starring PAUL MERTON, LEMENT FREUD, TIM RICE and STEPHEN FRY, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 9 January 2006)
NOTE: Janet Staplehurst's 100th appearance blowing the whistle.
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!
THEME MUSIC
NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my huge pleasure to welcome our many listeners, not only in this country and of course abroad. But also to welcome to the programme four attractive, clever and talented players of the game. And seated on my right, is Paul Merton and Clement Freud. And seated on my left it is Stephen Fry and Tim Rice. Please welcome all four of them! Thank you, and as usual I am going to ask them to speak if they can on the subject I will give them. They will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. Beside me sits Janet Staplehurst, she is going to help me keep the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the delightful Mermaid Theatre at Puddledock which is near Blackfriars in the city of London. And we have a lovely Puddledock audience in front of us to cheer us on our way. As we begin the show with Paul Merton. Paul, the subject in front of me is my most embarrassing moment. Tell us something about that if you can, Just A Minute, starting now.
PAUL MERTON: When the blood tests confirmed that Nicholas Parsons was my father, you could have knocked me down with a feather! I was standing in the conservatory of Blenheim Hall when the great Duke came up to me and announced that fact via a page. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life undoubtedly was at a party when I was knocking some awful sketch show that was on television, before realising I was talking to one of the cast. So I thought to myself how can I possibly change this from absolute horror to wonderful appreciation. Well I said the writing's awful but the actresses are superb. And she didn't believe a word of it and she just ignored me. I suddenly...
BUZZ
NP: Tim Rice has challenged.
TIM RICE: I think there were two saids. It took me a long time to go back over it but...
NP: Yes he did say said more than once.
PM: Yes.
NP: Said to the actress, said to the other one.
PM: Yeah.
NP: So that's a correct challenge Tim, you get a point for a correct challenge, you take over the subject, it's my most embarrassing moment, and you're, how many seconds have you got? You’ve got 30 seconds starting now.
TR: My most embarrassing moment involved crabs which I gave to the wrong person. I was only six years old at the time playing with my bucket and spade at St Leonard's-on-Sea, on the beach. And there was small little animals with claws were being shared among children. And I took far more than the portion I was entitled to take. I was a real rotter, and I was exposed by the adults afterwards. And boy, was I embarrassed...
BUZZ
NP: Clement Freud challenged.
CLEMENT FREUD: I think there was seven Is.
NP: Yes, we might let two or three go, but seven, all right. I didn't know that you counted seven, if you did you were very clever. But he did have a lot of Is. And you have got in with four seconds to go...
PM: Oh!
NP: You have a correct challenge, you haven't won any friends in the audience, you have my most embarrassing moment starting now.
CF: I was watching a tug-of-war competition in the Isle of Ely...
WHISTLE
NP: Whoever is speaking when the whistle goes...
CF: Nicholas may I, may I just go on with this?
NP: Yes of course. I don't think we could stop you actually.
CF: I was the...
NP: Carry on.
CF: I was the local Member of Parliament, and I was making my team do well, and saw number four in the tug-of-war team not pull very hard. And I said "come on, you lazy sod!" And he was dead!
PM: Was it his last wish to be part of the team?
NP: I don't think anybody could top that for embarrassing moments! I can't give you any bonus points for that Clement, but the audience enjoyed it which is a bonus anyway for you, and for all of us perhaps. But Clement you have a lead at the end of the round because you got that extra bonus point. And Stephen we would like you to take the next round and the subject is trunks. Can you tell us about trunks in this game starting now.
STEPHEN FRY: Well trunks is a word susceptible to many interpretations. I suppose there is torsos regarding that kind of thoracic part of the human body, the anatomy that we love so well. And yet is limbless. There's also trunks as in what Americans call boots of the car, I don't know why they call them that. There must be a damn good reason. Probably the story...
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: Repetition of call.
NP: They call them that. You see you said call them that twice, and they call them that.
CF: I don't know why they call them that.
SF: You're so right! Yah! He's so right!
NP: And Clement you have another point, you have the subject, you have another 46 seconds, trunks starting now.
CF: The Americans call the boot of a car...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: Oh well I mean that's just theft! I mean that's just totally... I mean, he's shamelessly repeating every word I said.
