This is more fun than listing the best movies.  WOW--there are hundreds of truly awful films out there.  Thanks to them, the good ones sparkle even brighter. 
Its also interesting to note that the mid-1980's are VERY well represented here...and I'm not even including About Last Night..., Mannequin, Leonard Part 6, or Howard the Duck. Guess Hollywood was really resenting Reagan and wanted to bum out everybody else.


1. Day of the Triffids / 1963
Howard Keel, Nicole Maurey.  This movie is so disjointed, you'd think it was edited by a coho salmon having a seizure.

2. Wisdom / 1986
Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore.  Contains the stoopidest story ending in all recorded history.  If you like to be set up and played like a sucker, this film's for you.

3. Lost In America / 1985
Albert Brooks, Julie Hagerty.  I hate Baby Boomer angst; its about as sincere as Dick Gephardt.  Couldn't this couple just have had a fatal accident in their RV on the way out of town?

4. Once Upon A Honeymoon / 1942
Ginger Rogers, Cary Grant.  This flick plays like it was scripted fresh on alternate mornings by Ted Turner and John McCain.  Those (wacky) (no, menacing) Nazis sure were a hoot.

5. One More Saturday Night / 1986
Tom Davis, Al Franken.  They can't act, can't sing, aren't funny or likeable.  At all.  So what happens?  Add up those credentials and presto: careers writing for television.

6. Saratoga Trunk / 1945
Ingrid Bergman, Gary Cooper.  And I thought psychadelic drugs weren't used by script-writers until the late 1950's.

7. Saving Private Ryan / 1998
Tom Hanks.  I know, you think I'm an idiot.  Spielberg can do no wrong.  But I hate revisionist movies (hello, Oliver Stone) that trivialize things that are important, such as the sacrifice so many men made in World War II.  They were fighting for something important, right?

8. 36 Crazy Fists / 1977
Jackie Chan.  Actually, I love this ugly, diseased dwarf of a movie for the technical martial arts moves.  But the the fight scenes--and the chow mein--are pathetically bad.

9. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory / 1971
Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson.  Cruel, hallucinogenic, disturbing adaptation of famous book.  Targeted children in more ways than one.  I'm still recovering.

10. Paint Your Wagon / 1969
Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin.  Clint in a musical?  A crude, insulting musical?

11. Evita / 1997
Madonna, Antonio Banderas.  When Banderas turns to the camera, draws a breath, and starts to sing, I can think of no other response but laughter.

12. Clue / 1985
Eileen Brennan, Tim Curry.  Stupid, knees-bent running around for an hour and a half. If you didn't like the ending, there were two others to choose from.  Made Clueless look intellectual.

13. Plan 9 From Outer Space / 1959
Gregory Walcott, Tom Keene.  You knew I couldn't leave this all-time anti-classic off my list.


Seeing a really awful movie at the theatre can occasionally offer small sideline entertainments.  When Batman and Robin debuted several years ago, I'll never forget how our group hooted with derisive laughter during the closing credits...while another group enthusiastically applauded the film.


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