Disclaimer: The Star Trek universe and all therein belongs to Paramount, not me. No infringement of Copyright is intended.

Setting: After the Hirogen arc and everything has returned to normal.

It was getting rather late. Kathryn Janeway raised a hand to rub her neck absently as she finished reading yet another report. It had taken some time, but things were finally returning to normal on Voyager, and for that, she was truly grateful. She couldn't wait for this year to be over. First the Borg and Species 8472, then the loss of Kes, and then this recent encounter with the Hirogen which left them in poor shape. This was the worst year they'd had since coming to the Delta Quadrant - even considering the recent contact with Star Fleet and home.

But, there was no point in dwelling on the past. Picking up another padd from the stack on her desk she began perusing it. Moments later her door chimed.

"Come in," she spoke automatically.

The door slid open to reveal her first officer. That was hardly surprising. Who else would come to her quarters this late in the evening? Anybody else needing to speak to her would use the comm system. He stepped into the room, dressed in casual attire. He was smiling. She was instantly suspicious.

"Kathryn," he greeted her.

"Chakotay. What can I do for you?" she asked warily.

Although their relationship hadn't changed on the surface, there had been an undercurrent of something - a subtle shift in attitudes perhaps - ever since they'd received letters from home, and she and Chakotay had had that conversation in her ready room. So when Chakotay came to her quarters late at night with a mysterious smile on his face, she was inclined to worry.

"Are you still working?" he asked, ignoring her question. He continued immediately. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment."

"Of course, Chakotay." She stood and moved from behind the desk. "Can I get you something? Tea?"

He nodded, and as she turned to the replicator he crossed the room to sit on her couch. She joined him after a moment with two cups. She waited for him to speak. After a brief pause to collect his thoughts, he began.

"Have you read B'Elanna's report on the latest dilithium conversion specs?" he asked.

She hesitated, puzzled, before answering. That wasn't exactly what she'd been expecting him to say.

"Yes, actually I just finished it," she managed finally, "Why?"

"Well, the matrix is back to operating within normal parameters."

"So I gathered from B'Elanna's report," she said dryly.

He smiled slightly at her tone.

"Well, it's just that all ship's functions have returned to normal. The last of the repairs have been made, and we've been travelling without interruption for a week. We're finally past the Hirogen incident and I thought we should do something to signify the occasion. So I have something for you."

As he spoke the last part he reached into his pocket and produced a small black box tied with red ribbon.

"Chakotay..." she began as he handed it to her.

"Before you say that I didn't have to, I know I didn't. I wanted to," he interrupted her, "You've been through a lot recently - we all have. I just thought... Well, you'll see. Open it," he directed her.

Still not sure what to make of all this, she opened the box.

"A holoprogram?" she said with a smile, lifting out the data chip, "What is it?"

"It's a representation of the hot mineral springs in one of the volcanic regions of New Zealand on Earth. I know how much you love baths - plus it's the perfect place to relax."

Well, at least now she knew what he'd been smiling about when he arrived. She was almost relieved. It could have been worse: he could have asked her to confront her feelings for him. She wasn't stupid. She knew they were there. She just wasn't sure she was ready to deal with them yet. But unfortunately, giving her a gift wasn't the only thing Chakotay had planned for them that evening.

Not having the advantage of knowing this, she spoke.

"Well, thank you Chakotay, it's a very thoughtful gift. You'll have to visit it with me."

He seized the opportunity.

"Thought you'd never ask," he said, standing suddenly and holding out his hand to her.

"What do you mean?" she looked up at him, confused.

"I took the liberty of reserving holodeck time," he checked the time, "Starting in two minutes."

"Chakotay, I don't think -" she started but was interrupted.

"Kathryn, what were you planning on doing? Reading reports and working for another couple of hours? That's what your shift is for. Wouldn't it be nice if, for a change, you used your free time to relax?" She opened her mouth to begin another argument, so he continued. "The program is self-contained. The parameters are set and you're provided with bathing robes. All you have to bring is yourself." He could see her resolve fading, so he played his trump card. "Please, Kathryn?"

