk didn't even give him a second look as he headed towards the elevator. Luckily he was the only one riding up which gave him time to look at the boy. "Hey kid, wake up, it's ok, your safe now, everything is gonna be fine, come on," he whispered trying to stir the boy from sleep, lightly shaking him. The doors came open and he rushed to the room, fumbling with the key. He finally opened the door and ran inside. He rested the boy gently on the bed, careful not to hurt him and turned to shut the door. When he came back to the bed he noticed a small movement and a weak moan escaped the boy’s lips.

"That's it, come on, wake up, you're okay now. We will get ya cleaned up and get ya some food, maybe some new clothes." Logan began to worry, he felt the boy's head and he was starting to run a fever. "Come on, kid, I will buy ya a damn pony if ya just wake up for me, anything." After several minutes of coaxing he noticed the small boy's eyes flutter and slowly open as if testing the light, then open fully.

"Hey kid, glad you're awake," Logan said with a smile.

"NON! Get 'way! Don't Touch Me!" the boy yelled while pushing himself across the bed and falling off the other end before Logan could catch him. The fall didn't seem to phase him, too caught up in fear, as he pushed himself into the corner. "Please, don't," he sobbed, pulling himself into a ball.

Logan didn't know what to do, he knew the boy was scared, but he didn't know how to prove that he wasn't gonna hurt him. He slowly made his way over to the corner and stopped a few feet away from the boy and kneeled down.

"Kid, I am not going to hurt you, I promise, I won't touch you, just please come up here on the bed, or at least the table."

The boy shuttered and then peeked out under his arm. He raised his head slightly to get a better look at the man's face and asked: "What do y' want?"

"I don't want anything from ya, I promise. You're sick and hungry, all I want to do is take care of ya. That door over there is always open, ya can leave at any time I promise. Just eat something and take a bath and let me take care of any injuries ya have and you can leave if ya want, I swear to it, kid." Logan hoped this was enough to at least get him out of the corner.

The boy uncurled himself and shakily stood up using the wall for support. Logan took that as a cue to stand himself and give the boy space. He walked over to the night stand and picked up a menu for the restaurant downstairs.

"I bet you're hungry, huh? Why don't I run you a bath and while ya are cleaning up I will go grab us some food from downstairs?" Logan waited for a reply but did not get one. "Is that ok, kid?" he questioned again.

The boy nodded.

"Good, I will get the tub going then, it’s pretty big so it will take a few minutes to fill. Why don't ya look over the menu while I do that and ya can tell me what ya want to eat when I come back, ok?"

Another nod from the boy.

"Ok, I'll just be in the bathroom," Logan stated as he walked slowly to fill the tub. From the corner of his eye he saw the boy make his way to the bed and pick up the menu. He doubted the boy could read, but the pictures would work fine. The fact that he was looking at the menu and not making a dash to the door made Logan smile. Logan started the water and made sure that there was soap and towels near the tub and made his way back to the bedroom.

"The bath is ready when you are. Did ya pick out what ya wanted?"

The boy looked up at him with a smile that could charm angels from the heavens. It almost broke Logan's heart and filled it at the same time.

"I can have anything in this book?" the boy asked with amazement

"Sure, kid, anything," Logan said with a smile.

Suddenly the smile on the boys face disappeared as he sat the menu down on the bed and turned away from Logan. "That's ok, Monsieur," he whispered.

"Kid, I know you are hungry, what's wrong? Pick something out. If you can't decide we can get a bit of everything. Just tell me what ya want and it is yours," Logan pleaded.

The kid began ranting between sobs, "I can't pay y' for the food, de stole my money, so it's better I don't eat, I don't have anything t' give y', and I don't want to-"

Logan stopped him before he said anymore, he actually feared what the kid was going to say, it was bad enough he heard it from him once. "Listen, I don't want you to pay me for anything, I promise I want nothing from ya. Anything I give ya is for free, I want nothing in return. Ok?"

"You promise?" the kid questioned, as if this time it would assure him that it was ok to believe him.

"I promise. Now pick out something from that menu and get in that tub before it gets cold. Ya are starting to run a fever and the bath and food should help," Logan ordered.

