Title: Sticky Situation
Spoilers: A couple brief references to Beer Bad. Set in Season 5 after The Body.
Summary: Sure food in bed is fun, but what of the consequences?
Distribution: Gabi, Dee, Robin2, Mel, and Emryld if they want it, UCSL. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Dedication: To Dee whose essay inspired this.
"Oh God, Rupert!!!!"
Buffy's hips rose of their own accord as her lover
nibbled and sucked at her. She wove her fingers through his hair and held his
head between her thighs as she ground her sex against his invading tongue.
Her cries grew incoherent as she neared release. Giles
swirled his tongue over the hard bud of her clit until, with a final shout, she
spasmed against his face.
Immediately, he moved up her body and plunged into her
with his large and achingly hard cock. Their hips rose and fell together in a
hard, fast rhythm. Their passion grew as their tempo increased. Hard kisses and
guttural sounds of pleasure urged them on until Buffy began to pulse around
Giles and he shouted, filling her with streams of his burning seed.
Finally, the shouts became soft whimpers of satiation.
The fierce thrusts melted into a loving embrace. Tiny aftershocks of pleasure
coursed through both their bodies as they kissed their way down from the high
they had achieved.
In moments, both were asleep.
A ray of sun from the incompletely drawn curtains
stabbed Buffy in the eye at an alarmingly early hour. She swatted at it with her
hand for several seconds before coming to the realization that it wasn't
something she could kill.
Slowly, she opened one eye and closed it against the
bright beam. With a deeply self-indulgent sigh, she pulled down the blankets and
rolled off the bed...at least she tried to.
On the third try, Buffy finally managed to extricate
herself from the bedding. She looked at her naked form in the mirror and
blanched at the image.
Her body and blonde hair were streaked with the brown
remains of last night's chocolate sauce and the white of the whipped cream they
had shared. Honey clung stickily to her pubic hair and a few butterscotch chips
festooned the more intensely grubby areas of her anatomy.
A quick glance at the bed showed her that Giles was
similarly decorated and the sheets would probably never be truly clean again.
"Rupert? Wake up, Rupert."
Buffy climbed back onto the bed on her knees, only to
have one land in the sodden spot where their combined fluids had leaked when
they both collapsed the previous night.
She made a face, and moved her knee only to find it in
a congealed puddle of chocolate and honey. She gave up.
"Rupert? You ever gonna wake up, sweetie?"
He muttered incoherently in his sleep and began to roll
over. He tried again. He was stuck. His eyes flew open. The blurry image of
Buffy's streaked face and matted hair alarmed him.
"Oh dear lord, Buffy, you haven't been at the beer
again, have you? Buffy not drunk?"
"Relax. Cave Slayer has left the building. And it
was only once."
"What on earth happened to you?"
"Wow. That's some morning after sweet talk you got
going there. What happened to last night when you said I was the most beautiful
thing you'd ever laid eyes on?"
He struggled to move his arms around her, but they
remained pinned to his sides.
"Buffy, darling, I don't want to panic, but why
the bloody hell can't I move?"
"Remember last night's all you can eat off Buffy
buffet? We never cleaned up the leftovers. It took me three tries to get out of
bed. And that's with Slayer strength."
"Oh dear lord!"
"And the gang is on the way here to do research
Giles muttered something under his breath.
"What was that, sweetie?"
The Englishman glared at his grinning lover.
"I was praying for a swift and merciful death
before Xander sees this, if you must know."
"Grouchy! Don't be such a baby. I'll save you."
She yanked at the sheets until Giles yelped in pain.
The sheets had come away taking several tufts of chest hair with them.
"Oooh, I'm sorry, sweetie! It was the only way.
Can you move now?"
It took a few tries, but Giles was finally able to
leave the bed. The two looked at one another in dismay.
"We're pretty yuck, aren't we?"
"I would have to say so."
"The gang will be here in less than an hour."
"We'd best clean up."
"Buffy if we get in that shower together, you know
what will happen."
"So who goes first, and what does the other one
do? Just stand here all sticky and frustrated?"
Giles started to run his hand through his hair. It got
"You can't shower one handed. I think you're gonna
need some help."
"The time I needed help was when I let you
convince me to eat all those sweet things off your body last night."
"But you gotta admit, it was fun at the
"Yes, but now I have to buy new sheets and my
dentist will probably retire to Paris on our little adventure."
Still, he couldn't help smiling. Nor could he help his
other reaction to the memory of how they'd gotten into this mess. He winced.
"What's the matter?"
"My foreskin is stuck. It hurts." he ground
Buffy led him to the bathroom.
An hour later, both were scrubbed clean and the sheets
had been hidden away to be disposed of later. By the time the Scoobies arrived,
both Buffy and Giles were researching innocently away as Giles drank his tea and
Buffy her coffee. It wouldn't do to let the others know about the recent change
in their relationship just yet.
"Fear no more, people, Donut Man is here!"
Xander deposited the box on the desk and grabbed a
chocolate one before anyone else could grab it.
Willow frowned. Lately Buffy had been at Giles' place
early practically every time they met there. It wasn't natural. Something was
"Hi Buffy. How did you get here before us?"
The Slayer shrugged. "Just motivated, I guess."
Giles hope nobody would notice his blush. He spotted
Anya regarding him quizzically.
"Yes, Anya? Is there something you wish to say?"
"What's that on your forehead? It's in one of your
wrinkles. It's brown."
Buffy looked away quickly. The others moved in for a
"P-p-probably some demon blood I missed."
"Demon blood? What demon? When?" Willow
"It's nothing, really. Buffy and I already dealt
with it. It won't be back."
"Yeah, Giles is right. It was a sorta sticky
situation, but I think we know how to avoid it in the future."
The two smiled conspiratorially at one another. They
knew they would shower immediately next time.