Date:                6 October 2003

Title:                 As you are

Author: Das Jessy

Archive:            Yep.

Summary:            An AU 'As you were' Who would have guessed?

Rating:              PG-13

Category:            B/S, total fluff and Riley- bashing.

Disclaimer:        All mine except Riley, I really don't wanna be made responisble for                  THAT guy.

Spoilers:            Mid- As you were

Feedback:            Yes pleaseeeeeee. jessy_84@t-online.de

Author's Note:            I bought season 4 on DVD and after watching the epsiodes all again I                                     hate Riley even more and I get this crazy desire to hug Spike and tell                                                 him everything will be alright again and that he's still all scary.

As you are by Das Jessy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When she barges into the crypt I'm sitting on a sarcophagos, reading. I didn't expect that she would come over, she barely does these days. It was getting really old, really soon. We'd have sex, she'd insult me and then run off. But even those visits became less frequent after her birthday. "Hey now." I say standing up and laying the book down. "If I'd-a known you were coming, I'd-a baked a cake." "I need information." She tells me all business like, all Slayer. "Well, suppose I could be helpful. If the price is right." If she can play tough, so can I. "I'm not sure I'm selling out at Double Meat Palace wages, though." Buffy decides to ignore my comments and comes right to the point. "I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself The Doctor." Well, alright I wouldn't have taken her money anyway."Human?" I ask her.
"His traffic isn't." Have heard some rumors about that guy, but don't know much.
"Clock ticking?" "Whatever he's doing, he's doing it soon." So she's got some free time. "Soon but not now?" Suddenly she looks at me with that great green eyes of her, all vulnerable."Tell me you love me." What's that bint playing at now. When I tell her I love her she beats the crap out of me and now all of a sudden she wants to hear it?! Well, all right with me. "I love you. You know I do." With that the Slayer comes over to me. What the hell is wrong with her?! "Tell me you want me." Okay that's it, she's gone bloody crazy. But she looks so small standing there, like she really needs the confirmation. "I always want you. In point of fact-" I whisper before she interrupts me. "Shut up."She says and the next thing I know, she's puls me down on the coffin. She starts to work on the bottons of my shirt but stops and burrows her head in my shoulder. I hear her sniffle and she tries to pull me even closer. I sit up and take her in my arms petting her back. Now she's crying for real, her little body shaken by sobs. "Shh, Luv. Non of that now. Tell me what happened." She looks up at me, her eyes red. I kiss the tears from her cheek and actually get one of those rare Buffy-smiles. When she moves I'm quite sure that she's pulling away so I'm even more surprised when she snuggles deeper into my embrace.

"Riley." She whispers and I freeze. Next thing I know she leans over and kisses me on the lips really softly. "No, Spike." She says knowing what I was thinking. "Tell me." I say pulling her into my lap and holding her close. She lays her head down on my shoulder one arm around my neck. She's playing with the hair in the nape of my neck and I think that's the first time that she's shown me some kind of affection in the non- shagging way. "Riley, came back." She starts. "He's married Spike. He's so happy and he married her only some month after he leaved me." That bastard. How can he forget about this beautiful woman in my lap so fast. "I don't even know why it hurts so much. It's not like I still love him or like I ever really loved him." "But it just does, doesn't it?" She nods against my shoulder and I peck her on the lips wich gets me another of those smiles. two in one night. "I think he just came her to rub it in how happy he is without me. And it's not like he's got so much more than me, does he?" She asks and I shake my head no. "Well, I've got my friends and my sister and I came back from the dead, twice." She grins then whispers. "And it's not like I don't have a boyfriend." "Have you now, Pet?" "Well, I've got you, and we are doing, well...it, and you're here now, consoling me, and you are good with my sister and even most of my friends and you can be sweet if you want to so I think that qualifies you as my boyfriend." I think I'm hearing things. "Buff, I never wanted to hide, I wanted to be your boyfriend you kept pushing away. And if you're saying this things now because you want to get revenge on Riley, then please Buffy, don't. It will hurt too much when he's gone and you start pushing again." "I...I just came to realize how fast it can be. That within a moments notice you could well, fall out of love with me and leave." "Like that would ever happen." "ell, it could, you could meet someone and then...it's not like I'm that great of a girlfriend or even friend." "I could never..." "Spike I've been treating you like crap, we both know it. I don't want that anymore for us, Spike." So, she 's breaking up with me, boyfriend? Bloody hell. I should have known she didn't mean it. "William?" She says interrupting my thoughts. "Yes, Luv?!" " I think I might be in love with you." Well, now my brain's taking a vacation, did she just say that she loved me?! "You, you do?" I ask her afraid to hope that she could have meant it. "Yeah. Yes I do love you. I don't even know why because most of the time you are annoying the hell out of me and..." This time I interrupt her, with a kiss. When we pull apart she's panting for breath. "Buffy, are you sure? This really isn't some kind of vengeance act on Riley? You won't be all slay-happy tomorrow?" "No. Well, maybe I will because you have this tendency of saying something stupid the morning after. 'Oh the only thing better than killing a Slayer...' " I chuckle at her terrible imitation of my accent. "If I sound anything like that, then please stake me." Now she not only smiles, she actually giggles. "Spike, Riley doesn't even need to know about us. Well, his face would be kinda priceless but this is about us. Promise." " So we telling your mates?" "Yeah." She yawns. I pull her down on the sarcopahgos again. She lays her head on my chest and I start tracing patterns on her back with one hand while pulling a blanket over us with another. "You really don't know anything about that docor guy?" She asks. "Didn't say that." I tell her truthfully and she tenses. "What do you know?" "Not much, there was this guy who needed a place where he could store some demon eggs. Heard some rumours, was asked to keep the things. Didn't think you'd appreciate it so I told them no." "No idea who he is?" "Nope. Never talked to him personally." "Kay." She says snuggeling deeper into my arms and falling asleep that same instance. My last thought before I'm out of it as well is that I must be already dreaming.