NP: I know, that is, um, actually that is exactly what he's doing and there is nothing in the rules that says he can't.
SF: Yes, but yes, let's look wider than the letter of the law. Let's...
NP: Well I will look wider and say that because the audience enjoyed your interjection there we will give you a bonus point for what you said...
SF: Oh that's very kind, thank you.
NP: But Clement...
CF: Let him get on with it!
SF: No!
CF: Yes!
NP: You got it legitimately. But if you want him to have it, I'm always happy to hand it back.
CF: Yeah.
SF: Well Clement, now you've shamed me with your gentlemanliness.
CF: That was my intention.
NP: So you've got the point, Clement gets the point because he was er incorrectly challenged...
BUZZ
NP: And he's done it again. Paul you've got a thing.
PM: This bloke in the tug-of-war?
NP: Yes.
PM: Was he just sort of hanging on the rope or was he like that? I just wanted to clear that up in my mind.
NP: I can see you haven't been with us for quite a while...
CF: They cancelled the fete.
PM: They cancelled the fete?
CF: Yeah.
PM: A fete worse than death!
SF: Oh dear! (laughs)
NP: Clement gets a point because he was incorrectly challenged. But Stephen also gets a point because ah we enjoyed what he said. And he also has the subject, he has 43 seconds, trunks starting now.
SF: Bathers is an old fashioned slang word for trunks. The strange sort of cut-off culotte that are worn in order to do a bit of natation in the sea. I look some kind of priceless arse in such apparel frankly. There is nothing nice about it. These white hideous legs sticking out from the little circly bit where the thighs are supposed to be. And it's all rather unpleasant and you can see...
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: Deviation.
NP: Why?
CF: They're not little.
NP: That part of his anatomy might be little, we don't know, do we?
SF: I was coming to that embarrassing moment in my life.
NP: No I think he was using it as an affection and therefore I don't think we could say that just because his limbs are not little, we can give it against him. So you have the benefit of the doubt Stephen...
SF: Well bless!
NP: You keep the subject and you have 20 seconds, trunks starting now.
SF: Trunks are one of the things that Joan er oh dear...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Ah hesitation.
NP: It was hesitation.
TR: He lost the plot.
NP: Stumble.
SF: Well that was because I meant Judy. I was thinking of Judy Garland who was born in one and...
NP: That's right and Tim got in first, 18 seconds on trunks Tim starting now.
TR: Trunks, the one aspect we haven't yet discussed in this riveting debate is the end of an elephant. I'm talking about the front bit of said quadruped...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: Well deviation, this isn't strictly a debate. We're talking on the subject, not debating the subject, are we?
NP: That's a very good challenge, isn't it, yes.
TR: It's a terrible challenge!
NP: I know!
TR: This is a debate, if this isn't a debate, what is?
NP: It's a comedy show actually.
TR: Not from where I'm sitting!
SF: My word!
NP: I can see your reasoning Tim, but I think I must occasionally give the benefit of the doubt. I think the benefit of the doubt because it was a shrewd and clever challenge. So Paul you have the benefit of the doubt, you have trunks and you have 10 seconds starting now.
PM: I remember the trunk that my grandfather handed down to me in 1968. It was covered in barnacles and all kinds of ocean crustacean. I said to him "where did you get this from?"
WHISTLE
NP: So it's a very even pegging in this show. They've all got two points, Clement Freud's got four. And we move to Tim Rice to begin the next round. Tim, special offers, we see it all the time. Talk on the subject if you can, 60 seconds starting now.
TR: If you see the slogan special offers anywhere in life, beware. It's almost certainly a con. This applies particularly to special offers in newspapers, magazines and journals, often involving the give-away of a free CD or DVD...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: Repetition of D, twice!
NP: CD, DVD. Well challenged, so you've got special offers Stephen and you have 42 seconds starting now.
SF: Bog off, special offers often say, which is an acronym...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Repetition of off, bog off and offers.
SF: Offers is on the card.
NP: Tim you're either being pedantic or trying too hard. I mean offers...
TR: I'm just very hot.
NP: Offers, off is part of a word.
TR: Well, D is only part of a word.
NP: No it isn't, it's a letter in the alphabet...
TR: Yes! Well done!