That did it. She sighed, and shook her head slightly.

"Alright, you win. I'm coming," she said finally, trying to make her voice sound harsh.

Only half-succeeding, she rose and joined him as they exited her quarters.

One hour later, the two of them were sitting side by side on a rock ledge, immersed in steaming water to their necks. Dusky orange robes billowed around them in the bubbling pool. They'd chatted for a while to start with, then taken turns choosing music to listen to. After a time of silence, Janeway spoke again.

"You know, Chakotay, I am glad I let you talk me into coming. You were right - it is a very relaxing program. Thank you again."

"I'm just glad you like it. You know I almost chose the Paktree Mud Baths on Risa for the program, but decided you might prefer something a bit closer to home."

"Well, I do like it. It's perfect. But I'm afraid if I stay any longer, I'll fall asleep right here. Perhaps it's a little too relaxing for this time of night," she said, standing reluctantly.

He rose to join her, and when they'd both changed out of the robes behind the provided privacy screens, they walked back to their quarters together.

She breathed a mental sigh of relief as they left the holodeck. She'd been wary for no reason - Chakotay had truly intended this night as nothing more than a gift for her. She should have known he wouldn't do anything to make her uncomfortable. And it had been nice, just being together. Maybe if their relationship continued in this fashion - strengthening their friendship - she would eventually reach a point where they could take the next step.

Chakotay smiled happily as they made their way back to their quarters. This had gone well. He loved being with her - it was reminiscent of New Earth, when they'd been so close. Once, as they were listening to the music, there hands had touched beneath the water. He'd grasped her fingers for a moment, and she'd turned her head to smile at him slightly. It had been difficult for him to let go. But it was a good sign. Perhaps she was really speaking from her heart when she said she was using Mark as a "safety net". Yes, it was definitely a good sign.

Unbeknownst to Janeway, Chakotay, and the rest of Voyager, they were being watched. The entity watched the Captain and Commander talk, he watched them go the holodeck, watched them sneak looks at each other when they thought they wouldn't be caught. He casually sifted through their thoughts and sighed as only an omnipotent being can. He watched, becoming slightly more interested when they reached the Captain's quarters.

The entity would have grinned (if he'd had a face at that moment) as Chakotay lifted one hand to the side of the Captains face, then moved as if to kiss her. But at the last second, she turned away. Sighing with a great deal more gusto than before, he watched and listened to the conversation that unfolded.

"Chakotay... We can't do this."

"I'm sorry -"

"No, it's alright. It's just... I don't think I'm ready for that. Not yet."

She tried to ignore the disappointment in his eyes, and he covered it up quickly.

"I'm afraid I'd just like us to continue as we have been. I'm sorry -"

This time he interrupted her.

"No, don't apologise. I didn't mean to pressure you in any way. You know I'll wait as long as you want."

"Thank you. Good night, Chakotay."

"Good night Kathryn. Pleasant dreams."

They turned away from each other, so that neither saw the same look of pain and regret in the other's eyes.

But someone else did.

END PART ONE

Captain Janeway entered her quarters with a sigh. She forced her mind to go numb - she didn't want to think about what had happened just yet. She turned into her bedroom, pulling the clips out of her hair as she went. The sound of an all-too-familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Kathy, Kathy, Kathy," Q spoke patronisingly from her window ledge.

She spun to face him.

"Q!! What are you doing here?"

"What, Kathy, not happy to see me? I'm hurt," he paused as he made her commbadge disappear from her chest and reappear in his hand, "Oh no, you won't be needing that. Who needs that awfully boring Tuvok and his little yellow-shirted minions running around when you and I need to have a private conversation?"

"I don't know what you're here for this time, Q, and I don't care. I want you off my ship."

"You know, Jean Luc used to say that to me all the time. But really, Kathy, is that any way to treat a guest? And such a distinguished one at that."

