VINE-RIPENED GRAPES
Part 1

by Boz

Disclaimers - All of these characters are owned by Paramount - I just borrow them when they don’t need to use them for a while - and look at the fun they have while they’re with me!

Rating - NC17

~*~

The vineyard glowed golden in the warmth of the late autumn sun. The fruity scent of the ripening grapes was overlaid with the soft buzzing of a million satiated bees, slowly dragging their afternoon harvest back to their hives.

She felt herself beginning to relax immediately and was so glad she’d agreed to come. Every time she was able to meet him it was in a place like this where both of them could forget about the realities of their lives, the cold technology of their usual environment, the times they were forced to be apart, having to spend their lives adhering to protocols that demanded their full attention. She knew he was the one person who could understand this, the one person with whom she could truly be herself. He could understand what drove her, how she had to shoulder the responsibilities for which they had both been trained.

He was at the end of the vineyard, bending over with a small implement in his hands, a wide brimmed hat covering his head, wearing a loose white shirt and brown leather pants. She was so glad that he had at last made his peace with this place. In all of the years she had known him she was the one person who had been allowed an insight to the two places where he was really himself. Here in the soft light of the vineyard that had been in his family for centuries, and on the bridge of his starship; the ultimate authority figure, strong and powerful in his convictions........ the two sides of him, so different, yet they fit together to make a whole person, a person who she had admired for so long.

He straightened up, hand in the small of his back and then turned and saw her.

"Kath!" The rare smile curved into his cheeks. "I didn't know whether you would come."

"Jean-Luc, you should know that whenever I’ve got the time you’re the magnet that attracts me." Her answering smile lit up her face, and as she reached him, he grabbed her by both hands and dropped a gallic kiss on each cheek.

"How long have you got this time?"

"Two days...and I know your long service leave is almost up. Will told me to tell you he’s kept the ship in very good hands, but he’ll step aside, albeit reluctantly, when you’re back. Anyway, let’s not talk about work, I want to know what you’ve been doing here. Take me away from the crazy life I’ve been living lately."

Taking her by the hand, he led her around the vines, pointing out the grapes which were ripe for picking and the work that he’d been doing on repairing some of the stands. She sighed with the wholesome ordinariness of his tasks and the contrast to what they were used to. Suddenly he pulled off one of the ripe grapes and held it out to her, the velvety globe lying in the middle of his strong, square palm.

With a gleam in her eye, she touched the end of her tongue to the end of his finger, slid it up to the grape, rolled her tongue around it, then bit down, flooding his palm with the sweet juice. She licked it off slowly, then slid her mouth around his finger and sucked hard before letting it go. Only then did she allow herself to look into his eyes and recognise the passion flaring there. Perhaps at last today would be the day.................

She thought back over the last few months; all of the times they had been able to snatch some time together. They’d tried to meet in simple places, places where they wouldn’t be recognised. Protocol wasn’t such an issue for them as it had been with Chakotay............no.........she forced that thought out of her mind......she didn’t want to spoil this perfect day. They just didn’t want to share this with anyone. It was new and they had always both been in such control of their lives that they had agreed to move slowly until they felt the time was right. Today there just seemed to be an atmosphere that she hadn’t felt before.

Certainly they’d shared a few kisses, the first time walking on a deserted New Zealand beach at dusk, sweet and tentative. Standing atop Mt. Kilamanjaro to watch the sun rise with their arms wrapped around each other she’d pulled his head down for a kiss, letting her fingers rove over the polished, patrician dome of his head then enjoying the contrasting texture of the soft fuzz around the back of his neck. They’d even spent one night curled in each other’s arms on a mattress under the crisp clearness of the night sky in the Australian desert, naming as many stars as they could and alternately laughing and becoming somber as they recalled their adventures amongst those very stars.