"Anything is ok with me, it all looks bien," the boy said with a slight smile.

"Ok, little of everything it is, now get in the tub and get cleaned up," he jokingly demanded.

The boy slid off the bed and shakily stood and started towards the bathroom leaning on the wall for support. Logan knew the kid wasn't going to be able to get into that big tub himself, but he knew the kid wasn't going to let him help without a fight.

"You need any help, kid?" he yelled from the bedroom.

"NON!" came the scared reply.

"Ok, I won't come in there unless ya want me to, but don't go breaking your neck. If you need help just yell." He tried to sound as casual as possible, but it hurt to know the kid was this scared at his young age. He sat down on the edge of the bed and called in the order to the restaurant, always listening for any noise that might warrant him to check on the boy. After hanging up he walked towards the bathroom, standing right outside the half closed door he yelled in. "You ok in there?" he paused and waited for a reply. "Kid, you ok?" he repeated.

"Oui, Monsieur, mais I can't wash my hair," he answered back. "Is that ok?"

"I can wash it for ya if ya want, it's ok, I promised I wouldn't hurt ya and I mean it." He stood and waited for a long minute. He almost asked again when he heard the faint "ok" come from the room.

"I am coming in then," Logan warned as he pushed open the door slowly. Amazingly the boy had managed to get out of his clothes and into the tub without help, but it looked like it took what was left of his energy to do it. When Logan knelt down to wash his hair, the boy flinched. "It's ok, I have been told I am good at this," he said jokingly, hoping to relieve some of the boys tension. "Lean your head back a bit," he lightly commanded. He slowly poured the water over the boy's hair and worked in the shampoo and carefully rinsed it out, making the water dirtier then it already was. "Is that better?" he asked after rinsing the remaining shampoo out.

"Oui, Merci," he whispered.

"Why don't I help you out of the tub, ok?" he questioned the boy again, afraid to do anything without the boys permission.

"Oui," the boy said weakly.

"Here we go." Logan reached for a towel as he stood the boy up in the tub. "You ok?" he asked as he dried him off and got him in a warm robe.

"Tired. Hungry," is all the boy said.

"Ok, let's get ya in the bedroom and I will run down and pick up the food, will ya be ok for a few minutes by yourself?" Logan felt almost stupid after asking the question. "The kid has been on his own for who knows how long, he can survive a few minutes in a hotel room," he chided himself.

The boy nodded, and then looked at the bathroom floor. "What 'bout my clothes?"

"I am gonna pick ya up some new ones downstairs, those are warn out and dirty. And before you even say it, you don't owe me anything," he said while sitting the boy on the bed. He began to worry, the boy was being quiet and looked really tired and the fever was still there. He also noticed the blood that had rinsed off the boy in the tub, he was afraid he may be hurt more then he was letting on. "How about you lie down and take a short nap while I am gone, you look tired, I will wake ya up when I come back."

The boy lay down and mumbled, "Ok". To tired to argue he fell asleep when his head hit the pillow.

Logan snickered and pulled the covers up over the boy. After making sure he was warm enough, he went into the bathroom to collect the old clothes to try and find something that told him a size. The shirt was so old the tag was long gone, so he tried the jeans. When he turned them over to check the tag he noticed the blood stain in the seat. "Shit!" he growled. He suspected that the boy had been abused, but now it was confirmed. "Who could do this to him, he is just a child," he thought to himself. He pulled himself out of his angered thoughts and got back to the task at hand. The faster he got the food and the clothes the faster he could ask the boy what happened.

Logan rushed downstairs to the small shop and picked up clothes, along with a toothbrush, hairbrush and a pair of sunglasses. After picking up the food he hurried upstairs and into the room. He set the food and bags on the small table. As he turned to wake up the boy he saw the small figure rise up out of the bed and rub his eyes.

"You awake? I got ya some clothes and a toothbrush. You wanna change before ya eat?"

The boy glanced down at himself in only the robe and nodded weakly.

Logan continued, "I hope these fit, I looked at your other clothes for a size, but the tags were gone. Kid?" he looked at the kid worried.