"Q, I'm not in the mood for one of your games tonight. Unless you feel inclined to pick up this ship and take us back to the Alpha Quadrant, I'd appreciate it if you left us alone."

"Oh, I don't think you really mean that. You see, I'm here to help you, Kathy. It's the least I could do after your help with that whole civil war mess. And judging by your recent encounter with dear old Chuckles, I'm guessing you could use all the help you can get."

She looked at him with even greater suspicion. She'd studied the incidents involving Q on the Enterprise, and remembered how they'd helped him in one situation, and he had returned later to repay the favour. Only it hadn't exactly worked out that way. The official report had been vague, but the command grapevine had provided her with all the details of how he'd taken them to Sherwood Forest, in a misguided attempt to reunite Picard with a lover he was fighting with at the time. Suddenly it hit her - what Q was intending to do.

"No, Q," she said firmly.

"Ah, so you figured it out? Jean Luc wasn't too happy about it at first, either. But it all turned out for the best." His voice turned wheedling. "I'm simply trying to return a favour. You helped me out, so now I'm going to help you out."

"If you want to do me a favour, return this ship to Earth."

"Well, you know, I would do that. No, really I would. It's just that the Continuum hates it when I interfere on such a grand scale. Besides, what I have in mind for you will be so much more fun!"

"Forget it, Q. I'm not interested," she said and turned to exit her quarters.

"Oh, Kathy, don't be such a spoilsport. If you're thinking of my little jaunt as the Sheriff of Nottingham, don't worry, I'm not going to do anything drastic. I just want to show you some things I think you need to see."

"What things?" she asked wearily when the door wouldn't open to let her out.

"You know, Kathy, I'm curious about something," he said, abruptly changing the subject. He rose and moved to stand behind her. "About human nature. Yours in particular. It seems to me that some of you humans take great pains to deny your own thoughts, your own feelings. Now that can't possibly be healthy."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she lied, desperately trying to think of a way to get out of this.

"Don't insult your own intelligence. You know very well I'm talking about your relationship with your dashing first officer. And before you try to tell me that there's nothing going on, I suppose I should remind you that I am an omnipotent being, quite capable of sifting through your thoughts at the slightest whim. For example, right now you're too busy being horrified that I can read your mind that you're forgetting why I'm actually here. Come on, Kathy, indulge me and my curiosity. Tell me why you resisted Chuckle's advances just now."

Getting rather annoyed now, she crossed her arms and answered, "Since you're so omnipotent, then you already know why."

"Well, of course I do. But it would be so good for you to say it out loud."

She stifled a loud sigh. One of the most annoying thing about Q was that he was very unpredictable. It wasn't a good idea to irritate him. Swallowing her pride, and reminding herself she was doing this for the sake of the ship, she spoke.

"Fine, Q. You want me to say it? I'm afraid. Happy? I've already lost two fiances in one way or another, and I'm afraid if I let myself love Chakotay," she emphasised his name, "That I'll have to go through that pain again if he dies. We aren't exactly in a safe position out here. I don't know if I could go on if I lost him."

"There, now, don't you feel better?" Q asked smugly.

"Not really," she replied coolly.

She was angry - angry at herself for giving in to Q and admitting what she'd previously only kept to herself. And, of course, she was angry at Q for making her admit it. She was very well aware of her feelings for Chakotay. Who the Hell did he think he was intruding on her privacy like that?

"Kathy, Kathy, Kathy, please, there's no need for such troubled thoughts. I'm here to help remember? Now, surely you must realise how happy you could be in a relationship with your dashing first officer?"

"Whether I would be happy isn't the point," she protested vehemently, still finding it hard to believe that she was actually having this discussion with Q of all people. "We're in a strict command structure on this ship - I can't let it be compromised. Who's to say it would work out?"

Q's face lit up and he smiled in a way that made her extremely wary.

"I'm so glad you brought that up. You see, this is where I can help you. Remember I said I wanted to show you something? Well, here we go!"