SF: We're having a debate!
NP: We debate in between, but when we're doing it, we're not debating, we are performing. So it was an incorrect challenge and 39 seconds with you Stephen on special offers starting now.
SF: What I just said that sounded like an insult was in fact of course an acronym standing for Buy One Get Ditto Free. Similarly of course...
BUZZ
NP: Oh Tim's challenged again.
TR: Yes there was an er there, unless you were talking of Er of the Counties, this indicates hesitation.
NP: There was...
TR: The word er...
NP: A little er, a little er, yes right. The little er was there, so Tim you've got the subject back, you've got 32 seconds available, special offers starting now.
TR: If you are a...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: We had if in his first lot.
NP: Yes. If you've got people with good memories you see, he started with if before and so Stephen's got it back again, 31 seconds for you Stephen on special offers starting now.
SF: I'm just doing a special offer there, which is that I'm about to repeat a word and if Tim can find out what it is in time, he will be able to take over the subject...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Tim. No, he, he he.
NP: You two have taken this show into a different realm altogether!
SF: Was he laughing when he said he he?
PM: Are we all allowed to guess what the word is? I go for zoological!
NP: Well I guess...
PM: Is it zoological? Ask Stephen if he was going to repeat zoological.
NP: Was it zoological?
SF: It wasn't going to be zoological. I'm sorry Paul.
CF: I wonder if we ought to have a debate.
NP: Ah no I think you've got the point Stephen, you've got special offers and you've got 25 seconds starting now.
SF: Well of course it is language of the bog to claim that there is any sense...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Two bogs.
NP: You had a bog before.
SF: Ah well that was a trap because it's BOGOF you see, which is one single acronym. It's not a word. It stands for Buy One Get One Free.
NP: I know but BOGOF is written hyphenated, isn't it?
SF: No no, it's all in capitals, it's one word. BOGOF, Buy One Get One Free. BOGOF.
NP: What a strange downmarket world...
SF: It is...
NP: I wouldn't associate BOGOF with you.
PM: You may remember that he was Lenin's right hand man!
NP: Yes.
PM: In the revolution.
TR: But bog is therefore also an acronym, B-O-G.
NP: Oh we're not going to go into that, I know it's something to do with lavatories. But please, don't have a debate. So we've got 22 seconds for Stephen on special offers starting now.
SF: That has almost entirely exhausted my knowledge of what special offers are. They're D-P-O which is Display Purposes Only, which is not really a special offer but often you can buy such... comestibles...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: I think there was a bit of a hesitation.
SF: There was.
NP: There was a bit of a hesitation, yes he was really running out of steam there. I'm not surprised with the route he was taking. Thirteen seconds for you Paul on special offers starting now.
PM: I was walking around the streets of Whitechapel late one night, and I suddenly heard a mysterious voice coming from the alleyway. "Hello dearie, fancy a bit of fun?" And I looked and there was Nicholas Parsons, dressed in a most extraordinary costume. Only five bob...
WHISTLE
NP: I'm so grateful to Janet for blowing her whistle at that precise moment! Before anything worse happened. Right, Paul was then, Merton, speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. He's now equal with Clement Freud in second place behind Stephen Fry, and they're one ahead of Tim Rice. It's all very close and Clement your turn to begin. And the subject now is punks. Tell us something about punks in this game if you can starting now.
CF: I did consider becoming a punk once, but found that it was difficult having spiky hair in view of the fact that not much of that sort of stuff seems to be on my head. Spunk is the reverse of punks, and I know quite a lot about...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: It isn't the reverse, sknup is the reverse of punks. It's the anagram.
CF: You're absolutely right.
NP: It would be an anagram.
CF: It would have been an anagram.
NP: An anagram, yes. So Stephen you've cleverly got in on punks and you've got 43 seconds starting now.
SF: My favourite sort of punks is Punksatawney which is a small sort of village or burgh as they call them, in Philadelphia in the United States of America. Where on the second of February every year, they have what they call Groundhog Day. And this particular rodent is kept in a tree bole and is emerged and there he, that's a transitive verb...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: Ah sort of deviation, sort of hesitation there.
SF: Yeah.
NP: Deviation of language as we know it.
PM: Yeah.