They’d shared each other’s fears about the Borg. They realized they were the only two humans in the universe who could really understand and empathize with each other about the dark depths of the fear that you tried to fight but you knew was always just lurking below the surface, the human vulnerability hidden under the hard veneer of the Starfleet captain. This baring of their souls was a catharsis, knowing that they did not need to hide from each other.

Her introspection was broken as he led her to the edge of a lake, ringed with weeping willows. A large, solid rowboat was tied up at the edge of the jetty. She felt a momentary pang of regret, but couldn’t figure out why, then he was standing in the centre of the boat, hand outstretched for her, always the perfect gentleman. She stumbled as she stepped in, rocking the boat and causing him to grab her in a hard hug. Suddenly his lips were on hers, hard and demanding as he swung her in the air, then just as quickly she was back on her feet and he was chuckling.....

"Now just sit down before we both do something we regret and end up with ourselves and our lunch in the water."

She climbed over the large wicker basket on the floorboards and draped herself on the cushions on the wide back thwart giggling to herself.

"What’s so funny?" he asked as he slid the oars through the rowlocks and began to pull on them - long deep strokes so that the boat slid smoothly through the water.

"I was just thinking how ludicrous this would look to anyone who could see us. Two of Starfleet’s most powerful captains, acting like an ancient English courting couple, punting on the Avon."

His strong laugh rolled over hers as they relaxed into the day that they were enjoying so much. She trailed her fingers in the cool water as she reveled in the sight of the strong muscles of his upper arms, flexing and relaxing as he followed the rhythm of the oars......Her mind drifted back to the time she had watched Chakotay cutting trees on New Earth.......the strong muscles of his arms...........she shook herself back into the present......no.....she had promised herself....no painful memories today.

Jean-Luc saw the shadow pass over her face and wisely made no comment. Sometimes she seemed to be somewhere else, but she would tell him all in her own good time. He knew what sorts of memories and horrors were buried in her mind. He knew how you took them out in the dark reaches of a sleepless night, wrestled with your demons and tried to quell them enough to be able to continue on, to fight the next battle, deal with the next diplomatic incident. Heavens knows she’d had more than her fair share of those to contend with.

She was quietly dozing off when there was a small bump and Jean-Luc leapt to his feet and held out his hand.

"Mademoiselle, may I be your escort for lunch?"

"Why certainement, ma cher ami."

They carried the basket up the slopes of a small island to a clearing in the trees and he went back for some cushions while she spread out the simple repast on the checked gingham tablecloth. She sighed at his thoughtfulness. He always did everything he could to make things as comfortable as possible for her, to take her away into a simple world that many had thought had disappeared. There was a long fresh-baked loaf of crusty bread, a round of soft farmhouse cheese crusted in black vine ash, a crisp green salad, bunches of grapes, the juice just waiting to burst out of their skin and an ice-cold bottle of Chateau Picard ‘64, the best vintage the House of Picard had to offer. .........She remembered sharing a bottle of Chateau Picard with Chakotay one night after a particularly hard victory. He’d fallen asleep on her coach until she’d woken him and sent him back to his quarters before anyone would think he’d spent too long in hers.....no........ concentrate on what was here and now...........

He came back with two plump cushions and they propped themselves up against a tree trunk and gave themselves up to the sensuality of simple food shared between two people who cared for each other very much. They fed each other grapes, deliberately squashing them between their teeth, then licking the juice off each other's chin and shared a glass of wine, letting the bubbles explode on their tongues. Suddenly his mouth was on hers and his lips opened hers, letting the bubbles fizz backwards and forwards from tongue to tongue. It was an exquisite feeling that they repeated again and again until the glass was empty, and he placed it to one side and pulled her head back down again. She reached up and slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, sliding her hands across his broad chest, thumbing his nipples. He rolled her over so they were side by side and slid his hands into the neck of her dress, caressing her shoulders, pushing the blue material down her arms, uncovering her pale blue lacy bra, and pushing it down, too, thumbs reaching for her nipples.

She looked down and saw his hands, strong, square, and oh so white against the whiteness of her skin. Suddenly she pushed him aside and leapt to her feet.