With that he snapped his fingers and they disappeared in the obligatory flash of light.

When they reappeared Kathryn found herself somewhere she hadn't really expected to be.

"Wonderful, Q," she said dryly as she turned in a circle, "We're out in the corridor. However did you manage it?"

"Now, now, there's no need to be so sarcastic. You see, this isn't the corridor outside your quarters, because those aren't your quarters. And this isn't your ship. In case you haven't figured it out yet, we are in a parallel universe," he said and smiled as if tremendously pleased with himself.

END PART TWO

Note: This is where it starts getting weird.

Captain Janeway looked up at Q incredulously.

"A parallel universe?"

"Yes," he replied casually, "Oh, don't look so surprised. An omnipotent being like myself can switch universes as easily as you change your hairstyle."

"Alright, Q, so what are we doing here?"

"Well, you mentioned just now that you were wary of a relationship with Chuckles because you "didn't want to compromise the command structure," as you so eloquently put it. So I brought you here to show you... Ah, here they are now."

She looked up in surprise as the door in front of her opened and she saw herself come out, followed closely by Chakotay. They ignored her and Q, and strolled off down the corridor towards the turbolift.

"They aren't aware of our presence," Q answered her unspoken question, then continued, "Now watch and learn."

They followed the alternate-Janeway and alternate-Chakotay to the turbolift.

"After you, Captain," alternate-Chakotay said with a grin as the doors slid open.

"Thank you Commander," alternate-Janeway replied, and preceded him onto the lift.

Janeway and Q followed them on, and she watched in amazement when, as soon as the lift door closed, alternate-Chakotay pulled alternate-Janeway into his arms and they began kissing passionately. She felt a hot blush creep across her face as the kiss continued, and she sent Q a murderous look. Finally alternate-Janeway pulled away slightly.

"You know, Commander, this is hardly appropriate behaviour for two senior officers."

"I won't tell Tuvok if you don't," alternate-Chakotay answered.

"Ha! Tuvok," alternate-Janeway scoffed, "I'm more worried about that monster of a first officer - he's such a stickler for the rules."

"Yeah, that guy really annoys me, though he's not as bad as the Captain," alternate-Chakotay replied before leaning down to kiss her again."

"Computer, halt turbolift," alternate-Janeway's muffled voice sounded.

"Um... Kathryn," alternate-Chakotay managed, "We're going to be late for duty."

Alternate-Janeway pulled away from alternate-Chakotay slightly.

"Computer, time," she demanded crisply of the ceiling.

"The time is now zero-seven-fifty-six hours," came the sterile voice.

Smiling at him, alternate-Janeway said, "Commander, we have four whole minutes until we have to be on the bridge. Let's make the most of it. I'll make it an order if you like," she added as an afterthought just before her lips returned to his.

"Not necessary, Captain," the alternate-Chakotay replied in between kisses.

Captain Janeway watched all of this with growing discomfort, her face becoming more red by the second. She shook her head in disbelief. This had to be the strangest situation she'd ever been in - standing with an omnipotent being on a turbolift in a parallel dimension, watching her alternate universe-self makeout with her alternate universe-first officer. She'd once told Harry Kim that as a starfleet officer, weird was part of the job. This, however, was getting slightly ridiculous.

She knew that by bringing her here, Q intended for her to realise that she would be happy with C - that a relationship with him would work out. And as she tried not to watch what was going on two feet away from her, she had to admit the prospect was appealing. But that didn't change the fact that a relationship like the one she stood witness to would be a distraction. A distraction that she couldn't afford. She turned to Q sharply, determination written plainly on her face.

"This isn't going to work, Q," she said, unconsciously echoing her words from another time and place.

Q sighed.

"I had a feeling you were going to say that. I suppose for some people, seeing isn't enough. They have to experience it for themselves."

Before she had time to protest, Q had snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, she was kissing Chakotay.

