starring PAUL MERTON, CLEMENT FREUD, JENNY ECLAIR and MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE, chaired by NICHOLAS PARSONS (Radio, 18 February 2008)
NICHOLAS PARSONS: Welcome to Just A Minute!
THEME MUSIC
NP: Thank you, thank you, hello, my name is Nicholas Parsons. And as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome our many listeners in this country and of course around the world. And also to welcome to the programme four clever, ingenious, talented, humorous characters who are going to try and speak on a subject that I give them and show their verbal dexterity and ingenuity and they’ll try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation. And those four are, seated on my right Paul Merton and Clement Freud. And seated on my left, Marcus Brigstocke and Jenny Eclair. Will you please welcome all four of them! Beside me sits Trudi Stevens, who is going to help me with the score, she will blow a whistle when the 60 seconds have elapsed. And this particular edition of Just A Minute is coming from the Playhouse Theatre, in that fine cathedral city of Salisbury. Jenny will you begin it with family values, that is the subject, there are 60 seconds available and you start now.
JENNY ECLAIR: I don’t think my family has any values. They certainly don’t value yours truly, in fact they’ve got a curfew out against me. I’m not allowed back in my house...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PAUL MERTON: Can you have a curfew out against you? Is a curfew against you?
NP: Well the curfews are...
JE: They’ve taken one out against me...
PM: How can they take a curfew out?
JE: They went to the police and they got one out!
PM: Do the police just hand out curfews that you can go along, you can probably get them at the post officer, can you? A curfew?
JE: Yeah!
NP: I think Paul, that ah we all knew what she meant...
PM: Yeah.
NP: ... and I think I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say yes you can have a curfew out against you Jenny, and you have 51 seconds on family values starting now.
JE: Yes I’m not allowed to live where I live, oh dear!
BUZZ
NP: Invariably that happens. You stop the flow and the next time you repeat something. Paul you challenged first.
PM: Repetition of live.
NP: Yes you have 48 seconds Paul, you have a point there for a correct challenge, take over the subject of family values and you start now.
PM: Family values are of course exactly set by the family that has the values. If we look at the Munster family, a popular children’s television programme in the 1960s, we saw that the head of the household was Frankenstein’s monster. The grandfather was a kind of vampire Dracula-like figure. I seem to remember there was a small boy called Butch who was a werewolf. Now the particular comedy of this show evolved around the fact that although these people looked very strange, they actually behaved in a very normal fashion, and couldn’t understand why the rest of society...
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CLEMENT FREUD: Repetition of show, I let him go on a bit.
NP: Yes you did say this particular show and right at the beginning you mentioned The Munsters which was a show. Right Clement you listened well, you have the subject which is family values, 18 seconds available starting now.
CF: I have a wife, five children and 16 grandchildren, let me try and give you a valuation though I haven’t very recently gone to anyone for a new assessment. My... wedded...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: Well it was a long my, I thought it was a bit of a, sort of a hesitation.
NP: I think there was a definite hesitation Paul. So you have the subject back, family values Paul, four seconds starting now.
PM: I remember the first time I went to my secondary school and people looked at the blazer I was wearing and said “well you obviously come from a very poor family indeed...”
WHISTLE
NP: In this game whoever is speaking as the whistle goes gains an extra point. It was Paul Merton so he has got a strong lead at the end of the round. Marcus Brigstocke will you take the next round...
MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE: Yes.
NP: ... or start the next round, the subject is gadgets. Tell us something about gadgets in this game starting now.
MB: I’m a big fan of a gadget, in fact I used my sacknav to drive here from London this evening, which is why we arrived in Salisbury by way of Aberdeen. But nonetheless I use all my... oh no! Curses!
BUZZ
NP: Jenny has challenged.
JE: He used the word use twice, use use.
NP: Yes that is why he hesitated, right.
MB: I lost my tongue, unravelled!
JE: Yeah that’s weird when you do that.
NP: So Jenny you have a correct challenge, you get a point for that, there are 48 seconds available, gadgets starting now.
JE: I am not a gadget girl. Women can do most things with a nail file and some tweezers. I can’t be doing with having to...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus challenged.
MB: If a woman has say, an ingrowing toenail or something like that, that’s not really something that a woman can do with just a nail file, is it? I mean most of them would be inclined to bite them off, wouldn’t they/
JE: I will admit on national radio I have gouged my foot with my mouth.