It was an epiphany for her. White hands, white skin.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she roared. "Computer, end programme."

Dammit these holographic romances just weren’t working!!!! Even with the man she’d had a crush on ever since, as a young ensign, she’d heard him say "Engage!" on his bridge and had wondered what it would be like to engage with him. No she felt happy to be there, but there was something missing deep in the core of her. She felt ..........nothing. Suddenly she realised to hell with protocol and the rest of it, there was only one man who could ever give her what she wanted.

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay........."

............."Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

She set her shoulders in a typical Janeway pose of determination and headed for the holodeck doors.

"Status of Commander Chakotay?" she threw at the computer.

"Commander Chakotay is sleeping," the computer droned.

Suddenly she stopped in her tracks and looked around at the bare grid of the holodeck.

‘Great, Kathryn,’ she thought, ‘so what is it that you're actually going to do....rush into his room, wake him up and tell him you were almost undressed in the arms of another man and you suddenly had an epiphany? Sure...that’s really going to turn him on, isn’t it? Anyhow.....how do you know he’s still interested? We’ve offered each other friendship and he seems happy with that.’

She shook her head and stood for a moment in reflection. No, this was going to take some organising; she needed to plan out a course of action.

Reaching her quarters, she spent a long time sitting staring out of the viewport knowing that she had made the right decision, but wondering with some trepidation, mixed with a rising excitement, how she was going to deal with it. By the time she had formulated a plan - keep it familiar and in a place where she felt in control of the situation, she felt relaxed enough to go to bed. Her night was filled with vague and swirling dreams, of brown strong hands and soft lips, smiles and dimples.....and a future that held promise and pleasure.

In the morning, she sent him an invitation to dinner in her quarters; nothing unusual and then spent the rest of her day of leave listening to her favourite music while the words she hoped to say spun and drifted in her mind as she tried to give them form and meaning. By 1900 hrs. she’d replicated some of their favourite dishes and was in a state of total nervousness, so alien to her. Stepping out of the shower, she pulled out her favourite dress, blue and flowing, low necked, then, overcome with a bout of uncertainty, feeling like a teenager on her first date, she pulled everything out of her wardrobe and spread it all over her bed. Finally with five minutes to go, she pulled her uniform back on. Somehow it gave her strength and courage as she tried yet again to think of how she was going to break the news to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chakotay did a double take as he arrived, spot on time, but recovered quickly. He had thought this was an informal invite, but it looked as though it could be business. He contemplated whether or not he should drop the rose he held in one hand behind his back and kick it along the corridor for the cleanerbot to deal with, but decided to tough it out.

Kathryn stopped in her tracks and her heart leapt into her mouth. It was less than twenty-four hours since she had realised how much she loved this man and here he was before her resplendent in a soft white shirt and tight leather pants. He took her breath away and for a moment she was almost speechless, then instead of inviting him in, she walked over and took him by the hand, surprising both of them.

"Hi," she smiled.

He was puzzled. Something was up and he wasn’t sure if he was going to enjoy it. He whipped his other hand out from behind his back and handed her the rose with a broad smile.

Those dimples! It had been a long time since she had reacted physically to him, but her heart flipped.

He noticed her dilated pupils and was amused...well, something sure was up. It was going to be a more interesting evening than he had anticipated!

She took the rose and put it in a vase, needing to make some space to collect herself, then she led him to the table and poured a drink and soon they were gossiping in their usual comfortable way. As the meal progressed he became more and more sure that there was something on her mind; every so often she would seem a little distracted and then she would take over the conversation again in her usual emphatic manner.

By the time they had finished dessert he was almost prepared to ask her what was wrong when she stood up and held her hand out to him.

"Come with me, there’s something I have to say to you." She led him to the coach and as soon as they were seated, she leapt to her feet and paced backwards and forwards a couple of times.

"Kathryn, you’re starting to make me a little uncomfortable here. What is it?"