The boy had dropped his head and small sobs were racking his body. "Hey kid, it's ok, what's wrong? I promise, I don't want anything if that is it." Logan raised the boy's chin with his finger and looked him in the face and finally saw what was wrong in the boy's eyes, shame. "Kid, it's ok, I saw the blood, and I have a good idea where it came from. I was gonna ask ya if ya were hurting-" Logan was cut off by hysterical sobs from the boy.

"Please, I'm sorry, I was hungry, I hadn't eaten in days, he said the other boys do it, I didn't know what he wanted, he gave me money, but the man at the restaurant wouldn't take it and the boys in the alley took it from me before y' came. I swear it is gone, I didn't know, please," he pleaded as if his life were on trial.

He couldn't help it, he grabbed the young boy in his arms and held him, he didn't care if the kid wanted it or not, the kid needed positive human contact and he was going to get it!

"Kid, it's ok, it's not your fault, that man knew better, he was just a bad man and he should have never touched ya, it's not your fault," he quietly whispered the words over and over while petting the boys hair. "Kid, this is not your fault, you understand that, right?" He pulled the boy away slightly and looked into those exotic eyes.

"I guess," came the tiny answer. "Why did he do that? Do all bad men like to do that? It hurts so bad." He began to sob again and rested his head back on Logan's chest.

Logan did not want to have to explain this to a kid, especially not a kid this young. "He shouldn't even be worrying about this stuff yet," he thought to himself. "Well, kid, it's hard to explain. When people are older they like to do things like that, but when you are older it doesn't hurt. You are too young, that man knew that, he should have never touched ya." He hoped that was enough to help the kid understand, he just felt damn uncomfortable trying to explain this to a 7 year old.

"Oh," came the small sigh. "So it's ok if I am older to do things like that?" the boy questioned.

"Yea, but only if you want to, and not for money, or anything like that. You will understand when you grow up, just stay away from all of that now, ok?" The boy nodded. "Hey! Let's get over to that food before it gets cold!" Praying the mention of food would end this conversation for now. And it did.

The boys eyes lit up and he looked over to the table at the containers of food. Logan was surprised how much energy the promise of food put back into the kid. The boy forgot all about getting dressed and practically ran to the table. Logan grinned seeing the look of surprise at all the food laid out on the table.

"Have a seat, kid." Logan handed him a fork. "Dig in!"

The boy looked at the fork for a minute and then back to Logan and then back at the fork. Logan then realized the boy had no clue what to do with it. Not wanting to make the kid uncomfortable he threw his fork onto the floor. "Never needed em myself," and began eating with his fingers. The boy grinned and mimicked the man devouring anything he could get his hands on.

"Slow down, kid, your gonna make yourself sick," Logan laughed.

That angelic smile returned on the boy's face and he continued to eat. Logan could not resist to smile back. The kid was growing on him, and it almost worried him. He started to have thoughts of wanting to lock him in this hotel room, just to keep him away from the world outside, to protect him. Maybe he should call one of his contacts, have them look for the kid's parents. He couldn't leave him out on the streets again. "If I have to I will take him with me," he thought with almost a glint of hope that he could. Then it dawned on him. "Hey kid, what's your name? I feel kinda funny calling ya kid all the time. Mine is Logan."

The kid stopped gnawing on the chicken leg long enough to look up at Logan. "Don't have a name," he shrugged and continued eating.

"You don't have a name? Didn't your parents give you a name? What do other people call ya," he questioned.

The boy stopped eating and looked down at the floor. "I don't have any parents. But other people call me Diable Blanc, Demon, Freak, Boy." He closed his eyes as if to be trying to remember more, when Logan interrupted him.

"Why don't we think of a real name? I'm not gonna call you any of those," Logan stated and smiled trying to lift the mood that kid had fallen into.

"Ok," the kid said with a shy grin.

Logan acted like he was in deep thought, his fingers brushing his chin and one eye closed as he mimicked a English accent, "Hmmm... can't call you Mary... maybe Lisa... no that won't do... how bout Georgita..."

The boy giggled uncontrollable and managed to say "Non" between breaths.

Finally after Logan didn't think the boy could take it anymore he said, "How about Remy?"

The boy froze and looked at Logan as if he was rolling the name around in his head, he finally said, "I like Remy," and smiled.