MB: Have you?
JE: Yes. I’ve self harmed, I’ve bitten my own toenails...
NP: Jenny Jenny, taking at face value that challenge, you couldn’t put up a shelf with a pair of nail file and tweezers.
JE: Why would I have to?
NP: Because you said...
JE: Nicholas! Look at me!
NP: You made a statement saying you could do pretty well anything with a nail, a woman could do pretty well anything with a nail file and tweezers.
JE: Now you’re confusing me.
MB: Yes.
JE: I could put up a shelf in a doll’s house with some tweezers...
NP: Oh don’t let’s go down that route.
JE: No.
NP: I think in other words, what I’m saying is that Marcus’s challenge is in fact actually correct. In other words he has the benefit of the doubt, if I get a chance to redress the balance later, I will do so.
JE: Thank you.
NP: And it’s gadgets back with you Marcus and there are 41 seconds available starting now.
MB: Some of the gadgets in my house never get used at all. For example, I’ve got a record player that is supposed to turn the music that I have on vinyl disc into things that I can play through my computer. Unfortunately I don’t know how it works. I paid for it and that was a good thing, I suppose. But it’s sat on the shelf for the last two years and I feel a little ashamed seeing as I begged my wife for one for about three...
BUZZ
NP: Jenny challenged.
JE: Two fors.
NP: Yes there were two fors. So you got back in Jenny.
JE: Two fours are eight yeah.
NP: And you’ve got back in with 15 seconds to go, the subject is gadgets starting now.
JE: Can’t be doing with the fact everything needs recharging. Every single...
BUZZ
JE: Oh no!
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: No I don’t know actually. Did she say everything and every?
NP: She said everything and every.
PM: Mmmm.
NP: Everything is a word.
PM: Yeah. Yes that’s right, that’s what I was buzzing for but...
NP: No, buzzing for the every, so Jenny you got another point, 10 seconds starting now.
JE: My mobile phone is a s gadgetry technological as I can get. Sometimes I pick it up thinking it is the television remote control, point it at the box, say come on, turn it over...
WHISTLE
NP: So Jenny Eclair was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point for doing so and she’s gone forward into the lead, just ahead of Paul Merton and then Marcus Brigstocke and Clement Freud follow.
SCATTERED APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE
JE: One fan!
NP: Is that your mother or your daughter?
JE: That’s the man who is prepared to put up shelves for me!
NP: Clement Freud would you begin the next round, the subject is my party trick. Tell us something about it if you... you have 60 seconds as usual starting now.
CF: My best party trick, which I used to play with my older brother was for both of us to go into a room, each with a bottle of whisky. And when we had finished our beverage one of us went out and knocked on the door and the other had to guess who it was.
BUZZ
NP: Oh what a brilliant story, right! You were challenged naturally Clement, but I think you were quite happy to be challenged because you got the big laugh, a brilliant story! We give you a bonus point for that because we really enjoyed the story. But Marcus you challenged.
MB: Yes I did, I wanted to know who was there?
NP: You can have a bonus point for that but have you got a serious challenge within...
MB: Oh the serious challenge was there was a hesitation.
NP: Hesitation right so Marcus you have 39 seconds still available and the subject is my party trick starting now.
MB: (in impression of CF) My party trick is the impression that I can do of Clement Freud. It isn’t exactly...
BUZZ
NP: And Clement you challenged, I wonder why.
CF: Repetition.
NP: Of what? What is your repetition in this show?
CF: I speak like that!
PM: He does, he speaks like that, don’t you? You speak like that, he speaks like that.
JE: It was like an echo!
NP: But actually it wasn’t a repetition of anything within the rules of Just A Minute. So Clement though we enjoyed your interruption so Clement gets a bonus point for that and Marcus you get a point because you were interrupted, um, yes that’s right. And you have my party trick still and 34 seconds starting now.
MB: My party trick at university was to stand on a table and pull both of the pockets of my trousers out and then undo my fly and see if anyone thought it looked anything like an elephant. Unfortunately I was knocked off the table on several occasions and...
BUZZ
NP: Jenny you’ve challenged.
JE: Challenging on two fronts. It didn’t look like an elephant at all, and he said table twice.
NP: Yes he did indeed. I thought you were going to say, challenge him for boasting. Jenny you have a correct challenge, you have a point, you have 19 seconds and the subject is my party trick starting now.