The whole world dropped away beneath her as a storm of sensation overwhelmed her. The touch of his mouth on hers; his hands gently stroking her back and neck; the feel of his firm shoulders beneath her own hands... And yet, at the same time, she knew that these weren't her feelings: that they were in have coming to her second hand. Being aware of this, however, didn't make the experience any less poignant.

"Just relax. The alternate universe you doesn't know that you're sharing her body and thoughts. Just sit back and enjoy the ride," Q's voice spoke mockingly in her ear.

Try as she might, she couldn't distance herself from the sensations. She had to admit that part of her didn't want to. She had no control over her emotions. Whatever her other self felt, she felt. She had no choice but to "sit back and enjoy the ride" as Q put it. And as her alternate self was definitely making the most of the encounter, she knew the desire to turn the turbolift around and head back to her quarters was a strong one. Not strong enough, though, and reluctantly they pulled away from each other.

"Computer, time," she heard herself say.

"The time is now zero-seven-fifty-nine."

"Computer, resume."

She felt the turbolift start up again, and soon the doors opened to reveal the bridge. The two of them stepped out to begin another day.

Twenty minutes later, Captain Janeway had decided that her previous experience of watching herself kiss Chakotay was nothing compared to this. This was undoubtedly more peculiar.

Q was nowhere to be seen - at least, not through the eyes of her alternate-self. But she knew he must be around somewhere.

It was so strange - experiencing another person's every thought and feeling as if they were her own. In a way they were. At moments the edges between her thoughts and the thoughts of her alternate-self were blurred, as they reacted the same way to the people on the bridge around her. It was, for the most part, the same as being herself. But there were differences. And she knew it was for these very differences that Q had put her here to experience.

It was the little things. The way she reacted when Chakotay looked at her; the way they smiled at each other as only an intense intimacy will allow. The way she was so comfortable with her feelings towards this alternate version of Chakotay, and knowing that he felt the same way.

It was also the memories. Fleeting images of past pleasures and experiences. Their first kiss that started it all; their first night together, and more recent images - all of which, had she been in her own body, would have caused her to blush furiously.

But behind all of this - she knew it wasn't hers. This alternate-Janeway, who's thoughts she was sharing, was a different person. So it worked for her. So what? How could that change things in her own universe? The answer was that she couldn't allow it to. No matter that she now knew the happiness a relationship with Chakotay could bring.

Mustering up all the strength of mind that was still separate from her alternate-self, she sent out a single thought.

Q!

END PART THREE

Suddenly she was in her quarters again. More than that, she was in her own body again.

"Did I here someone call my name?"

"Q," she spoke aloud this time.

"I take it you're finished being enlightened? Or is it you got sick of being madly in love with the Commander? I must say that I never could understand what you saw in him..." he trailed off as she glared at him.

"Q, I know that you mean well. But I'm afraid this puerile attempt at matchmaking isn't going to work."

"But Kathy, didn't you see how happy the two of you would be together?"

"Yes. But what about the well-being of Voyager? I can't accept the risk a relationship between myself and the Commander would pose. The command structure would be compromised - I don't know if I could bring myself to send him into a dangerous situation if I let myself love him."

"I see," Q said patronisingly, "You believe that you and Chakotay would be better off maintaining a platonic relationship?"

"Yes," she replied as firmly as she could, all things considered.

"Well, then, you'll be happy to know that I have something else to show you. Something which I'm sure will give you something to think about."

This time she managed, "No, wait, Q -" before they disappeared from her quarters.

She was on the bridge again. At least this time she knew that it wasn't her bridge. But looking around, she knew she would have been able to figure it out for herself. Something was wrong here. Something terrible had happened - she could see it on the face of the crew. Harry at Ops had a haunted look in his eyes. The security officer at Tactical was subdued, and too attentive to her console. Tom was way too quiet. Even Tuvok, in the command chair, gave off a slight air of unease.

She looked up as the turbolift door opened and she watched yet another alternate-self step onto the bridge.

