"Somehow that doesn't surprise me, Seven," Captain Janeway replied with a sigh. She just couldn't seem to concentrate this morning.

Seven turned from the wall console she was working at to study her. "Do you wish to talk about something, Captain?" she asked after a moment.

Janeway gave her a perplexed look. "Why do you ask?"

"I have observed that Ensign Kim's efficiency decreases when he desires idle conversation. I have also observed that spending a short time in irrelevant dialogue with him returns his performance level to normal."

"And you think that my distraction is the result of wanting to get something off my chest?" she asked. She saw Seven about to ask a question and quickly amended, "It's just a figure of speech. And you're probably right. I could use a break."

"Ensign Kim also has a tendency to require 'breaks' while working."

"You seem to learn quite a lot from Ensign Kim," Janeway commented, a faint, knowing smile on her lips.

"He is the crewmember I am assigned to work with most often. I find it is... easier... to be in his company than that of most people."

"Oh? I thought you were getting on well with the crew these days."

"I believe I am interacting satisfactorily with the majority of the crew. However, there are some that it is not easy to be with. For example, I find myself uncomfortable in the presence of Naomi Wildman."

Janeway smothered a smile. It was well known that Naomi was fascinated by the former Borg and always tried to talk to her whenever she saw her. She wondered whether she should speak to Samantha about keeping Naomi away from Seven, then decided not to. It was probably good for Seven to deal with the little girl's exuberance.

"Captain," Seven continued, "May I ask you a question?"

"Of course," she replied, beginning to think that it was actually Seven who wanted to 'engage in a dialogue'.

"It concerns Ensign Kim. Yesterday I was eating in the mess hall and I overheard a conversation between Crewman Henley and Ensign Hickman. I believe they were discussing the available numbers of sexual partners on Voyager. Crewman Henley said something I... did not understand."

Janeway, whose eyes had widened considerably when she realised what direction the conversation was heading in, hesitated before prompting the young woman. "What did she say?" she asked, hiding a cringe as she waited for what she was sure would be an embarrassing reply.

She was not disappointed.

"Her exact words were, 'Harry's out of the question. He's so busy letting Seven lead him around by the nose that he won't even look at anyone else.'"

"Seven," Janeway began delicately after taking a moment to smother a grin, "Henley meant that Ensign Kim might be... attracted to you. And that because he has those feelings, he is... not interested in... other members of the crew." That was quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable things she'd ever said. But Seven's next words surprised her.

"I am aware of that, Captain. That was not my question. When Ensign Kim joined me shortly after Crewman Henley and Ensign Hickman left their table, he explained her comment to me."

She couldn't help but feel sorry for poor Harry. She could just imagine him turning red when Seven told him what the two crewmembers had been gossiping about.

"Then... what did you want to ask me, Seven?" she asked the her finally.

"As I said," the former Borg replied with infinite patience, "It concerns Ensign Kim. After he explained Henley's reference, I asked him if he was attracted to me." Janeway winced at that. Seven didn't appear to notice. "He laughed and said that 'people talk' and that it usually didn't mean anything. I assumed this meant he was not attracted to me. However, as he was speaking, his face became flushed, and he began breathing more rapidly. At the conclusion of our meal he... invited me to join him on shoreleave tomorrow."

Janeway didn't bother suppressing a smile. "And you think that perhaps he actually is attracted to you?"

"I... do not know."

The confused expression on the former Borg's face was a familiar one when she was dealing with aspects of human interaction. Janeway couldn't help but wonder at the fact that even though Seven had come such an incredibly long way since regaining her humanity, she was still very innocent when it came to relationships.

"On the occasions I have questioned him about it, Ensign Kim has denied any desire to change the nature of our affiliation," Seven was saying, "Yet his behaviour indicates otherwise."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"I do not know whether I wish to increase the intimacy of our relationship. I consider him a... friend," here she visibly hesitated, "This confuses me, as there are other members of the crew I also consider friends... and yet my... feelings... are distinct in respect to Ensign Kim."