JE: My party trick used to be putting both legs around the back of my neck. Can’t do it any more. These days what I do at parties is disappear as if in a puff of smoke. Can’t bear being at places where your mates are supposed to have so much fun, etcetera. So what I do is get the night bus home and I’m in bed by 11, that’s...
WHISTLE
NP: Jenny Eclair was then speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point and she’s now increased his lead, ahead of Marcus Brigstocke, Clement Freud and Paul Merton in that order. And now the next subject that has come up is tautology. Paul and it’s your turn to begin, so will you begin on tautology, 60 seconds starting now.
PM: The only ology I was taught at school was biology, and I suppose I know a little about the birds and the bees and the bison and the unicorn and these various stories filtered through my young scholastic brain. I wasn’t very good at the other sciences. Oh no I did sociology as well but that’s not really one of those things I just mentioned. I wrote up an essay about a horizon documentary I had seen on the radio when I hadn’t seen it on the radio, it was a TV show...
BUZZ
NP: Right Marcus you challenged.
MB: Well there was a small deviation, in as much as he saw something on the radio.
NP: Not only a small, I think it was a complete deviation, because he never mentioned anything about tautology. Every other kind of ology but not tautology.
CF: That is tautologous.
PM: I was taught just by nuns. Does that count? Does that count at all?
NP: So Marcus a correct challenge, you have a point for that of course, you have 38 seconds, tautology starting now.
MB: I am beginning to wish that I had never buzzed on account of I am not entirely clear what a tautology is. However I think that...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: Well I know exactly what a tautology is. If he hadn’t buzzed me, I would have told everybody here exactly what tautology is. I’m an expert, I’m an expert on the subject.
NP: Well why didn’t you tell them before?
PM: I’ve only just remembered it!
NP: Thirty-two seconds, Tautology Marcus starting now.
MB: My understanding of it is that you say more or less the same thing twice which makes it a very fitting subject for Just A Minute although it does make it very difficult for me, particularly given that I’m not totally certain that that’s actually the right definition of it. However if I were to say to you...
BUZZ
NP: Paul challenged.
PM: Repetition of say.
NP: Say, you had said say, before yes.
MB: Yes.
NP: Paul you have now got tautology, tell us all about it, you say you know, 17 seconds starting now.
PM: Nicholas Parsons, national treasure! That would be saying the same thing twice because when we look at our esteemed chairman, we think to himself, surely there must be a field somewhere in England we can put him! Dig him up, bury him down in the ground and in time someone will come along in 500 years time and say “oh I don’t know what it is Tony but he’s wearing a striped blazer...”
WHISTLE
NP: Oh yes I don’t know whether I’ll be wearing a striped blazer or not when I go underground. But anyway Paul you were speaking as the whistle went, gained an extra point. You move forward, you’re one behind Marcus and two behind our leader Jenny Eclair. And so I, I don’t want letters from people telling me, as if I didn’t know, tautology is when you say, express something, not repeating it, but you express the same thing in different terms of phrases, different words.
PM: Right, can you give us an example?
NP: Yes, um, wait I’ve got one for you. They followed one by one in quick succession.
PM: I see.
NP: See?
PM: Somebody’s saying no over here.
NP: Is that right?
JE: He returned his library books back to the library.
NP: Yes.
JE: Is that one?
NP: That is a bit of a tautology.
SHOUT FROM THE AUDIENCE OF “QUICKLY IN STRIDE”
PM: No, that’s not a tautology.
SHOUT FROM THE AUDIENCE OF “YES IT IS”
SHOUT FROM THE AUDIENCE OF “ME MYSELF ALONE”
JE: Ah!
PM: Is there a coach party from somewhere? Are you together?
JE: At this moment in time.
NP: No no, that’s just ghastly English.
JE: Isn’t it ghastly.
NP: It’s a case of expressing the same thing in two different words or phrases.
SHOUT FROM THE AUDIENCE OF “A FREE GIFT”
PM: Yes.
JE: Oh we like it! That’s the best one!
NP: I’m a bit miffed now, I thought mine was quite good.
JE: I’m so sorry Nicholas.
NP: That’s all right, it doesn’t matter. Jenny it’s your turn to begin or we’d like you to begin. The subject that we’d like you to start with now, oh what a lovely subject, Oscar Wilde. Tell us something about that great man in the time available starting now.