"Remy it is then! Hello, my name is Logan, how do ya do," he mocked while holding out a hand to shake.

"'ello, my name is Remy," he proudly stated back and shook Logan's hand with his small one.

"Glad to meet ya, kid, glad to meet ya."

  

Chapter Three

Logan jerked awake, sitting up almost instantly. His breath caught as he remembered his dream and it slowly sank into his mind forming a complete memory. "Oh Shit," was all he could manage to get out. What was he going to do now? How was he going to tell Jean? How was he going to face Remy? It was the same Remy right? He started to weigh the evidence in his head. "Same eyes, age is about right, city is the same, Cajun always said he was adopted so that pans out. Shit, it was him, had to be," he concluded. Logan's head was swimming, he didn't know what to do. Suddenly a knock woke him from thought.

"Logan," came the soft voice from the other side.

"Yea, Jeannie. It's open," he scowled. He didn't need this now, he wanted to be alone, he needed to think.

Jean opened the door and walked in closing it softly behind her and leaned against it.

"What do ya want, Red?" he almost growled.

"I take it you remembered a lot last night," as she pointed to the clock. "Thought you might want to talk about it."

Logan glanced at the clock "Shit! I slept for 14 hours!"

"I noticed you weren't at breakfast or lunch, when you didn't show for dinner I became worried so I came up to check on you." She slowly made her way to the corner of the bed and sat down and continued, "Would you like to talk about it? It is between me and you I promise."

"Yea… No... I don't know, Jean, I am just so damn confused right now." The last murmured from his head in his hands. He truly did not know what to do.

"Tell me, Logan, I won't judge you," she said softly as she pulled his hands down from his face and caught his eyes. "Whatever you did, we will deal with it."

That comment caught him. "What did I do?" he accidentally said aloud.

"Logan?" Jean was beginning to worry. "Please, Logan, tell me what is going on. What did you do?"

"That's the problem, Jeannie, I don't know what I did." He looked up at her with pleading eyes as if she held all the answers. "I remembered a trip to New Orleans, I met up with a scared street kid, he was," he stuttered on the words, "hurt, the kid was hurt. I took him to my hotel, got him some food and got him cleaned up. I remember saying to myself that I was gonna call my contacts and see about keeping the kid with me, but obviously I didn't, he ended up back on the streets, he couldn't have been more then 7. He was a mutant." His mind was going a mile a minute, and it was all hitting him at once. "What if I hurt him? Did I dump him back on the streets? Could I have been that cruel?" Logan suddenly came down from his panic filled ranting and looked a worried Jean straight in the eyes and asked, "Why didn't he tell me?"

Jean was instantly saddened by the look in Logan's eyes, she had never seen him like this before. It was as if someone had ripped out his heart. She wanted badly to answer him, but his ranting did nothing but confuse her. "Logan, I don't understand, who didn't tell you what?" she pleaded for an answer.

"Remy. Jean, the street kid was Remy." He dropped his head back into his hands not knowing what else to say.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. It's all she could think to say for several minutes, finally: "Remy never said anything about knowing you?"

A mumbled "No" is all she got from him.

"You should talk to Remy, maybe he can tell you what happened, maybe there is something-" Her reasoning was cut off by Logan's snarling.

"No! There has to be a reason he never said anything, what if I hurt him, Jean? What if I did just throw him back on the streets to starve or be raped by some other sadistic bastard!" He stopped realizing what he had just said. Seeing the look on her face he knew she heard it. He leaned his head back against the bed and waited for her to question him, he knew it was coming.

"Raped? Remy was raped? By who? Please, Logan, tell me you didn't." She shook her head in disbelief.

"No! I didn't do it, damn it! I found him after it happened!" He was almost offended by her accusation, but hell, what did he know, he could have. He had no clue what he did after that night, and was afraid to find out. "Jeannie, I want ya to stop this. Stop what ever ya did. I don't want to remember anymore. If I did something to the kid I don't want to know. Fix what ever ya did now!" he demanded.