Janeway experienced a mental double take and decided that perhaps Seven wasn't quite as ignorant in these matters as it had initially appeared. She was so proud to think that Seven, who had once been as emotionally isolated as a Vulcan, now openly admitted to having friends and feelings - proud to think that perhaps she'd played some part in her development over the past months. She was also glad that she herself was probably included in Seven's circle of friends - otherwise she knew they wouldn't have been having this conversation at all.

"Seven, would you like some advice?"

The poor girl looked almost relieved. She'd obviously been more concerned about it than she'd let on. "Yes, Captain. I would... appreciate some advice."

"You say you consider Harry as a friend. Well, I suggest you explore that friendship. Spend some time with him. It can be alone, but it doesn't have to be. Get to know him and trust him a little better. I think if you do that, your feelings will become clearer in time."

Seven appeared to consider, and accept it. She nodded, as if she'd just been given an order. "I will do as you suggest."

Janeway couldn't help but give a wry grin. Seven still had a long way to go.

"Captain, Ensign Hickman also said something about -"

"Seven," she cut her off mid sentence. She sighed. More gossip. "Whatever your relationship with Harry is, Hickman and Henley were gossiping. As Harry put it, they were 'just talking'. I wouldn't pay much attention to what any members of the crew may say in a situation like that - because most of the time they are discussing matters that don't concern them. Like your relationship with Ensign Kim."

"Captain, the comment Ensign Hickman made was in reference to you."

Seven's words gave her pause. So they were gossiping about her? Well that's different, then, she thought to herself, amused at her own curiosity. She sighed.

"Well then, what did he say, Seven?" she asked, trying to sound uninterested.

"It was immediately after Crewman Henley's comment about Ensign Kim and I. He said that Commander Chakotay is similarly unavailable as you and he are 'all wrapped up in each other'. They then began to speculate on whether the two of you are in a relationship or not."

A look of disbelief appeared on her face. She'd had a sneaking suspicion it would be something like that. She closed her eyes for a moment as she schooled her features again. It wasn't as if the crew had never gossiped about them before. Since their first month in the Delta Quadrant there had been rumours about the two of them circulating. She'd tolerated it then because if the two crews were gossiping amongst themselves about anything and everything... well at least they weren't fighting. And after awhile things had settled down, as the two crews gradually became one. Whispers about her and Chakotay started up again every now and then - she shuddered every time she thought about what it had been like when they'd returned from New Earth - but at some point she'd realised that it didn't really signify anything. The crew talked. She'd just had to learn to accept it.

"Captain?" Seven's voice brought her out of her musing.

When she looked up at her, her expression was neutral. "Seven, I really think you should ignore people when they say things like that. Because all it is, is idle speculation."

"Then you are not engaged in a sexual -"

"Seven!" Janeway cut her off again, this time with a great deal more force. She raised one hand to her forehead as she spoke. Conversations with Seven could be so exhausting at times. "Whether I am in a... Whether I am or not isn't anyone's business. Not Hickman's, or Henley's, or yours. And I think in future you should stick to concerning yourself with your own relationships. You can consider that an order." She hadn't meant to be that harsh, but she had a bad feeling that if left unchecked, Seven might become as big a gossip as the Doctor.

For an instant she thought Seven might dig her heels in, as she was wont to do, but she appeared to reconsider. Another thing Seven had obviously learned over time was that when the Captain used a tone like that, there was no room for argument. "Yes Captain," was all she said.

Abruptly, Seven turned back to the console she was working at and began entering calculations. Janeway sighed and did the same, though as she stared at the numbers and diagrams before her she found herself less and less able to concentrate. That made her frown. Since when did she become bored and distracted by work? She'd arranged to spend time in Astrometrics today because she enjoyed this kind of task - enjoyed bending her mind around a problem, manipulating data, and finding solutions. So just what was the matter with her today? Did she have something on her mind as Seven had suggested? Involuntarily, Chakotay's face surfaced in her thoughts. More specifically, Chakotay's face as it had appeared the night before, disappointment filling his eyes as she refused his invitation.

She sighed again, and tried to ignore the pang she felt at having hurt him, however slight the pain. She tried to think of something else - though she had the feeling that the data analysis before her wouldn't hold her interest now. She certainly wasn't doing any good here in Astrometrics, but what to do instead? Her thoughts drifted to the crew evaluations she'd been putting off starting. Perhaps she couldn't concentrate on complex analyses, but she could perform a routine task like that in her sleep. She rose from her seat, her mind made up.