SF: Yeah well I used emerged transitively, which it shouldn't be, or intransitively, yeah. is emerged doesn't really work.
PM: A couple of times I got in trouble at school over that.
NP: No you can't have intransitives here. No, so Paul you have a point, you have the subject, you have 26 seconds, punks starting now.
PM: The first punk band of any note in this country, in 1975 was Sex Pistols. I saw them on television, a programme called So It Goes. And I turned to my friends...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Nineteen-seventy-six!
PM: Seventy-five! Seventy-five!
NP: Ah I think it was 75 they started, but they were on television in 76, so I mean it's a debatable point.
SF: Nicholas Parsons is floundering like a drowning man in a bog!
TR: Are we having a debate Nicholas?
NP: No I'm not, I saw them. I saw them, I couldn't believe it, having the background and education I'd had, I was...
PM: You'd auditioned, hadn't you!
NP: I did audition yes, I wrote in and said could I join you. The um, I don't think, I'm not sure it was 75. I don't know for sure.
PM: It was, it was late 75.
CF: How late?
PM: About half past 11.
NP: Did anybody in the audience...
SF: Was anybody there at the time?
NP: I think we have to give the benefit of the doubt to Paul, and say there are 19 seconds on punks starting now.
PM: Sid Vicious wasn't a member at that time, he joined later on. The original members were...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Repetition of member.
NP: No, member and members.
TR: Ah right, gosh yes.
NP: He's played the game a lot.
TR: Oh yes.
NP: Another point to you Paul, and 13 seconds on punks starting now.
PM: Malcolm Maclaren always claimed that he invented punk rock, he didn't particularly. There was an American act called The New York Dolls. And the act that I mentioned earlier...
BUZZ
NP: Oh yes Stephen challenged.
SF: Oh like a good play it was in two acts.
NP: Yes right and you've got five seconds Stephen, to tell us something about punks starting now.
SF: My Mohican haircut was one of the wonders of the King's Road in 1977. I...
WHISTLE
NP: Did you really have a Mohican haircut?
SF: No, darling.
NP: No.
SF: No, I had a Mohican, as a pet. That's all, a Mohican American.
NP: Anyway with that thought, you've increased your lead, you're just ahead of all the others. And Paul Merton it's your turn to begin, the subject is tall tales, 60 seconds as usual starting now.
PM: Giraffes have very tall tails, one giraffe could say to another one, "well I..."
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: Sorry, slip.
SF: The old plural trap again, was it Clement?
CF: Yeah.
SF: Yeah he's a bugger for that, I tell you!
NP: So the plural plural, and Paul's played the game a few times and he's got another point and 58 seconds on tall tales starting now.
PM: "I've just floated to the Moon in a rubber dinghy." And the other animal with an extremely long neck looks and says "how curious because..."
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: Repetition of long.
PM: Tall.
NP: Long, long, long tails.
PM: Tall tails.
NP: Tall tails.
PM: That's the subject on the card.
SF: I don't think he did say long in the earlier part. If he had...
CF: He must have done!
SF: One thinks he...
NP: No no no, you carry on...
CF: I failed, I failed.
PM: I rather, I rather stupidly took the subject as tall tails.
NP: Yes that's right yes and you're correct and you've got...
PM: Was I?
NP: ... 50 seconds to continue starting now.
PM: I don't want it any more now.
BUZZ
PM: I've been put off me stride.
NP: Right, 48 seconds, Clement, tall tales starting now.
CF: Once upon a time in a forest, a man came up to another and said "you have 48 seconds in which to tell tall tales". And he replied "I am in no way able to do this in under 36 parts of a minute..."
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Well he was brilliant but then he kind of stopped...
NP: I know! For having struggled out of it, unfortunately he came to a halt. So Tim you have a correct challenge, you have 30 seconds, tell us something about tall tales starting now.
TR: A chap was walking up the Empire State Building, past the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and so on until he reached the hundred and second floor, upon which arrival he flung himself off and he floated down downnnnnnn...
BUZZ
TR: Wards! Down downwards!
NP: No no, it's too late.
TR: No...
NP: It was a down down.
TR: It was a down downwards.
SF: He was kind of cut off.
TR: I was cut off in my prime.