"Logan, please talk to Remy first, this may be a big misunderstanding, maybe nothing happened. If you did do something to Remy do you really think he would like you as much as he does? He is always at your side, you go drinking together, he always has your back in battle. Logan, he is the only one in the mansion that has never feared you. If you had hurt him when he was a child do you think he would act this way towards you now? Please talk to him, maybe he himself doesn't remember, you said he was young. Just talk to him, Logan," she begged.

She had a point and he knew it.

"Ok, Jeannie, I'll talk to him," he sighed.

"Good, if you still want the memories to stop after that, I will stop them. But give it a chance." Feeling her mission was accomplished she rose to leave. "If you need to talk I will be here, Logan, you know that." She waited at the door for an answer.

"Yea, I know, thanks, Jeannie," he whispered.

"Night Logan," and with that she closed the door behind her, leaving Logan to his thoughts.

He really had no idea why this scared him so much. His stomach was turning double time and his head spun. Why was he so afraid to talk to the kid. "The worse the Cajun could do is never talk to me again." With that thought his stomach lurched, if he would have eaten that day he would have lost it right there. The thought of the Cajun never talking to him again physically hurt him. "What if I loose him," he thought to himself. He shook his head, what was he thinking, "loose him", he never had him, never wanted him, or did he? Logan jumped out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. "I'm loosing my damn mind," he growled under his breath. He made a plan in his head. "I am gonna take a shower, get some food, drink a beer, or a case, and talk to the Cajun." The plan was set, he just had to make himself follow it.

***

Jean slowly walked down the corridor to the den. So was lost in the thoughts of what Logan told her she ran right into the side table and stumbled.

"Whoa, Jeannie, better watch where y' going," Remy said with a sly grin catching Jean by the shoulders and steadied her. "If ya want to get close to me just ask me next time," he joked.

"Remy!" she squeaked and jerked away from his hands. "I'm sorry, must have been lost in thought, I didn't mean to fall on you like that, are you ok?" she asked like she had actually hurt him.

"Jeannie, I am ok, y' ain't dat heavy," he laughed. "Are you ok?" he asked noticing she was still blankly staring at him.

"I'm sorry," is all she said and grabbed him in a motherly bear hug. She looked up into his eyes and could see the confusion and she pulled away.

"Y' sure y' ok?" he asked, too baffled to come up with a quick one-liner.

"Yes, Remy, I am fine," she reassured him as she gave him a sad look and walked down towards the den. She knew she shouldn't have done that but she couldn't help it. Knowing now just a little of the hell Remy went through as a child she could not help but try to comfort him, even if he didn't know why.

Remy just wrote it off as "that time of month" and went on down the hall towards the Danger Room, not giving it a second thought.

***

Logan had taken his shower, finished off the leftovers of dinner, and drank every beer he could find in the house, but he did not budge from his chair in the kitchen. He knew the last part of his plan, but he just couldn't make himself do it. The thought of just calling off the whole plan and going back to bed had crossed his mind, but he was just as afraid to do that as he was to find Remy. What if the dream started where it left off? Then he would not only know he hurt Remy, he would have to see it, and remember it, too. "Get up out of the chair and go find the kid," he ordered himself. Logan rose out of his chair determined. "Let's get this over with," he growled after swigging the last drink of his beer and throwing it in the recycling bin.

After leaving the kitchen it didn't take him long to find Remy, his scent lead Logan to the den. Logan stood in the doorway. He knew that the kid was in the room but didn't see him. He walked in and noticed that the TV was on, but the station had gone off air and the national anthem played softly. As he stepped closer to the back of the couch he noticed the lanky figure curled up on one side, total oblivious to the static that just began playing on the screen.

"Kid must have fallen asleep," he whispered to no one but himself and smiled.

Logan stepped around the couch and knelt down. He looked at the young man in front of him. "He still looks so young when he's sleeps," Logan thought to himself. Before he could catch himself he brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen in front of Remy's face. Remy twitched and his eyes fluttered open. Seeing a person that close to him startled him and he jumped up and across the couch.

"It's ok, kid, it's just me," Logan said in a calming voice.