JE: Oscar Wilde was born in Dublin. Didn’t make old bones, died younger than me, that’s tragic! He wrote many things including poems, plays, books. Most importantly you will remember The Importance Of Being Earnest...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus remembered.
MB: Yeah I know it was a wrong challenge.
JE: It was important...
MB: Important and importantly.
JE: Yeah. I know, I tried to trick you!
MB: Yes and you did!
JE: Yeah that was my good trick.
NP: Yes, Jenny incorrect challenge, you have another point, you have Oscar Wilde, you have 45 seconds starting now.
JE: A handbag! Oh please give me that part, it’s about time! The Picture Of Dorian Gray, that’s a good one. He wasn’t gay, you know, but apparently he um married...
BUZZ
NP: Clement Freud challenged.
CF: He were, he was gay.
NP: Yes, I’m afraid that’s why he went to prison.
JE: Yeah but he was happily married as well and had two children.
PM: Is that a tautology...
JE: He was bi! Bi!
NP: A sexual tautology, Paul said.
JE: Yeah.
NP: No no, the fact that he was gay doesn’t prevent him also being married and having a family. So Clement is correct and so he has the point, 33 seconds on Oscar Wilde, Clement starting now.
CF: In John Betjamin’s poem about his arrest,
Mister Wilde we have come for to take you
To where felons and criminals dwell
And we hope, sir, that you will come quietly
Because this is the Kirduggan Hotel.
I think the most interesting thing that Oscar Wilde said was “approval of what is approved of is as false as a well-kept vow”. I mean, he did write wonderful things, he was brilliant, he was homosexual...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus challenged.
MB: Yes challenge on deviation, I’m not sure that he was brilliant. No no, I mean I’ll tell you why, wait a minute Radio Four!
JE: There’ll be letters!
MB: Relax!
PM: Wait a minute? What do you think this programme’s called?
NP: With the greatest respect Marcus, this isn’t a discussion programme.
MB: No.
NP: You have five seconds, you can now tell us within Just A Minute why you think he wasn’t great starting now.
MB: Oscar Wilde challenged Lord Queensberry to a fight. Now this was the man who invented boxing!
BUZZ
NP: Clement challenged.
CF: It’s deviation.
NP: Why?
CF: He didn’t challenge Lord Queensberry to a fight.
NP: No it was the other way round.
PM: And Lord Queensberry didn’t invent boxing.
NP: No.
MB: Yeah but other than that, how was it?
PM: It was good! Very good!
NP: The rules of boxing were named after the Marquis of Queensberry, but he didn’t challenge him, it was the other way round.
MB: He wasn’t a Lord either, he was Marquis.
PM: Yeah.
MB: Excellent! If you get three within one four-second section, do you get back in somehow?
NP: Clement’s got the subject and one second to go, Oscar Wilde starting now.
CF: Oscar Wilde has a son called Vivian.
WHISTLE
NP: So Clement Freud was speaking as the whistle went, gained that extra point. It’s very very close here, in fact only one point separates them all, in ascending order, it’s Paul, Clement, Marcus and Jenny.
JE: Am I winning?
NP: You’re in the winning, you’re in the lead my darling.
JE: Hah!
NP: Marcus will you begin the subject is spring clean. Tell us something about that distressing subject starting now.
MB: One of the hardest things about cleaning a spring is getting the cloth caught on one of the coils. However to clean...
BUZZ
NP: Jenny challenged.
JE: Two ones, one of the, one of the springs.
NP: One of the springs, one yes, one of the most difficult things.
JE: Sorry Marcus, I’m out to win this one.
MB: Oh fair enough.
NP: Spring clean Jenny, you’ve got another point, you have the subject and there are 55 seconds available starting now.
JE: You’ve got to get yourself organised. Starting with bin liners, tidy round the house, take a load of rubbish down to the charity shop, pop to the supermarket, get your basics, cloths, polishers, bleaches, etcetera. Come home, change into something that you don’t mind getting grease all over because you will have to do the cooker and the airing cupboard. Don’t let yourself get distracted...
BUZZ
JE: Drat!
NP: Paul’s challenged.
PM: Deviation, there shouldn’t be grease in the airing cupboard!
JE: You haven’t seen my airing cupboard!
PM: Well it’s deviation, if you’ve go grease in the airing cupboard.
NP: No as I understand it...
PM: Have you got grease in your airing cupboard, have you Nicholas?