NP: You two are working together, aren't you. You definitely, I heard down down. I think the audience heard down down.
TR: But only because...
SF: Status quo.
NP: Right so Clement you got in first, tall tales and there are 14 seconds starting now.
CF: The Empire State Building which is renowned in New York for being one of the tallest constructions at the time at which it was built...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: When he spoke before, he started off with once upon a time. So that's two times.
NP: Oh yes he did, didn't he.
SF: Yeah.
NP: Right.
SF: Yeah.
NP: Yes Stephen well listened, you have a correct challenge, tall tales, six seconds starting now.
SF: Lies, fabulations, pseudologies...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Fabulations?
SF: It's a word.
TR: I thought you were going to say fabrications and got it wrong.
SF: No, fabulation, it's a story, a fable.
TR: Of course.
SF: As in fabulous. That what you make up is a fabulation.
NP: It's an Edward Lear type word, not...
SF: It is a word, fabulation.
NP: I'm sure, anyway you've got...
SF: Well you...
NP: If not, you bluffed yourself out of it. Four seconds on tall tales starting now Stephen.
SF: Not to mention fabrications of course and fibs, another word beginning with a F. These are all descriptions of...
WHISTLE
NP: So Stephen Fry, speaking as the whistle went, brought that round to a close and has increased his lead. He's just ahead of Paul Merton, followed by Clement Freud and Tim Rice in that order. And Stephen it's also your turn to begin, and the subject now is revenge. Talk about that starting now.
SF: Well revenge is rather like Vichysoisse, in one sense at least, in that it is said to be a dish best served cold. It is vengeance, it is that which the revenger gets upon someone who has wronged him. There was a great period in the 17th century of writing revenge tragedies. Thomas Kidd, Middleton and Webster and many other dramaturges of that nature wrote plays about revenge, a particularly human instinct that Francis Bacon disapproved of greatly. It put the office of law out of joint, he said, he was not pleased by it. And in some sense it's true, because the person upon whom you revenge yourself often suffers less in the end that the avenger does. There was a television series of that name which I rather enjoyed. It starred Emma Peel and various other...
BUZZ
NP: Well that well deserved round of applause was because you went for 49 seconds. But um, and Paul you challenged.
PM: Well in the face of that round of applause this is going to sound quite mean! But Stephen did say the avenger does, and the TV programme of that name is The Avengers, not The Avenger.
SF: Didn't I say The Avengers?
PM: Not...
SF: Oh I see what you mean yes.
NP: Yes he's quite correct. Well done Paul, well listened. You have 11 seconds, revenge Paul, starting now.
PM: I wouldn't be at all surprised as I made my way out of the Mermaid Theatre tonight to see several members...
BUZZ
NP: No, nothing happened. Oh yes Tim you pressed your buzzer.
TR: I thought he stopped dead.
NP: No he didn't. I think we have to give you the benefit of the doubt Paul, and say six seconds on revenge starting now.
PM: Stephen will come up to me in a dark alleyway and stab...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen challenged.
SF: He said someone in the audience would come up to him as he goes out...
PM: Yes.
NP: That's right yes. He did indeed so Stephen, you had too many people coming up to you Paul. And four seconds Stephen, revenge starting now.
SF: Hamlet of course is a revenge piece...
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: He said of course before.
SF: Oh I always say of course, you're very safe in getting in, even if I didn't, I probably did.
NP: You did say of course before.
SF: I did say that yeah.
NP: It's one of Clement's pet things, he always listens for the of courses.
SF: I say I suppose a lot as well.
CF: Yes.
SF: I'm a big one for saying that yeah.
NP: You avoided that one but went on to the of course instead. Ah Clement you have two seconds on revenge starting now.
CF: Of course, I suppose revenge...
WHISTLE
NP: So Clement Freud speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point. He's moved forward, I'll give you the situation now as we're moving into the last round. Tim Rice is in a very strong fourth place, but I don't think he can overtake the others in one round.
SF: Don't you know him.
NP: How little you know him. But in third place is Clement Freud, he's just behind Paul Merton, who is two points behind Stephen Fry. And we move into the final round and it is Tim Rice, your turn to begin and the subject is reinventing yourself. Sixty seconds as usual starting now.
