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We had a very low key New Years Eve but had a great time. We went to my oldests son's house for a small get together, stayed until about 11:00 then came home to welcome the new year on t.v.. Today has been a very lazy day although I have gotten alot accomplished in the way of cleaning and picking up. I didn't get mom at al because of the weather, it has been very rainy and cold however tomorrow is to have some dry periods so I am going to take her to lunch, she didn't really remember it was New years anyway.
Today is my d-i-l Melody's birthday, she is having a party at her moms house, I sure hope she has a great time and wonderful b'day. I went to see mom today, took her more Depends and some of her Christmas clothes/presents. I was hesitant in doing so because they bleach everything so heavily but I figured they need wearing and they are moms so. We visited for quite awhile this time, she wanted to go into the dining room area to see her friend Angeline and visit with her also. I fixed up her dresser and closet while there also, searching for her clothes, hangers and shoes too. I ound her hearing aide laying on the counter covered in blood, checking her ear I found she had an infection, I was more than a little po'd at the staff and they knew it. They got the visiting doctors assistant in there and ordered up antibiotics for it too. I let them know how disappointed I was that THEY hadn't noticed the condition of her ear and didn't want to see it again or I would move her, period.
Haven't written in awhile because I have been sick and aching. Got another cold, this one is a big pain in my butt, stomache hurt and so did my chest with alot of congestion. Also hurt my shoulder that I've had surgery on in the past. My washer broke down with a full tub of clothes and water in it so Robert and I tried to get it out in the garage by dolly. The damn thing fell off the dolly onto the step, water going every where, we had to lift it ourselves and move it, what a mess. I feel much better now though, still sore but most of the cold stuff is clearing up. I will be out job hunting this week, God willing and hope to find something quickley. I sure wish I could find a telecommuting position or just word processing or something but this area doesn't seem to be into that too much yet or I'm just not looking in the right places.
I am feeling a whole lot better know, shoulder still hurts but so bad. Went to see my mom today and she is grat too. Her ear infection seems to be cleared up and she is able to use her hearing aide again, I take her to the doctor Monday for a re-check. I still feel so bad seeing her there, after alot of inner soul searching and reflection I came to realize that the guilt I feel has been keeping me from see her more often, yet still it isn't really guilt so much as a feeling of dishonor to my mom that I feel. Regardless of how my family life was growing up and as a young adult, mom and I were always there for each other when no one else was. We vowed we always be there for each other, accepted each others weaknesses and gave forgiveness to each other pre-Alzheimer's. Now I feel as though I have reniged on those promises, dishonoring mom and myself. I am going to put forth more of an effort to see her on a regular basis, not let my feelings interfer with our relationship nor time spent together and then reassess the situation in February, after I have been seen for my 'BIG CHECK-UP'.
Monday I picked mom up and took her to the doctor for a check-up on her ear, it is doing just fine, then home for the afternoon which turned into half the evening because my starter went out and I had to wait for mu son to come home so I could us his car to get mom back. Yuesday I had Robert take me to the NH and drop me off since mom can't get out of his car and I wheeled her to her othopedist appointmnet for her big toe again, it is doing fine although she has 'claw' toe and may need to have the tendon severed at some point in time if it gets any worse and yesterday I spent all day fixing my car. I have always done my own mechanics work and felt this would be no different but, it took me all day to do a job that once only took about an hour to do and the darn starter was so heavy I could barely lift it and manuever it in and out, it fell on chest once and clobbered myself in the head with the wrench. WHAT A DAY. I did take a nice relaxing bath, with candles no less, lol. I am so used to pampering myself that I burned my foot on the candle because I forgot it was there, talk about relaxing I coldn't get out of the tub because I ached so much so I just kind of rolled out and over, what a sight. I even put on lotion, all over me! turned out to be bubble bath that I grabbed so back in to rinse off I went. At this point I just wanted to go to bed but it was only 7:00 so I stayed up counting the hours for bedtime, finally 11:00 got here and off I went for a pleasant nights sleep, knowing I had fixed my car, I was cleaned up and had on a new nightie but could I go to sleep? NOPE. so I just laid there watching stupid re-runs until I dozed off. Thank God I didn't have any dreams to awake me. Guess God figured I'd had enough. They wonder if HE has a sense of humor.
The past few days have been much better than the previous ones, although I did put the candle in my room now. I have enough hair that I actually re-dyed it! I looked like a field mouse before I dyed it the first time a dark color, this time i did it a light brown and it looks good, I look good if I do say so myself, SMILE. Mom likes this color a lot better too, she says I look more like her girl. She is doing so good at the NH and they have improved also. I sure do miss not having her around here anymore, I think that is what is bothering me the most, missing her. She is better off where she is now though I can clearly see that now and I know I should have done this sooner.
I saw mom this afternoon. My blood was absolutely boiling when I walked into her room to find her in bed, sleeping in diarreha and soaked with urine, vomit on her chin. I can't say here exactly what I said then but believe me they knew I would some forgiving to be asking for tonight. They haven't been giving her medications nor have they been drawing blood as they were directed to by her doctor. Mom was so pale from being dehydrated and dizzy, no wonder she "just didn't want to get up today." The first thing she did after I got her cleaned up, dressed, hair combed and toileted was to eat, she hadn't had any breakfast or lunch because she was sleeping. Yes, I got her fixed up because I told the aide to get the hell out of my face, stupid she is but not stupid enough to stay in there. The administrator wasn't there today but she gets in at 8:00 tomorrow and I'll be there, WAITING.