The next thing I know is the door banging open, Buffy's still snuggled against me, so it can't be her. Oh, bloody hell, Captain cardboard is paying me a visit, this should be good. Buffy begins stirring, too and her eyes widen when she see who interrupted her sleep. "Well, looky here. I don't usually use the word delicious..." I say sitting up.

"But I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? Girl..." I stop myself at Buffy's annoyed look, well I don't have a stake in my chest so that's a good sign.  "That's not why I'm here ... Doctor." Of course, should have known. If anything is up blame it on Spike, but I'm happy to see that the Slayer's Death glare is now no longer on me but on her Ex. "Here I thought we'd run you out of town, mate." I sigh.

"Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation." I tell him sitting up more on the coffin, legs dangling over the side. Buffy moves so she sitting next to me.

"Now, be a good tin soldier and, uh... ", I continue pointing at the door.
"Where are they ... Doctor?" "Where are what, the eggs? And why do you keep calling me that?" "Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information. It's all brought me here and you obviously know about the eggs." "Look, crew cut. She's not your bint any more. And if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you." I know this will get me in trouble later, but hey, still evil. "Nice. That's very distracting. " He says walking over to where we are sitting. "Now tell me, before I get unprofessional..." Great, now he's pointing his gun at me, very effective. " ...where are the eggs, Spike?" "I don't know." I tell him getting up. "Okay. We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the fatal way." He says punching me in the nose. Just as I want to retunr the favor, sod the chip, Buffy puts her hand on my arm, looking me in the eyes. "Where are the eggs?" Riley asks again. "Look, the Doctor, it isn't Spike." It's the first thing Buffy said since Captain America barged into my crypt. "No need to defend me, luv."

"He's Spike. Deadly ... amoral ... opportunistic, Spike. Or have you forgotten?" Riley tells her. She glares at him before turning away a disgusted look on her face. that's my woman. "I'm taking this place apart until I find that nest."  "Over my dead body."
"I've seen enough of your dead body for one night, thanks." Oh looky, Captain Cardboard made a funny. "Well, you're not gonna- " I begin before he shoves me away and I stumble backwards. He starts heading downstairs. "You coming?" He asks Buffy. "Riley. Enough!" She says. "Buffy, you can't really believe him." "Why shouldn't I? He's giving me no reason during the last months not to trust him." "You must be crazy." Riley tells her going downstairs. Buffy starts followinng him but I hold her back and look into her eyes. "Thanks." I murmur. She kisses me lightly and then goes downstairs me following suite. When we get downstairs Riley's already searching for the eggs. "They are not here." I tell him again. "Last I heard, your doctor left town, with his eggs." Next thing I know Riley's pulling my stuff out of trunks and boards. Just when I'm getting up Buffy pulls Riley back from another trunk i store my thinks in. "Stop it." She snarls. "Your stupid eggs aren't here and you're not going to destroy Spike's home. I quite like it the way it is." "You can't be serious, buffy. He's a vampire." "I noticed." She answer coldly. "I should have know, you've been with a vampire before why shouldn't you do it again?! So has he..." Rileys says motioning in my direction. " ...been right all along? You do need a little monster in your man." "No. I need someone who understands what I am. Who doesn't feel questioned in his manlyness because I'm as strong as him, or even stronger. I need somebody who's there for me, no matter what. Riley, my mother died. I died. No not like the time with the Master. I've been dead for 147 days. I've been brought back by my friends. Pulled out of heaven. And you know who understood me? Who just let me be and proved to be more of a man than any living guy with a soul? Riley, I took it all out on him, I abused him and I yelled at him and do you know what he did?! He stayed. He didn't ran off when the first problems came along. How could I not fall in love with him? I can depend on him to be strong when I need to be weak and I can depend on him not to be leaving because I'm strong. He knows I can handle myself and he doesn't want to change a thing about me. You left, Riley. You married. Now deal with the fact that I moved on as well. I'm sorry that I couldn't love you, but you never loved me, either. You loved what you thought I should be."  I know there are tears running down my cheek but I don't care. Riley turns around without another word leaving the crypt. I walk over to Buffy and take her into my arms. She lays her head on my chest and puts her arms around me as well. "I meat it, you know?" She asks, looking up. "Yeah I do." She brings her hand to my cheeks and brushes the tears away. I lean into her touch. "I love you." I whisper. "Love you, too." She answers. "So much, William"

~The End~