"Seven, you know I don't think I'm going to be much use at the moment. I can't seem to concentrate. Do you mind working on this on your own for a while? I can have someone come up from engineering or astrophysics if you want."

"No Captain, I will work alone," she replied, in a tone that suggested she thought she could probably handle things better on her own than with help anyway. "Captain," Seven spoke again and she headed for the door. "May I... have the day off tomorrow? I wish to accompany Ensign Kim to the surface."

The words sounded unbelievably foreign coming from her, but Janeway just smiled. Not much Seven said surprised her anymore. "Of course. Just make sure you review shoreleave operating protocol before you go. And have fun."

"Thank you, Captain," the words drifted after her as she strode out of Astrometrics and into the corridor.

Janeway shook her head in disbelief as she made her way to the turbolift, thinking of the peculiar conversation she'd just had. It was amazing the amount of trouble that could arise from one overheard conversation. Though it wasn't all bad - Seven was probably feeling better about Harry now. It would certainly be interesting to see how their relationship would pan out.

"Neelix to Captain Janeway."

She slapped her chest. "Janeway here. What is it Neelix?"

"Captain, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if I might have a word with you in the mess hall."

"Of course, Neelix, I'll be there shortly. Janeway out."

She reached the turbolift and stepped on, calling out deck two as her destination rather than the bridge. Even when she was off duty, there was always going to be people needing her. The knowledge was slightly gratifying.

When she reached the mess hall, Neelix was waiting for her.

"Ah, Captain. I know you have the day off today so I'm sorry for disturbing you."

"It's alright, Neelix," she told the Talaxian, "What can I do for you?"

"Well, Captain, I've been down on the planet with the gathering teams all morning. We're doing extremely well. We'll have full stores when we leave. Anyway, I'd like your permission to use up some replicator rations to prepare a picnic for them. They've been working very hard and some of them won't be on shoreleave rotation for another two or three days."

"That sounds like a good idea, Neelix, take whatever you need. And when you go back down, tell them not to work too hard. It's not often we get a chance to relax like this and we should make the most of it. Oh, and would you do the same for the group working tomorrow as well?"

"Of course Captain," he replied and started moving around the kitchen, pulling things off shelves and out of containers. "You know, Captain, I'm surprised you're not down on the planet today. It really is quite lovely down there. You could go to the beach, or hiking in the mountains..." he trailed off as he stared in puzzlement at a bag of something he'd just discovered behind a container or flour.

"Well, there were some things I wanted to get done on the ship," she said, observing with amusement Neelix's haphazard version of organisation.

"Ah well, we'll be here for a little while longer. I'm sure you'll find some time to go down."

"I'm sure I will," she replied, smiling indulgently.

"I heard Commander Chakotay say he was doing something interesting," Neelix continued conversationally, "Now what was it? Oh that's right, he was going down to an arid region. I've never been one for deserts, personally, they're much too dry. But he seemed to be looking forward to it."

She felt a pang at the mention of his name. She couldn't help but wonder what she'd be doing right now if she was down there with him. She was spared from answering Neelix as the doors to the deserted mess hall opened and Naomi Wildman entered, her mother a few steps behind.

"Hi Captain! Hi Neelix!" the little girl exclaimed, bouncing up to them.

"Neelix, I'm so glad I found you. Oh, hello Captain," Ensign Wildman added politely, before turning back to the Talaxian, "Neelix, I know this is short notice but can you watch Naomi this afternoon? Ensign Taylor was supposed to but he broke his ankle skiing this morning."

"Oh yes, I heard about that. Is he alright now?" Neelix asked

"He's fine, but the Doctor said he has to stay off his feet for a while," she replied, "So can you, Neelix?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Samantha," he said apologetically, "I'm working down on the surface for the rest of the afternoon."

Wildman tried not to look disappointed. "Well that's alright. I can do it."

"Did you have plans Samantha?" Janeway asked.