NP: No.
PM: Oh haven’t you?
NP: Well there might be, there might be some on the hinges.
JE: Yes! Yes!
NP: But you know, the point, the point, no I’m not trying, the point is, I understood it was quite clear. There was grease on the cooker, of course she hasn’t got grease in the airing cupboard.
PM: It sounded like she did though, didn’t it.
NP: Well she had to keep going with the rules of Just A Minute, there was a lot of pressure on, the other three are waiting to come in and challenge...
PM: Excellent chairman! Excellent chairman! Best one we’ve got! Best one we’ve got!
NP: It’s the only one you’ve got.
PM: That’s what I mean.
NP: No I give the benefit of the doubt, Jenny you still have the subject...
JE: Thank you Nicholas.
NP: Spring clean, 31 seconds starting now.
JE: It’s so easy to get side-tracked. In your study, reading old love letters, I’ve got boxes of those, hours upon days spent on my knees...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus challenged.
MB: Yes deviation. I mean, I know Jenny’s talking about deviating from spring cleaning, but it’s still basically a deviation, isn’t it.
NP: Well yes, because you don’t spring clean your love letters. I mean, you read those...
JE: Blow the dust off them.
NP: I gave you the benefit of the doubt last time...
JE: It’s Marcus’s turn.
NP: Marcus you’ve got it this time, spring clean is back with you Marcus, and there are 21 seconds starting now.
MB: I cleaned out my shed the other day, it was full of the most useless things including a record player that I made my wife buy for me and I’ve never really worked out how to use the blasted thing. I also found a man that we employed six years ago, his name is Keith and he was taken on as a gardener. He died sadly and there he was sitting...
BUZZ
NP: Paul’s challenged.
PM: There was quite a few hes.
NP: Yes a lot of hes there.
MB: Yeah Paul, we couldn’t help but giggle when we saw him!
PM: Yeah!
NP: Paul you’ve got in with three seconds to go, spring clean starting now.
PM: When spring comes I open up the windows of the house, I get the Windolene in my hand and I spray it...
WHISTLE
NP: So they’re still very close point-wise. Clement is now in fourth place, one behind Paul, and he is one behind Marcus and Marcus is one behind Jenny Eclair. And we go over now to Clement Freud to begin. Clement, oh this is an interesting subject, what frightened me as a child. Will you tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.
CF: I what frightened me most as a child was Nicholas Parsons. We, he and I, went to school together. And there was nothing about him, just terrifying to look at, to listen to...
BUZZ
CF: To to, I’m sorry.
NP: Jenny you challenged.
JE: Two tos, to to to, yes.
NP: Yes to, yes, to to.
JE: And anyway you weren’t scary at all, you were a sweet little golden-haired child.
NP: Thank you darling.
PM: And you still are!
NP: I can’t give bonus points for this, even though I would like to. And the audience...
MB: No no no, the producer told me it was best to keep you sweet during the show.
NP: Jenny, 45 seconds, what frightened me as a child starting now.
JE: Snakes under the bed, my parents separating which they never got round to, and them finding out how badly I had dome in my maths exercise book. Remember when there was parent teacher evening and I had ripped a page out because I had got naught out of 10. I was so scared because they were really worried about something that was wrong with my brother and he was fine in the end. But anyway i thought they don’t need any more worry, I’m going to rip this page out...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus challenged.
MB: Two worrys.
JE: Yeah! But look at me, I’m rocking, this real childhood trauma thing!
NP: All right Jenny.
JE: I ripped up the page and I tried to flush it down the toilet and it wouldn’t go and I had to get it out of the toilet and I buried it in the back garden, I got so upset! I was just trying to spare them!
NP: My darling, what a tortured...
JE: Yes!
NP: ... youth you must have had.
JE: I know.
NP: Oh dear.
JE: I’m glad Marcus has taken it off me because I was getting a bit upset.
NP: You were going very very fast as well. Marcus you had a correct challenge, you have a point, you have 24 seconds, what frightened me as a child, starting now.
MB: What frightened me as a child was the idea of being expelled for a fourth time, because I thought that my parents really wouldn’t cope with that. The first one was for setting fire to the goal posts on a football pitch. I didn’t enjoy the game so I thought with only ah, thing at one end...
BUZZ
NP: Clement, Clement challenged.
CF: Ah hesitation.