TR: Reinventing yourself means starting again with a complete new personality and or character. I see myself reinvented as Davy Crockett, yes that great pioneer.
Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee,
The greenest state in the land of the free,
Raised in the woods so he knew every tree...
BUZZ
NP: Stephen you challenged.
SF: I, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he quoted the lyrics splendidly. But frankly by the end of four lines he was definitely deviating from the subject which is reinventing himself. He's now just simply talking about Davy Crockett, indeed quoting a lyric which is not, the subject is reinventing yourself...
TR: As Davy Crockett!
SF: It's a jerram...
NP: He's reinventing himself as Davy Crockett.
SF: He's not talking about reinventing himself...
TR: I am!
SF: He's talking about Davy Crockett! There's a huge difference! Well you just...
NP: No no no, very few people in the audience agree with you.
SF: No they're right then, fair enough, come on.
NP: I think he has the benefit of the doubt and...
SF: Oh well.
NP: He was reinventing himself and Davy Crockett was part of it so he's entitled to quote so Tim you've got another point, you keep the subject, you have 40 seconds, reinventing yourself starting now.
TR: Alternatively you could reinvent yourself as Big Bad John. Every morning in the mine you could see him arrive, he stood six foot six...
BUZZ
NP: Yes?
SF: You claimed when you were giving the scores that Tim couldn't possibly win from this position. If I keep buzzing him pointlessly he could well leapfrog us all and then you'd be wrong and then you'd give points to all of us because you were wrong.
NP: No no, I would just say that you were playing the show in a kind of different way which had upset my calculations because I assumed that you would be playing it in the normal straightforward...
SF: Well in that case repetition of one.
NP: He did say one.
SF: Yeah yeah.
NP: Yes you did say one twice I'm afraid. So Stephen, 33 seconds, reinventing yourself starting now.
SF: Well reinvention of the self is said to be one of the projects of the existentialism, that particular strange branch of philosophy practised by Kirkegaard and many others, Frenchmen included, er like...
BUZZ
NP: Tim challenged.
TR: Kirkee Gard wasn't French.
SF: I said and many others, Frenchmen included.
TR: Oh I thought you said and many other Frenchmen.
SF: No no, and many others, Frenchmen included.
TR: Well fair enough yes.
NP: Well I did actually...
SF: No...
NP: It's the pace of, pace of your delivery confuses us sometimes.
TR: I think slurring your words is, you know, not within the spirit...
SF: Sorry.
TR: Not within the spirit of the game.
SF: Say it, drunkenness, it;s fine, I don't mind.
NP: We only had one glass of wine while we've been waiting. So 22 seconds Stephen, still with you, reinventing yourself starting now.
SF: Well if I were to reinvent myself...
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: He said well last time!
SF: Oh dear!
NP: As I said at the beginning, four clever players of the game and they are so sharp with each other. But it was a correct challenge Clement, well done, 21 seconds, reinventing yourself starting now.
CF: I think I would reinvent myself as the ancient mariner.
And stoppeth one of three.
By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?
The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The feast is set, the guests are met,
May'st hear the merry din.
I think it's a poem of some...
WHISTLE
SF: Oh dear!
NP: Right so Clement Freud reinventing himself as the ancient mariner took over some of the words of the poem and kept going until the whistle went, and got that extra point for doing so. The final situation is that Tim didn't actually overtake all the others in that final round, but he won the complete sympathy of this audience. And his contribution was invaluable and absolutely brilliant.
LAUGHTER FROM PM AND SF
NP: His position in the final analysis was fourth, but it doesn't really matter. In second place equal were Clement Freud and Paul Merton. And they were three or four points behind Stephen Fry, so we say this week Stephen is the winner! So it only remains for me to say thank you to our four intrepid players of the game, Paul Merton, Stephen Fry, Tim Rice and Clement Freud. And thank also Janet Staplehurst, for helping me with the score and blowing her whistle so delicately. We thank our producer Claire Jones. We are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this delightful game. And we are very grateful to this lovely vociferous audience here at the Mermaid Theatre who have cheered us on our way magnificently. From our audience, from me Nicholas Parsons, and the panel, good-bye. Tune in the next time we play Just A Minute!
THEME MUSIC