Remy let out a sigh. "What are y' doing, homme, trying to scare me to death?" Remy relaxed into the corner of the couch as Logan silently took the other corner looking away from him. "So what were y' doing anyway?" Remy asked. Curious to know why he found Logan less then a foot away from his face playing with his hair in his sleep. Normally he would dream of waking up with Logan like that, but not in the den.

"Just watching ya sleep," Logan honestly answered.

Logan was acting odd and Remy knew it. He didn't know what to do, he was afraid to ask why he was here, or what he wanted, or why he was watching him sleep of all things. "Mon Dieu! What if he remembered! What if he is here to tell me how much I disgust him, to never talk to him again, to leave?" His thoughts where causing him to panic, he had to leave before Logan could destroy the little hope he had.

"Well, I think I'm going to go to bed, night Logan," he quickly said while rising to his feet. As he turned to leave he was stopped by Logan's hand on his arm.

"I remembered something last night," was all Logan said.

They stood there for several long minutes. Remy frozen in place with his back to Logan, Logan's hand on his arm and Logan staring at Remy's back. Finally Logan broke the silence with what seemed like a simple question.

"Why?" he quietly asked.

Remy turned around to face Logan but kept his eyes to the floor. "Why what?" he asked in return.

"Why didn't ya say anything? Why didn't ya tell me that I met ya before? Why didn't ya tell me about that night in New Orleans? I don't understand, Remy, did I hurt ya somehow? Is that why?" Logan begged Remy. Just minutes ago he didn't know how he was gonna ask these questions, and now they all poured out at once and he needed answers. He had to know if he hurt the kid, now the young man, in front of him. If he did he would do anything to make it up to him, to erase the hurt, anything to make the kid stay and never leave. He didn't know he ever felt this way about the Cajun, yea he liked the kid, what's not to like, but he never pondered anything more until now. Now that he was at a point that he could loose it all. After several minutes of nothing but silence, Logan pleaded again. "Remy? Please answer me, tell me why?" He reached up and took Remy by the chin and met him eye to eye.

Remy's eyes were swimming. He jerked away from Logan's hand. As he ran from the room all he said was: "I can't."

   

Chapter Four

"I don't think so," Logan growled and took off after Remy. He wasn't going to let this conversation end like this. He stalked down the hall and into the kitchen and through the back door to the grounds following the familiar smell of Remy mixed with a tint of warm salt. He went half way across the gardens when the trail stopped at an old oak tree in the center of the yard. Hearing small sobs coming from above he raised his head. Looking up into the branches he saw the person he was hunting perched on a large limb.

"Remy, please come down, we need to talk about this. I don't remember everything, and I need ya to fill in the pieces. I need to know what I did to ya," he begged.

Remy's eyes came down to look at Logan, evident by the two glowing orbs that now stood out from the darkness of the branches. "What y' did to me? What do y' mean? Y' didn't do anything to me."

With that confession Logan felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his soul, but it didn't answer all his questions, and now it had him wondering the answers to new ones.

"I don't get it, Remy, why are ya so scared to talk about this if I didn't hurt ya?" he said looking up. He wished that the kid would come down before he strained his neck.

As if he had heard Logan's plea he jumped down from the tree and landed silently next to Logan. He took a seat on the ground and wrapped his arms around his waist as if showing his defeat. He sighed and waited for the questions he didn't want to answer. Logan took the hint and sat down next to the Cajun in the grass and took a moment to weigh the situation. He could smell the fear coming from the kid, almost identical to the smell from before. He now knew what spooked Remy that morning in the kitchen, the knowledge that he was going to get his memory back, that he was going to remember that night in New Orleans, that he was going to remember him.

"Remy?" he placed his hand on the kid's back to comfort him. "Why didn't ya want me to remember that night?"

Remy breathed deeply as if to prepare himself. He was ready to get this over and done with, to tell Logan everything. "When Stormy first introduced y' to me, I thought y' would remember me. I was actually kinda hurt at first that y' didn't know me, even after she told y' my name."

"I'm sorry, I didn't." Logan was stopped by a wave of Remy's hand signaling him to let him finish.

Remy continued, "I understand now, Logan. Stormy told me about the whole Weapon X thing and your memories being taken 'way. After awhile I was relieved that y' didn't remember me."