NP: Yes a definite er there. Clement we are back with you, what frightened me as a child, nine seconds still available starting now.
CF: Lessons were very frightening. History, geography, algebra. And I think what was particularly frightening was the fact that one learnt huge things one had no use for...
WHISTLE
NP: So Clement Freud speaking as the whistle went gained that extra point and he’s moved forward, but he is still in third place but it’s all very very close. And actually we are moving into the final round.
SHOUTS OF “AWWWW FROM THE AUDIENCE”
NP: You are lovely here in Salisbury. Let me give the situation. Paul for once is trailing, he is in fourth place but only one point behind Clement Freud. And he is three points behind Marcus Brigstocke and four behind Jenny Eclair. Jenny is in the lead, one ahead of Marcus and then Clement in that order. Right, let’s start the last round, Paul, we are back with you, the subject is a battle-axe. Tell us something about that subject in this game starting now.
PM: It’s a rather old fashioned sexist term, I suppose, for dominant older women. the actress Peggy Mount used to specialise theatrically in playing battle-axes. In several farces in the 1950s she would be the mother-in-law or eventually the hero’s best friend. They would shout from the rooftops and demand to know why things weren’t being done in the way that she wanted them to. If we look at the comedian Les Dawson, he used to specialise in playing female roles, often taken from this very popular music hall act in the 1940s and 50s...
BUZZ
NP: Clement Freud challenged.
CF: Repetition of 19.
PM: 1940s, I said 1940s and 50s.
NP: Yes you did.
PM: I did.
NP: Yes and the audience were listening.
PM: Yeah, just as well somebody is, isn’t it.
NP: Paul an incorrect challenge.
PM: Oh thank you very much. How did you arrive at such a wise decision!
NP: Yes, you’ve still got a battle-axe and 27 seconds starting now.
PM: If you go to Battle in East Sussex where the great battle took place, you will find an axe buried in the field. The guides will say to you “come through, half price for children, and full for adults”. And as you walk towards the epicentre of this great fight, you see it lying there, the handle is sticking out of the ground...
BUZZ
NP: Marcus has challenged.
MB: I think it’s a repetition of ground.
PM: Everybody’s asleep! Who knows! Everybody’s sitting there stunned! I don’t care, just blow the whistle! Just get this bloke off, who knows! In the name if God, say yes and give it to somebody else! Because we haven’t got a clue!
NP: The thing is though Paul, that we’re all so carried away with the dramatic way in which you presented it and all the gestures that went with it...
PM: Yes.
NP: I think we weren’t concentrating on the words quite so much.
PM: No! That’s a good way of putting it!
NP: Yes!
PM: It was so good we all fell asleep!
NP: So Marcus gets a point for a correct challenge. Paul you started with the subject, why don’t you finish with the subject, you’ve still got six seconds to go on a battle-axe starting now.
PM: If I ask you now to think of the great battles that lie ahead, we must each have our axe. We must hold it up to the sky in a...
WHISTLE
NP: Well now it’s time for me to give you the final score. And oh what a fair result. Clement has done so well whenever he has appeared but he finished in fourth place. It was a brilliant fourth place, he was only two behind the one in second place. And the one in second place was Paul Merton who is often out there in the lead, and he was only one behoind... behoind?
MB: It’s caught on, that Wiltshire accent, hasn’t it.
NP: (in Wiltshire accent) Right I’ll finish in a Wiltshire accent then. He was only one behind, there are two people out in the lead there...
PM: Wiltshire?
NP: (in Wiltshire accent) No no, Wiltshire, all right, I’m more Glaswegian, I realise that because my mother’s family comes from there...
JE: Nicholas, who won?
NP: What?
JE: Who won?
NP: A very fair result, we have equal winners, Marcus Brigstocke and Jenny Eclair! We do hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of Just A Minute. It only remains for me to thank our four delightful players of the game, Paul Merton, Jenny Eclair, Marcus Brigstocke and Clement Freud. I thank Trudi Stevens, who has helped me with the score, blown her whistle with such aplomb when the time was up. We thank our producer Tilusha Ghelani. And we are indebted to Ian Messiter who created this amazing game. And finally we are very indebted to this lovely audience here in this fine city of Salisbury who have cheered us on our way at the Playhouse Theatre. So from them, from me Nicholas Parsons and our panel, good-bye, thank you for listening, tune in the next time we play Just A Minute! Yes!
THEME MUSIC