"Well, a group of us from Science and Astrophysics challenged some of the engineers to a game of 'Capture the Flag'."

"Like we used to play at the Academy?" she asked with a grin, remembering how much fun it used to be.

"Yes, exactly. I haven't played it for years. But it doesn't matter. I'm sure they'll find someone else to play."

Janeway thought for a moment. It was obvious that Samantha could use some time to relax. And it wasn't as if she was doing anything vitally important...

"No, Samantha. You go down to the surface. I'll look after Naomi."

A smile broke over the ensign's face. "Captain, are you sure? Because really, it's no trouble for me to -"

"Quite sure," she cut her off, "I was just going to do some paperwork, and I can do it just as easily while I'm watching Naomi."

"Thank you Captain, I really appreciate it." She kneeled down in front of her daughter who'd been silently watching the exchange. "Naomi, the Captain's going to look after you this afternoon okay? Be a good girl for her. Now give me a hug."

After Samantha had left for the transporter room, and Neelix had returned to his preparations, Janeway found herself walking down the corridor with Naomi beside her.

"So, Naomi, what did you want to do this afternoon?"

"Can we go to the holodeck? I want to visit the beach, or the park."

"Of course we can. We'll just have to go by the bridge so I can get some things from my ready room."

"I've never been to the bridge," Naomi announced, getting excited by the prospect.

That gave her pause for a moment. Naomi had been on Voyager for over two years and she'd never been to the bridge? Of course she wouldn't have ever had the chance to...

"Well then, this is quite an occasion, isn't it? Your first look at the bridge. You know, it's one of my favourite places on the whole ship," she told the little girl.

And so she spent the afternoon with Voyager's youngest crewmember. The faces of the people on bridge duty had been a sight when she'd exited the turbolift with Naomi in tow. And there had been more than one face suppressing a grin as she told Tuvok to move so Naomi could sit in the 'Big Chair'.

Now though, they were at the park, or rather, a holographic version of the park. Naomi was hanging upside-down from a tree branch while Janeway reclined on the grass nearby, absently scrolling through some data. She wasn't really getting anything done. That just about sums up this entire day, she mused, looking up to see Naomi now swinging from the branch by one hand, her feet brushing the ground.

It was all too true. First she'd spent a couple of hours daydreaming in Astrometrics, only to find herself being employed as an agony aunt for Seven; then she'd provided some comic relief for an obviously bored bridge crew (excluding Tuvok, of course); and now she was sitting on the grass in the holodeck watching a child playing in a tree. She sighed. She may as well have gone down to the surface. Chakotay would probably smirk his head off if he saw her now.

Her thoughts returned to him for the umpteenth time that day. She wondered what he was doing down there. Contacting his spirit guide? Meditating? Or was he simply wandering around in the desert? She hoped he wasn't lonely. It suddenly occurred to her how selfish she'd been in not agreeing to go with him today. After all, Chakotay must rely on her friendship as much as she did on his.

She was aware that he was not as close to some of the former Maquis as he had been at one time - it was clearly a result of her own stigmas rubbing off on him. It had occurred on its own to some extent, but she was also knew that he'd taken it upon himself to impose the same sense of command isolation that she had. Though he didn't take it quite as far as she did, it was still there. And he'd done it for her benefit.

So yes, it was selfish of her to hold him at arms length. Especially when all around them, the crew were finding happiness amongst themselves - whether it was through close friendship, or more intimate relationships. It really did seem unfair that they were both held aloft in their positions of command while everyone else moved on with their lives.

She thought of Tom and B'Elanna. It seemed like only a little while ago B'Elanna was breaking noses in Engineering, while Tom was still the crew outcast - betrayer of both Starfleet and Maquis. And now they were getting married. If B'Elanna will have him, that is, she thought with a grin. She hoped that if she did turn him down, that Tom would be able to accept it and give it some more time. But she wasn't too worried. They were both mature adults, perfectly capable of dealing with their own relationship.

She wondered whether this would act as a catalyst for other couples. She knew their were others on board who were very close. Take Malcom Davis and Jake Hickman. They'd been an item since the first year. She knew they'd had problems now and then, but she wouldn't be at all surprised if they were the next couple to approach her as Tom had done.