She stopped in front of him and drew herself up stiffly.

"Well, as you know, I’ve been trying out some new hologram programs lately. I decided that I needed some male company, and as it is impossible, or so I thought to do this within the command structure of this ship, I figured a holographic lover was going to satisfy my needs." Her cheeks started to burn and she took a deep breath to maintain control. "Well, yesterday, it became clear to me that it wasn’t going to work. I had a revelation. You see, you can’t make love with anyone, even a hologram, when you are in love with someone else."

She stopped and looked at him, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for her.

"Yes, so, why are you telling me this?"

"Oh Chakotay, surely you realise. I discovered that all this time my feelings have been submerged in the depths of protocol and command and I have tried to bury them where they couldn’t surface. I’m asking you if it’s possible that you still have feelings for me. I want us to be together. I want this to be a secret from the rest of the crew and it mustn’t impinge on our command structure, but can we just try to make a go of this?" She threw herself down alongside him and took both his hands in hers.

There was a long silence.....she couldn’t read his face. He was keeping his feelings and thoughts tightly shuttered, and a small shiver of anxiety began to creep up her spine.

"Chakotay...talk to me...say something for goodness sake..."

He pulled his hands away from hers, leant back and took a sharp, deep breath.

"Well, you see Kathryn, it’s all about control. Take this for example." He leaned towards her and slowly ran his finger nail down the fastener of her jacket, smiling as he felt her shiver, then he stood up and moved away to put the coffee table between them.

"I’m not going to deny it; I still love you and I know that I always will, but I just don’t know if I can have a relationship with you with the present parameters. Look at you - you’re in uniform, you’re setting limits...it’s all about control, and that’s what you’ve always had with us. If I was to sleep with you right now, and I’m not kidding myself, I know that’s what we both want, what would it really be like? You’d still be in control, you’d still be setting the pace.... I just can’t do it. Tell you what, I’m going to do everything that I can to make you lose that control and when you do, then I’ll carry this relationship as far as we both want to go. You can have control of this ship and our professional life, but outside that, look out, because you wont know what hit you...and then we’ll see who’s really in control in this relationship."

He looked down at her as she stared at him wide-eyed.

"But...." she started.

"No buts, if you really want me in your life forever, you’re going to have to relinquish control to me."

He stepped backwards ........................

"....and am I going to enjoy this!" and with a dimpled grin he swept out of her quarters.

Outside, he leant on the wall and let out a huge breath. Phew - he didn’t know he had it in him; now what had he let himself in for? He stared at the door for as few minutes and contemplated going back in and swooping on her until common sense prevailed and he convinced himself that he had been given the greatest chance in his life and he wasn’t going to blow it this time. He headed for his quarters feeling as though the gravity thrusters were off line ...yes, he was going to enjoy this. Pity he couldn't set up a betting pool to see how long it would take her to crack!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She sat staring at the door for a long time after he left. She didn’t like hearing some of the things he had been saying, but she knew that this was a turning point for them and he had left her with a lot to think about. Sleep was a long time coming, but she eventually slept surprisingly well, although somehow she couldn’t find the appetite for much breakfast. Her stomach was doing somersaults as she contemplated the day ahead, wondering what it might bring. She headed for the turbolift, as punctual as usual, and missed a step when she saw him lolling against the door, obviously waiting for her. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Of course she could cope with this!

He looked around as she approached to make sure no one was in view, then stepping right up to her whispered, letting his breath tickle her ear.

"Good morning....my love....sleep well?" and he lifted one hand and stroked it down the side of her face.

She gasped at the sensation and lifted her hand to return the gesture, but he caught it in midair and grasped it in his.

"Uh no....remember who’s in control here..."

She started to pull her hand away, but his thumb was drawing lazy circles on her palm and she couldn’t resist the sensation.