Logan interrupted again. "That's the part I don't understand, Remy, why didn't ya want me to remember ya?"

Remy sighed and began again. "After a while I got to know y' and the others better, started looking at y' like family. But if y' remembered that night y' would tell the others 'bout what I did." Remy began to cry and his words started to ramble almost incoherently. "I didn't want them to know, I didn't want y' to remember. Now y' know and y' won't want me near y' and neither will the others. Everyone already thinks I'm a whore, now they will know it's the truth. Y' will only see me as some dirty street whore and y' will never want me." He finally stopped when he began to sob so hard he couldn't talk.

Logan pulled him into his lap and held him tightly. "Oh God, Remy, is this what ya were afraid of? I would never think of you like that, ever! What happened wasn't your fault, that doesn't make you a whore, it makes you a victim. Ya were a hungry kid and the bastard took advantage of that. Ya didn't know what he was going to do. It's not your fault," he continued to cradle Remy's head to his chest and rocked back and forth slowly, trying to calm him down.

"Y' don't get it, Logan," Remy yelled as he jerked away from the embrace. "I am a whore! Yea, you'r right, I didn't know what he was going to do that time. But I did the next time, and the time after that. I was hungry and that was the only way to get the money I needed for food. I knew y' told me to stay away from all of it, I tried for so long, but I had no choice in the end. Everyday I hoped that someone like y' would come to me again, take me in, and not want to hurt or use me, but it didn't happen until Poppa. I am just a good for nothing whore like every one says." The last word came out in an agonizing whisper.

Logan covered the distance between them and took Remy's face between his hands. "Remy, look at me," he ordered. Remy finally looked up at Logan with tear filled eyes and Logan continued. "You are NOT a whore, you hear me. You were a victim of a situation you should have never been put into. I don't blame you for anything that happened when you were a child, you understand. I don't think any less of you now then I did before I remembered. If anything I have stronger feelings now then I did. I love ya, Remy, and nothing will change that."

As if proving his point Logan pulled Remy's face to his, gently bringing their lips together. Remy tensed for a moment and then melted into Logan's mouth deepening the kiss, never wanting it to end. Logan pulled away slowly and looked Remy in the eyes and made him a promise.

"Remy, I don't know how ya ended up back on the streets, but I am sorry I didn't protect you then, but I want to now. I promise you that nothing like that will ever happen to ya again, I won't let it. I love ya. Fate has given me a second chance to have ya with me, and I sure as hell ain't going to let it pass me by this time. Please give me a chance to love ya like you should be?"

"I left, Logan." Seeing the look of confusion on Logan's face he explained. "That is why I ended up on the streets again. I left, I told myself that I was getting too comfortable and that it was only a matter of time before y' left me on the streets again. I thought, at the time, that I would be better off leaving myself then have y' leave me." He paused and looked Logan in the eye with a loving smile. "But fate has given ME a second chance to be with y', and I won't let it pass me by either. Je t'aime, Logan," he finished by pulling Logan into another deep kiss, savoring every second.

Logan pulled away from the kiss and stood, pulling Remy up with him. He began leading Remy towards the house by an arm around his waist. "Come on, kid, let's get inside, it's been a long night and I need some sleep and so do you. Ya can sleep in my room tonight if ya want, would like the company."

"I would like that, Logan, I like y' close," he said before stealing a quick kiss from Logan's lips.

***

Logan and Remy made there way up the stairs towards Logan's room. Suddenly Logan stopped right outside the Summers' bedroom.

"What's wrong, Logan?" Remy questioned quietly, careful not to wake the couple on the other side of the door.

"Nothin, Rem, just need to do something. Why don't ya go grab some clothes and things from your room and meet me in mine. I will be there in a few minutes. Get the bed warm for me?" he grinned and gave Remy a quick kiss.

"Ok, but don't be to long, I'm tired and I want to fall asleep with y'," he yawned confirming his statement.

"I'll only be a few minutes," he promised.

With that Remy stole another kiss and made his way up the last flight of stairs towards his room.

Once Remy was out of sight he softly knocked on the bedroom door in front of him.

"Jeannie?" he said softly.

"Come in, Logan," came the mental reply.

Logan opened the door quietly and let his eyes adjust to the dark room.