"I look like hell. They all look like hell," she said softly to Q beside her, "What happened to them?"

But a moment later the answer was clear. As her alternate-self stepped over to take command, Tuvok stood and moved to the chair next to hers, Chakotay's chair rather than to his usual station.

"What do you mean to prove by bringing me here?" she hissed at Q, the tolerance of a few moments ago rapidly fading away.

Q returned her look mildly.

"You see, Kathryn, you made it clear that you think it best that you ignore your feelings for Chakotay. So I brought you to this universe. In this time line, Commander Chakotay was killed on an away mission a few months ago."

She drew in a sharp breath. Looking around at the faces once more, she could see the truth plainly inscribed there. Slowly she brought herself to look at her double's face. What she saw there scared her. The alternate-Janeway's face was sunken, and she'd obviously lost weight. The lines around her eyes and mouth were harsh and grim. And her eyes were cold. She honestly hadn't known she had it within herself to look like that.

"You see, Kathy," Q explained, "At the time Chakotay died, they'd never discussed their feelings for one another. She'd never told him how much she cared. When he died, she suddenly realised what she'd lost. But it was too late. It tore her apart, as you can see. And because she is in this universe, what you are to your own crew... Well, when she failed to move on from the incidence, she dragged the crew with her."

She turned on Q furiously.

"Can't you see that this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid? The more I let myself care for him, the worse it will be if I have to let him go," she said the words fiercely - she was growing tired of Q and his games.

"But that's what this Kathryn thought. She didn't let her emotions guide her, hoping to protect herself and the crew. Look where it got her," Q argued.

But she stubbornly refused to listen. She was right. She had to be right.

"Well, perhaps I should try what I did last time. Perhaps experiencing it all first hand will help you understand?"

"Don't you dare," she said in a tone that made even Q hesitate, then her tone changed to one of desperation. "Don't do this to me, Q. I couldn't bear it."

The situation had obviously distressed her more than she liked to admit even to herself. But the thought of knowing what it felt like to lose Chakotay was a horrifying one.

"I wouldn't dream of causing you pain, Kathy. But you must understand I have to do something to convince you... Ah! I know. I was saving this one for a special occasion, and I think this is it."

This time she didn't even bother protesting. Instead she tried to lose the memory of her alternate-self's haggard expression in the flash of Q-light that engulfed her.

The bridge again. Not her bridge, but not as alien to her as the last one had been. This one was more like home. There was even a normal-seeming alternate-version of herself sitting in command. She wondered what was different here, and why Q had brought her. And she tried to block out the images of that other universe.

For what seemed like the fiftieth time that day, she looked up as the turbolift doors opened. She wasn't quite prepared for what happened next.

"Mommy!"

A tiny girl with a dark ponytail and a red jumpsuit bounced off the turbolift, followed closely by Ensign Hickman. The child, who looked about four years old, ran across the bridge and jumped onto the lap of the alternate-Captain Janeway.

"Hello, sweetheart, what are you doing here?" her alternate-self said with a delighted smile as she hugged her daughter to her.

She was fairly sure when she looked back on this, that Ensign Hickman said something at this point. She just didn't know what. Because at this point what was happening caught up with her and she phased out. A child? Her child? And Chakotay's... it must be. Q wouldn't have brought her otherwise. But how had it happened? When? She had so many questions. She turned to Q in astonishment.

He answered her confused look with one of amusement.

"Remember New Earth, Kathy? In this universe, Voyager didn't get back to pick up you and Chuckles for an entire year. By the time they did get there, you, or at least this other version of you, were already three months pregnant." He said all this with a huge grin. He obviously thought it was hilarious. "I always knew you had it in you, Kathy. I guess this proves it," he said with a shrug.

"And is that why I'm here?" she said somewhat wearily, "To see all over again what I'm missing out on? You already tried that Q, it didn't work."

"But that's not it at all," Q said with a smile, "You see, in this universe, Commander Chakotay is also dead."

END PART FOUR

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