The lift arrived and just as the door began to close Ensigns Delaney and Wildman rushed in, out of breath and too embarrassed at being caught late by the most senior staff to take much notice of them. Janeway tried to pull her hand away, but Chakotay tugged it, pulling her right into his side and then holding her hand behind her so she couldn’t get away without being obvious and they rode the lift to work grinning like a couple of teenagers.

Reaching the bridge, they shared a glance full of promise...and amusement, and went in opposite directions, sorting out the change over of shifts and seeing that everything was ship-shape for the new day. Eventually they took their usual places, but she couldn’t help glancing at him. Her senses were so heightened, she could still smell him, spice and musk, an overwhelming combination. She shook the cobwebs out of her mind and with a couple of deep breaths regained the control that he had promised her.

It soon became obvious that even that was a tenuous control where he was involved. It was a long time since she’d played eyetag with him on the bridge... it was such fun again......

Suddenly Harry interrupted her reverie.

"Captain we have an object five light years off our port bow."

"On screen!" She leapt to her feet, all business.

He stepped up behind her as usual, then took an extra step forward, so that he was pressed up against her almost causing her to lose her balance.

"Report"

"It’s a small rogue asteroid, must have escaped from that last planetary system we passed."

Damn, she could feel his thigh pressing against her...so hard....concentrate, Kathryn...

"Any life signs?"

"No, but there may be some useful minerals given the composition of some of the planets in the system."

He continued to press against her, subtly so that no one would notice, but emphatically all the same. She had a sudden wicked thought and wiggled her bottom from side to side a couple of times, causing him to make a muffled snort and move very hurriedly back. She grinned and turned to give her orders.

"I think its worth investigating. Commander, put together an away team. I'll leave the composition up to you.. there doesn’t seem to be any danger around here, but do take care with our shuttle craft!"

Tom snickered and quickly turned back to his console. There certainly was a lightness in the atmosphere on the bridge today.

"Okay, Captain, you’re with me."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he forestalled her. "Its a long time since we’ve been on an away mission together and I know what you’re going to say..." he glanced in Tuvok’s direction, "but, you said yourself that there’s no danger, and I could do with your scientific expertise. Besides its only a thirty minute flight away."

He didn't need to be any more persuasive. She just couldn’t resist a few hours alone with him and it was obviously a routine mission.

"Oh what the heck, Kathryn have a bit of fun for once".......her thoughts surprised her, but surely no harm would be done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She flew the shuttle out of the shuttle bay, taking time for a swoop along the length of the hull of Voyager, making the visual check she liked to carry out when she had the chance, then she handed over to him for the short flight and settled back in her seat with a sigh and put her hands behind her head.

"You know," she observed, "it’s been a long time since just the two of us have been on a shuttle flight together."

"Well, I don’t like to dwell on the last one."

" I don’t think I ever told you that I saw you there on the planet holding my body in your arms. I felt so helpless and I tried to reach out to you, but I just couldn’t make that connection. The pain that you were feeling ripped right through me and I knew then that I couldn’t let this feeling that was growing so strong surface. You don’t know what it cost me to bury it deep where it couldn’t hurt any more. You are right, I have tried to have all the control. I should have talked to you, but I was too scared of what might happen. It was easier to pretend nothing had happened, but all the while when you had sworn to make my burden lighter I had only increased yours. I don’t know how you have put up with me."

He glanced across at her.

"You know, Kathryn, once my mother took me to the beach for a vacation. We found the curved side of a scallop shell and for the next few days, I searched the beach for the other half of the shell so I could put them together where they belonged. On the last day I found it - a flawless fit, the flat and the curved fitting together to form the perfect whole, and it was then that my mother told me that human souls were like that perfect shell. We all have another half that completes us and makes our life whole. Some souls spend lifetimes searching, but when I saw you on the deck of you ship for the first time, so beautiful and strong and decisive yet with that underlying vulnerability despite your unswerving determination to destroy the array, I knew you were the other half of my soul and no matter how long I had to wait, even until death, we would one day be together."

What a relief it was to finally be able to articulate this. His heart began to sing as she raised one hand to him and they joined their hands together in a gesture of trust and faith that they had used once before so long ago.

