My Journal
May - 1999

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May 10th
I’m not sure how much of an ‘update’ is needed so please forgive any repetitions. I had my last radiation treatment on April 29th, at this time I asked Dr. Kim what he felt my odds/chances were. This was his reply, "I feel that your cancer is gone at this time. The x-rays that I use to establish your radiation field do not show the cancer any longer, however, you do still need to have a CTScan in 6 weeks to establish that it is gone. I also want to do a cranial radiation on you if the scan comes back negative for cancer. Also, if it is gone you still have a 60% chance that it will return some years down the road." I could not believe that he said it was gone! The next day I was admitted to the hospital with severe dehydration, very low white cell count and in need of blood. Of course at this point I was thinking to myself, yeah right, gone and I feel like crap. They took a regular chest x-ray that night and started me on shots to increase my counts and platelets, fluids, 2 units of blood and antibiotics. The next morning my GP came in on rounds, he also said that according to my chest x-ray the tumor and mass were gone but that I needed other tests to confirm that absence of cancer but he felt good about it. Monday my oncologist, Dr. Kang came to see me. He continued me on the course of treatment that had been established with minor changes for the next four days. I asked Dr. Kang what he thought of my x-ray and the cancer being gone, well lets put it this way, instead of getting three more treatments of chemo this round is my last. He too feels the cancer is gone! He is putting me in the hospital for this round as a precaution and preventative measure, he wants the nurses there to be able to stay ahead of the dehydration, nausea and vomiting in an attempt to keep me from getting too sick this time, I will be in there for 3 or 4 days starting Tuesday.

I must admit I was totally shocked when they all said that the cancer is gone. I wasn’t surprised that it was gone, I knew we would beat it but, hearing it like I did, when I did etc. just caught me off guard. It is still hard for to me completely accept, but I do. HE has allowed the universe to heal me. I know that the CTScan will be clean too and that I truly will be CANCER FREE. I can not Thank all of my friends enough for all the continued support, prayers and encouragement that I have received through this trying time. I hope you how instrumental you were in my healing, universal prayer can and does create miracles as I am witnessing right now.

THANK YOU to all of my friends and please know that you and your families continue to be in my prayers and thoughts always. Love, Denise

May 15th
Sorry I haven’t updated lately but I have been pretty sick again. I was suppose to have my last chemo treatment last week but my ‘blood’ isn’t good enough yet, all of my levels are too low again for them to do chemo. The doctor had been hopeful that my body would begin to heal itself and begin to restore levels to normal but it didn’t so I have had to start the shots again and chemo has been put on the back burner for now. I go back for another CBC this Monday, if it comes back good I will do the chemo starting Tuesday, if not I just wait. I am anxious to get this one over with, four weeks after it is done I get my scans done to make sure there are no lingering cancer cells around, although I do believe the cancer is gone it will be a great relief to have something saying it really is.
My mom is doing pretty good. She has her 84th birthday Monday, we are having cake and ice cream tomorrow for her with just the family. She doesn’t want a ‘big’ party because it would be too much on me, God love her. She is getting around on her walker just as good as she did before this last fall, sometimes she picks it up and wants to carry it because it gets in her way. She still has her bad moods and yucky days but for the most part she is happy. We have been talking about what we want to now that I am getting better, of course we both want to be back on the ‘road’ again. I have been thinking about selling my house, buying a small RV and taking off. I would get mom and me a small one bedroom or something, mostly for a mailing address and hit the road, go see all our ‘net’ buddies, mom wants to see my oldest brother again too, he lives in Palmdale, CA. Mom gets all excited about it when we talk about it, who knows, maybe we will do it.
That’s about all the news for now. I promise I will try to get back a lot more often and update. I also want to wish all mom's a belated HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. We had a nice day. We went out to dinner and had fun.

May 17th
Today is mom’s official 84th Birthday.. We celebrated it yesterday with dinner and cake and ice cream here at home. I decorated the house, made the cake and fixed dinner, it felt good to be doing something normal. Mom had a good time and got some nice gifts, useful ones. She doesn’t really know what today is and isn’t in a good mood either so I am glad the celebrating is over. She got mad because I wasn’t here when she woke up, I was at the doctor getting another CBC done, oh well, hopefully her mood will improve.
I check into the hospital tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. for my last round of chemo. My blood work came back with my white cells at 16.84 and everything else normal !!!!! I am so glad to be getting this done and over with. I found out today that Dr. Kang, my oncologist, is leaving for Olympia June 4th, I will have to drive up there for my check-ups because I just can’t trust anyone like I have him, I am so glad he is here right now at least for my last chemo.

May 26th
Well, I made it through my last chemo without too much trouble. I started getting sick on Sunday night but called the doctor early Monday morning, went in that afternoon and started hydration at the hospital again the same day. I have to go the rest of this week for the hydration and shots to increase my red blood cells, otherwise all went great. I have my CTScan around the 24th of June and know it will turn out to be NEGATIVE.
Mom had her ulner nerve surgery on Monday morning, she is doing pretty well with it, except for the not bending or using the arm, she wants the bandages off like yesterday and does take them off a lot. The doctor wants her stitches to stay in at least a month to insure that she doesn’t bust it open and she can’t use it for at least a week, when she goes back to see him. I think all in all she is doing pretty good with it. She sure has been through a lot of crap this past year and come out of it amazingly well.

May 30th
We went to the park/lake here in town today, had a BBQ, watched Robert, Crystal and her brother Josh fish and a very good time. This is the first time in so very long that we all went somewhere just to have fun, long before I got sick even. I really enjoyed myself, it felt wonderful being outside with the warm wind on my face and the sun on me. Mom enjoyed herself too, most of the time, although she did act like a nay sayer most of the day. She has always been like that though, always looking for and expecting the worse.
I hope all of you have a wonderful and safe Memorial Day. Please don’t forget to remember yourselves also.

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