Which would lead eventually to the problem of children, she supposed. But it all seemed such a long way in the future - and indeed, as Chakotay had told her last night, it was a future that might never arrive. And he'd been right when he'd said Voyager could handle things. There were still those vacant VIP quarters like the one the Wildmans occupied. And she supposed they could always convert some of the smaller crew quarters into larger, family accommodation. It would be a nuisance, and it would take time, but they could make it work.

And as she watched Naomi climbing, she knew it was worth it. There was no way she would ever deny her crew the choice to have a family. She only wished that she was free to claim that option for herself. You mean yourself and Chakotay, don't you? she asked herself, and then wondered whether even her own psyche was working against her.

It really wasn't fair. All around her people were involved in relationships. Even Seven, for crying out loud. But the fact remained that she was the Captain, and she had a responsibility to the crew. She couldn't let her objectivity waver. She couldn't allow herself to become distracted.

Distracted like you are right now? a tiny voice spoke up, demanding to be heard.

Well, it was true that she was often distracted by thoughts of him. She certainly had been often enough today. She didn't deny that she had feelings for him. And she knew he had feelings for her. And that often during a boring bridge shift she found her thoughts wandering to places they definitely shouldn't be...

Ugh. Who am I kidding? I'm completely in love with him.

But she'd known that for a long time. And she hated the fact that she wasn't free to indulge her emotions. She hated the fact that they were in this damn quadrant, and that she was the Captain, and that the sense of responsibility weighed down on her like a hydraulic press, and that every member of the crew expected her to be strong and infallible. And most of all, she hated being alone.

And it was all her own fault.

It was all her own fault, she knew. Because even though the subtle barriers separating herself and Chakotay from the crew were absolutely necessary... She was all too aware that all she had to do was say the word, and they could turn to each other instead of being alone.

She was startled out of her melancholy musings as Naomi hurtled across the grass towards her and landed next to her feet.

"Did you see me climb? I nearly made it to the top!" she exclaimed breathlessly.

"I did. You were up very high," Janeway replied with a smile, trying to expel the painful thoughts from her mind.

"Uh-huh, I know. Have you seen the duck pond, Captain?"

The afternoon passed.

She was sitting once more on the grass, showing Naomi how to make daisy chains, when the holodeck doors appeared and Ensign Wildman came through. As she watched the enthusiastic, loving greeting between mother and daughter, she couldn't help but marvel at how quickly the time had passed. It was amazing, she thought, that out of all the things that filled her mind on a regular basis, the only thing that managed to occupy her mind today was the company of a small child. She didn't want to think what that might say about her mental stability.

She climbed to her feet and approached them. "So did you win, Samantha? I hope you taught those cocky Engineers a thing or two," she said, decades-old biases coming into play.

"It was close, but we beat them Captain," the ensign replied, smiling broadly, "They've demanded a rematch at the next uninhabited planet we stop at."

"Sore losers?"

"Something like that," Wildman agreed, "I don't think they could believe we beat them. But I think I should be getting Naomi home now, Captain. Thank you again for watching her. I hope she didn't give you any trouble."

"Not at all."

"Bye Captain! Thankyou for looking after me!" Naomi called.

And then they were gone.

Janeway paused for a moment, taking in the tranquil setting of the park that Harry and Neelix had designed for Voyager's youngest crewmember. "End program," she ordered finally, stooping to pick up the long-abandoned padds when they appeared near her feet.

She tapped them absently against the heel of her hand as she exited the holodeck. She almost laughed as she thought of what an exceedingly unproductive day she'd had. Just what that doctor ordered, huh Kathryn? She entered the turbolift at the end of the corridor and stood there for a moment, wondering where she wanted to go. She hadn't eaten lunch, she realised. Not that that was surprising - she often skipped meals. But she felt that on a day like today, she really didn't have an excuse not to eat. And she was vaguely hungry. So, to the mess hall.

"Deck two," she announced.

She would decide what to do with the rest of the afternoon, not to mention this evening, after her belated lunch. Involuntarily, she wondered when Chakotay was returning from shoreleave.

But this time, her undisciplined thoughts only made her smile.

end part 2

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