"Remember that night on Lake George?’ she asked, still holding his gaze and seeing the flicker of uncertainty there.

"How could I forget?"

"I have to apologise. You know, I was just too embarrassed to ever discuss it with you after what I did. As soon as you put your arm around my shoulders I just freaked out. I was so afraid because I knew that I was losing control and I knew that I couldn’t let myself enjoy what was going to come next."

"Well, you must admit that suddenly canceling the programme and leaving us sitting in the middle of an empty holodeck clutching a bottle of champagne and two glasses was not the way to endear yourself to a date!"

Suddenly, she got the giggles and he started to chortle. She laid her head back in her seat and laughed until the tears came into her eyes whilst he chuckled both at the sight before him and at the shared memory which had finally lost its pain.

They were interrupted by the computer reminding them that were in close orbit around the asteroid and Chakotay wiped the tears from his eyes and disengaged the autopilot. She erupted in a fresh burst of giggles and managed to get out.......

"Just you take care of my shuttle, mister .....and of me....if you want me in one piece and in your bed you’ll look after me too, you hear?"

He shot her a startled grin, then turned back to the task at hand, setting the shuttle down so softly that they hardly felt it.

It took then a few minutes to struggle into their environmental suits, a task that wasn’t helped by their seeming need to help each other, and touches that became longer and more lingering as they fastened fasteners and zipped up closures. By the time they had finished, they were both breathing hard, earning themselves a reprimand from the computer which was monitoring their life signs.

‘Ye gods,’ she thought. "he hasn’t even kissed me yet. Its like having a fuse ready to light.....’

They gathered their gear together and made their way on the surface, all professionalism now that they had a job to do. She took control of their expedition, deciding which way to go and analysing the tricorder readings as they came in. The surface was pockmarked with small craters and made up of large flat areas, surrounded by huge, spiky crystalline formations. Making her way over to one of these she was thrilled to find that they were almost pure dilithium. B’Elanna would be delighted. There was enough here to see them right for many months. They spent over an hour exploring and taking readings, their talk all business, then realising that they had collected enough data, they turned for the walk back to the shuttle.

With the almost total lack of gravity on the asteroid, they had been using the gravity enhancers on their suits to give them 90% of Terran gravity to make their working conditions as easy as possible. As they began to cross the small plain to the shuttle, Chakotay reached over and flicked the gravity switch on Kathryn’s suit, and before she could say anything, grabbed her by the arm and swung her into the air.

"What the......aaaahhhhhhhh!" she shouted, tumbling over and over and just managing to land back on her feet.

"I’ll get you," she yelled.

Chakotay tried to run, but held back by the higher gravity didn’t have a chance - she flicked his switch and gave him a shove, causing him to fall forwards, then grabbed his legs and pushed then up, causing him to tumble head over heels several times before sinking back to the ground to land on his butt.

"YEEHAH!" she whooped, bouncing towards him.

Suddenly it was all on and they were tipping and pulling and pushing each other, flying and swooping, making backwards flips over imaginary barberry bushes, until eventually they fell softly to the ground side by side, gasping for breath.

"Oh my gosh," she puffed . "I haven’t done that since my first field trip to the moon when I was at Middle School."

"You know," he said. "I’ve always thought you were too serious for your own good. I knew I could find this little imp inside you somewhere!"

They pulled each other to their feet and floated, hand in hand, back to the shuttle.

Their suits were stripped off in an instant and they stood still gasping gazing into each other’s eyes. Suddenly she leapt at him and threw her hands around his face, pulling him towards her.

He grabbed her hands and wrenched his face away.

"Oh no you don’t," he grinned. "Thought I’d forgotten didn’t you? That wasn’t bad, you know, for a while there you sure did lose control, but oh no, I’m not convinced yet........" and he turned to the controls of the shuttle and flew them homewards, leaving her muttering unspeakable words under her breath.

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