"Is something wrong?" Jean asked. "Don't worry we can talk, I will keep him asleep," she assured him while leaning over and turning on the small table lamp.

"I need ya to stop the memories, Jeannie," he said, getting to the point. He wanted to get this done and get back to Remy.

"What? Why? Did you talk to Remy? Did something happen? Are you ok? Is Remy alright?" she was stopped by Logan's laugh.

"Everything's fine, Jeannie, actually everything is better then I could have ever hoped." He could tell she was about to question him again, so he raised his hand to stop her and simply said, "I don't need the old memories anymore, I will make new ones."

She almost asked what he meant by the comment when Logan broadcasted her a flash of memory that explained everything. She smiled and patted the corner of the bed next to her. Logan sat down and she raised her hands to either side of the face. Jean entered his mind and changed in minutes what took hours to do, stopping the memories from flowing into his mind. She opened her eyes, dropped her hands to her lap, and smiled at Logan. "It's done, you will not remember any more of those memories. I can reopen that part of your mind again later if you like, you just have to ask." She could not stop herself from grabbing Logan and pulling him into a hug. "You be good to each other, you both deserve to be happy," she whispered softly.

"Don't worry, Jeannie, I have him now, I will never let him go," he said while pulling away from the embrace.

"Go on, get back to him! He has waited long enough! Now go." She smiled and jokingly swatted him on the arm.

Logan chuckled and rose from the bed to leave.

"Thanks, Jeannie, for everything." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and then left the room to get back to Remy.

***

Logan opened the door to his room quietly. He was gone longer then he wanted to be and hoped Remy didn't get worried. Walking into the room he noticed the figure curled up under the covers in his bed. Logan stepped out of his clothes and sat down softly on the bed trying not to disturb the sleeping Remy. He sat there for several minutes just watching him sleep. Finally realizing how tired he was he turned out the light and spooned up behind Remy pulling him close in a protective embrace.

"I will never let ya go, never hurt ya, I love ya too much," he confessed quietly.

Remy softly moaned in his sleep and turned over facing Logan pulling himself even closer and tucking his head under Logan's chin.

Logan kissed Remy softly on the head and whispered, "Ya took my heart as a child, and now ya have taken my heart as a man."

With that Logan drifted off into sleep.

 

Epilogue

One Year Later

"Mon Dieu!" Remy collapsed on top of Logan's body, both were breathing heavily, still riding waves of their third orgasm.

Logan chuckled. "Is that all ya can say?"

"Mon Dieu!" Remy repeated out of breath.

Logan swiftly rolled over taking the Cajun with him, now placing him on top. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at the sleepy Cajun and smiled. "Remy, I wanna ask ya something."

"What is it, cher?" Remy laid on his back looking straight into those blue eyes that had captured his soul a long time ago. He saw the sparkle in them. He knew what that meant, Logan was up to something. He smiled.

"Ya remember when I gave ya the name Remy cause ya didn't have one?" Logan looked down at Remy and watched the grin on his face widen as he remembered the night in New Orleans.

"Oui," he replied.

"I wanted to ask for a favor in return." He gave Remy a sly grin.

"What?" Remy gave him a confused look.

"Well, I seem to have a problem. I don't have a last name, I was hoping maybe ya could think of one for me."

Remy grinned from ear to ear and then suddenly got a serious look on his face. He began acting like he was in deep thought, his fingers brushing his chin and one eye closed as he mimicked an English accent: "Hmmm... Maybe we can call you Smith... maybe Jones... no that won't do... I got it, how bout Summers... no that is too over used."

Logan laughed knowing that Remy was mocking him. "I was thinking more along the lines of sharing yours."

"Hmmm... Logan Lebeau. I don't know, sounds funny to me." Remy smiled. "But I think it would be perfect."

Logan kissed Remy again. "I take that as a yes then?"

Remy arched up and grabbed Logan's lips. "I take that as y' asking?" Remy pulled Logan down and kissed him long and deep, only breaking away to breath. "Oui. Defiantly Oui." Remy smiled and tears ran down his face. "Je t'aime, Logan."

"I love ya too, Rem. Forever."

 

END